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Ektime

Is Anyone Else Lonely?

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Hi,

 

Been a visitor to this board for a while but never really posted.

Quick intro about me: Applied twice to medical school (2013 and 2014) didn't get any interviews and will be applying again this year..

 

But I am lonely. I currently have no real relationships. I used to have really close friends during highschool and university but once I graduated, a couple of them moved to other cities for work, med school, or to pursue a grad degree. I still try to keep in touch with them as they are pretty much all i have but I only see them once every 3 months or possibly longer.

 

I've also never been successful in the romantic aspect of life. I was never in a relationship and could literally count the number of "dates" I've had in my entire life (Think less than 3 haha... I'm not sure if they are even considered "dates" haha). 

 

I try to keep these things off my head for most of the time.. but sometimes it just gets to me. I work everyday full time... when I come home I mostly hit the gym and then just relax and get lost in my thoughts while listening to music before heading to bed..

 

I'm very curious to know how much of an outlier I am in the premedical and medical student groups. Does any one share similar feelings? I'm not here to rant away pointlessly.. after all I chose to post in a forum where there is probably a plethora of open-minded and critical thinkers, pursuing medicine like myself, that could provide some input, for a reason.

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I was similar until I moved far away from home for a year. Did terrible in school that year, stopped caring and ended up with a gf who I just recently broke up with.

Single + Video games + Gym (get aesthetic brah) is best life, serious. Having said that I always talk to my brother and cousins on a regular basis which keeps me sane

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Hi,

 

Been a visitor to this board for a while but never really posted.

Quick intro about me: Applied twice to medical school (2013 and 2014) didn't get any interviews and will be applying again this year..

 

But I am lonely. I currently have no real relationships. I used to have really close friends during highschool and university but once I graduated, a couple of them moved to other cities for work, med school, or to pursue a grad degree. I still try to keep in touch with them as they are pretty much all i have but I only see them once every 3 months or possibly longer.

 

I've also never been successful in the romantic aspect of life. I was never in a relationship and could literally count the number of "dates" I've had in my entire life (Think less than 3 haha... I'm not sure if they are even considered "dates" haha). 

 

I try to keep these things off my head for most of the time.. but sometimes it just gets to me. I work everyday full time... when I come home I mostly hit the gym and then just relax and get lost in my thoughts while listening to music before heading to bed..

 

I'm very curious to know how much of an outlier I am in the premedical and medical student groups. Does any one share similar feelings? I'm not here to rant away pointlessly.. after all I chose to post in a forum where there is probably a plethora of open-minded and critical thinkers, pursuing medicine like myself, that could provide some input, for a reason.

 

I shared a similar situation to you.... busy with apps, focused on where I'll end up etc.... 

 

I felt that the biggest factors for me that didn't make me feel so lonely was just the numerous number of amazing people I work with everyday in different fields. I expanded my colleague pool over time, and I make damn sure to see them for certain events like graduate defences, conferences, birthdays, social outings etc. I definitely felt more lonely during undergrad because despite being involved, I never really let anyone in or cared enough to be involved in their lives. Now I make time for my colleagues/friends and it's been a much more enriching experience. I did a practicum a year ago and I still go to get coffee with my ex co-workers every once in a while. Sometimes we even play video games together. I make sure to visit my mentors at least once every few months to exchange greetings and catch up with people. 

 

As another fellow single guy, I'm not so much in a rush and don't mind it greatly. I get to see and meet people everyday and catch up with friends. I make the effort to reach out even if the yield is low, but I don't mind. I do feel that sometimes if you want to be less lonely in general you do have to put in the effort. Some want to do it but other's don't. It's your life and you can prioritize how much time you want to spend on connecting with others. 

 

That said though OP, you got a friend in me =D. 

