Med and dating

[10wattbulb]

because you assume the guy want to abuse you or something...I think we (or perhaps you) should realise this is not some kind of business contract we are talking about. It's a relationship...a LOVE relationship.

You don't have to be with someone just to be with someone.

 

and it's not like the guy is going like : Oh yeaaa she's a doctor... let's live off of her salary and then we get maried and I divorce and I get the money gnagnagnagna.

 

It doesn't work like that and I will never believe it...or maybe I am being naive.

 

There are such things as guys/girls who get into relationships with others just for the $$$. These people are sometimes called psychopaths. Fortunately, there are not too many of those around (~1.5 % of the population is antisocial). Still, if you land on one of these, you'll be very sorry because some of them are very sneaky.

 

Love can sometimes be blinding, so guys & girls need to be careful before trusting with their 'eyes closed' in a relationship. One big problem I see nowadays is that there are way too many people who are so eager/anxious to find the "love of their life" that they get all tied up into a serious affair with a potential spouse way too early on only to realize a couple of months/years later that they made a very bad mistake. Divorce/separation can sometimes get very messy, esp when one person's blackmailing the other (and verbal, physical, psychological abuse does happen).

 

In 2009, close to one in five (17%) Canadians said that they had experienced some form of emotional or financial abuse in their current or previous relationship, with put-downs and name calling being the most common form of abuse.

 

Bottom line: trust but verify (esp in a new relationship).

 

My 30 sec rant on relationships

 

P.S. What matters more to me is not my potential partner's income but rather their honesty about how much they make.

[Telric]

It's funny to me how with each post made by those complaining how difficult and impractical relationships are, it became clearer and clearer why they have/will have so much difficulty experiencing a good relationship.

 

Pretty sad to see all the absolute disregard for certain people based entirely on their salary. Relationships should be about finding someone who can satisfy that human element necessary for happiness; not about matching salaries so you can buy twin Porches. At least that's my two cents.

[shady]

It's funny to me how with each post made by those complaining how difficult and impractical relationships are, it became clearer and clearer why they have/will have so much difficulty experiencing a good relationship.

 

Pretty sad to see all the absolute disregard for certain people based entirely on their salary. Relationships should be about finding someone who can satisfy that human element necessary for happiness; not about matching salaries so you can buy twin Porches. At least that's my two cents.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Orcamute]

Wait.

 

...what's wrong with twin porches?

[10wattbulb]

It's funny to me how with each post made by those complaining how difficult and impractical relationships are, it became clearer and clearer why they have/will have so much difficulty experiencing a good relationship.

 

Pretty sad to see all the absolute disregard for certain people based entirely on their salary. Relationships should be about finding someone who can satisfy that human element necessary for happiness; not about matching salaries so you can buy twin Porches. At least that's my two cents.

 

I don't feel that people on here are worried, per se, of buying twin Porches or of not having enough $$$ to go 6 times/year to the Carribeans (or where-not). Instead, I feel that many are more worried about falling on someone who will exploit them. When you make big salaries, you become more attractive to many people, and not just because of your good looks or sense of humour... How many times have I heard people brag that they're married off to a wealthy doctor/well-off lawyer! When it comes down to relationships, not everyone is honest when they talk about LOVE, unfortunately. It's just reality...

 

P.S. Honesty is the #1 quality I look for in a relationship.

[telomerase]

Seriously, some of these comments absolutely disgust me!!!! I feel sad for your patients as it seems that you will be looking down on so many of them and thinking that they are lazy/stupid/unworthy solely on the basis of their income...

[Gametime24]

If we met in real life we would be best friends. We have the exact same mentality... I ain't letting some dude making 40 k mouch off of me! I deserve to be taken care of someone who figured out his life.

 

Wtf.. This is ridiculous. My parents each make 40k a year and that was the best they could do. They most definitely have their lives figured out and have provided everything to us that we have needed to be successful. As evidenced by me getting into four med schools straight out of UG.

 

Why do you deserve to be taken care of any more that your husband does? We're supposed to live in a world with equality (I know we don't, growing up as a black male in a rural town has definitely taught me that), but your kind of thinking only perpetuates the ****.

 

Some days I still can't believe the ignorance that some people on here spew out of their mouths. I hope I don't have to suffer the embarrassment of going to class with people with these kinds of attitudes.

 

A high salary doesn't make you better than anyone else. In fact, in my experience, it's often quite the opposite. Many of the wisest people I know are quite poor.

