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Schulich2019

Admitted but never kissed a girl

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On 5/29/2019 at 4:55 AM, Schulich2019 said:

I've been lifting since last year and I think I'm slightly overweight currently (6'1, 225 lbs). I'm pretty strong with the stereotypical V-shaped body and broad shoulders (people often comment on them), so I don't think I look bad but who knows ...

 

Also I thank you for your advice but reading that I might not be good enough for a girl and might have to "settle down" for someone less desirable (in my eye, obviously don't mean to objectify anyone) is not exactly heartening to hear ... not sure if that's what you intended to get across, but I would much rather work on my self and improve so that I can be with someone that I truly want to be with, rather than accept being unhappy. 

The hard fact is, in 2019, as a guy you have to be willing to date a little bit below your level of looks. Girls have infinite options so they will be pickier. And several studies now show how hard men have it dating wise, it's not just you.

I'd recommend ramping up your lifting, and losing as much body fat as you can. The physique part  is cool but lower body fat improves how your face looks Then you need to actually work very hard. Use every app, make as many friends as you can etc. The med school part doesn't really help much unfortunately. 

On 5/29/2019 at 8:46 AM, bins said:

Any mention of types/attraction/leagues shouldn't be listened to, there really isn't any such thing, but you may feel more comfortable around people who you mesh with better. 

You sound like a respectable guy who is self-aware of himself, and I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you. I would try a dating site, as that's mostly the social norm these days. You may also benefit from the smaller, more intimate class sizes in medical school and form more close relationships with females from it. I don't have any "dating" techniques for approaching girls, but what my friends and I tend to like are people who seem genuinely interested in talking to me about my life and what I have to say. People who I am comfortable striking up any conversation with are normally the people I want to get closer too, and if there's physical attraction, a relationship can follow. Be open, be approachable, smile, laugh and show that you're comfortable talking about more personal topics. Ask about her feelings on certain events that happened... rather that just asking "What did you do today?", you could ask "How did you feel about that class?", it allows for her to branch into a broader topic about school and life as a whole. In medical school, it won't be weird if you introduce yourself to a cute girl you see in class, as you'll have a lot to talk about and will be with each other for 4 years to come. 

 

My past two relationships were from Tinder, though. I can definitely understand how difficult it is in undergrad to get closer to people in a romantic way. You are good enough and deserve to be happy, please don't ever "settle", that will never work out in the long run. Most of the time on tinder, I've been kissed/have kissed the guy on the first date if it went well (but always ask/be sure first).

Please PM me if you want to talk more. Again, I'm not a dating wizard, but I am a girl, and we aren't that complex. 

Yeah.. that's entirely false. Almost every attractive girl will want a guy who's equally or more attractive. Sure the exceptions to this rule are what everyone sees, but they are the literal exceptions. 

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11 minutes ago, medigeek said:

Yeah.. that's entirely false. Almost every attractive girl will want a guy who's equally or more attractive. Sure the exceptions to this rule are what everyone sees, but they are the literal exceptions. 

I'm going to completely disagree with you, as well. What defines "attractive" to a single person? You may think a girl is more attractive than you, she may disagree. If you think that every girl is looking at guys and going "Wow, he's under my league. I'm a 8/10 and he's only a 4/10", you're making a lot of assumptions. Most reasonable people don't think that way. There is no rule when it comes to what we find attractive, and these "exceptions" are simply people that exist with different tastes, but they do exist. Dating becomes a lot easier when you're not worried about leagues. Sure, a super model isn't going to date a slob, but that's not because she perceives him to be worse than her. Simply cleaning up your look and taking care of yourself can make you more confident and more attractive to most people, but you shouldn't rank others against yourself. 

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6 minutes ago, bins said:

I'm going to completely disagree with you, as well. What defines "attractive" to a single person? You may think a girl is more attractive than you, she may disagree. If you think that every girl is looking at guys and going "Wow, he's under my league. I'm a 8/10 and he's only a 4/10", you're making a lot of assumptions. Most reasonable people don't think that way. There is no rule when it comes to what we find attractive, and these "exceptions" are simply people that exist with different tastes, but they do exist. Dating becomes a lot easier when you're not worried about leagues. Sure, a super model isn't going to date a slob, but that's not because she perceives him to be worse than her. Simply cleaning up your look and taking care of yourself can make you more confident and more attractive to most people, but you shouldn't rank others against yourself. 