 

- G

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I'm finishing a thesis for my masters and it is SO LONELY. Long story short you can either do a thesis route or a capstone route for the degree I'm doing. Thesis is, well, a thesis. Capstone is painting a tree and talking about how it represents you as a person for 15 minutes (it's a 15 minute presentation where you 'integrate' the learning of your degree and convince them that you should graduate - nobody ever fails it). All of my friends doing a capstone are finished and graduated and I'm here all by myself. 

 

It's funny. I used to think that, other than medicine, academia was the only other thing I would want to do... but having been floating on the periphery of this world for a few years now I just find it incredibly isolating and not in that productive "scholarly solitude" kind of way. Maybe it's because I'm in a strange position of being a thesis grad student in a faculty that doesn't have any thesis grad students (there are 2 of us right now, me and one girl who is on maternity leave) so I'm surrounded by profs (but I don't fit as 'one of them') and I have no classmates either... but whatever it is I have found myself without a tribe and it kind of sucks. 

 

In short, I don't think you're as much of an outlier as you think you are... I think it's just that lonely people always think they are outliers (myself included) because being lonely is still one of those sort of uncomfortable things that nobody talks about. 

Thanks for posting this! It's nice to know I'm not the only lonely med applicant out there :-)

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Hey, I'm lonely too. In fact, I never really had many true friends who cared about my feelings and my well-being. I don't have anyone to hang out with during summer. Once I move out of town this fall for my undergrad, I will be left with no connections whatsoever.

 

I've never been affected by my loneliness, however, because I just don't see why I would be, because it is OK to be lonely! It really is. Having no friends implies many positive consequences. It means not having to deal with interpersonal issues, not having to act in front of people, doing whatever feels like, having more time to take care of yourself (etc).

 

Maybe you feel lonely in your pursuit of medicine, or pursuit in general, but you need to remember that friends can't possibly help you accomplish something, just like solitude should not affect your mood. You can accomplish (realistic) things, you will get into med school sooner or later and you can be happy while being lonely, you just need to have faith in you. After all, no requirement for medical school is directly related to having friends, so it should not become one of those horrible excuses to not having been enrolled in medical school as in : ''Oh, I failed the interview because I was so lonely I just wanted to cry and hug the doctors. :('' or : ''I could have gotten better grades if I had some friends to help me review for the exams...''

 

Stop blaming your solitude, instead, accept it, embrace it! You must learn to be selfish, to ignore what is unnecessary, to neglect the superfluous(little poetic here).

 

Of course, having no friends always leaves a blank, a feeling that there's just ''something'' missing. It's a feeling that comes and goes, unpredictable yet always there to haunt. But then who said tv,video games, food or even books could not be friends? ^^

 

edit: (edit: grammar) -> (edit: typo)

Edited by ConnorOrange

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I'm pretty lonely too. I feel like we might certainly be outliers compared to a lot of the people I see get accepted to Med school. They seem to be the "popular" types. Y'know, the ones who look like models, intelligent, in relationships, great social skills etc. Generally they got it together (I might be idealizing the image of your average Med student lol). 

 

I don't really have many friends either. I feel you. I don't really have anyone I can call up and just chat and hang out. I certainly have a lot of school friends though..just no one I hangout with outside of school. Lack of effort on my part for sure. 

 

Keep your head up though. You seem to be taking care of yourself physically, and working hard so that's a plus. 

 

I'm definitely the outlier... I'm ugly as F@#$ =D

 

- G

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lol I've been kind of lonely lately, probably because I had a relapse with a mental health issue recently. A+++ timing considering I'll be going to med school next month.  -_- 

 

I don't think your experience is uncommon. I had a gap year after I graduated and that was sorta lonely sometimes because I don't have any close friends nearby. Plus I suck at staying in touch. If it bothers you, try changing things up? Someone I know has been having similar issues since he moved to a different city where he doesn't know anyone. So he goes out with his coworkers when they plan things and he's exploring new hobbies to spice things up.