 

But hey, I guess they haven't figured their lives out, so why bother with them. Smh.

[Gametime24]

Seriously, some of these comments absolutely disgust me!!!! I feel sad for your patients as it seems that you will be looking down on so many of them and thinking that they are lazy/stupid/unworthy solely on the basis of their income...

 

Yepp, attitudes of people like this honestly made me think about not applying to medical school at one point. Thought about just becoming a high school teacher, teaching chem, hanging out with middle class people at and outside of work, etc.

 

Never took it too seriously, because I know who I am and being around these kinds of people won't change me. (It'll annoy the **** outta me though).

[Gametime24]

It's funny to me how with each post made by those complaining how difficult and impractical relationships are, it became clearer and clearer why they have/will have so much difficulty experiencing a good relationship.

 

Pretty sad to see all the absolute disregard for certain people based entirely on their salary. Relationships should be about finding someone who can satisfy that human element necessary for happiness; not about matching salaries so you can buy twin Porches. At least that's my two cents.

 

Probably the best post I've read in a while. Thanks, seriously.

[Lactic Folly]

I don't feel that people on here are worried, per se, of buying twin Porches or of not having enough $$$ to go 6 times/year to the Carribeans (or where-not). Instead, I feel that many are more worried about falling on someone who will exploit them. When you make big salaries, you become more attractive to many people, and not just because of your good looks or sense of humour... How many times have I heard people brag that they're married off to a wealthy doctor/well-off lawyer! When it comes down to relationships, not everyone is honest when they talk about LOVE, unfortunately. It's just reality...

 

P.S. Honesty is the #1 quality I look for in a relationship.

 

This - quoting so it doesn't get lost in this thread.

[10wattbulb]

Personally, what depresses me is the name-calling that goes on on this forum. It seems like everytime someone disagrees with another person's opinion, they have to insult that other person.

 

Really sad for future doctors

[futurepediatric]

If we met in real life we would be best friends. We have the exact same mentality... I ain't letting some dude making 40 k mouch off of me! I deserve to be taken care of someone who figured out his life.

 

Wow I am shocked.

[Gametime24]

Personally, what depresses me is the name-calling that goes on on this forum. It seems like everytime someone disagrees with another person's opinion, they have to insult that other person.

 

Really sad for future doctors

 

I think/hope that most of that comes with the fact that this is the internet, and people feel that it's okay to act differently. Idk why, but people do. Personally, I'd say the same things I say here if I were talking in person. I do agree though, there is a lot of ****talking on here, some warranted, some not.

[Renin]

I don't like the "my" here for some reason. I can't pinpoint why exactly. For example, your husband could help you in flourishing as a physician. When you separate and claim the 500k all to yourself, you may not realize the sacrifices your husband has made for you. So your husband may have grounds beyond the maintenance of a certain lifestyle, namely, equity.

 

When I struggled through med school, I don't see my husband there supporting me. If he was with me when I had my struggles, then yes, I would say he's crucial in helping me achieve success and yes, he would be part of my success.

 

All the guys I know have not been helpful to me at all.

 

ETA: There was a guy I was in love with. We've been through a lot together. When my fiance told me to give up on my dream of medicine, he urged me to try again. He doesn't make six figures, but I trust him. He's been honest with me. He will tell me when I'm being a **** face, and I can tell him when he's being a **** head. He doesn't share my feelings though. One of our mutual friends told me it's because he doesn't like the fact that I'd make six figures.

[Renin]

Seriously, some of these comments absolutely disgust me!!!! I feel sad for your patients as it seems that you will be looking down on so many of them and thinking that they are lazy/stupid/unworthy solely on the basis of their income...

 

I don't judge my patients based on their income. When my patients decide to leave my clinical practice, I don't have to pay them support. We are talking about a life partner ...

[Catlover159797]

I'm not saying that people who make 40K are useless. Of course everyone plays their part in society and are crucial.

 

What I'm saying is that men that make 40K have no place with me.

 

I have a right to chose the life partner that I want and that will make me happy and everyone's ideals are different. There is no reason to bash the fact that I am more traditional and would like a husband that can support his family. Nothing wrong with this just like some people want to support their husbands on here.

 

It's all cool! Chill, please !

[Renin]

If we met in real life we would be best friends. We have the exact same mentality... I ain't letting some dude making 40 k mouch off of me! I deserve to be taken care of someone who figured out his life.

 

Well, I dont' need someone to take care of me. I just don't want to have to take care of someone else when they are no longer in a relationship with me.

