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How Can I Stop Obsessing Over My Bad Casper Performance?


mew

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

 

Have you ever watched professional athletes on TV being interviewed after they lose an important regular season game, playoffs series, or championship? Have you noticed that they avoid dwelling on the negative side of things? They always say something like, "We tried our best, made some mistakes, today wasn't our day, we're going to improve and look forward". That's the kind of mentality you should have. You're not the first person to feel bad because you might have messed up an important test, and you won't be the last one either. Deal with the result as it comes. If you did well, great. If you did poorly, fine; either quit or make a plan to do better next time if you have to do it again. 

 

Regardless of whatever happens, always remember that tomorrow the Sun will still rise, the Earth will still spin, and life will go on. Someone once told this to me, and I haven't forgotten it since. Now I'm telling you.

 

Hope everything works out. Good luck

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I am. Why do you think your answers are dumb? Did you focus on only one perspective, articulate your answers poorly, or write something which directly violates the ethical principle upon which the question is based? 

I spent too much time exploring different perspectives and not enough time actually articulating my decision. When I did come to a decision, I think I often made the "wrong" one (and I only realized this after weeks of excessive rumination). I can't really get more specific because of confidentiality agreements, but I've been beating myself up because they were such thoughtless things to say.

 

 

Have you ever watched professional athletes on TV being interviewed after they lose an important regular season game, playoffs series, or championship? Have you noticed that they avoid dwelling on the negative side of things? They always say something like, "We tried our best, made some mistakes, today wasn't our day, we're going to improve and look forward". That's the kind of mentality you should have. You're not the first person to feel bad because you might have messed up an important test, and you won't be the last one either. Deal with the result as it comes. If you did well, great. If you did poorly, fine; either quit or make a plan to do better next time if you have to do it again. 

 

Regardless of whatever happens, always remember that tomorrow the Sun will still rise, the Earth will still spin, and life will go on. Someone once told this to me, and I haven't forgotten it since. Now I'm telling you.

 

Hope everything works out. Good luck

Thanks for your post. I think part of the problem here is that it was a big financial strain for me to apply to med school and I've been feeling those effects for a few months. I could only afford to apply to two schools, and Mac was one of them, so it's not as easy to just shrug it off and say things will be better next year when I was skipping meals just to be able to afford to write the test. 

 

But I do appreciate your advice. I'll try to think more positively :)

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

 

 

Definitely don't worry about the APE Casper SIM report. I got one back that said I failed a few days after writing the real CASPer and ended up getting interviews at Mac and Ottawa so I don't think its that accurate, although its good practice. Just try to relax since you can't do anything at this point anyways about CASPer. I can also be a bit obsessive about wondering how I did on tests and things like that, and I find the easiest way to cope is just to keep busy (whatever that entails for you) so that you don't have time to ruminate. Good luck! 

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

I've been in this boat before. Throughout my life, I've been the type to obsess about things that I can't control, so I think I can relate well to what you're feeling. This may be no consolation to you, but for me, the thing that helps get through these situations is to remember that things happen for a reason and that there's almost always some good in every bad situation.

 

When I would sit around obsessing about my med app last year, I'd always think about the worst case scenario (aka: I got no interviews and didn't get in). In that case, I'd be really disappointed, but there could always be some good that came from it. Maybe I'd meet my future spouse, grow as a person from the rejection, or have the time to take up a new interest. And maybe if I got into med school that year, I wouldn't have been able to do any of those things.

 

Basically, we can dwell in hypotheticals as much as we'd like, but at the end of the day, we can't truly know what path will make us happiest. And if you don't subscribe to the notion of fate or "everything happens for a reason/has some benefit to it", I've got a psychological approach as well. I watched a TED talk (The Surprising Science of Happiness) that essentially says that when there are two different paths to take, the happiness difference that we perceive between those two paths isn't nearly as large as we believe it to be. In essence, he uses psychological studies to argue that almost anything can happen to us and we'll grow to accept it and be happy in the new situation.

 

So what I'm trying to say is that the only thing that would calm me down when I'm obsessing over something I can't control is to recognize that the alternative isn't as awful as I perceive it to be and that there may be some good that can come out of it. Because at this point, it is entirely out of your control and there is a possibility that your perception of how you did on the casper is correct. So if you're anything like me, the only way to truly stop worrying about this is to accept that you might not get into med school this year and find a reason to believe that it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Sorry if this isn't exactly what you were expecting, but I really hope this is helpful for you :)

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

 

I can empathize with you, for sure. I'm also wondering how I did on CASPer, and I wish there was a way to find out.  I think it's good that you recognize that the rumination is unhealthy and is not doing you any favours.  I agree with the others that right now, it's helpful to remind yourself that things are out of your hands until we find out about interviews.  Accepting that has definitely helped me relax about it all.  This is a stressful process, but becoming consumed in rumination and self-doubt will only hinder your self-confidence for interviews.  By all means, if you think talking to someone about it will help, go for it!  Like Galaxsci mentioned, not getting in this year, although undoubtedly disappointing, is not the end of the world.  At the very least, you now have an idea of how you might improve your CASPer if you do write it again next year.  But don't give up hope! I've read some of the interview and acceptance forums on here, and there have been many people who were convinced that they botched CASPer/the interview, and ended up getting an interview/being accepted.  At the end of the day, none of us really know how CASPer is scored, so you may very well have done better than you think.

