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You're right, OP, this won't really help in the end. You can read dozens of empathetic messages online or have people console you in person, but they can't do a damn thing to change your situation. Not even the closest people around you, or even your loved ones. 

 

Nor do they really care about whether you fail, other than yourself. They're going to pretend to care, or maybe care for a minute or two and offer you words of encouragement, but do you honestly think anybody would lose sleep over your rejection?

 

Also consider this depressing fact: Some people will actually find joy in your misery - strangers on the Internet reading your original post who also failed to get into med school, and some of your friends who secretly want you to fail in order to make themselves feel happy. It's much more prevalent than you think. 

 

People can be such selfish bastards, and the world can be a cruel and lonely place. Even your own mother can't be there with you during your most vulnerable moments. But who the hell cares? Why would you care? What have you gained and what can you honestly gain from caring? 

 

But in the end, you want people to care. You want your mother to comfort you. You don't want your friends to see you as a "failure". You want strangers, yes strangers on the Internet to make you feel like you are a special snowflake, deserving and worthy of care. Okay. Now having read 2 pages of "words of encouragement" from these strangers, what changed? Do you feel relieved? Do you now feel you are a better person? Has it increased your chances of being accepted next cycle, assuming that you try again? What else are you going to do, other than weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself? 

 

I get it, this isn't your ordinary rejection. Those mindless hours grinding away at your studies at midnight, the sacrifices you've made so that you would have a shot in achieving your dreams - they all seem worthless, right? If that's how you view life, you have some serious soul searching to do. 

 

Don't make such posts again - it's downright pathetic and it will only hurt your soul in the long run. You don't need strangers telling you that rejections don't define who you are. How you respond to rejections do. 

 

He responded by asking for support from others when he couldn't get them from family.... like are you for real? 

 

You do know that not everyone responds to tough love right? 

 

- G 

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He responded by asking for support from others when he couldn't get them from family.... like are you for real? 

 

You do know that not everyone responds to tough love right? 

 

- G 

 

Yeah, I was a bit harsh the way I worded my response. But I just don't see how giving OP a simple pat on his back would help him in the long run. He has deeper problems to sort out. That's my assumption, but I think it's a reasonable one given the way he handled the entire situation and how he went on a Internet forum to seek emotional support. 

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You're right, OP, this won't really help in the end. You can read dozens of empathetic messages online or have people console you in person, but they can't do a damn thing to change your situation. Not even the closest people around you, or even your loved ones. 

 

Nor do they really care about whether you fail, other than yourself. They're going to pretend to care, or maybe care for a minute or two and offer you words of encouragement, but do you honestly think anybody would lose sleep over your rejection?

 

Also consider this depressing fact: Some people will actually find joy in your misery - strangers on the Internet reading your original post who also failed to get into med school, and some of your friends who secretly want you to fail in order to make themselves feel happy. It's much more prevalent than you think. 

 

People can be such selfish bastards, and the world can be a cruel and lonely place. Even your own mother can't be there with you during your most vulnerable moments. But who the hell cares? Why would you care? What have you gained and what can you honestly gain from caring? 

 

But in the end, you want people to care. You want your mother to comfort you. You don't want your friends to see you as a "failure". You want strangers, yes strangers on the Internet to make you feel like you are a special snowflake, deserving and worthy of care. Okay. Now having read 2 pages of "words of encouragement" from these strangers, what changed? Do you feel relieved? Do you now feel you are a better person? Has it increased your chances of being accepted next cycle, assuming that you try again? What else are you going to do, other than weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself? 

 

I get it, this isn't your ordinary rejection. Those mindless hours grinding away at your studies at midnight, the sacrifices you've made so that you would have a shot in achieving your dreams - they all seem worthless, right? If that's how you view life, you have some serious soul searching to do. 

 

Don't make such posts again - it's downright pathetic and it will only hurt your soul in the long run. You don't need strangers telling you that rejections don't define who you are. How you respond to rejections do. 

 

Your post is absolutely sickening...

 

I understand how OP feels. This is not even about people handling rejection differently. It also about people coming from different backgrounds and the potential problems rejection brings them. Be more empathetic will you? This isn't about the OP being weak or reacting poorly to a temporary failure. It's about his family and his surrounding not being visibly supportive and compassionate enough. I can somewhat relate because my parents are kinda like that.

 

Just because you (Jeff123) grow up in a nicer environment where your parents are more encouraging doesn't give you the right to look down on people. 

 

Get off your high horse already. 

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You're right, OP, this won't really help in the end. You can read dozens of empathetic messages online or have people console you in person, but they can't do a damn thing to change your situation. Not even the closest people around you, or even your loved ones. 

 

Nor do they really care about whether you fail, other than yourself. They're going to pretend to care, or maybe care for a minute or two and offer you words of encouragement, but do you honestly think anybody would lose sleep over your rejection?

 

Also consider this depressing fact: Some people will actually find joy in your misery - strangers on the Internet reading your original post who also failed to get into med school, and some of your friends who secretly want you to fail in order to make themselves feel happy. It's much more prevalent than you think. 

 

People can be such selfish bastards, and the world can be a cruel and lonely place. Even your own mother can't be there with you during your most vulnerable moments. But who the hell cares? Why would you care? What have you gained and what can you honestly gain from caring? 

 

But in the end, you want people to care. You want your mother to comfort you. You don't want your friends to see you as a "failure". You want strangers, yes strangers on the Internet to make you feel like you are a special snowflake, deserving and worthy of care. Okay. Now having read 2 pages of "words of encouragement" from these strangers, what changed? Do you feel relieved? Do you now feel you are a better person? Has it increased your chances of being accepted next cycle, assuming that you try again? What else are you going to do, other than weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself? 

