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Guest KG06

Dating and Med School

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^Hooray for innuendo!

 

Alright, so I have a concern of my own in regards to the topic. Theres this girl I've been hooked on for the longest time, she was crazy about me when we first met, nothing worked at the time, etc. etc., flash forward to now. She's got a bf but still wants to see me, not sure if just as friends. We're going to chill out sometime soon, I won't be doing anything overdramatic or touchy-feely.

 

My question is this: should I just set myself up as a long term friend, or should I tell her how I feel, or both?

 

Or something else, if you love gurus have any suggestions...

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I think you should do neither. See what her body language tells you when you guys hang out. Mind you if she goes for you while with another guy, she is one of those girls who sleeps with a guy whenever it tickles her fancy, so don't get hopeful for a good relationship.

 

If you become a good friend then you will be stuck there.

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My question is this: should I just set myself up as a long term friend, or should I tell her how I feel, or both?

 

Or something else, if you love gurus have any suggestions...

 

If you become "the friend" it is game over in my opinion. :rolleyes:

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Girls like to be unreadable, I think.

 

If she still wants to see you, take that as a good sign (ie, she doesn't hate you and wants to keep communication open.) Be sure to tread very carefully if you two hang out sometime soon.

 

And of course, show up on time :D

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^Hooray for innuendo!

 

Alright, so I have a concern of my own in regards to the topic. Theres this girl I've been hooked on for the longest time, she was crazy about me when we first met, nothing worked at the time, etc. etc., flash forward to now. She's got a bf but still wants to see me, not sure if just as friends. We're going to chill out sometime soon, I won't be doing anything overdramatic or touchy-feely.

 

My question is this: should I just set myself up as a long term friend, or should I tell her how I feel, or both?

 

Or something else, if you love gurus have any suggestions...

 

Seeking1,

 

My advice is to never ever let her treat you like a friend. You have to realize that you are a sexy beast and no woman can see you like a friend....you're simply too sexy. Plus, you're going to be a doctor ;).

 

The reason why your relationship probably ended was because you were being too predictable, boring, and/or overprotective. This is something many many guys do. It's just something you'll have to learn from.

 

She wants to see you most likely because she wants a 'back-up'. Many girls do this. It's basically a 'back-up' in case something goes wrong in her current relationship. However, the guy she is with is her primary interest. They probably have had troubles lately.

 

Here's the best thing to do. Make sure she knows you have plenty of women you are talking to. Show that you are in demand. If you're crazy about her, DO NOT tell her this until she tells you this. Don't show your cards. If you do tell her you like her, she'll think 'now that was way too easy, not a challenge'. Women want a challenge!

 

If you chill with her, make sure you communicate in subtle ways that you are doing AWESOME without her! Make her laugh like crazy and tell her that she's a great 'friend'. If she's interested and she hears this, she'll want to be more than just 'friends'.

 

If you're playing the game good, she'll ask 'you seeing anyone?'. Don't lose your game here. You have to be the guy in demand. Say, 'ya I'm seeing girls here and there, nothing too serious'. This doesn't imply you're a player. It shows you're trying to see who's best for you.

 

If you're playing it really really good, she'll leave her current boyfriend for you. She'll say 'I like you, I want to be with you again'. I know, the urge is to say 'I like you too'. Don't say this!! I would say something like, 'Ya, I like me too' ;). Don't always give her what she expects.

 

Zuck

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Seeking1,

 

 

If you're playing it really really good, she'll leave her current boyfriend for you. She'll say 'I like you, I want to be with you again'. I know, the urge is to say 'I like you too'. Don't say this!! I would say something like, 'Ya, I like me too' ;). Don't always give her what she expects.

 

Zuck

 

what are you, the love doctor? :rolleyes:

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Zuckman knows what he's talking about. Only problem is you can't learn how to be smooth with women by reading advice given on a message board. When you finally realize that women like arrogant, confident, alpha-males, you either better be one, or you better damn well try to act like one. Put your guard down only after you sealed the deal. Just don't become her friend that she can whine to about other men in her life.

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When you finally realize that women like arrogant, confident, alpha-males, you either better be one, or you better damn well try to act like one.

 

That would be some damn fine acting...really only we are the cocky-ass aka confident alpha-males can walk the walk. Trust me i've been trying to instill this in my best friend.

 

 

Honestly though, unless your crazy about her and can't get her out of your head, move on. You don't want to look back on and realize that there were alot of potentials that you missed, just because you were chasing a mirage.

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Wow dudes and dudettes, thanks for the advice! This was what I was actually thinking of doing, and you guys really helped me back it up. Yeah, I find that the friend zone is dangerous, and that I think she might be keeping me as a backup. But really, like Wolven just said, I really can't get her out of my head; emotions aren't getting in the way, but thoughts of her are pretty much always there.

 

I just came off of a relationship where I was practically an emotional crutch. I didn't get sucked into it luckily, but I don't want something like that again. Often times, being the rebound guy sucks big time, women please take note.

