Jump to content
Premed 101 Forums
LFOHarmonics

I Just Want Someone To Talk To

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone.

So the results came out today. I only interviewed at western, I got rejected from mac and queens.

I also got rejected from western.

It sucked. I was so sad this morning, and I went to work depressed and out of it. I felt like a failure and disappointment to not only myself, but my family.

But hey I succeeded at something.

Disappointing my family.

I called home during break at work to talk to my mom... I called only to hear me get blasted on being a failure. On being a disappointment. On wasting time. On not caring about my future.

"There is something wrong with you"

That hurt.

There is something wrong with me, because it took me three times to get a score to land me an interview in Canada. There is something wrong with me, because I only got one. There is something wrong with me because I got rejected everywhere.

Apparantly I dont care about my future what so ever. I have a degree in biology at work part time minimum wage at a retail store that a high schooler can work at. I don't care about my future because if I did I would have gotten in. Look at all those kids who got in on their first try.

I am not one of them.

And I tried to tell her about the whole 3x application cycle, but she wasn't having any of it. I'm just a waste of a son. Their only kid, a waste.

I get it. I have a 3.5 gpa. I screwed up my undergrad. I get it. I did my mcat 3 times, where everyone else they imagine did it once.

I get it. I am a failure. I am a disappointment. 

She told me to go doing nursing or pharmacy or who cares because I am to stupid to be a doctor, and there is no point in re-applying because its a waste of money (because if I cared, i wouldve gotten in). Just like how I wasted my time in undergrad, and now wasted two years out of undergrad. 

It's all my fault. I know it is.

I broke down during end of day infront of my manager. She asked if something as wrong, I guess she could tell. I cried. I told her what happened. She was empathetic.

I sat in my car crying. I kind of wanted to end it there.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am a failure, and I have no one to blame but myself.

And I don't even know why I posted this. This wont help, really, in the end. Truthfully. 

I can't talk to the person I thought I could. So I am here. Expressing myself to strangers on the internet.

Pitiful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm very sorry to hear that it did not work out for you. It is very depressing to not have the support of family when you are chasing such difficult goals (for everyone, really).

 

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to speak to the mods as they have a lot of personal experience and advice as to how to cope with the whole process. I am also an applicant who has not found success this cycle and really all we can do is put our best foot forward. There are far too many qualified candidates and it takes multiple tries for one to land an interview, not to mention an acceptance.

 

My advice would be to surround yourself with positive people and stay away from negativity. This process is far too stressful for you to be dealing with other **** crap going on in your life. Do things you enjoy and stay with friends that support you throughout your endeavours. Best of luck and I hope you keep moving forward.

 

On the other hand, perhaps some mod/admin could give some advice?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, it's ok to break down, it's ok to be sad. You had a disappointing day, I get that, I wish that it had been otherwise for you, that you had gotten in and could have been looking forward with great anticipation to next fall, but don't give up.

 

If you still think that it's worth it to continue with this, keep fighting for it.

 

Look I don't know your family dynamic besides what it says here, but it sounds like your parents aren't a good part of your life right now, and I think you recognize that, so you may want to talk with them about being more supportive and respectful, or with taking a step back from being so involved in your life.

 

You are a great student and have to have been to get to this point, getting a med school interview is impressive in and of itself, and that's something you should be proud of, always.

 

You aren't a failure and you aren't a disappointment. there is more to you than your ambitions for work, and the career  you want to pursue, and it seems like this whole process has gotten you a litlle to wrapped up in that mindset. take some time to reset and try to reflect on if this is still a path that you want to pursue, again it might be time to put some distance between you and your family, as they don't seem like a healthy influence at this point (I'm not saying cut them off, but make them understand that there needs to be boundaries and respect). If you need a supportive person to talk to, and are a student you can call the Good 2 talk hotline at 1 866-925-5454, they're there to be supportive, to listen and not to judge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it is heartbreaking. I've been rejected 4 times, so I know how it feels. There are lots of times where I felt like a total failure as well, especially considering all my friends have gotten into med school way before me. You have to realize that you're not a failure at all; trust me you're not. You've gotten an interview this year - this is a really good start.  If you persevere and reflect on this cycle (don't just look at the negatives) and work on things bit by bit, you'll eventually get in. 

 

I know many people who took 5+ tries, myself included, to get in. You can definitely do it. Don't give up and don't let other people's opinions belittle you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you and I am very sorry you had to go through that. I know it can be difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel right now, but please listen to this forum's advice. Call a friend, call a hotline, anyone. Seek support and remember that you are not alone! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey everyone.