[fugacity]

I think/hope that most of that comes with the fact that this is the internet, and people feel that it's okay to act differently. Idk why, but people do. Personally, I'd say the same things I say here if I were talking in person. I do agree though, there is a lot of ****talking on here, some warranted, some not.

 

It feels worse than 4chan in here sometimes. And maybe it's not okay to act differently. How many U of A PGY 1 Psyc's are there anyway? With that and the things you post in this thread only, it's pretty easy to identify you. (No offense Renin, just giving an example)

 

I agree with Gametime, I post as I would say in real life. I already expect people close to me to know my identity.

[MarshMellow]

Our perception is our reality.

 

Jesus Christ, that's the sexiest quote I've seen in a while

[duck_season]

Personally, what depresses me is the name-calling that goes on on this forum. It seems like everytime someone disagrees with another person's opinion, they have to insult that other person.

 

Really sad for future doctors

 

+1

It also reflects badly on the forums.

[Let'sGo1990]

If we met in real life we would be best friends. We have the exact same mentality... I ain't letting some dude making 40 k mouch off of me! I deserve to be taken care of someone who figured out his life.[/b]

 

Because the only way someone making 40k could possibly like you is b/c of your income.

 

Have your experiences with males been that bad?

 

Bold - most people deserve to be taken care of by someone who has figured out their life. You speak as if you're entitled to it any more than the next person. Why? Because you're going to be a doctor? It's very telling of your strong entitlement/princess complex. And if it's this bad now, I can only imagine what it'll be like by the time you're actually making money.

 

I'm not saying that people who make 40K are useless. Of course everyone plays their part in society and are crucial.

 

What I'm saying is that men that make 40K have no place with me.

 

I have a right to chose the life partner that I want and that will make me happy and everyone's ideals are different. There is no reason to bash the fact that I am more traditional and would like a husband that can support his family. Nothing wrong with this just like some people want to support their husbands on here.

 

It's all cool! Chill, please !

 

So you'd leave a guy who made you feel good if he made 40k. Great. You're on the road to misery.

[ralk]

There are such things as guys/girls who get into relationships with others just for the $$$. These people are sometimes called psychopaths. Fortunately, there are not too many of those around (~1.5 % of the population is antisocial). Still, if you land on one of these, you'll be very sorry because some of them are very sneaky.

 

Love can sometimes be blinding, so guys & girls need to be careful before trusting with their 'eyes closed' in a relationship. One big problem I see nowadays is that there are way too many people who are so eager/anxious to find the "love of their life" that they get all tied up into a serious affair with a potential spouse way too early on only to realize a couple of months/years later that they made a very bad mistake. Divorce/separation can sometimes get very messy, esp when one person's blackmailing the other (and verbal, physical, psychological abuse does happen).

 

In 2009, close to one in five (17%) Canadians said that they had experienced some form of emotional or financial abuse in their current or previous relationship, with put-downs and name calling being the most common form of abuse.

 

Bottom line: trust but verify (esp in a new relationship).

 

My 30 sec rant on relationships

 

P.S. What matters more to me is not my potential partner's income but rather their honesty about how much they make.

 

It's absolutely true that people, especially high-earning individuals, should protect themselves against abuse including financial abuse. But the solution renin and Catlover159797 is very ill-tailored to that end, significantly limits their options for finding a match, and as a man, I find it somewhat insulting.

 

Not spending money on potential partners early in a relationship (neither of them have that money yet anyway), taking the time to develop trust, and insisting on a strong pre-nup would be a much better guard against abuse. Even individuals who make tons of money can abuse their partner financially - the only advantage would come if the couple divorced which again, shouldn't be the assumption when getting married - if that's a significant concern, don't get married to that person!

 

 

When I see posts like this:

 

I'm not saying that people who make 40K are useless. Of course everyone plays their part in society and are crucial.

 

What I'm saying is that men that make 40K have no place with me.

 

I have a right to chose the life partner that I want and that will make me happy and everyone's ideals are different. There is no reason to bash the fact that I am more traditional and would like a husband that can support his family. Nothing wrong with this just like some people want to support their husbands on here.

 

It's all cool! Chill, please !

 

I can't help but think that the male equivalent of this would be saying "I want a woman who can support my career by cooking, cleaning, and having my children - they should know how to keep a home". Both are perfectly understandable things to want, but neither reflect awareness of the current economic and social realities of life. It's trying to fill a round hole in a sea of square pegs. Men are increasingly not the primary breadwinners in their households, and when the bar is set as high as a physician's salary in terms of earning potential, there's not much out there; just like women are increasingly not stay-at-home moms who remove all domestic responsibilities from their husbands. (Like others here, I also take offense at the idea that a man who makes $40k a year can't take care of his wife, because so many do).