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Wow dudes and dudettes, thanks for the advice! This was what I was actually thinking of doing, and you guys really helped me back it up. Yeah, I find that the friend zone is dangerous, and that I think she might be keeping me as a backup. But really, like Wolven just said, I really can't get her out of my head; emotions aren't getting in the way, but thoughts of her are pretty much always there.

 

I just came off of a relationship where I was practically an emotional crutch. I didn't get sucked into it luckily, but I don't want something like that again. Often times, being the rebound guy sucks big time, women please take note.

 

It's not always bad to be a backup. Honestly I did it once for one of my girl-friends (we were friends not dating). It was hilarious making her ex jealous, plus we were friends so...well ya you can figure out what else happened

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It's not always bad to be a backup. Honestly I did it once for one of my girl-friends (we were friends not dating). It was hilarious making her ex jealous, plus we were friends so...well ya you can figure out what else happened

 

...I can imagine, and that's all I need. :D But yeah, I mean immediate rebound guy, like 2-4 wks after breakup with previous bf and subsequent dating...that sucks, because then its just pandering to sadness.

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Dating is just too complicated for me. Maybe I'll stay single :) And I'm not telling you guys anything my friends don't know or haven't figured out for themselves.

 

...really? Why? And how? (for where the latter applies)

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Well put aranndil, dating is complex and weird sometimes. I'm actually a proponent of that whole straightforward approach. But I find often its not people's thoughts that mess up relationships, but rather their emotions when they get excessive. Yeah, its ridiculous and its dumb, but I think to some degree you have to suffer through that until you realize what you want and find someone similar. Or you may always be decided :P, to each their own.

 

Thoughts?

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Why dating is too complicated: because there's all these games people play. Why can't it be as simple as, getting to know someone, seeing if you feel comfortable with them, have the same/compatible interests and life goals, and seeing if that person is a keeper without having to worry about whether or not you're the rebound person, if they're checking out other people, if they're playing hard-to-get, if they're just pretending to like you... etc... it'd make life a lot easier if people just said what they meant.

 

Why you guys probably don't know more than my friends (to a comment to "remind" me that this is a public forum): I'm a pretty open person when it comes to how I feel about a relationship. My boyfriend knows how I feel. I think it's only fair... I can't pretend to be happy for eight weeks when I'm really miserable and spring a break-up on him. If I break up with someone, I've been upset and they've known about it. And I haven't dated a lot so I talk to a lot of my friends about how things are going.

 

 

 

Not everyone plays games. It's only a portion of the population, after you get some dating experience, it becomes easier to recognize the people who are going to play games with you. The really complicated ones are those who just got out of a relationship and don't know what they feel/who they are or anything else, lol.

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Yeah, I've found with people I know who've closeted themselves from dating while they were young, they got screwed over hard later on. Like, in ways that reverberated through their daily lives. People need experience in dating to avoid the majority of problem relationships.

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Zuckman knows what he's talking about. Only problem is you can't learn how to be smooth with women by reading advice given on a message board. When you finally realize that women like arrogant, confident, alpha-males, you either better be one, or you better damn well try to act like one. Put your guard down only after you sealed the deal. Just don't become her friend that she can whine to about other men in her life.

 

Honestly, if you pretend to be a cocky ass to get a girl to go out with you then it probably won't work out when she finds out that you aren't a douchebag.

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Honestly, if you pretend to be a cocky ass to get a girl to go out with you then it probably won't work out when she finds out that you aren't a douchebag.

 

There is a difference between being cocky and a douchebag. I am cocky, generally if your a guy and you annoy me, yes I will act like a douchebag to you. The one thing that every girl I have had a relationship says is that I treated them really well, and I do. It's quite easy to be a good boyfriend, even if your cocky.

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I think there is a certain attraction to cocky guys that some girls have... but if that's not your style, don't fake it. Girls have an uncanny ability of identifying fakes.

 

I think cockiness is a terrible, terrible personality trait. CONFIDENCE is what I personally think is much more attractive, and a more beneficial trait to have in general. I think good advice for everything in life is to know your strengths and your weaknesses as well. If you're comfortable with who you are, and are confident without being cocky, you will end up attracting girls who genuinely appreciate who you are, and are better suited to your actual personality. Of course, I'm a long-term relationship kind of guy...if you're trying to pick up at a bar, looking for a one night stand...then I can understand the whole cocky thing. Not my scene, though.

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I think cockiness is a terrible, terrible personality trait. CONFIDENCE is what I personally think is much more attractive, and a more beneficial trait to have in general. I think good advice for everything in life is to know your strengths and your weaknesses as well. If you're comfortable with who you are, and are confident without being cocky, you will end up attracting girls who genuinely appreciate who you are, and are better suited to your actual personality. Of course, I'm a long-term relationship kind of guy...if you're trying to pick up at a bar, looking for a one night stand...then I can understand the whole cocky thing. Not my scene, though.

 

lol Only ever had a single one-night stand, I am a long-term relationship kinda guy. However I would say that I come off as cocky on first impressions, rather than confident.

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