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cacaonibs

Feeling really anti-social in med school

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Hey.. I want to vent a little. 

I have been feeling very anti-social and not really willing to go to social events, etc. I also find myself distancing myself from people in my class (subconsciously or consciously). I really like to just stay home and study from home. I really dread having to socialize at times so I keep my at-school time to the minimum. Is this normal? I also miss my friends from back home as I moved for school. I haven't seem to have been able to find my niche and at this point, I just want to stay home and just get over the first two years of preclinical. Is this normal 

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1 hour ago, cacaonibs said:

Hey.. I want to vent a little. 

I have been feeling very anti-social and not really willing to go to social events, etc. I also find myself distancing myself from people in my class (subconsciously or consciously). I really like to just stay home and study from home. I really dread having to socialize at times so I keep my at-school time to the minimum. Is this normal? I also miss my friends from back home as I moved for school. I haven't seem to have been able to find my niche and at this point, I just want to stay home and just get over the first two years of preclinical. Is this normal 

Which medical school do you go to? Do medical schools in Canada record and post lectures online so that you don't have to go to school (a lot of the American schools do this)? 

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I hear you - I'm looking forward to my away electives, for sure.  I've created a situation that's tolerable, but I wouldn't say I'm really attached to where I am - or that I really fit in.  Small friendships can go a long way though,  even if I don't really feel I have too much in common with many of my classmates.  "Outcasts" can kind of form a bond too.  

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I feel like that at times as well. But I know alot of my med school classmates are like that too.

So you’re definitely not alone in feeling that way. 

I think it’s okay to have your own space as long as you’re still happy and motivated.

I love staying at home and spend max 12 hours a week at school. ^_^

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I feel similar too! I really do miss my old friends and we still do a good job of keeping in touch 

At times, I do wish I had stronger bonds with my classmates, but it does feel a bit like high school to me and I just don't fit in - sure I can be friendly and cordial with people, but it doesn't extend to anything outside of the classroom

 

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5 hours ago, cacaonibs said:

Hey.. I want to vent a little. 

I have been feeling very anti-social and not really willing to go to social events, etc. I also find myself distancing myself from people in my class (subconsciously or consciously). I really like to just stay home and study from home. I really dread having to socialize at times so I keep my at-school time to the minimum. Is this normal? I also miss my friends from back home as I moved for school. I haven't seem to have been able to find my niche and at this point, I just want to stay home and just get over the first two years of preclinical. Is this normal 

yes, very normal

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It takes time OP

 

Most med students are wealthy private school types with parents who are doctors and were raised by nannies. They only have rich friends and all they ever do is think drinking wine is cool. Just drink drink drink that’s all they do. 

 

If that is not you (and it wasn’t me) then it takes some time to find a few friends that are like you. I hung out a lot with my high school friends (as I lived at home) and eventually I made some friends by joining a few groups that I was interested in (ie - hockey, etc)

 

Although they are few and far between there are some normal people. The rest just have rich parents and drink wine. 

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Personally I found that coming from an immigrant family background, the fundamental way that I interact socially differed from many classmates. Nothing that made class or work interactions unpleasant, but it was difficult to connect beyond anything superficial. Perhaps it's because of my different upbringing, where the majority of my friends were ethnic minorities and I had a lower-middle class background. Or maybe perhaps many of them just worked too hard in their premed days and were 'letting it out' in medical school.

In any case, just make your own circle of friends and work. Remember that you're ultimately in medical school to become a physician, and to do that you need to acquire the prerequisite knowledge and mindset to be competent.

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20 hours ago, cacaonibs said:

Hey.. I want to vent a little. 