 

So the results came out today. I only interviewed at western, I got rejected from mac and queens.

 

I also got rejected from western.

 

It sucked. I was so sad this morning, and I went to work depressed and out of it. I felt like a failure and disappointment to not only myself, but my family.

 

But hey I succeeded at something.

 

Disappointing my family.

 

I called home during break at work to talk to my mom... I called only to hear me get blasted on being a failure. On being a disappointment. On wasting time. On not caring about my future.

 

"There is something wrong with you"

 

That hurt.

 

There is something wrong with me, because it took me three times to get a score to land me an interview in Canada. There is something wrong with me, because I only got one. There is something wrong with me because I got rejected everywhere.

 

Apparantly I dont care about my future what so ever. I have a degree in biology at work part time minimum wage at a retail store that a high schooler can work at. I don't care about my future because if I did I would have gotten in. Look at all those kids who got in on their first try.

 

I am not one of them.

 

And I tried to tell her about the whole 3x application cycle, but she wasn't having any of it. I'm just a waste of a son. Their only kid, a waste.

 

I get it. I have a 3.5 gpa. I screwed up my undergrad. I get it. I did my mcat 3 times, where everyone else they imagine did it once.

 

I get it. I am a failure. I am a disappointment. 

 

She told me to go doing nursing or pharmacy or who cares because I am to stupid to be a doctor, and there is no point in re-applying because its a waste of money (because if I cared, i wouldve gotten in). Just like how I wasted my time in undergrad, and now wasted two years out of undergrad. 

 

It's all my fault. I know it is.

 

I broke down during end of day infront of my manager. She asked if something as wrong, I guess she could tell. I cried. I told her what happened. She was empathetic.

 

I sat in my car crying. I kind of wanted to end it there.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am a failure, and I have no one to blame but myself.

 

And I don't even know why I posted this. This wont help, really, in the end. Truthfully. 

 

I can't talk to the person I thought I could. So I am here. Expressing myself to strangers on the internet.

 

Pitiful.

 

 

Hey dude,

 

First off your parents doing that to you is borderline abusive parenting. If they had any idea the struggles people go through and the thousands of people that try repeatedly for their chance to get into medical school, they wouldn't do what they did to you. Heck if caring or passion was enough to get into medicine then most people would be in on their first try. 

 

EDIT: I agree with 1997 that some parents may be poorly communicating their concerns... I shouldn't so hastily judge them based on the OP's posting and I'm sorry.

 

You also can't reason with anyone if they refuse to listen. Sucks that it has to be your family but just like they aren't listening, you don't have to listen to them either. 

 

Not getting into medical school does not make you a failure, mean there's something wrong with you, or you've screwed your future. If anything it can be a blessing in disguise, a chance for you to use the time you have to better yourself in ways that you haven't imagined, meet new people, learn new things.

 

I didn't get in after the first year and took some time to do my masters degree. Not only did I pursue a passion that was useful for an alternative career if I wanted it, but I used the skills that I've gained to better myself in medical school. I know that had I gotten in right away I would never have appreciated it as much as I do now, nor be able to understand things as well as I do (not just the content, but the humanistic side).

 

Whether you decide to try again or give up is your choice, but don't let "intelligence" or the fact that you failed once decide whether or not you try again.

If you need an ear PM me. I'll tell you my journey.

 

Best wishes and chin up,

 

- G

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

I'm really sorry to hear about your parent's reaction... I'm sure they care a lot about you and want the best for you, but not all parents are great at communicating this to their children the right way. 

 

Don't give up! The thing is, a lot of people give up.. Many people give up without even getting an interview.. And some even give up after their first year of undergrad, but you have shown a great amount of perseverance and resilience and that's certainly a quality that med schools want in their students.

 

Don't worry about what others are doing. Usually, those who are lucky enough to get in (let's be real, at the interview stage, there's a lot of luck that comes into play) are very loud about their accomplishments, however there are still a TON of students who haven't gotten in! They just tend not to tell everyone about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really sorry to hear about your parent's reaction... I'm sure they care a lot about you and want the best for you, but not all parents are great at communicating this to their children the right way. 

 

Don't give up! The thing is, a lot of people give up.. Many people give up without even getting an interview.. And some even give up after their first year of undergrad, but you have shown a great amount of perseverance and resilience and that's certainly a quality that med schools want in their students.