 

Anyway, you're definitely not alone. Plus, even people who seem to be  on the up and up might be dealing with issues. When I used to look at my fb feed (which was full of people in med school), I would feel kinda down because these people looked so happy and social and successful. But I imagine they had their own struggles that I wasn't privy to. Same as when I was talking to someone recently about what I was doing next year, I didn't tell them about the problems I've been having... maybe they think I've got everything sorted out but tbh that couldn't be further from the truth! 

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Congrats maradona! All the best with med school.

Ektimes you're certainly not alone, as the above users said. I think it's something that happens because everyone has a different goal and are in different stages of life. They also take different paths. Hence, people rarely have the same or similar schedules or circumstances that perfectly match (i.e. thus friends move away, go back to school, start working, etc).

Ultimately, it really depends on what you want to do with this loneliness you're feeling. Perhaps you can look for and join community clubs or groups where people with similar interests come together? Getting out there is the key to meeting new people.

I'm wishing you luck with getting into med school this year. I'm in nursing but during my placements, I sure did meet an insane number of incredible personalities with amazing dreams related to helping people. When you're in a setting with people who have similar values, you are very likely to develop long-lasting friendships with them (only if you want to of course). Keep persevering. 

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Loneliness is a state of mind. I had no friends in undergrad, however, I was busy with academics, ECs, volunteering. In all these endeavours, I encountered like minded individuals and we had to collaborate in volunteering & ECs, so there was necessarily interaction which kept me involved with others. In med school, there was interaction in problem based sessions and I had room mates. So. loneliness is relative.  

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Nice to know there are people with similar feelings. :P Well, in a way, it is not nice I guess because loneliness is not a joyful state... so first of all, I'd like to wish you all the best!

 

Maybe you feel lonely in your pursuit of medicine, or pursuit in general, but you need to remember that friends can't possibly help you accomplish something, just like solitude should not affect your mood. You can accomplish (realistic) things, you will get into med school sooner or later and you can be happy while being lonely, you just need to have faith in you. After all, no requirement for medical school is directly related to having friends, so it should not become one of those horrible excuses to not having been enrolled in medical school as in : ''Oh, I failed the interview because I was so lonely I just wanted to cry and hug the doctors. :('' or : ''I could have gotten better grades if I had some friends to help me review for the exams...''

 

Stop blaming your solitude, instead, accept it, embrace it! You must learn to be selfish, to ignore what is unnecessary, to neglect the superfluous(little poetic here).

The pursuit of medicine definitely highlights the loneliness. I think it has to do with how when one receives the bad news (rejection) it is always less painful if they have strong social support. Otherwise, the solitary brain will focus too much on the bad news creating a seemingly never-ending pit of dejection and sorrow. i definitely agree that loneliness is not a factor in medical school admission or in what a person can achieve. Like you said, however, the "blank" that loneliness creates is not something that can be easily ignored. I learned that it can be put aside for a while, but it seems to always come back to bite every once in a while...

 

 

 

Loneliness is a state of mind. I had no friends in undergrad, however, I was busy with academics, ECs, volunteering. In all these endeavours, I encountered like minded individuals and we had to collaborate in volunteering & ECs, so there was necessarily interaction which kept me involved with others. In med school, there was interaction in problem based sessions and I had room mates. So. loneliness is relative.  

 I do 100% agree that it is purely a state of mind and that it is relative as well..... Do these facts, however, make any attention that is given to the topic of loneliness unwarranted? I certainly do not think so..

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 I do 100% agree that it is purely a state of mind and that it is relative as well..... Do these facts, however, make any attention that is given to the topic of loneliness unwarranted? I certainly do not think so..

I agree with you.

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Many people in med school are lonely as you describe because the process of getting into medical school warrants loneliness. The amount of time you spend on your applications and studying is time taken away from doing things with friends/your partner. Not everyone in med school are the 'popular' types, and you'll realize that it's not about the size of your friend circle that's important - you could be invited to all the parties but the friendships you'll establish are superficial (especially when drunk). Focus what little time you have on those most important to you such as your family and closest friends.

