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Anyone have kids? I have a 5 and 7 year old and another on the way. How are you finding balancing academics/kids/spouse/work etc etc...?

 

I am curious because I am a rarity in my program and sometimes find it very diffficult to 'connect' with younger school peers. Our concerns are so vastly different from theirs and we sacrifice a lot more than traditional applicants do. I'm interested to hear some stories.

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i don't have any kids but am 35 and married with a mortgage and car payments. I am applying for sept and feel that if I get in I will have very little in common with most of my classmates.

 

Are you in school right now? Working? I am finishing my 4th year of my undergrad. I went back to school after a career and college diploma.

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Well I went back to school to finish my undergrad degree just to apply to med school, and I will be finished in May. I am applying to med school this year for Sept 09, but I too have a great career and a good situation, but I have always wanted to be a Dr. Ironic, that now that as time is getting short, I am getting cold feet about whether I want to give everything up and go back to being a student again.

I have a job in healthcare and am very well respected in my profession, and it is hard to think about leaving that to become a med student. To give up working well with my group of co-workers to feeling like an old fogy in a class of young med students with whom I don't fit in.

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Well keep your head up! I too am having reservations, but about what to do if I don't get in this year. Stressful year. I sometimes question whether or not I am doing the responsible thing by my kids and my wife. At least I am setting a good example for them (my kids that is). The way I look at it is at least we are trying, eh? Better to try and fail then to never try at all!

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Yes, I'm in second year med and have very little in common with my classmates. Its definitely a downer at times, but instead of spending my time worrying that I'm out of my cohort, I focus on keeping my outside-of-school relationships strong. They keep me grounded and prevent me from getting 'doctor head', something I've seen happen to many of my peers already.

 

But there are a few older people in my class and some with children. Put it this way -- when everyone else in the class is nagivating their way around first year trying to figure out who their friends will be, you'll already know who you're going to hang out with -- the other older students. There are usually a handful in every class.

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I have an eight month old, but I can't really say she makes my academic life difficult. She goes to bed at 8 and doesn't get up until 9 the next morning, so I get an evening and a morning to do assignments and I do notes/study during the day when she's playing on the floor or in her jumperoo. Dad's home in the evenings and on the weekends if I want to go out to the library. She's not demanding or fussy in the least. I guess that makes me pretty lucky. The idea was to have her now so by the time I'm ready to apply to med or grad school she'll be in school and we won't be having any more. Just having one makes the most sense to us if I'm going to be pursuing medicine. It's a demanding mistress, after all.

 

We're giving ourselves 4 years to save to pay the tuition in cash, so I'll be 26 or 27 by the time I apply to med. Is that old? It doesn't seem old. That's the average age of application, isn't it? :P

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I have an eight month old, but I can't really say she makes my academic life difficult. She goes to bed at 8 and doesn't get up until 9 the next morning, so I get an evening and a morning to do assignments and I do notes/study during the day when she's playing on the floor or in her jumperoo. Dad's home in the evenings and on the weekends if I want to go out to the library. She's not demanding or fussy in the least. I guess that makes me pretty lucky. The idea was to have her now so by the time I'm ready to apply to med or grad school she'll be in school and we won't be having any more. Just having one makes the most sense to us if I'm going to be pursuing medicine. It's a demanding mistress, after all.

 

We're giving ourselves 4 years to save to pay the tuition in cash, so I'll be 26 or 27 by the time I apply to med. Is that old? It doesn't seem old. That's the average age of application, isn't it? :P

 

That is definitely not too old! I am 30 and I bet some are even older that are applying. I still feel like a kid (a kid with kids!?)----30 is the new 20, correct? I like to tell myself that anyway! I definitely think it would be tougher to be a mother in med school rather than a father. I have a great supportive wife that makes this possible for me.

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That is definitely not too old! I am 30 and I bet some are even older that are applying. I still feel like a kid (a kid with kids!?)----30 is the new 20, correct? I like to tell myself that anyway! I definitely think it would be tougher to be a mother in med school rather than a father. I have a great supportive wife that makes this possible for me.

 

I don't know about tougher. It can't be any worse on my man then it is now, considering I don't do the "housewife" thing at all. I don't clean (that's for my maid to do) and I make dinner maybe three times a week if he's really lucky and I'm feeling generous, so it wouldn't make much of a difference to him if I'm around or not. My plan is to just earmark two or three evenings a week to be home before the small fry goes to bed and spend either all day Saturday or all day Sunday with her, then the rest can be study/social time. Seems easy enough.

