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RoyJonesJr

Can't take this anymore

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Currently R3 in cardiac surgery and my life is hell. The pressure I have to deal with is hard to handle. 80-100 hours a week. I don't sleep anymore, I don't work out anymore, I have no life, no friends, my gf left me. I don't know how to deal with this anymore, besides drinking myself to sleep. I can't get out of school because of debts, because of the pressure I have from my parents.

 

I never speak about this with the other residents because I don't want to look weak as I'm supposedly aspiring for chief resident, but I know they're all going through the same things as I am and I feel the need to look strong in front of them.

 

I should have matched with fam, I would be done by now, happy, in good shape, my gf would still be with me. I just can't stand the image of her having sex with another man as I'm suffering here alone.

 

This will be my only post here.

 

JMM.

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Wouldn't you be done your residency faster if you switched into family meds now than if you finished out your current residency? Hell so many FM spots go unfilled I can't imagine why someone that got into cardiac surgery can't get into family. As for the parents thing, I hope it's really worth if for you making them happy with your own misery.

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Currently R3 in cardiac surgery and my life is hell. The pressure I have to deal with is hard to handle. 80-100 hours a week. I don't sleep anymore, I don't work out anymore, I have no life, no friends, my gf left me. I don't know how to deal with this anymore, besides drinking myself to sleep. I can't get out of school because of debts, because of the pressure I have from my parents.

 

I never speak about this with the other residents because I don't want to look weak as I'm supposedly aspiring for chief resident, but I know they're all going through the same things as I am and I feel the need to look strong in front of them.

 

I should have matched with fam, I would be done by now, happy, in good shape, my gf would still be with me. I just can't stand the image of her having sex with another man as I'm suffering here alone.

 

This will be my only post here.

 

JMM.

 

I feel for you man. This must be rough. I sense you know what some of your options are and you have probably thought a long time about them, but you still feel trapped. I won't tell you what you need to change, but you need to do something.

 

If you were hoping for suggestions see below. If not then please ignore.

 

1. Please talk with your parents and anybody else that you feel is pressuring your life. Switch to family med, take a year off, let someone else gun for chief...something's gotta change. Whatever that change is you will need people on your side. Get them on your side. This is your life. This is your happiness at stake. You are not getting any joy right now. Everyone deserves a bit of joy.

2. This breakup of yours surely makes things seem especially depressing. If there is still something still there with your GF then talk to her about the changes you are going to make and tell her you love her and that she is more important than your career. Make big changes to show her that you are serious about having a healthy, balanced lifestyle and relationship.

3. If there is nothing there anymore and she has totally checked out than please please please just cut the cord. It hurts, believe me I know. Clean break and DONT LOOK BACK. Gotta move on even though it feels like your omentum is being ripped out.

4. Talk to a trusted advisor in your program. There must be some resources for you. People who have seen similar issues before and will be non-judgemental and not run to the PD to tattle.

5. If things get really dark for you, if it stays really sad, please talk to your family doctor.

6. It was pretty big of you to post on here. If it helped, keep doing it.

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I feel for you man. This must be rough. I sense you know what some of your options are and you have probably thought a long time about them, but you still feel trapped. I won't tell you what you need to change, but you need to do something.

 

If you were hoping for suggestions see below. If not then please ignore.

 

1. Please talk with your parents and anybody else that you feel is pressuring your life. Switch to family med, take a year off, let someone else gun for chief...something's gotta change. Whatever that change is you will need people on your side. Get them on your side. This is your life. This is your happiness at stake. You are not getting any joy right now. Everyone deserves a bit of joy.

2. This breakup of yours surely makes things seem especially depressing. If there is still something still there with your GF then talk to her about the changes you are going to make and tell her you love her and that she is more important than your career. Make big changes to show her that you are serious about having a healthy, balanced lifestyle and relationship.

3. If there is nothing there anymore and she has totally checked out than please please please just cut the cord. It hurts, believe me I know. Clean break and DONT LOOK BACK. Gotta move on even though it feels like your omentum is being ripped out.

4. Talk to a trusted advisor in your program. There must be some resources for you. People who have seen similar issues before and will be non-judgemental and not run to the PD to tattle.

5. If things get really dark for you, if it stays really sad, please talk to your family doctor.

6. It was pretty big of you to post on here. If it helped, keep doing it.

 

 

I guess I'll try to finish residency, life as an attending doesn't look so bad and I already do less call as a R3. There's no way I can walk away from this, I have to go hard and finish this even if I die in the process. It's not about me anymore, it's about the other residents who see me as an example, I can't let them down.