 

Don't worry about what others are doing. Usually, those who are lucky enough to get in (let's be real, at the interview stage, there's a lot of luck that comes into play) are very loud about their accomplishments, however there are still a TON of students who haven't gotten in! They just tend not to tell everyone about it.

 

TOTALLY THIS.......... not exactly bragging material for parent gossip..... which in my opinion is bulls@#$

 

- G

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really sorry to hear about your parent's reaction... I'm sure they care a lot about you and want the best for you, but not all parents are great at communicating this to their children the right way. 

 

Don't give up! The thing is, a lot of people give up.. Many people give up without even getting an interview.. And some even give up after their first year of undergrad, but you have shown a great amount of perseverance and resilience and that's certainly a quality that med schools want in their students.

 

Don't worry about what others are doing. Usually, those who are lucky enough to get in (let's be real, at the interview stage, there's a lot of luck that comes into play) are very loud about their accomplishments, however there are still a TON of students who haven't gotten in! They just tend not to tell everyone about it.

 

So true, especially that last line.

 

I remember having a moment of "how is everyone getting in and yet I'm not?" until I realized you're much less likely to see someone post on Facebook that they got rejected from medical school.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man, first of all, I'm so sorry.  I hardly post on these forums because I don't feel super comfortable putting myself out there, but when I read your story, my heart broke a little.  You are not alone in your experience, and I remember this same time last year when I got my rejections I was devastated. I distinctly remember the day as I didn't have the energy to even have the energy to get out of bed again for the day.  I remember telling my mom the results, who seemed to blame the rejection on me, for being lazy or ignorant or something else that seemed to be beyond my control.  We didn't talk for a very very long time because, to me, the idea that I gave any less than 100% was infuriating.  For the first and only time in my life I slit my own wrists and truly thought I would be better off dead.  I went to my family doctor and I remember bawling my eyes out in front of him as I told him my story, but he gave me a piece of advice that I don't think I will ever forget.

 

On my wall, he told me to tape a little piece of paper which reads, "You are a worthwhile person."  That is something so often forgot in the face of the arbitrary selection system that is medical school admissions.  Regardless of whether you are accepted or rejected, fundamentally your value as a human being does not change.  You will do great things and help many people in your lifetime.  I know you are someone who is kind, compassionate, hard-working and loving.  This day is not your day, and this year may not have been your year, but keep your chin up.  

 

Please take some time for yourself.  It will take weeks, maybe months for that sinking feeling to go away, and I pray that you will feel even remotely better soon.  Know that you have the support of other people, such as myself.  If and when you can stand to look at all the broken pieces and dare to try again, please do not hesitate to throw me a PM if you have any questions or are looking to bounce some ideas off of.  Cheers, and I hope you get a good night of sleep.

 

-A friend you didn't know you had

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey OP,
 
You are not worthless. The fact that you even got an interview at Western, means that you've got crazy high MCAT scores (especially verbal). It also means that you have good enough years that put you above their GPA cutoff of 3.7.

You may have made a few mistakes here and there in undergrad that resulted in that GPA of 3.5, but who hasn't screwed up in a class, a semester or an entire year? I certainly have (all 3 actually) and so has most applicants.

I'm not going sit here and say that your life sucks and you have parents who don't understand how hard you've been busting your butt, because you already think that (your life doesn't suck btw). However, I do think that you have to start broadening your applications beyond Ontario and possibly start re-evaluating your life (I don't think you are at the latter stage yet).

  • Consider applying out of province. With your verbal score you definitely meet Calgary and Alberta's verbal cut-off. Also, OMSAS is known to be notoriously hard on GPA calculation, and you're GPA may be higher than you think it is. You really have to zone in on schools that don't favour GPA so heavily. For instance, Calgary. They only give 20% weight to your GPA pre-MMI. That's lower than Mac's 32%. Other 80% of determining your interview is based on verbal and other subjective components like the "top 10" (go google it if you don't know what it is). So start planning outside Ontario. Tuition is way cheaper anyway.
     
  • Consider applying to the States. The US is the 2nd best option for those who don't get into a Canadian medical school. You will not be considered an IMG if you want to come back. Also, many US schools look for an upward trend of your overall GPA throughout your undergrad. They also heavily favour good MCAT scores. I'm not very knowledgeable on US AMCAS applications, but look into this forum and SDN (student doctor network - it's American premed101).
     