You're giving a politically correct answer and playing on the exceptions. Good looking guys do extremely well on apps/tinder etc. Average guys do not, in fact some get a handful of matches only. Real life works the same way just not as amplified. 

And yes there is a general rule. Someone who is an 8 will be at least a >6 to everyone. Likewise an average person won't be perceived as objectively attractive to anyone. Tastes and personal preference play a big role but women tend to filter out most guys before it gets to that point. 

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6 minutes ago, medigeek said:

You're giving a politically correct answer and playing on the exceptions. Good looking guys do extremely well on apps/tinder etc. Average guys do not, in fact some get a handful of matches only. Real life works the same way just not as amplified. 

And yes there is a general rule. Someone who is an 8 will be at least a >6 to everyone. Likewise an average person won't be perceived as objectively attractive to anyone. Tastes and personal preference play a big role but women tend to filter out most guys before it gets to that point. 

Most guys have it hard on dating apps, but that doesn't mean they should be looking at girls and going "She's prettier than me, she will never like me. Swipe left." It doesn't mean you should only swipe right on people you perceive to look worse that you. This is the mentality that I disagree with, I'm not saying it's easy if you're not conventionally attractive, but you'll make it a lot harder for yourself if you assume what people want and don't take a chance because of that. 

You're telling someone to settle because of a rule that is arbitrary and vague, and barely exists. 

 

EDIT: To add to that, I dated someone who told me they thought I was completely out of their league, and that never even crossed my mind. Imagine if he had had your mentality. 

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26 minutes ago, bins said:

also why y'all assuming OP is ugly 

because he's on premed101...

 

 

LOL im joking - i just made fun of everyone including myself.

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1 hour ago, medigeek said:

The hard fact is, in 2019, as a guy you have to be willing to date a little bit below your level of looks. Girls have infinite options so they will be pickier. And several studies now show how hard men have it dating wise, it's not just you.

I'd recommend ramping up your lifting, and losing as much body fat as you can. The physique part  is cool but lower body fat improves how your face looks Then you need to actually work very hard. Use every app, make as many friends as you can etc. The med school part doesn't really help much unfortunately. 

Yeah.. that's entirely false. Almost every attractive girl will want a guy who's equally or more attractive. Sure the exceptions to this rule are what everyone sees, but they are the literal exceptions. 

aw man that is no hard fact. That's just lowering your standards. If you think girls won't go for you because you're not on their level of attractiveness, then they won't. It's self-fulfilling prophecy. Like I mentioned in my earlier post, your thinking and your concept of your self is far more important than physical attractiveness. Your thinking is more along the lines of desperation. If you're a baller, you will get the girl. If you're desperate and succumb to any crumb of female attention then you will get the crumbs.

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4 hours ago, bins said:

Most guys have it hard on dating apps, but that doesn't mean they should be looking at girls and going "She's prettier than me, she will never like me. Swipe left." It doesn't mean you should only swipe right on people you perceive to look worse that you. This is the mentality that I disagree with, I'm not saying it's easy if you're not conventionally attractive, but you'll make it a lot harder for yourself if you assume what people want and don't take a chance because of that. 

You're telling someone to settle because of a rule that is arbitrary and vague, and barely exists. 

 

EDIT: To add to that, I dated someone who told me they thought I was completely out of their league, and that never even crossed my mind. Imagine if he had had your mentality. 

yeah.. you know in real life guys just swipe right on everyone, without actually looking. You seem to have an idealist version of things and not so much with the realistic aspects of what happens. 

People date below their league for insecurity reasons, usually. 

3 hours ago, RiderSx said:

aw man that is no hard fact. That's just lowering your standards. If you think girls won't go for you because you're not on their level of attractiveness, then they won't. It's self-fulfilling prophecy. Like I mentioned in my earlier post, your thinking and your concept of your self is far more important than physical attractiveness. Your thinking is more along the lines of desperation. If you're a baller, you will get the girl. If you're desperate and succumb to any crumb of female attention then you will get the crumbs.

No you should aim for your level but be willing to go a bit below. But I'm saying when an a very plain completely average girl can have 150 Tinder matches in a day (easily), and many of those are attractive guys - does that not give you a perception of why things get skewed?

In the old days, guys had to compete with friend circles etc. Now it's with every guy within a certain km radius. Again, I'm being realistic and not idealistic and have helped a few guys with similar issues as the OP. 

