Scared to start a relationship?

[sinusoid]

thank you for all your advice

[bigboydyo]

Med students (of all ppl) know best how competitive and difficult it is to get into Med, and that its common for people to require multiple application cycles to get in. I'm 99.9% sure she wouldn't give a damn or look down on you for not having gotten in. Don't let that insecurity come between your conversations with her and you should be set. 

[GH0ST]

I think more importantly if she looks down on you for not getting in right away that tells you what kind of person she is. 

I knew people even in my class that broke up with their partner after getting into medical school and their partner didn't get in right away (literally got in the year after)... I try not to associate myself with those people. 

- G

[WeDayDream]

I know two couples who broke up because one partner got into medicine. I wouldn't think about it too much but it can happen. 

[Moumouy]

9 hours ago, sinusoid said:

Hi, 

So there is a girl I like but she's a perfect student; she likes me back, but I am scared to start anything with her in the fear that she will get into medical school and I will not. It's not out of sexism or anything, I really am proud of her and want her to do well! But I feel like she will just look down on me and it's more so being embarrassed for myself. She is likely going to be a third year applicant, so would it even be worth it? I dont even have the option of being a third year applicant.

 

Sorry if this is strange; I've just been lurking around here a lot because everyone else in my life is perfect and knows nothing about these struggles and I have this fear of just being judged. 

 

Thank you!

Hey,

I think you should not worry too much about it. Yes, it will be harder as you might have less times by moments, but keeping a relationship is possible in a MD program. I've noticed that a lot of couple meet during MD/Pharmacy school and stick together after. They often get married. Same thing after residency. What the Critical Care fellows I work with usually tell me, communication is key. Having someone understanding and making that person feel important even when you have less time for her.

Yes being in a challenging program might make your relationship harder at moments, but that is not a guarantee for failure. If you think your partner is worth it, I say see where things go. Some relationships will fail, others will become stronger with time. I've seen both.

[Egg_McMuffin]

I think you got a lot of work to do on yourself and your insecurities. Unless you choose to date directionless bimbos your entire life, there might be plenty of times when your partner is more "successful"/makes more/got it more together/doing life better than you (even if you're both in medicine!), either temporarily or more long-term. Even if this girl decides to date you now and doesn't see it as a problem, your insecurities can facilitate a lot of tension and problems down the line.

Also, please please don't put her on a pedestal just because she's on her way to med school and you're a little behind.

 

[Elgar]

As others mentioned, if she looks down on you for not getting into med school, she really isn't that much of a nice person. But maybe it's really just a fear that you have, and only you can figure it out. I've known some couples where both partners wanted to become physicians, but didn't get into med at the same time. It seems it can work out in some situations and not in others, depending of the bond you have together.  

If you like her and she likes you, why not give it a try? Best case, you'll be happy ever after (or at least for a while); worst case, it won't work out (and maybe for some completely different reasons!)  

Hope this helps!  

[Bambi]

Women are not attracted to insecure men, they need men who are emotionally all together.

So, either forget about her altogether as being out of your league, in your view, or, put your insecurities aside, and see what develops. And if she looks down on you in the future because she gets in and you don't, she is not worth it, and you shall have found out before greater attachments shall have occurred.

[sinusoid]

Thank you all for the advice; I really appreciate it!

[destiny deoxys]

mmm

[Edict]

12 hours ago, sinusoid said:

Hi, 

So there is a girl I like but she's a perfect student; she likes me back, but I am scared to start anything with her in the fear that she will get into medical school and I will not. It's not out of sexism or anything, I really am proud of her and want her to do well! But I feel like she will just look down on me and it's more so being embarrassed for myself. She is likely going to be a third year applicant, so would it even be worth it? I dont even have the option of being a third year applicant.

 

Sorry if this is strange; I've just been lurking around here a lot because everyone else in my life is perfect and knows nothing about these struggles and I have this fear of just being judged. 

 

Thank you!

u'll regret it if you don't. 

[Intrepid86]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

In the end, the regret from not trying may be worse than the rejection.

[sinusoid]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom; I’m really grateful for all the insightful answers I have been receiving! I appreciate it a lot, truly. 

[cleanup]

Look within. Find out why you have a fear of being judged at all. Are you measuring yourself (and everyone else) entirely by their ability to gain admission to medical school? I understand that thus far that's the world you've surrounded yourself and embedded yourself in. But zoom out. Look at a grander picture. If you visualize yourself as suddenly inferior should the hypothesized occur (she gets in, you don't, and as a result you both think lesser of yourself), that speaks much more about the way you view yourself and your immediate community than it does about anything else. 

Don't be afraid of failing. Be afraid of being afraid of failing. Your growth will only come in your ability to try something, fuck up, say, "Okay," and then keep going.

[chiynadoll]

On 5/25/2019 at 8:08 PM, sinusoid said:

Hi, 

So there is a girl I like but she's a perfect student; she likes me back, but I am scared to start anything with her in the fear that she will get into medical school and I will not. It's not out of sexism or anything, I really am proud of her and want her to do well! But I feel like she will just look down on me and it's more so being embarrassed for myself. She is likely going to be a third year applicant, so would it even be worth it? I dont even have the option of being a third year applicant.

 

Sorry if this is strange; I've just been lurking around here a lot because everyone else in my life is perfect and knows nothing about these struggles and I have this fear of just being judged. 

 

Thank you!

You never know unless you try, and tbh even if it fails in the end, you would've learned something out from the experience, and also grown as a person. I do agree with everyone else who mentioned that confidence is sexy, that med-gunners would understand the struggle of getting in, and if she happens to be someone who judges you because of something that doesn't define your character well (honestly, its over 50% luck to get in to med school so .. swiftly), she might not be that perfect. A 4.0 GPA doesn't mean much if you aren't a person of substance. 

Also, don't think that everyone else is perfect. We all have our flaws somewhere, and I'm sure you have your strengths somewhere that the average person does not. You've got to believe in yourself before asking others to believe in you too!

Good luck!