  • Re-evaluate your reasons for going into medicine. Instead of thinking about all the ways medicine is such an awesome profession start going to bed and asking yourself, "What do I need in my everyday work/future career so that I will be happy, satisfied, and proud?" By identifying the key aspects of your dream career, you may come to a realization that medicine really is the only thing that answer that question or there are other things that you can be pursuing that helps you be happy with what you are doing. It is honestly a shame that more pre-meds don't know about the amazing allied health care professions and the possibilities in each role. For instance, respiratory therapists, midwives, and NP's have an insane amount of autonomy. Respiratory therapists can intubate patients. IMidwives basically act as a obstetrician and the family physician during a woman's pregnancy. NPs have so much autonomy and they've just been approved in Ontario to prescribe most controlled substances with additional education. If after ALL the thinking and researching you realize that medicine is the only career you can see yourself happy in, then consider: going abroad.
     
  • International medical schools: Ireland, Carribeans, UK, Australia. The reason I listed this option as last, is because it really should be the LAST option. Especially if you don't come from an affluent background. Getting in is sooo much easier. But there's a catch. It's extremely expensive (~60-70k tuition/year + living expenses), and coming back to Canada for residency is like trying to get into Canadian medical school all over again. Getting a residency in the states won't be as hard, but never coming back to Canada is something you may have to deal with. The advantage is that it still lets you become a doctor!

Remember. There are very seldom situations in life where there is NO options. In most cases, there are always options, but they just come with compromises that we may or may not be willing to accept. 

 

Hope this helps!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not very good at communicating, so I'll try to keep this short (probably why i was rejected this cycle).  I rarely post on forums but reading this broke my heart a little.

 

Firstly, you can't compare yourself to people who somehow managed to get accepted in their first cycle, there are too many factors at play here.  As others mentioned, they are a minority and there is certainly a luck factor involved at the interview stage.  I personally know very few people who have managed to get an acceptance on their first cycle, and judging by what I've read online, this isn't a unique anecdote.  

 

I don't know what relationship you have with your family, and I cannot even fathom what it must be like for them to say those things to you.  But you've gone to a dark place because of it.  If they cannot understand the difficulties of getting an acceptance into medical school, if they cannot understand that these sorts of comments don't help anybody, I suggest you either distance yourself from them, or be with somebody in your life who is willing to listen and comfort you.  Even if it's just posting here, I'm not around often but you can see there are a lot of people who came here to post encouraging messages after seeing the way you felt, we're all premeds and we're all in this together.  Talk here if you feel the need to vent, don't linger in your dark thoughts.

 

As for where you want to go in the future, you got an interview at Western, a school that gives interviews solely based upon their extreme academic cutoff points.  You have a stellar MCAT, you have a decent 2 year gpa, all this says to me that you're taking this seriously and have made major improvements to your application in recent months/years.  If you reapply this coming cycle, you have a guaranteed interview at Western, meaning you can focus on two things now, improving your interview skills and using this summer and academic year to bolster your ECs/refs/essays for other schools.  In what world could this be construed as a failure?  Don't lose your motivation and don't lose hope, crush your obstacles and move forward.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OP if you could respond at your convenience that'd be great. We're clearly concerned for your well-being and hope you're ok. We hope you are reading these messages and taking self-care measures. Please please whatever you do don't hurt yourself. 

 

- G

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey everyone.

 

Thanks for the replies. They mean a lot.

 

It sucks this has happened to me. it's my second time applying, I applied last cycle with a 31mcat. I actually got I USDO acceptance, but was denied loans from TD and cibc, so I deferred. I still don't think i could afford it, or put that stress on my family (you have front your own money too as the loan wont cover it completely) it sucks that I had a chance, but no money. And now I failed at a chance here.

 

I work two jobs. This retail job and a job with a youth group home. I want to try to replace my retail with another residental home Job.

 

When I told my mom how hard it is to get a job, to get into medical school, she said "everything is hard for you, isn't it"

 

Sigh, I don't really know what to do. It's only been a day, but still. I want to sleep in my car to tonight. I really do not want to go home after work.

 

Ugh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel, and I mean it. I applied to McMaster, Queens, and U of T for the THIRD time, and only received an interview invite at U of T this year. This was my first interview invite ever, and I was thrilled, as I'm sure you were when you received the invite to Western. I interviewed at the first U of T weekend, which meant I waited almost 2.5 months for the result. It gave me a lot of time to mull over how it went, and I walked out of it feeling great and genuinely thought I had a good chance, especially because the interviewers were clearly pleased with how it went. I was giddy the night before results day because I had a good feeling and couldn't wait to wake up to a new future, to know that the third time's the charm, that things were finally looking up for me, and that I couldn't wait to join next year's class and know I would have some direction for the rest of my life.