I would say certain social elements can help guys too. ex. hockey guys in Canada do ridiculously well.

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Alright getting a little off track guys. I think everything that was to be said about his has been said, some of you were even helpful through private messages and I thank you for that.

 

I've never settled for anything in my life and I won't start now. I'm going to work on myself and incorporate the advice I've been given. 

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On 5/27/2019 at 3:09 AM, Schulich2019 said:

Hello,

I've been admitted to a couple of schools but will be attending Schulich this fall. That's great and all, but I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of life: dating. I've never had a girlfriend, never held hands or kissed a girl, and am obviously a virgin. I don't think I'm weird around girls, I would actually consider myself to be a socially competent individual. I've just never gotten around to being with a girl. I feel too awkward approaching a stranger, and unfortunately most of my social circle consists of males.

 

Will things be different in medical school? I really want to have a partner that I can trust who shares my passions. I'm sick of doing things with the same group of guys, even though I do love them as friends. But I really want a girlfriend, even though I'm not sure if the opportunity will arise in medical school. How should I approach things in medical school? Do people usually date fellow classmates, will I have any free time to be in a relationship, etc? What are some environments in Western that allow people to meet girls and strike up a conversation? I'm not the type of personality that likes to frequent bars and clubs, but at this point I'm open to anything to be honest. 

 

Thank you for your help

Step 1: Don't take dating advice from Premed101.

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On 5/27/2019 at 3:09 AM, Schulich2019 said:

Hello,

I've been admitted to a couple of schools but will be attending Schulich this fall. That's great and all, but I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of life: dating. I've never had a girlfriend, never held hands or kissed a girl, and am obviously a virgin. I don't think I'm weird around girls, I would actually consider myself to be a socially competent individual. I've just never gotten around to being with a girl. I feel too awkward approaching a stranger, and unfortunately most of my social circle consists of males.

 

Will things be different in medical school? I really want to have a partner that I can trust who shares my passions. I'm sick of doing things with the same group of guys, even though I do love them as friends. But I really want a girlfriend, even though I'm not sure if the opportunity will arise in medical school. How should I approach things in medical school? Do people usually date fellow classmates, will I have any free time to be in a relationship, etc? What are some environments in Western that allow people to meet girls and strike up a conversation? I'm not the type of personality that likes to frequent bars and clubs, but at this point I'm open to anything to be honest. 

 

Thank you for your help

Honestly, you just need to meet people similar to you, theres lots of ways to meet people in med school. your classmates, your classmates friends, expand your social network, go to events, try dating apps etc. 

Not sure if you drink, but if you do, you should go out (bars and clubs) and meet people, even if it isn't your thing.  

Also, the opportunity will arise in med school. It's 4 years, you'll have plenty of time. Although it is easier to meet people in first year than in second and in pre-clerk vs clerkship. 

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Fear not, medical education will beat this doubt and weakness out of you and turn you into a machine whose engine requires no frail warmth but only the nourishing oil of evaluations and indentured labor. Go forth fearlessly and melt the alloy of your youth into the white heat of servitude. Soon you shall not even recognize female faces, just like the 90-year old on your ward who swears to you the rhino on their MoCA test is a fucking hawk.

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Wow this thread is really...something 

anyway hey OP, girl here to give some advice:

- it’s really easy to get into pickup artist/red pill/“game” ideas online and that shit is poisonous. do not do this.

- the way you talk about women is interesting - you mentioned upthread that you feel uncomfortable interacting in anything other than a “cordial” way. why is that? is it the case with all women or just some? what makes us different than your male friends? think about where this is coming from. we’re just regular people like you. is your social world all men? do you have women who are friends or mentors? do you read books and watch movies made by women? if not, that’s something to change.

- do you like yourself? if we went out for a drink would you feel like you would have things you’re passionate about that you like discussing? is there anything good in your life right now that isn’t med school? focus on that. lots of people say “be confident” but it’s easier to do that when you’re happy and you’re learning new things and doing stuff you enjoy.

Good luck in med school!

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20 hours ago, lisasimpson said:

Wow this thread is really...something 

anyway hey OP, girl here to give some advice:

- it’s really easy to get into pickup artist/red pill/“game” ideas online and that shit is poisonous. do not do this.

