Med and dating

[aaronjw]

Again i'll repeat: those who keep having bad dating experiences likely need to look themselves in the mirror as the problem since they care the common denominator to these situations.

[future_doc]

If a woman is seriously worried about the financial imbalance with a man, then she should not either marry or live together - as in so doing, there does exist financial and legal risk. For example, in marriage, as least in Quebec, if the married woman pays the down payment for the matrimonial home and covers the mortgage monthly, on dissolution of the marriage, the quiet in the home is shared equal; same for the RRSP. A prenuptual will not cover these items. Trying (in a prenupt) to protect yourself from spousal support in the event of divorce won't work as xontrary to public order.

 

So, a high earning woman should not live with or marry someone to protect herself. And in the case of a stay at home husband, he will likely obtain physical custody of the children with joint legal custody. So, don't have children.

 

Ah, you could always marry a man for money even though you don't love him. This solves the financial problem.

[rmorelan]

If a woman is seriously worried about the financial imbalance with a man, then she should not either marry or live together - as in so doing, there does exist financial and legal risk. For example, in marriage, as least in Quebec, if the married woman pays the down payment for the matrimonial home and covers the mortgage monthly, on dissolution of the marriage, the quiet in the home is shared equal; same for the RRSP. A prenuptual will not cover these items. Trying (in a prenupt) to protect yourself from spousal support in the event of divorce won't work as xontrary to public order.

 

So, a high earning woman should not live with or marry someone to protect herself. And in the case of a stay at home husband, he will likely obtain physical custody of the children with joint legal custody. So, don't have children.

 

Ah, you could always marry a man for money even though you don't love him. This solves the financial problem.

 

There is nothing specific to women in anything you said - replace the word women with men and you end up with the same effect going the other directly, so it is not at all surprising

 

Makes me what to be a sociologist to study all the long term effects of all these societal changes. I really find it quite interesting!

[future_doc]

^ This is true.

 

In this thread, women seem to want to limit their risks with men who are not high income earners. Perhaps, this is how men think too, I don't know.

 

In the ol' days, there were few opportunities for women in the workforce and men supported the women who stayed at home, looked after the home and the children. Today, many of the roles are less clear. Many children are brought up by a nanny who provides the comfort and love traditionally given by a mother. Isn't a father's love from a stay-at-home father a better option for the family?

 

All I know is that the financial circumstances of a man whom I may marry is not a concern for me, our compatability, his character, interests, sense of humour, supportive nature is of far greater importance than his pocketbook or ability to contribute to the household. But, we are all different.

[Gametime24]

It feels worse than 4chan in here sometimes. And maybe it's not okay to act differently. How many U of A PGY 1 Psyc's are there anyway? With that and the things you post in this thread only, it's pretty easy to identify you. (No offense Renin, just giving an example)

 

I agree with Gametime, I post as I would say in real life. I already expect people close to me to know my identity.

 

Haha yeah, when I first started with facebook wayyy back I thought that was bad, soon as we let people feel nameless/faceless like they are on a forum and it gets even worse. I too expect people close to me to know me, one of my friends that graduated a few years ago actually messaged me on fb like "haha, you're gametime24 aren't you? Here's my response to your question".

 

Anyway, I find some of the stuff being said in this thread to be extremely frustrating to listen to given that I come from a long line of people that have lived in the lower socioeconomic classes (my parents are considered wealthy by most in my family for making it to the 40k/yr mark). So listening to useless/aimless/etc some people feel they are makes me quite angry.

[dazzle]

Again i'll repeat: those who keep having bad dating experiences likely need to look themselves in the mirror as the problem since they care the common denominator to these situations.

 

So so so so silly.

 

There are billions of men yet you women think after you have had 5 or 10 or even 100 bad apples that..ALL men must be the same.

 

Maybe, just maybe..it has to do more with you? Or..what you constantly talk about like..uhm, let's say...money? iunno, I hear a lot of women complain about how guys are ****s and then I listen to them and I want to run for the hills. Sometimes you have to look at the hard facts and perhaps try to understand the problem instead of blaming it on other people.

 

Why are we even discussing the issue of why X doesn't have a relationship? That concerns X and not us. Stick to the subject, which is the morality associated with different incomes in potential relationships. We're not here to declare pathologies...

[rmorelan]

^ This is true.

 

In this thread, women seem to want to limit their risks with men who are not high income earners. Perhaps, this is how men think too, I don't know.