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I guess I'll try to finish residency, life as an attending doesn't look so bad and I already do less call as a R3. There's no way I can walk away from this, I have to go hard and finish this even if I die in the process. It's not about me anymore, it's about the other residents who see me as an example, I can't let them down.

 

Exactly. You can't quit now, or else everything you have accomplished up until this point, and everything you have sacrificed (including your ex) will have been in vain.

 

2.5 more years and you'll be making $500k and sleeping with models, so FORGET about your ex. In leaving you, she made the dumbest mistake of her life.

 

Keep working at it bro. Just stop drinking - it's only going to add to your burden. You may wish to consider seeking professional assistance if this becomes more of a problem. You're working so hard already, the last thing you need is an alcohol problem holding you back from achieving your full potential.

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I guess I'll try to finish residency, life as an attending doesn't look so bad and I already do less call as a R3. There's no way I can walk away from this, I have to go hard and finish this even if I die in the process. It's not about me anymore, it's about the other residents who see me as an example, I can't let them down.

 

Who cares about the other residents. They are adults - they won't give a crap if you leave or not.

 

Do what makes you happy. You better LOVE cardiac surg.

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Your intentions are noble and admirable, but if you don't place a priority on your health and well-being, no one else will. Hope you can find that fulfilling position at the end of the tunnel - you'd have a better idea than us of what the chances are. If it's what you truly want to do, great; if not, I'd be wary of committing more years - sunk costs should not be taken into account. The right person would have stayed with you through thick and thin.

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Exactly. You can't quit now, or else everything you have accomplished up until this point, and everything you have sacrificed (including your ex) will have been in vain.

 

2.5 more years and you'll be making $500k and sleeping with models, so FORGET about your ex. In leaving you, she made the dumbest mistake of her life.

 

Keep working at it bro. Just stop drinking - it's only going to add to your burden. You may wish to consider seeking professional assistance if this becomes more of a problem. You're working so hard already, the last thing you need is an alcohol problem holding you back from achieving your full potential.

 

What's the point in making 500k a year if you don't have time to enjoy it?

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Actually the job market in canada is very good. It's a common myth that cardiac surgeons are unemployed. I've already been approached by many PD from other universities/hospitals to talk about positions, this has been the case for many of the residents. Maybe the market was a bad 5 years back, but now people are very optimistic about it.

 

But it's the worst residency by far. Even neurosurgeons have it easy compared to us (they work around 70-80 hours). I know I'll enjoy life as an attending but I'm scarred that I won't be able to make it another 2.5 years.

 

Also I'm starting to think that I have drinking problems as I drink myself to sleep almost everyday.

 

I didn't think posting on a forum would help me but it does. It feels like I can talk about my weaknesses and fears without being exposed in front of my colleagues. thanks guys!

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Most provinces have a confidential helping service for residents/physicians having this kind of issue. I have never used it myself but people told me it was useful as you can have a conversation with someone who truly understands your situation (not like parents, friends outside medicine, etc.) without judging you. Maybe you could try this resource once you'll find that PM101 is not enough :o

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hmmm... like i said about surg 5 minutes ago... my parents have grade 6 educations and wanted me to work for the government, little boring... stable, pension... yeah, no thanks... it's called you're an adult, look weak... hmmm, reminds me of backyard wrestlers who tease each other when they break soomething and scream in pain... realizing youre not a masochist isnt weakness... ironically, im guessing there's others like you too weak too speak out... i told a special important someone i'd sue their ****ing ass if they ever got in my way, so i guess maybe i've got the balls down, then again, i literally get so pissed that i get 5000 pages of research together and well, just quit while your ahead, cause mr. attending surgeon hasn't had sex in 2 months, doesn't know his kids, and is heading for an 80 percent divorce rate... but miracle workers... saved my dads life... man... the more i think the more i'm realizing i enjoy health care policy, which e cs with part time clinical work... btw, let me tell you bud, you may think psych is bs, but if i didn't care about people and stand up for my values over docs interests i'd be an ivey or u of t's coveted snatch right now, and i don't give a ****... titles are cool, actions and doing things which effect people are more meaningful... of course not normatively, i'm a post modernist... in the moral sense, but does being chief resident outweight effecting millions, nah, not in my mind, my cv is a joke, as in insane, and i don't give a ****, i get job offers talking to people and make sick cash entrepreneuring cause i refuse to go back to a place headed by a person that well, wtf do i care... tbh i don't even find the school worthy anymore, btw, my parents (and literally 4/5 of my profs from undergrad can't follow me) so my parents don't even know that essentially the creme de la creme... opposite problem, should have a safe gov job, not turn down six figure jobs cause they bore me and i can make more until i go to a better school anyways... you own your life, you live it, you can choose to be happy for yourself or to make others happy at your cost over trivialities (yeah, i know easy to say, diff culture, well, yeah and no, having someone whose addicted to gambling vicariously trying to live through you before they die, and saying saving someones life set me back a bit... yeah, in a way, but that adversity, well, i'll stop, cause adversity and facing it can give you courage, self efficacy, a sense of self-determination, and the ability to do far greater things than chief res (which doesn't impress me, because at this point my ends is changing things, money's not a prob, i'm pretty good at everything, i don't need to be a chief res someday for anyone to feel what i want to give to the world... believe me, achieve enough in a short enough period, and results rather than titles start mattering, because i was one of the top 20 achieving students on paper in 30 k for a bit, i also have a few records, by a long shot... and felt dead, now i feel great... plus cardiacs **** for jobs... if u enjoy fam do it, if not, transfer to emerg or something you find more or less less insane