 

All the best to you! :)

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

Oh man. I can totally empathize. The CASPer has been a big worry for me this year and I am trying to stay as positive as possible. Don't worry too much about your practice sim scores as they don't represent what/how you did on the day. I came across this blog about how the CASPer has scored http://bemoacademicconsulting.com/blog/files/how-is-casper-test-scored and it has helped calm my nerves with regard to how my answers would have been assessed. Keep breathing and try to focus your energy towards positive future thoughts and start prepping for your interviews. The CASPer has been and gone. Best of luck to you mew!

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Mew, if it took you weeks of thinking and obsessing to come to the conclusion that your answer was the wrong one, it seems clear to me that you must not have been so blatantly wrong that you decided to do something immoral enough to warrant being so afraid. What you are saying is that you may not have picked the optimal decision in your opinion, and that's alright. I think the final answer may matter less than the path you take to get to it.

 

I thought I did terribly last year. I was sometimes very categorical and unidimensional in my approaches and it went much better than I expected. 

 

You seem to have made a lot of sacrifices to get to this point and I hope you get rewarded. If it doesn't work out, the sun will keep on rising anyway and I'm sure someone like you will find a way. :) 

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I wrote CASPer on the 27th and ever since, I haven't been able to stop ruminating over how dumb my answers were. Like, there have been times where I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my dumb answers, and that's unhealthy. It also doesn't help that I recently got back one of my APE Casper Sim score reports and scored way lower than I thought I would, with many of the answers that I perceived to be strong ending up in the "low-borderline" score category. I know that this isn't helping me and that I can't change anything at this point, but I still can't stop beating myself up for messing it up so badly, and it's starting to become a problem. I'm genuinely considering talking to a psychologist or something about this because I recognize how irrational and pointless the whole thing is but also can't stop obsessing about it. Has anybody else experienced something similar?

 

Hi Mew,

 

The pathway of getting into medical school is a very difficult path; it is full of uncertainty and stress.  Over the past two years, I spent countless hours thinking about my application, doubting each statement I wrote in my application,  and  harshly criticizing my responses in interviews.   Sometimes, I could not even sleep because I would continuously think about how my response might be perceived by reviewers.   

 

The stakes of failing are high for me as well, which further exacerbated the rumination issue. Just like you, I made a lot of sacrifices to finish my bachelor degree and volunteer for hundreds of hours each year while working in various labs, barely making any money. I often had to skip meals to afford books for my classes, or to afford the costs of applying to several medical school in addition to regular tuition costs. 

 

This year, I am trying to change my approach because I came to the realization that no matter how hard I think about the issue, it will not change the outcome.  I can not go to the past and change events, but I can work on improving my overall application score in the case that I may have to re-apply. I would suggest that you start practicing for interviews since they  are worth a lot, and they can make you or break you at most medical schools. 

 

Another thing I would suggest to you is self-care, try to do things that you may enjoy, this would allow your brain to think about things other than medical school. I know how difficult it may be to do activities that you may enjoy when you do not have a lot of money, but sometimes simple things such as walking for 30 minutes, or talking to a friend may help. I know I forget almost everything med school related once I go to the hair salon and get my hair or nails done ( l always get it for free because my cousin owns the hair salon :) ). 

 

Who are the support people in my life? do you have someone you can talk to you about your concerns? are you able to afford the costs of seeing a psychologist? I know on campuses at most universities you can see a counsellor for free.  Counselling helps because it allows you to realize your physical, emotional and spiritual needs, and allows you to find ways to meet these needs.This allows us to look at our life holistically, instead of just ruminating about this one aspect of our life.

 

Additionally,  may I also suggest taking care of your nutrition and health. I noticed that when I skipped meals my brain does not function properly, and I tend to be prone to negative thoughts. Taking care of your health and exercising is essential because it lowers your stress level.

 

If you are struggling financially, try to look for ways that may help you alleviate your financial burden. Talk to your counsellor about your financial situation, see if you would qualify for grants or scholarships. If it is the case that you can not meet your basic needs, then you may look into support systems on campus ( ex. food banks,..etc).

 

I hope this is not too much unsolicited advice.

 

best of luck :D

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  • 5 months later...

Aw man I feel you! I've done things like this so many times before. Woken up feeling sick to my stomach about my performance. Keep you chin up and soldier on! You're being too hard on yourself. The APE thing I would ignore, I saw that score thing they use and it looks made up and bogus so don't let it get you down. 

 

You probably did a  lot better than you think and the fact that you are aware that you didnt like your performance speaks volumes! Imagine if you were a poor soul who did poorly and never woke up to realize their answers were poor and poor for a reason. You want to be better you just need to find a way to acomplish that, good look my friend! 

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