I have been feeling very anti-social and not really willing to go to social events, etc. I also find myself distancing myself from people in my class (subconsciously or consciously). I really like to just stay home and study from home. I really dread having to socialize at times so I keep my at-school time to the minimum. Is this normal? I also miss my friends from back home as I moved for school. I haven't seem to have been able to find my niche and at this point, I just want to stay home and just get over the first two years of preclinical. Is this normal 

Normal but just be careful not ignore the development of your social anxieties as these can really grow fast into unmanageable levels. There's a lot of great resources out there which can help with this . Best of luck to you! :-)

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47 minutes ago, Med Eye said:

Normal but just be careful not ignore the development of your social anxieties as these can really grow fast into unmanageable levels. There's a lot of great resources out there which can help with this . Best of luck to you! :-)

This is important. OP, make sure to keep an eye on this and talk to your close friends about it if it is comfortable for you to do so. 

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15 hours ago, Aconitase said:

It takes time OP

 

Most med students are wealthy private school types with parents who are doctors and were raised by nannies. They only have rich friends and all they ever do is think drinking wine is cool. Just drink drink drink that’s all they do. 

It seems like a massive generalization to say that most medical students are from wealthy families or had nannies growing up or do nothing but drink! Did you go to med school on a private yacht? (I am conjuring images of a fancy breaker high meets greys anatomy type scenario). I am not sure where else you would find only these kinds of people for your classmates ;)

OP: In my experience, it’s completely the opposite. Most med students are pretty normal people, although there’s a greater concentration of the more motivated and academically successful. 

And what’s ‘normal’ in terms of how people like to spend their time varies a lot. Some people are very social, some aren’t, some are in between. I personally hate studying in groups and do best learning on my own, so I mostly work by myself at home. I also find social events really exhausting as uninteresting. In my down time I’d rather focus on my own stuff, like making good meals, reading a book, getting exercise, seeing my non-med friends, etc. than spend a whole lot more time with people I already see for 4-8hrs 5 days a week! You just need to do you. 

Edited by frenchpress

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2 hours ago, frenchpress said:

It seems like a massive generalization to say that most medical students are from wealthy families or had nannies growing up or do nothing but drink! Did you go to med school on a private yacht? (I am conjuring images of a fancy breaker high meets greys anatomy type scenario). I am not sure where else you would find only these kinds of people for your classmates ;)

OP: In my experience, it’s completely the opposite. Most med students are pretty normal people, although there’s a greater concentration of the more motivated and academically successful. 

And what’s ‘normal’ in terms of how people like to spend their time varies a lot. Some people are very social, some aren’t, some are in between. I personally hate studying in groups and do best learning on my own, so I mostly work by myself at home. I also find social events really exhausting as uninteresting. In my down time I’d rather focus on my own stuff, like making good meals, reading a book, getting exercise, seeing my non-med friends, etc. than spend a whole lot more time with people I already see for 4-8hrs 5 days a week! You just need to do you. 

I don’t think it’s inaccurate to state that a lot of med students went to private school and are wealthy. Just look at the average family income for med students - well above the norm and actually at some schools boarders on obscene. 

 

Eveey social event at UofT involved drinking and usually wine and  and such. It’s just the rich person culture that exists there. 

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4 hours ago, Aconitase said:

I don’t think it’s inaccurate to state that a lot of med students went to private school and are wealthy. Just look at the average family income for med students - well above the norm and actually at some schools boarders on obscene. 

 

Eveey social event at UofT involved drinking and usually wine and  and such. It’s just the rich person culture that exists there. 

Well, you didn’t say ‘lots’ you said ‘most’, and I think even ‘lots’ may be an over generalization. (And If you have published stats on overall average incomes for families of medical students across Canada, I would be interested to see them, because it’s not data I’ve come across other than the occasional survey).

Maybe its a UofT thing. There may be some people in my class who went to private school, but I can’t think of a single person that I know personally. And while many in my class definitely come from comfortable middle-class backgrounds and are in OK shape financially, many are also struggling with large debt loads, affordable housing, etc. If I am actually surrounded by mostly really wealthy kids, they are hiding it pretty well.

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7 hours ago, Aconitase said:

Eveey social event at UofT involved drinking and usually wine and  and such. It’s just the rich person culture that exists there. 

Really confused why social events that involve drinking wine constitutes "rich person culture"...?