- the way you talk about women is interesting - you mentioned upthread that you feel uncomfortable interacting in anything other than a “cordial” way. why is that? is it the case with all women or just some? what makes us different than your male friends? think about where this is coming from. we’re just regular people like you. is your social world all men? do you have women who are friends or mentors? do you read books and watch movies made by women? if not, that’s something to change.

- do you like yourself? if we went out for a drink would you feel like you would have things you’re passionate about that you like discussing? is there anything good in your life right now that isn’t med school? focus on that. lots of people say “be confident” but it’s easier to do that when you’re happy and you’re learning new things and doing stuff you enjoy.

Good luck in med school!

 

-I don't pay any attention to the pick up artist / red pill bs that was posted earlier. I'm a pretty proud feminist and I did a lot of work for various organizations helping disadvantaged women in the indigenous community etc. 

-The reason I can't bring myself to talk to women in a context outside of purely professional or academic is because my greatest fear is coming off as a creep or making a woman uncomfortable. This gives me a lot of anxieties which have resulted in me basically avoiding approaching any girls. My best friend is my sister so I would say she's the only woman that I have a close relationship with outside of a school/work setting.

-Obviously right now I''m most excited about getting accepted into medicine, but I'm pretty politically active, a movie fanatic, and workout. I'm also a history buff, like I have a library of about 50 thick books about ancient Rome and Greece that I've read which can come off a bit intimidating to people that see it for the first time, lol. My personal hero is Alexander the great.

I don't however have the opportunity to share my passions with women due to the aforementioned reasons above.

Thank you for your best wishes 

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11 hours ago, Schulich2019 said:

 

-I don't pay any attention to the pick up artist / red pill bs that was posted earlier. I'm a pretty proud feminist and I did a lot of work for various organizations helping disadvantaged women in the indigenous community etc. 

-The reason I can't bring myself to talk to women in a context outside of purely professional or academic is because my greatest fear is coming off as a creep or making a woman uncomfortable. This gives me a lot of anxieties which have resulted in me basically avoiding approaching any girls. My best friend is my sister so I would say she's the only woman that I have a close relationship with outside of a school/work setting.

-Obviously right now I''m most excited about getting accepted into medicine, but I'm pretty politically active, a movie fanatic, and workout. I'm also a history buff, like I have a library of about 50 thick books about ancient Rome and Greece that I've read which can come off a bit intimidating to people that see it for the first time, lol. My personal hero is Alexander the great.

I don't however have the opportunity to share my passins with women however due to the aforementioned reasons above.

Thank you for your best wishes 

So why don't you try online methods?

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12 hours ago, Schulich2019 said:

-The reason I can't bring myself to talk to women in a context outside of purely professional or academic is because my greatest fear is coming off as a creep or making a woman uncomfortable. This gives me a lot of anxieties which have resulted in me basically avoiding approaching any girls.

As others have said, try focusing on being friends with women first. Having intentions of dating in the back of your mind leads to you feeling that you are making an approach rather than simply talking to someone normally. These underlying hopes/expectations lead to anxiety, which leads to avoidance, which reinforces your anxiety and discomfort.

If you simply try to socialize/ be friendly with women, with a similar mindset of simply enjoying conversation and sharing interests as you would your other male friends (instead of the subtle pressure of wanting something which leads to feeling like a creep), you will be able to relax more and have more positive interactions. These increased experiences will decrease your anxiety and improve your confidence overall. Getting to know people gradually over time also will improve your odds of developing a genuine relationship. 

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On 5/27/2019 at 8:10 AM, Bambi said:

Let nature take its course. Develop friendships in Med school and beyond and there is more than one girl out there for you. You really never know where a friendship will lead to, if anywhere. You can, however, improve your chances by working to make things happen. I know one fellow who saw a girl walking in the opposite direction, in a building, she was talking to another person. He realized the strong attraction, that he likely would never see her again in his lifetime. He stopped in his tracks, turned around, approached the girls and said, “Excuse me, you have touched my heart, my soul, my body as soon as I saw you.  Can we please sit down and chat. She accepted snd this chat lasted 3 hours, the first of many. Every girl with whom he has had a serious relationship began by him approaching total strangers to whom he was attracted. The others were st university. My point is, you can take the initiative, you take a chance, the worst that can happen is that you are shut down and quickly, but st least you know, you gave it a shot.

In any event, life will unfold in the fullness of time and you will find someone, or someone will find you. :P

dont do this op. cringe af. might work if you follow rules 1 and 2 tho.

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