 

So imagine my shock when I saw the email's subject line and knew right away that it hadn't worked out. I'm finishing up the second year of my master's and will be done soon, and for the first time, had no back-up because I didn't want to do more academia for a little while, having been on the run doing research, undergrad, a grad degree, and all these miscellaneous academic things in all my summers since high school. I also thought I had a good chance getting in, and expected this to be the next door opening for me. It was really tough because we all know that getting an interview is the hard part, and that it means you are clearly in contention once you reach this stage.

 

Then, you go on social media and see acquaintances celebrating. The post above is right - everyone is just so vocal - if they don't post themselves about their acceptance, they have friends post congratulatory public posts on their profile, and you are just so blithely aware of who's gotten in. And then you see that some of these people have amazing accomplishments, and then you see that some others have >10 meta-analysis publications, and all but one have them as a middle author and it's clear that their name is piggybacked onto the paper because of connections with a significant other who appears in every single one of their papers, despite knowing that as a grad student at different schools, they couldn't have possibly been involved in all those papers over that stretch of time. Cronyism, nepotism, name it what you will. Things catch up to people, and they won't go unnoticed in the future even though they squeezed in now. The world feels unfair, and luck is a huge, huge part of the process. A huge part of your success after the interview depends on which interviewers you get, what questions are you asked, how well you vibed, and how others performed. It's a flawed system.

 

Moving forward, what's been helping me cope is remembering that when we're all on our deathbeds in 50, 60, 70 years - maybe more - we won't be remembering, "Damn! That one time 70 years ago when that one acquaintance got into med 1, 2, 3, 4 years before I did"! Getting into med school is such a cutthroat, intense process that it can become so second nature to compare yourself to others. But remember, it's not a race to become a physician. Those who get into medical school early or before you are not any more or less predisposed to success in residency and in their specialty (which will far exceed the number of years you spend in medical school) just because they got in faster, or in fewer tries. Interruptions may very well happen - I know individuals who had residency interviews at so many places for competitive surgical specialties, walking in knowing from other experiences and situations that they were perfect for that specialty and just so certain it would work out for them - not end up matching at all. And this is not because they were not competent - it's because this path doesn't become easier just because you're in medical school. And luck of the draw always comes into play, especially for something like med where every year, there are always classmates who you look at and wonder, "How did they manage to get in?"

 

What we will remember though, are the times that we get through hard times and exercise resilience. We are all bound to experience tough times in our lives. Medical school doesn't make us immune to that. Everyone will go through tough times without a doubt, and life will test us in personal and professional ways. What not getting in affords us, is time to work on ourselves, to really learn how to bounce back. We now have this experience of not having success spoonfed to us, where we go through life really pushing through adversity, and we will absolutely be able to translate this knowledge to future hardships we are all bound to face - med school or not. I'm not sure if you have a back-up plan for this year, but I certainly don't, and it's scary because a lot of us who have been gunning after med have been immersed in this "go go go" mentality where we don't block of time for ourselves for more than a couple of months, where we wake up without a plan for the day. I think that's a big part of the fear for us, is knowing that for once, that structure is gone. Take the time to dig deep and remember the things that you thought to yourself, "man if I had the time, I would love to try ___ out for a while". Re-apply next cycle and use that time to really improve yourself without any commitments or stress, for once. And that's something that once you start medical school, you can't exactly afford the same way. Your jobs will be a good distraction and will give you a sense of familiarity.

 

Also remember, medical school is our dream - it's what we idealized, it's what we know is most fitting for ourselves. And that's why we applied 3 times. That's why we wrote the MCAT 3 times. That's ok. Don't give up - we came so far, truly accomplished so much. You have a fantastic MCAT score which money can't buy. That will really help you for future US applications - applying right out of the gate will definitely help, and AMCAS opens in a few weeks. Perhaps consider other means of financial assistance that the schools may offer. And next year is another cycle for Ontario apps. It'll be tough having to go through the whole thing again, since we have just experienced that. It will be tough telling friends and family what happened, especially when they know you've tried hard and that it's a tough process, and there's that air of feeling like you're being judged, looked down upon, and that it'll be a long year before you have new Ontario med school news to share. But American schools are rolling, which means you can keep yourself busy with those in the meantime, and perhaps get interviews for those well before the applications for Ontario schools are even due. Just remember that what other people think about your situation is irrelevant. They don't know exactly what you've been through, or the firsthand struggle of being rejected multiple times. Many can be misinformed about the process and have misconceptions about how much luck and fortune play a role. They can judge you for not being successful, but it's the most difficult professional school to pursue admission to. Getting an interview means you're capable enough to be at the top of the pack. Keep that in mind and use that to motivate you. No one can take previous lessons learned away from you. 

