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About Recusitatorwannabe

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  1. Recusitatorwannabe


    I was just wondering if others here ever had suicidal thoughts/ depression and if they managed to overcome it through counselling or other forms of help. And if they saw a huge improvement in their performance because of it? Or if having breakdowns is just apart of the process. Thank you, RW
  2. Recusitatorwannabe

    Is UOttawa a low tier medical school?

    I think every medical school in Canada is as high tier as it gets. I don’t know how that got established lol
  3. I don’t know much but I feel like it’s not worth it. It’ll cost you money and won’t raise your GPA that much. Is your heart set on McMaster? If not what about western or queens, what’s your wGPA like (queens, u of t)? I think if you do well on MCAT + cARS and have good EC’s you have a chance with your GPA!
  4. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    I appreciate the advice. It is not about desire however, i would happily take something I felt like I could actually accomplish. I have no other vocations, seriously looking long and hard for one. I come back to this unrealistic dream I don’t know why. You could be 100 percent right; I don’t know why I think the stresses will end if I’m a doctor, they probably won’t. But I don’t know where to go from there at all; that just makes me come to the realization that my life is pointless and I’m too weak to be of any usefulness in the world.
  5. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    I wish I wasn’t exaggerating; I have probably said too much. I apologize. I feel like I am really exposing myself in saying that but I am not here to lie, I can promise you that. I want no sympathy or anything, I gain nothing from it. People like you and lost lamb inspire me and give me hope; the only thing I have to gain for these forums (hope to gain) inspiration and advice; I have gotten professional help in the past due to serious consequences of actions I have done; these actions are the whole reason I have no family or friends as I isolated myself in shame of my weaknesses and my family was ashamed of me as they view mental illness/ suicide as selfishness and weakness (escpecially since I am a guy-very frowned upon in my culture and my parents are old fashioned and uneducated, why I am not allowed to live at home anymore) to be honest I don’t have any other vocations, pretty much useless in every other aspect of life, I hope I can find another vocation, I would be more than willing to explore other options if I actually found myself having applications in those options.
  6. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    Unfortunate that it appears that way; seriously not my intention to even come off as if I had a tone, simply explaining myself. I am more than willing to listen hence why I am on the forum, (other premeds; even medical students tell me to avoid forums as they are filled with untruthful people who purposely demotivate you to get rid of competition; true words I have consistently heard; which I choose not to believe as I don't see humanity being that harsh, at least I hope) I do not hide from anonymity; as I give my location and name + school + major and I have no issues with this as I would rather know everyone, anonymity scares me in the sense that it could be anyone giving the advice. I was more than grateful to those trying to be helpful (such as yourself) but I personally did feel like I was being reprimanded continuously and miscommunication led to people believing things about me that are untrue; such as me not enjoying things that I do. Mix that with the different advice I have been consistently getting throughout my journey, for me personally I can see where I was coming from. But I guess to an outsider it appears as if I have a tone, which, once again, I apologize for. (even though that is in all honesty what I was not trying to do- you are correct with me being stressed; but I would never take stress out on an online forum, there is not point to me, I would much rather have a breakdown in my room) as of right now my happiness and the only thing keeping me alive is the idea of medical school. And I may romanticize it; but if I don't I ideally have nothing to hold onto in my life as I have no friends, family social life or anything else keeping me alive; it may sound dramatic but it is the sincere truth; I wish it wasn't. So if that dream is shattered; I have nothing. No goals, no motivation, no future; I hope you can understand what that means to me and just how much of an affect a dream can have on someone's life (give them a purpose); I am in the minority; no rich private school, uneducated parents; this dream comes within; and I am not ignorant to believe that my dreams are more valid than others, but it keeps ME going; advice is one thing, but there are about 720101292929 factors in my life that contribute to me giving up. An online forum is not something I necessarily need in order to bring me down to "realism"; it's where I come for inspiration and hope. I think anyone can belittle anyone; which is what I feel like happened in this forum, rather than legitimate advice. But the tone in no way was meant in attacking manner, seriously. Thank you again, I sincerely appreciate your advice.
  7. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    I agree; apologize for the lack of communication or the way I came across to you; thank you.
  8. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    Sir, if you took my comment rudely because of exclamation marks I do not know what to tell you. I guess I will be sure not to put exclamation marks anytime I say anything (even if I am passionate about what I'm saying- which was why those were included in the first place); refer to my previous reply, as like I said the feedback becomes very he/she said; my whole point was that there are more medical applications, when you talk micro or sociology; it is in relation to your field; not unrelated, as so I hear from other medical students; I cannot ignore what others tell me in favour of your one comment, my "perception" on medical school is things other people have informed me; obviously I do not know as I am not there myself, so if different people tell me different things what exactly am I supposed to do about that sir?
  9. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    I was not meaning to come off rude; but I do hear many different opinions (people from medical school) who do say it is very different from undergrad, I was told that it is a lot easier to see applications in medical school than undergrad for these exact reasons (but like you said it is very major dependant- but in relation to my major) and I hear from another person that medical school will be exactly like undergraduate just more information, so it becomes a he said she said; in no way was I intending to be inappropriate; like I said, if that's the way you interpreted it I apologize but I interpreted your comments to be condescending as well, I did not judge your character though because I knew my own internal factors could have made me interpret your comment wrong. Maybe you took my arrogant bully comment towards yourself; even though if you read my other posts you would understand that was a direct at people who have actually legitimately bullied me (in real life) who are making their way into medical school. Thank you once again.
  10. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    Thank you so much for the helpful comment, I really appreciate it.
  11. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    Pardon me? I am calm. I am not talking rudely, if you interpret it that way sir I do not know what I have to do with that; I was told by you that medical school would be the same as undergrad, but I just know this simply is not true. I cannot see an undergraduate degree having the same learning applications as medical school. Otherwise we could be doctors out of undergrad, I was simply explaining what I meant by building blocks. But I don't really think doctors are too concerned with studying which organisms arose in the precambrian period; this is what I mean. I am obviously open to opinions, as that is why I asked my question. But lack of communication led to personal attacks. I can handle constructive commentary but it doesn't appear like this to me sir. Good day.
  12. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    I am not giving an attitude; I am not even angry, I am simply explaining my situation and people were quick to attack me. If you know me in real life I do not have an edge of attitude, I am very kind to others and I never even raise my voice or say anything rude; I am literally so kind to anyone around me. Please do not make an assumption of my character when you do not know the person I am, I have many flaws but I can assure you an attitude is not one of them; thank you. I am so nice that I often get taken advantage of or teased because I am viewed as "weak"; thank you once again.
  13. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    Apologize for the lack of communication; I may have rushed the response and not checked it over properly
  14. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    Are you learning microbiology in medical school? Are you learning Sociology in medical school? Do you have to take an astronomy course? This is what I mean by building blocks. I enjoy anatomy; and pharmacology; you can see the medical applications to that. But are you doing organic chemistry and Calculus 3 in medical school? No! You are learning how to save lives! I am not saying medical school is the solution to all my problems, I am saying that there is a difference, being motivated having that experience seeing what youre actually doing! I would rather memorize all the human anatomy and every medication that exists than knowing all the periods and eras of the world! This is what I mean! It will not introduce these problems because half of my problems are the fact that I cannot see the medical applications to what I'm learning! The only same problems I can see is the competitive nature of all these arrogant bullies who ironically want to help people but are mean to their own peers (will never make sense to me) and heavy work load.
  15. Recusitatorwannabe

    What Am I doing Wrong?

    I don’t think you understood properly. That’s the stuff I said I ENJOY, the stuff I don’t enjoy are things like the lac operon. Apologizes for the miscommunication.