Hello! I'm a new member here I figured I'll just write out my progression/journey so I can get some help and stay accountable.
Year 1 of Undergrad (2015-2016,2017): I applied to U of T 4 years ago with the intention of becoming a doctor. My first year of undergrad went pretty horrible. I finished the first semester with a 2.18 sessional GPA, during the second semester I had a pretty bad mental breakdown and severe depression. I wasn't failing any courses I was probably in the 60s range, but for some reason I was just so done with life and one day I dropped all my courses. It took a few months to recover mentally. I ended up doing 2 summer courses and getting my first 4.0. After going back to school in September I felt my depression creeping in and was struggling, I had rather odd marks. Some classes I got 90s, others 50s or 60s. At the end of the year my gpa went up to 2.6
Year 2 of Undergrad (2017-2018): Entered second year feeling lost, after going through my mental struggles in first year I convinced myself I probably wasn't smart enough for med school. I decided to do a double major in neuroscience and psychology. I guess through experiencing depression and trauma I've developed a new interest in understanding the mind. I was considering the thought of going to grad school, which sorta motivated me, but I still had a lingering feeling of resentment within myself for messing up my shot at med school, or at least thats what it seemed like at the time. I genuinely felt like I couldn't do it, and gave up trying to pursue med school, even though that's what I wanted the most. Finished this year off with mid 70s, moving my gpa up to a 2.8.
Year 3 of Undergrad (2018-2019):
I ended up trying to look for research assistant positions in the summer, my gpa was too low to get into any psychology labs or neuro labs, and my unimpressive resume at the time did not help either. Couldn't manage to get a part time job too and felt utterly useless. I managed to get two friends last year who were in labs. They put in a good word and I got interviews for some positions. I ended up being accepted to do data entry at a clinical nutrition lab at a hospital. I did that during the fall semester on top of school, ended up getting mainly 80s and some high 70s for marks. This boosted my cgpa to a 2.92 (3.52 sessional GPA). In the winter semester, I started to feel depressed again, I learned that I wasn't that interested in research after all. I felt lost again during this time, I was holding onto the idea of grad school to keep me motivated as I realized that many schools only looked at the last two years so I still had a shot to get in. Since I decided that grad school isnt something id be interested in, I lost a lot of motivation for my studies. I still had the idea that I'm not smart enough for med school too. Ultimately I was not in a good mental state, I ended up dropping 2 courses the day before the midterm. My cgpa dropped to 2.89.
Been doing a lot of reflecting and I think I removed myself from my opportunity to get into med school before it even started because i've slowly lost belief in myself over the years. I didn't think it was possible for me and other paths i've tried to pursue don't interest me. I've had constant thoughts about trying for med school surface in my mind over the years and I simply dismissed them because I didn't believe in myself.
On my death bed I know my biggest regret in life would be giving up too soon on my dream to become a doctor.
I am going to try my best to at least have a fighting chance. I made this post as a log to document my slow progression into med school. I don't know how many years it is going to take and I'm still working on a plan but I am going to try. Im 21 and i'm sick of living my life in quite desperation.
I plan to do well in 4th year and 5th year or even take a 6th. Hopefully getting a 4.0. And try MCAT around 2022? I haven't worked out the details quite yet any advice is immensely appreciated. I'm new here and just trying to find my way.