I agree with what's been mentioned above - while many of my classmates are probably from comfortably middle class backgrounds, I would not go so far as to say "most" med students fall into this category. Lots of my classmates have lots of debt already from undergrad (sometimes multiple undergrads) and we're only in first year. 

As for social events that involve drinking, I think that is a symptom of being young, not of being wealthy. I've been in many different groups of people and almost all social events geared towards a younger crowd involve drinking, whether its university students in general, professional & grad students, or just average young adults. 

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7 hours ago, xiphoid said:

Really confused why social events that involve drinking wine constitutes "rich person culture"...?

I agree with what's been mentioned above - while many of my classmates are probably from comfortably middle class backgrounds, I would not go so far as to say "most" med students fall into this category. Lots of my classmates have lots of debt already from undergrad (sometimes multiple undergrads) and we're only in first year. 

As for social events that involve drinking, I think that is a symptom of being young, not of being wealthy. I've been in many different groups of people and almost all social events geared towards a younger crowd involve drinking, whether its university students in general, professional & grad students, or just average young adults. 

Right. You do see why having a wine and cheese is slightly different than drinking beer at a pub in terms of rich people activity don’t you?

 

just like you can probably tell skiing and golf vs basketball ?

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1 hour ago, Aconitase said:

Right. You do see why having a wine and cheese is slightly different than drinking beer at a pub in terms of rich people activity don’t you?

 

just like you can probably tell skiing and golf vs basketball ?

You're speaking like they're holding them twice a week, every week.

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On 11/13/2018 at 11:52 PM, 1D7 said:

Personally I found that coming from an immigrant family background, the fundamental way that I interact socially differed from many classmates. Nothing that made class or work interactions unpleasant, but it was difficult to connect beyond anything superficial. Perhaps it's because of my different upbringing, where the majority of my friends were ethnic minorities and I had a lower-middle class background. Or maybe perhaps many of them just worked too hard in their premed days and were 'letting it out' in medical school.

In any case, just make your own circle of friends and work. Remember that you're ultimately in medical school to become a physician, and to do that you need to acquire the prerequisite knowledge and mindset to be competent.

I agree with you.

I think the responses you get here are going to reflect how people view themselves in the class.  There is nothing good or bad about it, and it's just life that you get different kinds of people. You are going to be friends with some of them and not with others.  You may become friends with some people because of shared experiences i.e. pressure cooker of medical school, or a similar childhood/upbringing.  I think the *kind* of social bonding some people speak of is overrated and involves only a relatively small group in the class anyway. Ultimately, everybody should function well together and be professional first and foremost, because that's what expected in real life, where not everyone is your buddy.

Other than that, be kind to your patients and everybody you work with. You are here to be a doctor.

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On 11/14/2018 at 8:45 PM, frenchpress said:

Well, you didn’t say ‘lots’ you said ‘most’, and I think even ‘lots’ may be an over generalization. (And If you have published stats on overall average incomes for families of medical students across Canada, I would be interested to see them, because it’s not data I’ve come across other than the occasional survey).

Maybe its a UofT thing. There may be some people in my class who went to private school, but I can’t think of a single person that I know personally. And while many in my class definitely come from comfortable middle-class backgrounds and are in OK shape financially, many are also struggling with large debt loads, affordable housing, etc. If I am actually surrounded by mostly really wealthy kids, they are hiding it pretty well.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC100877/

 

here is 2002 data. I will summarize:

Medical students were less likely than the Canadian population to come from rural areas (10.8% v. 22.4%) (p < 0.001) and were more likely to have higher socioeconomic status, as measured by parents' education (39.0% of fathers and 19.4% of mothers had a master's or doctoral degree, as compared with 6.6% and 3.0% respectively of the Canadian population aged 45 to 64), parents' occupation (69.3% of fathers and 48.7% of mothers were professionals or high-level managers, as compared with 12.0% of Canadians) and household income (15.4% of parents had annual household incomes less than $40 000, as compared with 39.7% of Canadian households; 17.0% of parents had household incomes greater than $160 000, as compared with 2.7% of Canadian households with an income greater than $150 000). Almost half (43.5%) of the medical students came from neighbourhoods with median family incomes in the top quintile (p < 0.001).