 

I'm not super concerned about the age thing. I can still party like a rockstar. Of course, that may be different for those with a few years on me, but no worries. Us young pups will fix that right quick, I'm sure.:P

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I agree that it is generally tougher on mothers in med school. There are about half a dozen men and women each in my class that have children (myself included); only 2 women have remained in the program and plan to graduate on time, while every man is still on track to complete in 4 years.

 

My wife is a saint (generally), and accepts that I have to do what I have to do. That will be important for anyone with kids--support is key. I still tend to make it home on time 3 or more week days to cook dinner and bathe our son. But I do feel like I should always be doing more studying and spending less time at night helping out. Balance: sometimes you can take a break and sometimes you MUST study. You partner needs to be there when you must study.

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^^That's exactly right. People who make the choice to have their kids in the middle of school have no right to complain about how much harder it is that way. They chose to do it that way and expect special treatment and deferrals and time off because of it, which I don't agree with.

 

Anyways, how hard it really is depends on family dynamics more then anything. Like, if you've got one older kid who's pretty independent and non-clingy then you're going to have a way easier time then if you've got an army of young kids who need to be entertained from breakfast to bedtime. If you already have trouble finding time to pee during your typical day, it might be wise to rethink going into a demanding program. And not just med, but any other professional program until you've found a good live-in nanny.

 

Then again I might be missing the point completely and this is actually about the fact that 95% of mothers have a tough time being away from her darlings for any more then an hour at a time and would be overcome with guilt for not upholding their traditional June Cleaver-ish role. I feel none of that guilt because I'd rather be working/studying then raising children. Why should that role only be acceptable for fathers to have?

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^^That's exactly right. People who make the choice to have their kids in the middle of school have no right to complain about how much harder it is that way. They chose to do it that way and expect special treatment and deferrals and time off because of it, which I don't agree with.

 

Anyways, how hard it really is depends on family dynamics more then anything. Like, if you've got one older kid who's pretty independent and non-clingy then you're going to have a way easier time then if you've got an army of young kids who need to be entertained from breakfast to bedtime. If you already have trouble finding time to pee during your typical day, it might be wise to rethink going into a demanding program. And not just med, but any other professional program until you've found a good live-in nanny.

 

Then again I might be missing the point completely and this is actually about the fact that 95% of mothers have a tough time being away from her darlings for any more then an hour at a time and would be overcome with guilt for not upholding their traditional June Cleaver-ish role. I feel none of that guilt because I'd rather be working/studying then raising children. Why should that role only be acceptable for fathers to have?

 

 

Agreed. However, the stigma is definitely stronger for women. If you found a way of getting around/managing it--kudos to you. So, from what I am hearing, is that is can be done if you have kids. I am just applying, did any of you find that it gave you an advantage for the interview? Or, obtaining the interview?

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Wow... while I was in a relationship before med school, I felt pressure that if I did get married to try to have children sometime while I was still in school... am so glad I'm out of that rut. Still I'm worried... if I don't meet anyone until I'm finished my residency and have children later, I'm worried about baby's health. I wish that you could have children before "32" and be able to have finished school and have a good career to support them.

 

I've been worrying about the same thing. Should I have kids now? If I wait till whenever I get into to medicine and into residency, I would be getting close to 35. It scares me! This is the biggest reason I am considering giving up on medicine.

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Wow... while I was in a relationship before med school, I felt pressure that if I did get married to try to have children sometime while I was still in school... am so glad I'm out of that rut. Still I'm worried... if I don't meet anyone until I'm finished my residency and have children later, I'm worried about baby's health. I wish that you could have children before "32" and be able to have finished school and have a good career to support them.

 

 

From my position, family is definitely more important than medicine. If you feel you need to pause and have kids--then do it. There is no shame in that. I had kids when my wife and I didn't have anything, but we made it work. I think people are often too scared that they will interfere with life but they only become a part of your life, albeit a big part.

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Meh I'm not too worried about having kids. I'm in my late 20s and just started med and I plan on specializing and probably doing a fellowship beyond that. If I really want kids I'll find time to have them at some point, possibly during residency but I may not have them at all. I'm comfortable with that possibility. I'm also comfortable with letting my husband be the stay-at-home dad if need be.:D

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I too have/have had, thoughts like this. I am almost 43 and want both: med school and kids. And I am single. could i stack the odds any higher? if i get to med school and get pregnant/adopt a child i will take a year off. and with today's repro tech. i can have a child when i am 50 and earning a good salary. obviously i am a late bloomer in life. age is not going to stop me from being a doctor, or a parent. don't you know 50 is the new 40?

 

and 35 is the new 25!