 

Please do consider the hotline numbers that were posted above, and I'm here for a PM anytime. We care about you and I know how you feel about the sting of rejection - it's definitely fresh and difficult. We're in this together. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey LFO,

 

First, I am sorry you got disappointing news this week. I can tell from your post that you have worked very hard on your goal and to receive an uncompassionate response from your parents I am sure did not help. 

 

I think this needs to be said very loudly, so I am going to bold it: If you are in crisis or having feelings of self harm or suicide please call your local distress hotline or go to an emergency room. Honestly, that cannot be said often or loudly enough - if you are at the point that you think you are going to hurt yourself or someone else then you need to get help right away. 

 

Based on your post it seems like you might not have a lot of people in your life that you can talk to when you are struggling. If that is the case I wholeheartedly recommend seeing a counsellor as a way to work through some of your feelings. Many counselling services are available for free or on a sliding scale if money is a barrier. 

 

Like the others on this thread, I hesitate to make a judgment of your parents based on a single post, but if this is a repeated narrative in your house (being called stupid or inadequate, being told you are a screw up etc) then I am concerned your home sounds like a toxic place. Again, I think discussing this with a counsellor would be very helpful, even if it's just to get some strategies on how to manage this situation without feeling like you have let everyone down.

 

As for "look at all the people that get in on their first try". You're right - they exist, but they are not the norm and there is an ENORMOUS element of luck. I can tell you from personal experience that I have met some INCREDIBLE people in my studies who had to apply multiple times and who were rejected multiple times and I honestly cannot fathom why - they are amazing people who will be phenomenal doctors. Even medical school admissions offices will tell you - they reject hundreds of people each year who would make great doctors. That being said, it is almost impossible not to take rejection personally, even when people tell you not to. The fact that you have received interviews, and an acceptance in the states, speaks to all of the positive things you have to offer in any field you choose to pursue.

 

You are allowed to have feelings. Often people only think about grief when someone dies, but grief can happen with the loss of anything you wanted, including medical school admission. There is nothing wrong or abnormal about feeling sad. Your feelings are true, whatever they are, and regardless of what anyone else says you are allowed to feel the way you feel. Other people may not understand your feelings - and that is also OK, but their lack of understanding does not invalidate your right to experience your own emotions. 

 

Moving forward, you will make a decision about whether or not to apply again. That is not something you need to decide right away. Give yourself the time you need to work through what you are experiencing and then evaluate your options. You mentioned a few allied health professions in your post which were unfortunately very negatively phrased by your parents... but having worked in allied health myself I can tell you that there are BRILLIANT people there. Some of the smartest and wisest mentors I have ever had are allied health professionals. There is absolutely no shame or disappointment to be found in becoming a member of the allied health profession - any good doctor will tell you how ABSOLUTELY VITAL the other health care professionals are. Based on your post you seem to enjoy working with people (you said you work in a group home facility) - if this is a passion you could continue to pursue studies or employment in that field regardless of whether or not you choose to reapply to medicine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going forward and building your skills in an area you enjoy while you reapply. Likewise there is nothing wrong with moving forward in an area you enjoy while taking a break from applying or choosing not to reapply. My journey to medicine was a (very winding) 10+ year pathway and the things I learned along the way were ABSOLUTELY worth it. 

 

Regardless of what you decide to do, you will bring many positive elements and skills. If your parents choose not to see the positive things you have accomplished that is their loss, but please do not let their negative reaction leave you feeling like your accomplishments are not something to be proud of - they are.

 

I hope at least something in this reply is helpful. If you are interested in allied health or human services work feel free to drop me a PM as I'm always happy to share what I know about it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Harmonics,

 

You see that you have an outpouring of support from us all! You are a winner!  :P Yes, a disappointed winner - and you have come so, so far. The loser is your mother who both lacks in understanding and compassion when you need it most and then goes the extra mile of being abusive. At this time, you need to be around those who love and/or support you.

 

Nobody but nobody other than those of us who go through this process understand how difficult it is, the to9ll it takes on us. All each of us can do is to try our best, none of us are perfect, we all stumble along the way, and an extremely important factor in the process is luck. Regardless of the future, we are truly there for you. You can PM me or I am sure any of us. Be well and hyave positive thoughts about yourself, about life and about the future. For now, take one day at a time, do not try to solve the w9orld problems or your own, just live through the day and try to do something each day that makes you smile and another smile too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just wanted to quickly share my experiences with rejection in hope that it helps you as well LFO!

