Med and dating

[Bobthebuilder]

Ambitious people will rarely be satisfied with making $40k a year unless there are some huge perks that comes with it like power or status, which hardly happens with that little money involved. But i understand what you are saying.

 

Well it's hard to say...Do you really think the only definition of Ambitious is : a desire to have more power and money ? I am not quite sure this is the case.

[Pink Tulip]

LDRs don't work unless you're married or engaged and even then its fairly difficult. I'm not saying it never works but my guess is that about 50% of couples will break up after 6 months especially new relationships (dating less then a year).

 

Is this for when you start med school? I wonder how many people meet up there and end up together versus those who can't work it out.

[Birdy]

Not going to med school but...

 

I would personally love to make more than my partner! That way I could work all day, get away from the messy house and noisy kids, and come home to a nice hot dinner freshly served by my dear husband.

 

I salute all of you who date and do med school. I can't imagine how stressful the school is already and then piling the organization of time with your partner on top of that.

 

Question on that: how far is too far and how long apart is too long apart for you? What strategies do you have for no time or LDRs?

 

 

For most of the past two years, my husband has worked in Alberta (we live in PEI.) He only came home for a week or two every other month.

 

If you end up doing the LDR thing: communication is key. You absolutely must talk about issues as they crop up because it is way too easy to hate someone who is far away for things you need to discuss face to face. Honestly, it sucked. It was really hard and we fought way more than we ever had before (been married nearly 7 years) and we are generally very good at dealing with problems as they come up, but he was so rarely here that stuff would pile up and explode.

 

You also can't hold their absence against them. As dumb as that may sound, it is important to remember. When I was super sick in January for several weeks, it was hard not to be frustrated with my husband because he wasn't here to help me. The most he could do was wish us well from afar. It really is hard not to get resentful of them being so far away when you need help or support. You have to be careful to keep resentment of the separation from becoming resentment of your partner; it is surprisingly easy for that line to blur.

 

We called as often as possible, or video chatted when he had Internet, but it just wasn't the same. You really have to go into the long distance thing having a strong relationship, or it can very easily tear your relationship to shreds. It isn't easy, but it is doable.

 

The dynamics of it all were a bit different for us, though, in that we have kids and an established life here together. It wasn't me going off and starting a new life without him, this was still his home through that whole period.

[missmathematics]

Both of my parents are ambitious, however, they are satisfied in this range. It comes with the ability to have a great family life, etc. It's easy to be satisfied with 40k, it's PLENTY to live on. We still go on vacations every year and a half and support a five person family with it. Have new cars, etc. Just have to be smart with it.

 

I guess it all depends on your expectations. Great that some people are cool with less!

[future_doc]

Less can be more.

[Dasypus]

Question on that: how far is too far and how long apart is too long apart for you? What strategies do you have for no time or LDRs?

 

I'm going to be about an hour and a half from my husband. We've decided that I'm going to live at school mid-week, and come home for weekends, or occasional weekends he may come out to me. We did this over the summer while I was taking prereq classes, and it was actually not that bad. We Skyped every night, focused hard on our respective work mid-week, and really appreciated the time we did have together. For me, this is as far away as could work -- the school I got in to was the furthest away of those I applied to. It's not ideal, but we know we can make it work. But what is doable for others may well vary.

[Gametime24]

I guess it all depends on your expectations. Great that some people are cool with less!

 

 

Yeah, I mean, more than that is appreciated, I'm certainly not going to turn it down. But just because you don't make more than that says NOTHING about your character in any way, shape, or form.

 

I fully expect to make more than 40k a year as a doc because current data indicates that quite strongly haha. But I would have no problem with it if my s.o. decided that she was no longer going to pursue medicine and wanted to become a health coach (something she thoroughly enjoys as she is very much into healthy living and running/toning/etc herself).

 

But hey, maybe I should break it off because she will all of the sudden become lazy, or because "she would no longer have a place with me" or because she shouldn't be allowed to spend any of my money and we surely couldn't make it work with such differences in income.

 

Sorry for the sarcastic bits haha, mainly put in for some other posters on this thread.

 

But yeah, I may just continue to live on what people here call relatively little (~75k/yr) and just bank the rest, invest, put it down on extra homes that I will rent out and have my father be the property manager of, and then retire early with all of it and have a sick time just chillin, volunteering services, coaching sports, etc!

[Gmaarom]

I have no idea why anyone would want to date a fellow med student...

 

-if you do end up falling in love, there's a very real possibility that you'll end up matched in different locations, which would screw everything up

 

- med students are often a bit insufferable and/or boring

 

- you'd see them waay too frequently

 

- your partner would be so similar to you - same interests, same career etc... which would make for a boring relationship.