 

In the ol' days, there were few opportunities for women in the workforce and men supported the women who stayed at home, looked after the home and the children. Today, many of the roles are less clear. Many children are brought up by a nanny who provides the comfort and love traditionally given by a mother. Isn't a father's love from a stay-at-home father a better option for the family?

 

All I know is that the financial circumstances of a man whom I may marry is not a concern for me, our compatability, his character, interests, sense of humour, supportive nature is of far greater importance than his pocketbook or ability to contribute to the household. But, we are all different.

 

Those good old days weren't so good It is pretty awesome we hare reached the point where this is even a concern for both sexes - it is a predictable extension of reaching some milestone in equality (ha, as bizarre as that sounds). Women now have more options - and options always make things more complex.

 

and of course that is exactly how many men think on the financial side of things - an effect I am sure increased even in medical. There is a group of people going into medicine in large part for the financial rewards it potentially brings, and anything that could threaten that reward in whole or in part would concern them

[future_doc]

All things worthwhile in life involve risk. This includes personal relationships. Those who feel the risk of a personal relationship is too much b/c of financial considerations will miss out. We are all different and each of us have our own set of priorities. A man who is not intimidated or threatened by a woman's perceived success relative to his is a strong man, not a weak man. We will each make our choices in life and live with the consequences.

[laladeedee]

I'm not a med student but I've dated a med student before and I felt like he was just too much for me. He often talked about his dads BMW car and how he plans on buying fancy cars once he starts working, and how he manages to get A's even in med school. I'm just an ordinary girl, my parents don't drive BMWs, and I really don't even want a fancy car once I start working, so to me I just felt like I wAsnt rlly up to par with him. But he was nice though. But I guess the 'feeling weak' thing doesn't just apply to males. I would want someone who is on my level..

[NutritionRunner]

Anyway, I find some of the stuff being said in this thread to be extremely frustrating to listen to given that I come from a long line of people that have lived in the lower socioeconomic classes (my parents are considered wealthy by most in my family for making it to the 40k/yr mark). So listening to useless/aimless/etc some people feel they are makes me quite angry.

 

Yeah, I understand your frustration. I'm the first person in my family to go to university. My parents have never made enormous amounts of money, but they provided love, security, and a good upbringing for my sister and I. My parents were hardly useless, aimless or unsure of what they wanted to do with their lives. They just didn't have the opportunities that others did (both my parents came from large 10-kid families - my mother grew up on a farm and my father came from a blue collar background). My father, in fact, worked as a firefighter and I think most people would agree that is a very worthwhile profession (even if he never made more than 60K a year).

[future_doc]

He was just a kid who didn't really know what he was talking about, but for sure, was too full of himself.

 

I'm not a med student but I've dated a med student before and I felt like he was just too much for me. He often talked about his dads BMW car and how he plans on buying fancy cars once he starts working, and how he manages to get A's even in med school. I'm just an ordinary girl, my parents don't drive BMWs, and I really don't even want a fancy car once I start working, so to me I just felt like I wAsnt rlly up to par with him. But he was nice though. But I guess the 'feeling weak' thing doesn't just apply to males. I would want someone who is on my level..

[future_doc]

(even if he never made more than 60K a year).

 

$$$ has nothing to do with your core, your contribution to society or anything else other than one's ability to pay the bills. For sure, money and character do not always go together.

[dazzle]

I'm not a med student but I've dated a med student before and I felt like he was just too much for me. He often talked about his dads BMW car and how he plans on buying fancy cars once he starts working, and how he manages to get A's even in med school. I'm just an ordinary girl, my parents don't drive BMWs, and I really don't even want a fancy car once I start working, so to me I just felt like I wAsnt rlly up to par with him. But he was nice though. But I guess the 'feeling weak' thing doesn't just apply to males. I would want someone who is on my level..

 

I used to talk like that about my future prospects as a med student before I started my undergrad degree. What a sad state I was in...

[Dasypus]

I'm in the position, seemingly unique in this thread, of starting medical school already married. My husband and I discussed this possibility back when we were only dating, and he was very supportive then. He is comfortable with me financing my own tuition and rent (we sadly have to live apart mid-week), and having his salary cover every other aspect of our lives, as it has been for the past few years while I've been in school. We live in a small apartment, and rarely eat out, and life is very good.

 

We've also discussed the fact that my annual and lifetime earnings will be higher than his. His response? That we are a team, and my earning more money means more money for the team, more freedom to travel together, live well at home, and give money to causes we care about.

 

Guys like my husband do exist, and are marvelous to find.

[future_doc]

Yes.......