 

 

——

 

this is 2002 data - I am sure average family income is even higher now  Anywy yiu dice it they come from richer families than most  

 

no wonder most are entitled a-holes

 

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I agree with above, as the stats show medical students do tend to come from better off families compared to the general population. I'd like to argue though that not all well off families send their kids to private school or act super posh/arrogant. Some of the richest people I know are also the most humble and generous people. You wouldn't even know they had money. There are people in every walk of life who like to flex, even if they don't have much. We have to try to surround ourselves with like minded people throughout life

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@Aconitase @caramilk There was a refresh study done in 2012 I believe. 

2002: 15.4% of parents had annual household incomes less than $40,000, as compared with 39.7% of Canadian households

2009/2010: 11% of medical students reported their parents combined annual income was below $40,000, as compared with 44% of Canadian households.

In other words, things have not exactly gotten better within that decade. I think they are doing more in the past 5 years to focus on improving this, but clearing between 2002-2010, things have not gotten better.

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2 hours ago, la marzocco said:

@Aconitase @caramilk There was a refresh study done in 2012 I believe. 

1268412207_ScreenShot2018-11-16at12_33_07.thumb.png.eef3f0849f85939f03ebe23aa209cd55.png

2002: 15.4% of parents had annual household incomes less than $40,000, as compared with 39.7% of Canadian households

2009/2010: 11% of medical students reported their parents combined annual income was below $40,000, as compared with 44% of Canadian households.

In other words, things have not exactly gotten better within that decade. I think they are doing more in the past 5 years to focus on improving this, but clearing between 2002-2010, things have not gotten better.

I would not at all disagree that there’s a larger concentration of people from relatively higher income families in medicine. As these stats show. And that’s definitely an issue we should be continually working to improve.

The only point I took issue with above was @Aconitase‘s implication that most medical students come from families so wealthy that they went to private school, grew up with nannies, etct. In those updated stats, roughly half the students come from families that make less than $100,000, and that’s not an income range where people are going to private school without a likely significant sacrifice by their family. And as @caramilk pointed out, you don’t have to be wealthy to be a jerk or ‘flex’ socially. 

So I find suggestion that if it’s hard to relate to your peers in Med school it’s only because they are all rich, entitled assholes overly simplistic and not really helpful towards the OPs original concern and question.

Edited by frenchpress

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9 minutes ago, frenchpress said:

I would not at all disagree that there’s a larger concentration of people from relatively higher income families in medicine. As these stats show. And that’s definitely an issue we should be continually working to improve.

The only point I took issue with above was @Aconitase‘s implication that most medical students come from families so wealthy that they went to private school, grew up with nannies, etct. In those updated stats, roughly half the students come from families that make less than $100,000, and that’s not an income range where people are going to private school without a likely significant sacrifice by their family. And as @caramilk pointed out, you don’t have to be wealthy to be a jerk or ‘flex’ socially. 

So I find suggestion that if it’s hard to relate to your peers in Med school it’s only because they are all rich, entitled assholes overly simplistic and not really helpful towards the OPs original concern and question.

Yes, we have significantly went tangential to OP's initial comment. I am happy that med schools across Canada are making an effort to address this issue. Things have changed since 2010 when the last study was done and resources are being put in place to aid applicants who are underrepresented in medicine. This is good stuff.

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On 11/13/2018 at 4:44 PM, cacaonibs said:

Hey.. I want to vent a little. 

I have been feeling very anti-social and not really willing to go to social events, etc. I also find myself distancing myself from people in my class (subconsciously or consciously). I really like to just stay home and study from home. I really dread having to socialize at times so I keep my at-school time to the minimum. Is this normal? I also miss my friends from back home as I moved for school. I haven't seem to have been able to find my niche and at this point, I just want to stay home and just get over the first two years of preclinical. Is this normal 

Dread does sound a bit excessive tbh. Is there an underlying reason?

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