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Hey Korra and OP,

 

    I am a medical student in clerkship. I just want to say that I stayed in Canada by myself after high school, since my parents could not find jobs here (accreditation of diplomas). I definitely was not the popular type, rather the nerdy person in class who rarely went out to all those weekly parties (I had to do ECs, part-time jobs and maintain my good grades). I don't look like a model and I don't have a million of friends. I have a few good friends outside of medicine that I am still good friends with (they keep my sanity), and some friends in medicine. I don't consider myself to have great social skills, I like talking to people but I don't find it necessary to be friends with my entire class and to socialize at all the parties. I value true friendship and deeper relationship. I am not in a relationship either, there is no rush of it and I don't want to waste my time with the wrong people ;)

   I just want to say that I am not probably your typical medical student profile (I am hipster and down-to-earth, living on my scholarships and bursaries (cheap med student xD) , but I love medicine and I am amazed by my profession. We all get lonely sometimes, as I have no family ties in Canada, I feel lonely when I get sick or when I am in a difficult situation. In those times, I would look up to my closest friends and call my family. If you love medicine and want to pursue it, go for it! 

   TL DR: I am not your typical med student profile, and my family lived on welfare and I am not a ``popular person``. Nevertheless, the medical profession needs different people, our unique life experience will make us understand our future patients better.  :) Pursue your dream and it's worth it!

I'm pretty lonely too. I feel like we might certainly be outliers compared to a lot of the people I see get accepted to Med school. They seem to be the "popular" types. Y'know, the ones who look like models, intelligent, in relationships, great social skills etc. Generally they got it together (I might be idealizing the image of your average Med student lol). 

 

I don't really have many friends either. I feel you. I don't really have anyone I can call up and just chat and hang out. I certainly have a lot of school friends though..just no one I hangout with outside of school. Lack of effort on my part for sure. 

 

Keep your head up though. You seem to be taking care of yourself physically, and working hard so that's a plus. 

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Hey Korra and OP,

 

    I am a medical student in clerkship. I just want to say that I stayed in Canada by myself after high school, since my parents could not find jobs here (accreditation of diplomas). I definitely was not the popular type, rather the nerdy person in class who rarely went out to all those weekly parties (I had to do ECs, part-time jobs and maintain my good grades). I don't look like a model and I don't have a million of friends. I have a few good friends outside of medicine that I am still good friends with (they keep my sanity), and some friends in medicine. I don't consider myself to have great social skills, I like talking to people but I don't find it necessary to be friends with my entire class and to socialize at all the parties. I value true friendship and deeper relationship. I am not in a relationship either, there is no rush of it and I don't want to waste my time with the wrong people ;)

   I just want to say that I am not probably your typical medical student profile (I am hipster and down-to-earth, living on my scholarships and bursaries (cheap med student xD) , but I love medicine and I am amazed by my profession. We all get lonely sometimes, as I have no family ties in Canada, I feel lonely when I get sick or when I am in a difficult situation. In those times, I would look up to my closest friends and call my family. If you love medicine and want to pursue it, go for it! 

   TL DR: I am not your typical med student profile, and my family lived on welfare and I am not a ``popular person``. Nevertheless, the medical profession needs different people, our unique life experience will make us understand our future patients better.  :) Pursue your dream and it's worth it!

 

Ok that's it everyone........ let's just hug each other RIGHT NOW!