[carolynH]

I had no intention to degrade people who make $40k. In fact, it is a relatively decent income for non-professional workers. I respect all those who make an honest living. The $500k for the female vs $40k for the male example was only to show the drastic difference between a couple. I'm not even worrying about a possible divorce later on in life that the male will take advantage of the higher income female. Also, signing a pre-nup, in my opinion, is just making the marriage shakier. It shows a mistrust from the beginning of a relationship. Like someone posted previously, if you expect a relationship to end, it will.

 

It's not very often you see a professional woman earning $500k proudly introduces her husband (not the one who supported her while she was in med school) as a stay-at-home husband or as some low paying non-professional worker. At best, she would be neutral when saying it. Now again, not trying to say low income workers are worthless. Just the compatibility between this particular couple. Also, how would the guy feel? Making $40k IS actually not bad an income. When he is among all his wife's colleagues and spouses (some of them are both medical doctors), can he stand up tall (like truthfully not just acting) and not feel intimidated? I said not just acting because if it does bother him, then the relationship is going to be rocky. Love conquers all is only for young people. Have you considered your parents? Just think back how much love, time, and efforts they spent on you to take you where you are. How many parents would honestly be NOT disappointed. Again not acting or just swallow it because their daughter loves this guy. I mean genuinely be happy and be proud of their daughter's choice.

[future_doc]

Parents die and we independently need to be comfortable with our choice. Not earning big bucks does not make a male less equal to other high paid male spouses. And yes, I have seen the low earning male be secure and happy in the relationship with his highly paid wife, including amongst her professional friends. He is smart, charismatic and a far nicer guy than those boring guys who just talk about the stockmarket and their latest real estate deal. Money does not make the man!

[WtsupDoc?]

We've also discussed the fact that my annual and lifetime earnings will be higher than his. His response? That we are a team, and my earning more money means more money for the team, more freedom to travel together, live well at home, and give money to causes we care about.

 

Guys like my husband do exist, and are marvelous to find.

 

I am lucky enough to be in the same boat. I think that people forget the whole "team" part of a relationship. My partner has been unbelieveably supportive of me during undergrad, my masters and my application to med. I know that his support significantly contributes to my success. In essence, my success is our success.

[tberry3]

I have lots of family and friends who make $50k or less and it doesn't stop them from having close friends (including doctors) who make a ton more than that. Friends are friends and good people are good people; it's a little surprising to hear how big a factor some people consider income to be when it comes to who they associate with.

[carolynH]

I am lucky enough to be in the same boat. I think that people forget the whole "team" part of a relationship. My partner has been unbelieveably supportive of me during undergrad, my masters and my application to med. I know that his support significantly contributes to my success. In essence, my success is our success.

 

I totally agree that if your spouse supported you to where you are, You are one lucky girl with a fabulous guy. I would be proud of my spouse when I introduce him if he's the one who supported me to become a doctor.

[NutritionRunner]

I am lucky enough to be in the same boat. I think that people forget the whole "team" part of a relationship. My partner has been unbelieveably supportive of me during undergrad, my masters and my application to med. I know that his support significantly contributes to my success. In essence, my success is our success.

 

Well said. My husband is nothing but supportive, and we have basically been living off his salary while I've gone back to school. He doesn't care that he's making considerably more than I am at the moment, and he also doesn't care that I'll likely end up making more than him at some point. Our money is exactly that - ours. We are a partnership, working together to achieve our goals.

[Renin]

I am not afraid of being outed for who I am - if you came found me at the hospital, I'd tell you the exact same thing in real life. I don't have a "evil online persona" that I use on pm101. I've had the same conversation I've been having with you guys in cafeterias and with colleagues out in public places.

 

Regardless, I think it's wonderful to have a supportive team (be that a couple or a family), I would be very willing to pool resources in the future, whether that be a fund that housekeeping would be running off of, or it means private school for the kids.

 

I haven't had the luxury of a supportive partner during medical school, or during R1. Part of me feels that this is a good thing - I wouldn't have had any extra time to try and spend with someone else - and also, I feel I don't have anything to contribute. My entire world/life is centered around medicine, and trying to find a conversation topic that isn't medicine/mental illness is hard.

 

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I know I'm far from it - but hey, I don't expect a perfect partner either. I just don't want to be taken advantage of. And I don't think that's unreasonable.

[future_doc]

If we had no choice and had to give one or the other, would it be our body or our money? One is of far more importance than the other. We can always earn more money.

[Orcamute]

It's funny how some females just throw themselves at you after they find out you're in medical school.

 

Gollldd diggasss. Me thinks.

[future_doc]

A smart girl would only go after someone in last year of residency.