 

And, when I see posts like this:

 

When I struggled through med school, I don't see my husband there supporting me. If he was with me when I had my struggles, then yes, I would say he's crucial in helping me achieve success and yes, he would be part of my success.

 

All the guys I know have not been helpful to me at all.

 

ETA: There was a guy I was in love with. We've been through a lot together. When my fiance told me to give up on my dream of medicine, he urged me to try again. He doesn't make six figures, but I trust him. He's been honest with me. He will tell me when I'm being a **** face, and I can tell him when he's being a **** head. He doesn't share my feelings though. One of our mutual friends told me it's because he doesn't like the fact that I'd make six figures.

 

I see someone who's had some very unfortunate experiences with men, and is now reflecting the attitudes of those who have hurt her back on all men. A sort of defense mechanism against being hurt again. There are many men who would be supportive of a woman going for a difficult career, or who would be attracted to a woman who earned a significant amount of money for reasons besides that high income, and many of these men do not earn that much on their own. Again, the solution proposed (only dating men with high incomes) is ill-tailored to stated goal: finding a supportive partner.

[Orcamute]

So so so so silly.

 

There are billions of men yet you women think after you have had 5 or 10 or even 100 bad apples that..ALL men must be the same.

 

Maybe, just maybe..it has to do more with you? Or..what you constantly talk about like..uhm, let's say...money? iunno, I hear a lot of women complain about how guys are ****s and then I listen to them and I want to run for the hills. Sometimes you have to look at the hard facts and perhaps try to understand the problem instead of blaming it on other people.

[shadow_knight]

It's absolutely true that people, especially high-earning individuals, should protect themselves against abuse including financial abuse. But the solution renin and Catlover159797 is very ill-tailored to that end, significantly limits their options for finding a match, and as a man, I find it somewhat insulting.

 

Not spending money on potential partners early in a relationship (neither of them have that money yet anyway), taking the time to develop trust, and insisting on a strong pre-nup would be a much better guard against abuse. Even individuals who make tons of money can abuse their partner financially - the only advantage would come if the couple divorced which again, shouldn't be the assumption when getting married - if that's a significant concern, don't get married to that person!

 

 

When I see posts like this:

 

 

 

I can't help but think that the male equivalent of this would be saying "I want a woman who can support my career by cooking, cleaning, and having my children - they should know how to keep a home". Both are perfectly understandable things to want, but neither reflect awareness of the current economic and social realities of life. It's trying to fill a round hole in a sea of square pegs. Men are increasingly not the primary breadwinners in their households, and when the bar is set as high as a physician's salary in terms of earning potential, there's not much out there; just like women are increasingly not stay-at-home moms who remove all domestic responsibilities from their husbands. (Like others here, I also take offense at the idea that a man who makes $40k a year can't take care of his wife, because so many do).

 

And, when I see posts like this:

 

 

 

I see someone who's had some very unfortunate experiences with men, and is now reflecting the attitudes of those who have hurt her back on all men. A sort of defense mechanism against being hurt again. There are many men who would be supportive of a woman going for a difficult career, or who would be attracted to a woman who earned a significant amount of money for reasons besides that high income, and many of these men do not earn that much on their own. Again, the solution proposed (only dating men with high incomes) is ill-tailored to stated goal: finding a supportive partner.

 

 

Its more than ill tailored. Its being very materialistic and selfish. You are imposing restrictions on your ability to love someone. Like someone before mentioned the idea of a princess complex, do you want to get into a relationship because you want a supportive male companion or you want someone who can earn high enough so that while you spend your money pursuing your spoilt & expensive interests, the other person can also bring the same load of cash to meet your idea of a standard family income. Their are many families which live happily yet their collective household income is around $ 30k. Also, is it necessary to spoil your kids this much from the beginning that you need to keep a $100k + household income, because you are implying that if you are earning more than twice $ 40k, your husband must stick at home, because his income is inadequate. You earn because of what you do, and he because of what he does, are you rivals or a couple that you have to compete?

[aaronjw]

Well, I dont' need someone to take care of me. I just don't want to have to take care of someone else when they are no longer in a relationship with me.

 

Women have been expecting this from men since eternity. It's time men got a little equality going on