 

I remember feeling a bit numb when I got my first rejection. I thought I had a decent enough chance, but I had bombed my interview and it was bitterly disappointing. Everything seemed like those movie shots where it zooms into your face, dims the background audio and slows time down. The next few days were the worst, especially having to disappoint family and friends. My parents were somewhat similar to yours where they expressed their disappointment negatively. Obviously they supported me (physically and financially) and want me to achieve my goal, but they said some pretty hurtful things. 

 

I wont say it'll feel better soon… because you probably will feel shitty for a while. But it will go away. I know for me, hearing some motivational words wont cut it. I have to do. That is, I kept busy by finding a job, volunteering with people I enjoyed and went out partying here and there. And slowly it got better until I used my rejection as motivation for applying to the next cycle. I can promise it will get better as time moves on.   

 

I hope you find the support you need here, but I'll DM you my e-mail just in case you want to talk to someone. We can be pen-pals (or typing-pals). I loved that shit in elementary school and it was nice talking to/supporting others. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This might sound like weird advice, but consider telling them less next cycle.  I found it helpful to not really tell parents/friends about acceptance dates, too many details about interviews, etc. That way--if you get in, amazing surprise for everyone, and if you dont, not a big deal. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Reading this genuinely broke my heart. I won't say too much, because I don't really think I can say much to make you feel better. Given what's happened to you, you have every reason to feel the way you do.

​I'm sure your parents are looking out for you, and they're trying to push you to achieve everything you can, but what they're doing is misguided and nothing short of awful. I'm sorry about your situation. Last year, I was interviewed at McMaster and U of T, and flat rejected by both. It was my first attempt at med school. My parents were supportive, but visibly disappointed. I'm kind of distant from my parents, but I found a lot of support in my friends, and they picked me back up. I know this is probably very difficult for you to talk about to ANYONE. Perhaps though, it might make you feel better if you found a really close friend, someone you really trust, and open up about what happened to you, and how you feel about it all. It gets a lot off your shoulders, and your friend will likely be very supportive about it, and help you get back on your feet to possibly go at it again next year. This really helped me get back on my feet. You don't have to go through this alone - your friends want to help.

​I'm in a similar situation again this cycle, though I did slightly better. I'm on a waitlist at Mac, and I'm on a waitlist at Ottawa (though that apparently doesn't mean much). I'm still rather disappointed, more so than last year, since I put forward so much more effort this time around. And so I'm pretty sullen and sad right now. And I'm talking to some of my friends on the internet right now about all this and I'm already feeling a little better.

​If you don't want to talk to a real life friend about this, plenty of people here on premed101 are willing to talk, me included.

​Lastly, I genuinely don't believe medicine is the end of the world. Don't listen to your parents, pharmacy and optometry are excellent professions, and it'll enable you to lead a steady and happy family life. What do you really want? Genuinely ask yourself that. Don't worry about living up to your parents' expectations. How much do you really care about pleasing your parents? It's your life, and what you want should come first. It might save you from this kind of stress, which in my opinion, isn't worth it for anything. If nothing else, apply to those as secondary options, alongside medical school.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You got an interview at Western - that is huge!

 

The fact that you made Western's cutoffs for the MCAT is a huge accomplishment in itself. It also means that you will likely receive an interview next year, dependent on the cutoffs being near the same.

 

You have so much more you know about the process than you did last year. Spend sometime reflecting on the interview, try to identify what you had trouble with, practice, practice, practice and you will make it! Be proud of yourself, you're gonna kill it next year!
 

Really sorry to hear about your family not supporting you. They don't understand the process. There's a huge community here that supports you 100%. Best wishes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to echo what everyone else said: If you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please please please call a local distress line found here [http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines] or head to your local emergency room.

 

Our parents and peers shape so much of our core beliefs and self-talk that you will eventually believe the negative comments you hear over and over again. This also makes it hard to find new balanced core beliefs to convince yourself that you are worthy and good enough. At times like this, I find it helpful to make a list of evidence that is opposite to your belief and what your family may tell you. Let me help you get started:

 

1. You received an interview at an Ontario medical school. You were selected out of 2500 applicants who applied to Western to receive an interview. That is a huge accomplishment!

2. You received a 31 on your MCAT - that's a score in the 81st percentile which means you are in the top 12% of people in the world who wrote the MCAT.