 

Currently R3 in cardiac surgery and my life is hell. The pressure I have to deal with is hard to handle. 80-100 hours a week. I don't sleep anymore, I don't work out anymore, I have no life, no friends, my gf left me. I don't know how to deal with this anymore, besides drinking myself to sleep. I can't get out of school because of debts, because of the pressure I have from my parents.

 

I never speak about this with the other residents because I don't want to look weak as I'm supposedly aspiring for chief resident, but I know they're all going through the same things as I am and I feel the need to look strong in front of them.

 

I should have matched with fam, I would be done by now, happy, in good shape, my gf would still be with me. I just can't stand the image of her having sex with another man as I'm suffering here alone.

 

This will be my only post here.

 

JMM.

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Dude.

 

You sound absolutely miserable.

 

First, ask yourself the question: why are you miserable? It sounds to me its because your girlfriend left you. I can't speak as to the reasons why, but if its because you work all the time, then she's a bitch, frankly.

 

Yeah, she says that we don't see each other enough. Then she left me, and first thing I know she's dating some lawyer.

 

Cardiac surg has, to my knowledge, a terrible job market. I know you've been sought out by programs for an employment positions, but are these true opportunities or just boilerplate attempts? Oftentimes these guys will throw out a lot of lines so they have their pick at the end, or have someone else in mind before they even start and just go through the motions to make it appear fair. Keep that in mind when deciding to stay or not.

 

I already have a job secured and waiting for me as soon as I finish residency. Also the R4 and R5 (2 persons) have a secured job as well.

 

I disagree with AtomSmasher regarding sucking it up if you really hate it and there is no hope for a decent fulfilling career at the end. Just as with investments, you sell losers even if you've held them for years.

 

Why did you do cardiac surg in the first place?

 

Yes I'm miserable, I feel like I want to die most of the time except when I'm in the OR. I love the OR, I love surgery, I know I was made for this, if my journey only consisted of 10 hours operations 4 times a week, I would be the happiest guy ever. But you also need to see patients, do clinic, add research and bunch of other stuff and you get 100 hours weeks.

 

You mention familial pressure keeping you there. What do you mean? Are your parents so living vicariously through you that they have no concern over your own ambitions or well-being? They should be the ones comforting you and respecting your decisions, not pressuring you at this point.

 

My dad is a cardiac surgeon, and my mom is a general surgeon. If I leave for fam, they'll see me as a failure for the rest of their lives.

 

Care nothing of your co-residents. Your only obligation is to your patients and to yourself.

 

Wrong. We're a team (we're 6 including myself) and I feel like a leader for the other residents and I'm ready to die as a leader.

 

Finally, the drinking has to stop. As a physician there is a lot of scrutiny on you to never have that kind of problem, and if it follows you to work then it could seriously jeopardize your future and the treatment of your patients. Unfortunately, making it public knowledge will mean you will have to disclose it on every licensing application from this point out. I would first try to access anonymous help. But one thing is clear: you need to stop it. Having to disclose it in the future is a better option than being reprimanded for operating drunk, and much much better than liver cirrhosis (you've seen these people die, I'm sure. It's an ugly way to go)

 

I was never drunk at work though. Sometimes the pressure is so high that you need something to help you sleep at night, drinking works for me.

 

But thanks for your remarks it really helps me.

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Dude I will give you three pieces of advice before my weekend begins.

 

1. Lose the martyr complex. You shouldn't be ready to die for anything, especially your co-residents.

 

2. Stop drinking to fall asleep. Go exercise at the gym instead - go to one of those 24 hour gyms. Trust me, do that often enough and you'll be more than able to sleep.

 

3. Get rid of your identifying information. I don't know how many card surg residents have parents like yours do. If you want to be found out, its better to do it on your own terms than to have something you wrote on the internet follow you in real life.

 

+1

 

10 char

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