 

I really believe that people should date their opposite rather than an alternate-gendered version of themselves. The whole "finding stuff in common" is BS. My ideal partner would have to be significantly different from me. This kind of relationship would force the partners to step outside of their own comfort zones, explore different perspectives, activities, interests etc, which would make the relationship, and life in general, much more interesting.

[Tacrolimus]

 

I really believe that people should date their opposite rather than an alternate-gendered version of themselves. The whole "finding stuff in common" is BS. My ideal partner would have to be significantly different from me. This kind of relationship would force the partners to step outside of their own comfort zones, explore different perspectives, activities, interests etc, which would make the relationship, and life in general, much more interesting.

 

I somewhat agree with that. I wouldn't say totally opposite because you DO need some (important) things where you can find a common ground, but having similar interests in every single thing would be so boring.

[Gametime24]

I have no idea why anyone would want to date a fellow med student...

 

-if you do end up falling in love, there's a very real possibility that you'll end up matched in different locations, which would screw everything up

 

As a premed its highly likely that you will have to do distance when you get into med and she goes somewhere else for her programs, doesn't stop great relationships from happening.

 

- med students are often a bit insufferable and/or boring

 

I don't know which med students you know, but I know plenty that are all a lot of fun.

 

- you'd see them waay too frequently

 

Has never really been a problem in my relationship. We have been living together as well and things are great, just need to be comfortable with each other, communicate, and give each other space where needed.

 

- your partner would be so similar to you - same interests, same career etc... which would make for a boring relationship.

 

My gf and I have very different interests outside of medicine. Just cause you want meds doesn't mean you are similar in other interests.

 

 

I really believe that people should date their opposite rather than an alternate-gendered version of themselves. The whole "finding stuff in common" is BS. My ideal partner would have to be significantly different from me. This kind of relationship would force the partners to step outside of their own comfort zones, explore different perspectives, activities, interests etc, which would make the relationship, and life in general, much more interesting.

 

Some people may find their opposites to be frustrating. To each their own.

 

 

Responses in bold.

[feversugar]

I somewhat agree with that. I wouldn't say totally opposite because you DO need some (important) things where you can find a common ground, but having similar interests in every single thing would be so boring.

 

I'm totally with you on this one! Sometimes my bf complains that we're so different but I always tell him that if I wanted to date myself I'd just be single, less hassle For example I used to be shy but he is very extroverted, he helps me balance my life and encourages me to try new things. It helps to be with someone that doesn't think like you because it can make you discover things you've never thought of

[Hyperalgesia]

I really believe that people should date their opposite rather than an alternate-gendered version of themselves. The whole "finding stuff in common" is BS. My ideal partner would have to be significantly different from me. This kind of relationship would force the partners to step outside of their own comfort zones, explore different perspectives, activities, interests etc, which would make the relationship, and life in general, much more interesting.

 

Have you ever dated your opposite? XD It's much more difficult than you would think! Opposites don't really attract as well as they say they do. You don't want someone who is your clone, but you certainly want to have things in common with the person you're in relationship with! I've been in both types, and the ones where I had more things in common with my S.O were the more stable, enjoyable relationships haha.

[futurepediatric]

Have you ever dated your opposite? XD It's much more difficult than you would think! Opposites don't really attract as well as they say they do. You don't want someone who is your clone, but you certainly want to have things in common with the person you're in relationship with! I've been in both types, and the ones where I had more things in common with my S.O were the more stable, enjoyable relationships haha.

 

Haha you're right on according to psychology!

[Lactic Folly]

I really believe that people should date their opposite rather than an alternate-gendered version of themselves. The whole "finding stuff in common" is BS. My ideal partner would have to be significantly different from me.

 

This is too much of a generalization. You can be different in personality, interests, etc. which are more superficial characteristics, but when it comes to core values and character, common ground is important.

 

Think of it this way - if you are a kind, hardworking, honest, happy person, do you really think your best match is an opposite of you?

[Nietzschean Superman]

I have no idea why anyone would want to date a fellow med student...

 

-if you do end up falling in love, there's a very real possibility that you'll end up matched in different locations, which would screw everything up

 

- med students are often a bit insufferable and/or boring

 

- you'd see them waay too frequently

 

- your partner would be so similar to you - same interests, same career etc... which would make for a boring relationship.

 

I really believe that people should date their opposite rather than an alternate-gendered version of themselves. The whole "finding stuff in common" is BS. My ideal partner would have to be significantly different from me. This kind of relationship would force the partners to step outside of their own comfort zones, explore different perspectives, activities, interests etc, which would make the relationship, and life in general, much more interesting.

 

You must really think you're hot sh*t. Man, is the sky going to fall on you when all you will do is that dull and dead-inside accountant you've been reunited with at your high school reunion.

 

Also, I'm assuming you're a woman. Wanting a total opposite is code word for "I want drama", which is something your type of woman seems to be quite fond of.