3. You work two jobs! To me this says that you are hard-working, and have great time management skills to be able to keep up with both of your responsibilities.

 

These are just some of the things I gathered from two posts you made. You have accomplished a lot. It can be difficult to believe in your accomplishments when your family is constantly beating you down but when you objectively gather evidence on all the great things you've done, it's clear that you are NOT worthless or a failure.

 

Other people on this thread has given you great advice on next steps. Just keep reminding yourself with objective evidence like the ones above that you are worthy regardless of what happens with medical school.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hang in there. Please do not give up on your dream, you have made it so far and the fact that you got an interview is HUGE and it means you are so, so close.

Take the next year to do something that will help you grow and something you will truly enjoy. And please take care of yourself.

Lots of people have longer journeys to medicine. They are often the ones that make the best doctors in the end.

If you need someone to talk to, my door's always open.

T2MD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey everyone.

 

So the results came out today. I only interviewed at western, I got rejected from mac and queens.

 

I also got rejected from western.

 

It sucked. I was so sad this morning, and I went to work depressed and out of it. I felt like a failure and disappointment to not only myself, but my family.

 

But hey I succeeded at something.

 

Disappointing my family.

 

I called home during break at work to talk to my mom... I called only to hear me get blasted on being a failure. On being a disappointment. On wasting time. On not caring about my future.

 

"There is something wrong with you"

 

That hurt.

 

There is something wrong with me, because it took me three times to get a score to land me an interview in Canada. There is something wrong with me, because I only got one. There is something wrong with me because I got rejected everywhere.

 

Apparantly I dont care about my future what so ever. I have a degree in biology at work part time minimum wage at a retail store that a high schooler can work at. I don't care about my future because if I did I would have gotten in. Look at all those kids who got in on their first try.

 

I am not one of them.

 

And I tried to tell her about the whole 3x application cycle, but she wasn't having any of it. I'm just a waste of a son. Their only kid, a waste.

 

I get it. I have a 3.5 gpa. I screwed up my undergrad. I get it. I did my mcat 3 times, where everyone else they imagine did it once.

 

I get it. I am a failure. I am a disappointment. 

 

She told me to go doing nursing or pharmacy or who cares because I am to stupid to be a doctor, and there is no point in re-applying because its a waste of money (because if I cared, i wouldve gotten in). Just like how I wasted my time in undergrad, and now wasted two years out of undergrad. 

 

It's all my fault. I know it is.

 

I broke down during end of day infront of my manager. She asked if something as wrong, I guess she could tell. I cried. I told her what happened. She was empathetic.

 

I sat in my car crying. I kind of wanted to end it there.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am a failure, and I have no one to blame but myself.

 

And I don't even know why I posted this. This wont help, really, in the end. Truthfully. 

 

I can't talk to the person I thought I could. So I am here. Expressing myself to strangers on the internet.

 

Pitiful.

 

 

You're right, OP, this won't really help in the end. You can read dozens of empathetic messages online or have people console you in person, but they can't do a damn thing to change your situation. Not even the closest people around you, or even your loved ones. 

 

Nor do they really care about whether you fail, other than yourself. They're going to pretend to care, or maybe care for a minute or two and offer you words of encouragement, but do you honestly think anybody would lose sleep over your rejection?

 

Also consider this depressing fact: Some people will actually find joy in your misery - strangers on the Internet reading your original post who also failed to get into med school, and some of your friends who secretly want you to fail in order to make themselves feel happy. It's much more prevalent than you think. 

 

People can be such selfish bastards, and the world can be a cruel and lonely place. Even your own mother can't be there with you during your most vulnerable moments. But who the hell cares? Why would you care? What have you gained and what can you honestly gain from caring? 

 

But in the end, you want people to care. You want your mother to comfort you. You don't want your friends to see you as a "failure". You want strangers, yes strangers on the Internet to make you feel like you are a special snowflake, deserving and worthy of care. Okay. Now having read 2 pages of "words of encouragement" from these strangers, what changed? Do you feel relieved? Do you now feel you are a better person? Has it increased your chances of being accepted next cycle, assuming that you try again? What else are you going to do, other than weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself? 

 

I get it, this isn't your ordinary rejection. Those mindless hours grinding away at your studies at midnight, the sacrifices you've made so that you would have a shot in achieving your dreams - they all seem worthless, right? If that's how you view life, you have some serious soul searching to do. 

 

Don't make such posts again - it's downright pathetic and it will only hurt your soul in the long run. You don't need strangers telling you that rejections don't define who you are. How you respond to rejections do. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×