 

\_(O_O)_/ *hug

 

OK I TRIED

 

- G

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Hey Korra and OP,

 

    I am a medical student in clerkship. I just want to say that I stayed in Canada by myself after high school, since my parents could not find jobs here (accreditation of diplomas). I definitely was not the popular type, rather the nerdy person in class who rarely went out to all those weekly parties (I had to do ECs, part-time jobs and maintain my good grades). I don't look like a model and I don't have a million of friends. I have a few good friends outside of medicine that I am still good friends with (they keep my sanity), and some friends in medicine. I don't consider myself to have great social skills, I like talking to people but I don't find it necessary to be friends with my entire class and to socialize at all the parties. I value true friendship and deeper relationship. I am not in a relationship either, there is no rush of it and I don't want to waste my time with the wrong people ;)

   I just want to say that I am not probably your typical medical student profile (I am hipster and down-to-earth, living on my scholarships and bursaries (cheap med student xD) , but I love medicine and I am amazed by my profession. We all get lonely sometimes, as I have no family ties in Canada, I feel lonely when I get sick or when I am in a difficult situation. In those times, I would look up to my closest friends and call my family. If you love medicine and want to pursue it, go for it! 

   TL DR: I am not your typical med student profile, and my family lived on welfare and I am not a ``popular person``. Nevertheless, the medical profession needs different people, our unique life experience will make us understand our future patients better.  :) Pursue your dream and it's worth it!

 

I know for sure that loneliness will never deter me from pursuing medicine any day. Even though it is quite painful on some days, I try actively to not let it affect my academic and professional career. Thanks for your input and wish you the best :)

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Hey OP, I am so happy if I provided any positive input to you. I am not the most sociable person in medicine, and I go to those med parties twice a year (since my friends made me to purchase those tickets xD). I get the lonely feeling sometimes, but I am so glad to be in medicine and to make a difference in the patients' lives later! 

   I feel lonely when I become sick or have a bad flu, but at those times, my friends and my family cheer me up. If you do things you like (non-academic hobbies or interests), you will realize that time passes so fast that you forget your loneliness. 

   I hope that you will get admitted this cycle, good success ! :)

   

I know for sure that loneliness will never deter me from pursuing medicine any day. Even though it is quite painful on some days, I try actively to not let it affect my academic and professional career. Thanks for your input and wish you the best :)

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Work on your conversation game, I used to be shy and more quiet but i've literally changed and become more outgoing in the past year. I can't really pin it down but it sort of just happened and my mentality towards people changed. You definitely will not be lonely if you are a great conversationalist and fun to be around.

 

Two things I used to think that I've changed my beliefs on:

 

I used to be really self conscious of how I acted and behaved as I felt like people were judging me (for better or for worse) all the time.

 

- I thought people were watching every move I made that was awkward so I felt self conscious of that. However, when I went to gatherings, I realized how little people knew about me, in reality, most people didn't know anything about me let alone the awkward things I was doing. If you stop being self conscious and realize that actually people are not watching you at your awkwardest times, you become more willing to just say whats on your mind rather than filtering everything you think. That makes you more spontaneous and fun and easygoing and as a result more likeable.

 

I used to be afraid of trying new things

 

- I took a bit of a yolo stance on life, realizing that time is short and sometimes holding back just means you'll regret things you wish you could've done when you were younger. Turns out, people love this kind of stance whether they say it or not. Everyone loves the guy who is willing to try new things or do the thing everyone else is afraid of doing (of course you have to be smart about it and not just look like a fool). Definitely don't do it because you want people to like you, because anyone can see through that easily (then you are just a try hard). When you actually enjoy trying new things and being adventurous, people will automatically gravitate towards you.

 

All this also results or has a connection to confidence, which people used to tell me all the time. Sure i'm sure if you are lonely you know all about how confidence changes everything, its true but its certainly not easy to just be confident.

 

What people are saying about working out is a way to gain confidence as well, if you know you look good you automatically act more confident and confidence attracts friends towards you. While being a nice guy also be confident in yourself and your ability to attract people towards you. That combination is what will make you less lonely.

 

To your question however, yes there are plenty of lonely people in med school, in life, in uni, everywhere. Plenty of people don't crave the attention or crave any of that, but if you are calling yourself lonely, that means you want more friends/attention/things to do and if you want that you probably need to change.

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