 

Your road is a dead end that will inarguably stop in disappointment. You can still enjoy the ride and your quest for a fairy tale love though, it'll be a bumpy one, but not the kind you think - more like the kind where your head ends up all bloody and disfigured, stuck outside of the windshield while the rest of the body squirms inside the car.

 

Anyways, am I interesting enough for ya? PM me with a picture and we'll go from there, babe.

[Gmaarom]

I somewhat agree with that. I wouldn't say totally opposite because you DO need some (important) things where you can find a common ground, but having similar interests in every single thing would be so boring.

 

 

This is too much of a generalization. You can be different in personality, interests, etc. which are more superficial characteristics, but when it comes to core values and character, common ground is important.

 

Think of it this way - if you are a kind, hardworking, honest, happy person, do you really think your best match is an opposite of you?

 

I agree that some key character-based common ground is necessary; ie you wouldn't want to date a psychopath...

 

In my post I was referring to differences in careers, hobbies, interests philosophies/some world-views, talents etc. I think that generally the best relationships would be those where the partners deviate the most in the aforementioned.

 

Responses in bold.

 

I think that long-distance relationships, especially for people in their twenties is terrible. It puts the partners under undue stress from being away from their loved ones, and makes them feel obligated to not go out and meet other people because they're "dating" someone that they rarely even see. Inevitably most relationships end anyway, so effectively these poor saps probably pissed away plenty of possible opportunities to meet people who may have actually been better partners.

 

I'm sure that many med students have different interests outside of medicine, but the grind of medical school and the field of medicine shapes you and your life a certain way ... you get up, work like a dog, come home and study, become very "scientific-minded" etc... medicine to a large extent consumes much of your life.

 

The last thing I'd want is to be in a relationship with someone who life and identity essentially revolves around the same thing as mine does.

 

 

Have you ever dated your opposite? XD It's much more difficult than you would think! Opposites don't really attract as well as they say they do. You don't want someone who is your clone, but you certainly want to have things in common with the person you're in relationship with! I've been in both types, and the ones where I had more things in common with my S.O were the more stable, enjoyable relationships haha.

 

Haha you're right on according to psychology!

 

Yea psychology does say that the "opposites attract" thing isn't actually accurate because people prefer to date their similars.... but that's because people in general are boring... they generally don't like stepping outside the box (or their own box)... but then, after many years of being in relationship with someone they "have so much in common with", they get bored and depressed. This is a big reason why over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

 

And no I haven't dated my "opposite"... largely because, as you know, people like to date others they have a lot in common with. My resolve to find a partner that is as different from me as possible is probably why I'm single at the moment. Oh well, time to fap.

[Gmaarom]

You must really think you're hot sh*t. Man, is the sky going to fall on you when all you will do is that dull and dead-inside accountant you've been reunited with at your high school reunion.

 

Also, I'm assuming you're a woman. Wanting a total opposite is code word for "I want drama", which is something your type of woman seems to be quite fond of.

 

Your road is a dead end that will inarguably stop in disappointment. You can still enjoy the ride and your quest for a fairy tale love though, it'll be a bumpy one, but not the kind you think - more like the kind where your head ends up all bloody and disfigured, stuck outside of the windshield while the rest of the body squirms inside the car.

 

Anyways, am I interesting enough for ya? PM me with a picture and we'll go from there, babe.

 

Your perceptions are way off.

 

Wanting a partner who differs from you in many aspects doesn't mean you're in for drama-filled, unstable relationship. As long as you're the type of person who is open-minded and adaptable enough, such a relationship would foster consensual personal growth, a plethora of great experiences, and a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

[Nietzschean Superman]

Your perceptions are way off.

 

Wanting a partner who differs from you in many aspects doesn't mean you're in for drama-filled, unstable relationship. As long as you're the type of person who is open-minded and adaptable enough, such a relationship would foster consensual personal growth, a plethora of great experiences, and a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

 

Have you ever been in such a relationship? You have no idea what it is going to be like.

[Gmaarom]

Have you ever been in such a relationship? You have no idea what it is going to be like.

 

I responded to this in my response before the one to your post.

 

No I haven't been in such a relationship, but I know people that are in such relationships, and they are the happiest, most interesting people I know.

 

On the other hand I know of many people who date or marry people they have "so much in common with", but are constantly fighting or end up getting cheated on or divorced.

[Nietzschean Superman]

I responded to this in my response before the one to your post.

 

No I haven't been in such a relationship, but I know people that are in such relationships, and they are the happiest, most interesting people I know.

 

On the other hand I know of many people who date or marry people they have "so much in common with", but are constantly fighting or end up getting cheated on or divorced.

 

I knew the answer to that question as I had already read your post above. I just asked it for emphasis.