 

Even though this isn't a mommy forum, I'll chime in on the topic. I have to say 50 is pretty late to give birth. My parents were in their mid-late 20s when they had me, and I'm very glad that it's not very likely that my parents will die by the time I reach 30, or will require me to change their diapers before I can even fully support myself. My mom had my sister 14 years after she had me, and even though she's only in her mid-40s now, her health is already deteriorating, so it's quite possible that before my sister is 20, my mother will need more help than my sister does (thankfully, by then I'll be able to support them both). I'm not even going to talk about things like sky-rocketing odds of having a child with Down syndrome, etc.

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to clarify...if a woman is healthy she can have a baby at 50 using donor eggs. as long as she has a support system children will be cared for. a woman could have a kid at 20 and not be able to take care of him/her due to illness etc...there are no guarantees at any age of parenting. as doctors we would need to be open to having this kind of conversation with "elderly primigravidas"

 

Yeah, it's actually discussed as an ethics scenario on the CMA website, so the whole thing about getting pregnant when you're about to start collecting social security is definitely a thorny ethical issue - just like many other medical treatments such as keeping brain-dead people "alive" indefinitely, etc. Just because something CAN be done, doesn't mean it's a great idea. I mean, there's a reason why the overwhelming majority of women over the age of 50 are not able to give birth naturally. And yes, of course you're right that at ANY age you could become incapacitated or die, but it's a lot more likely to happen at 60 than at 30.

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to clarify...if a woman is healthy she can have a baby at 50 using donor eggs. as long as she has a support system children will be cared for. a woman could have a kid at 20 and not be able to take care of him/her due to illness etc...there are no guarantees at any age of parenting. as doctors we would need to be open to having this kind of conversation with "elderly primigravidas"

 

I think that the media does a great job of showing off successful celebreties etc that have put their careers first and end up having kids later. People think it is not an issue to have kids in your 40s...and apparently even later.

 

I have seen plenty of career women decide in their 40s that they want kids and go through alot of emotional distress, physical distress and financial strain in order to try and become pregnant...and despite this meet failure.

 

If you think you want to be starting your careeer and starting a family around the same time that others around the same age are considering retirement and have their kids going off to university gaining independence...well good for you. But conceiving and giving birth at an advanced age is not so straight forward and as easy as just getting some donor eggs. And you just have to be ok with the possibility that you may not get everything (ie your own kids) if you decide to pursue medicine later in life. And only you know how important each goal is to you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well to steer this thread back on track:

I'm 25 and have a 2 & 1/2 month old healthy baby boy (he's already almost 20 lbs!). I'm in my 3rd year at UVic, and I'm trying to finish my BSc in Microbiology. I don't find it that much harder having a son and being in school full time. My son provides me with all the motivation I need to do well, and I have an amazing, supportive, and beautiful wife. I hear you D-Rock, there are many times when I feel like I should be studying instead of hanging out with my family, but that was a decision I'd made when we found out my wife was pregnant; that family always come first. My wife picks me up from school every day, and we have dinner together and then bathe the little (big) guy and put him to bed. By that time my wife is out for the count as well so I get a few hours in the evening to study. I'm in the midst of midterms, and so far so good. Instead of going out every night and partying like most of the kids in my classes do, I spend every night with my wife and son and love it! I've had my fun and now am so excited to have a family and raise my son! It really is the best feeling in the world.

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Even though this isn't a mommy forum, I'll chime in on the topic. I have to say 50 is pretty late to give birth. My parents were in their mid-late 20s when they had me, and I'm very glad that it's not very likely that my parents will die by the time I reach 30, or will require me to change their diapers before I can even fully support myself. My mom had my sister 14 years after she had me, and even though she's only in her mid-40s now, her health is already deteriorating, so it's quite possible that before my sister is 20, my mother will need more help than my sister does (thankfully, by then I'll be able to support them both). I'm not even going to talk about things like sky-rocketing odds of having a child with Down syndrome, etc.

 

No, this isn't a 'mommy forum'; however this is a forum for non-traditional applicants to discuss non-traditional problems, and that includes family concerns. Turning colourful banter into ethical debates/moral issues is not always needed, nor is it conducive to getting people to share their stories. Everyone knows that 50 is late to become a parent, so it can be assumed that the poster has done her homework and made this decision carefully.

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No, this isn't a 'mommy forum'; however this is a forum for non-traditional applicants to discuss non-traditional problems, and that includes family concerns. Turning colourful banter into ethical debates/moral issues is not always needed, nor is it conducive to getting people to share their stories. Everyone knows that 50 is late to become a parent, so it can be assumed that the poster has done her homework and made this decision carefully.

 

Jochi...I for one think it was useful of you to share you perspective from the child's perspective.

 

In striving to have "everything" it is easy to become involved in your own desires and forget about the kid...or even if you have deeply considered the impact, not fully realize - since you are not the kid.

 

I think everyone would agree that family concerns include the perspective of the parents and the children.

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