 

Never judge a relationship from the outside. Never listen to your friends when they tell you about their relationships.

[MarshMellow]

I'm in one of those "opposite" relationships and it's a rollercoaster. Admittedly, we agree on the important things (religion, values, priorities, "how to raise kids", etc.) yet our interests, hobbies, communication styles, levels of extraversion and some expectations are hugely different. I'm very adventurous and active, hate PDA and like to go out. He is the homey type who always wants to hold hands (even on hikes) and who hates going out and drinking.

Our relationship is very up and down. When it's good it's wonderful, it's all puppies and butterflies, and we're both over the moon with happiness and start planning our wedding and picking baby names. When it's bad, it's extremely nasty and ugly and it makes me feel more depressed than anything else ever can. This is a 2 year relationship, and half the time it's in the verge of ending while the other half the time we're convinced it's our happily ever after.

I've found that most of our fights start of because of different expectations and different communication styles. (I.e. I am the standard for all my interactions, so in the moment it's difficult for me to understand how he would be hurt by a comment which (to me) is completely harmless and which (in my world) wouldn't be offensive at all. I approach things directly and have no filter, so to the more sensitive/shy types, that can sometimes come off as offensive, leading them to sulk and brood in their unhappiness. This in turn dampens my excited spirits, and a bad fight ensues.)

 

Blonde doctor...Math Honours...Me Gusta

[Gametime24]

I think that long-distance relationships, especially for people in their twenties is terrible. It puts the partners under undue stress from being away from their loved ones, and makes them feel obligated to not go out and meet other people because they're "dating" someone that they rarely even see. Inevitably most relationships end anyway, so effectively these poor saps probably pissed away plenty of possible opportunities to meet people who may have actually been better partners.

 

First off, it's not necessarily undue stress, if it is needed for both of us to achieve our dreams, that's not undue, it's stressful yes, but it's something important to both of us so we would make it work. Furthermore, we don't feel obligated not to go out and meet other people. We don't go and DATE other people, but I meet tonnes of people, guys and girls alike and become good friends with many of them. Lastly, you assume there is a better partner out there. Thing about truly loving someone is that there isn't a better partner out there, and that's how both of us feel about our relationship. I sincerely hope that you find someone you can feel that way about that also feels that way about you so that you can understand where some of us are coming from when we are willing to sacrifice so much for our partners.

[Gametime24]

I responded to this in my response before the one to your post.

 

No I haven't been in such a relationship, but I know people that are in such relationships, and they are the happiest, most interesting people I know.

 

On the other hand I know of many people who date or marry people they have "so much in common with", but are constantly fighting or end up getting cheated on or divorced.

 

Ignore "superman" haha, he's just being an *******. But anyway, you can't judge entire types from the few anecdotal pieces of evidence you have. I know plenty of people that do it my way and are doing quite well, that doesn't mean it's right for everyone. You have to find what works for you personally. Which is why I disagreed with your "I can't see why ANYONE would want to........" You speak as if everyone not doing it your way is wrong. And that's just ludicrous.

[danisings]

Question on that: how far is too far and how long apart is too long apart for you? What strategies do you have for no time or LDRs?

 

This is what my partner and I of three years are facing now. We met in undergraduate, did 6 months long distance after school while we were both working in different European countries. When we came back to Canada, he moved from NB to ON so we could be together while I started a new undergraduate degree.

 

Now he has a job in TO and I'll be moving to Kingston, so it's our first bout of long-term long-distance. Our plan is for him to buy a car so he can come visit hopefully once month (sharing gas costs), and I'll get down there as often as I can. We plan to go out and socialise as much as usual and hope that our time will be more quality rather than quantity focused now. Obviously we'll adapt and improvise as best we can as issues come up. We can't predict what will happen, but we're both committed to making it work.

[WtsupDoc?]

This is what my partner and I of three years are facing now. We met in undergraduate, did 6 months long distance after school while we were both working in different European countries. When we came back to Canada, he moved from NB to ON so we could be together while I started a new undergraduate degree.

 

Now he has a job in TO and I'll be moving to Kingston, so it's our first bought of long-term long-distance. Our plan is for him to buy a car so he can come visit hopefully once month (sharing gas costs), and I'll get down there as often as I can. We plan to go out and socialise as much as usual and hope that our time will be more quality rather than quantity focused now. Obviously we'll adapt and improvise as best we can as issues come up. We can't predict what will happen, but we're both committed to making it work.

 

Hey Danisings - looks like we will be in the same boat! My SO of four years is staying behind in the GTA when I move to Kingston in the fall too. We are planning on visiting each other onthe weekends (luckily we both have cars). Eventually, although dictated by the job market, I'm hoping he can move to Kingston as well. I think it's doable but exactly what you've said - have to make take advantage of quality time, rather than quantity.