 

I get it, this isn't your ordinary rejection. Those mindless hours grinding away at your studies at midnight, the sacrifices you've made so that you would have a shot in achieving your dreams - they all seem worthless, right? If that's how you view life, you have some serious soul searching to do. 

 

Don't make such posts again - it's downright pathetic and it will only hurt your soul in the long run. You don't need strangers telling you that rejections don't define who you are. How you respond to rejections do. 

 

Damn, I wouldn't want you as my doctor. 

Encouraging replies may not help this person... But whatever you just posted certainly won't help anyone.

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You're right, OP, this won't really help in the end. You can read dozens of empathetic messages online or have people console you in person, but they can't do a damn thing to change your situation. Not even the closest people around you, or even your loved ones. 

 

Nor do they really care about whether you fail, other than yourself. They're going to pretend to care, or maybe care for a minute or two and offer you words of encouragement, but do you honestly think anybody would lose sleep over your rejection?

 

Also consider this depressing fact: Some people will actually find joy in your misery - strangers on the Internet reading your original post who also failed to get into med school, and some of your friends who secretly want you to fail in order to make themselves feel happy. It's much more prevalent than you think. 

 

People can be such selfish bastards, and the world can be a cruel and lonely place. Even your own mother can't be there with you during your most vulnerable moments. But who the hell cares? Why would you care? What have you gained and what can you honestly gain from caring? 

 

But in the end, you want people to care. You want your mother to comfort you. You don't want your friends to see you as a "failure". You want strangers, yes strangers on the Internet to make you feel like you are a special snowflake, deserving and worthy of care. Okay. Now having read 2 pages of "words of encouragement" from these strangers, what changed? Do you feel relieved? Do you now feel you are a better person? Has it increased your chances of being accepted next cycle, assuming that you try again? What else are you going to do, other than weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself? 

 

I get it, this isn't your ordinary rejection. Those mindless hours grinding away at your studies at midnight, the sacrifices you've made so that you would have a shot in achieving your dreams - they all seem worthless, right? If that's how you view life, you have some serious soul searching to do. 

 

Don't make such posts again - it's downright pathetic and it will only hurt your soul in the long run. You don't need strangers telling you that rejections don't define who you are. How you respond to rejections do. 

 

Uh wtf? Seriously? Who do you think are to judge and patronize people? Great, you got into med school, but you know what? That was seriously uncalled for and I truly hope that you were trolling or just in some weird/drunken mental state to make this post. My god...

 

also, OP feel free to pm me. You're not alone in this marathon!

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Your post is absolutely sickening...

 

I understand how OP feels. This is not even about people handling rejection differently. It also about people coming from different backgrounds and the potential trouble problems rejection brings them. Be more empathetic will you? This isn't about the OP being weak or reacting poorly to a temporary failure. It's about his family and his surrounding not being visibly supportive and compassionate enough. I can somewhat relate because my parents are kinda like that.

 

Just because you (Jeff123) grow up in a nicer environment where your parents are more encouraging doesn't give you the right to look down on people. 

 

Get off your high horse already. 

 

1. OP received enough empathy. 

2. I grew up in a very, very difficult environment, and had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances. It's definitely painful to go through it, but I think it was a blessing i disguise because I learned to only rely on myself. 

3. I want the best for OP and don't look down on him as a person. 

4. If you disagree with me, we can have a dialogue regarding the content of my advice, I don't want to engage in personal attacks. 

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Uh wtf? Seriously? Who do you think are to judge and patronize people? Great, you got into med school, but you know what? That was seriously uncalled for and I truly hope that you were trolling or just in some weird/drunken mental state to make this post. My god...

 

also, OP feel free to pm me. You're not alone in this marathon!

 

You seriously think I took time to write out my original response to OP to "judge" and "patronize" him? 

 

OP, if you are reading this, I hope you seriously consider my advice on its own merit, irrespective of anything else. I apologize if my tone sounded judgmental or patronizing. This is honestly what I think, and I have zero ill intent. 

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Damn, I wouldn't want you as my doctor. 

Encouraging replies may not help this person... But whatever you just posted certainly won't help anyone.

 

1. Though I would still accept you if you became my patient. 

2. Encouraging replies do not help in most instances. 

3. I seriously disagree with your last statement. I think OP will more likely be better off in the long run by "toughening himself up". He needs negative anchors, not positive reinforcements. 

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1. OP received enough empathy. 

2. I grew up in a very, very difficult environment, and had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances. It's definitely painful to go through it, but I think it was a blessing i disguise because I learned to only rely on myself. 

3. I want the best for OP and don't look down on him as a person. 

4. If you disagree with me, we can have a dialogue regarding the content of my advice, I don't want to engage in personal attacks. 

 

The fact that you grew up in a difficult environment would make me think you'd be more understanding of challenging circumstances.... why put him down more? 

 

You think you mean well but it comes off so hurtful

 

- G

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On 5/10/2017 at 10:18 PM, jeff123 said:

You're right, OP, this won't really help in the end. You can read dozens of empathetic messages online or have people console you in person, but they can't do a damn thing to change your situation. Not even the closest people around you, or even your loved ones. 

 

Nor do they really care about whether you fail, other than yourself. They're going to pretend to care, or maybe care for a minute or two and offer you words of encouragement, but do you honestly think anybody would lose sleep over your rejection?

 

Also consider this depressing fact: Some people will actually find joy in your misery - strangers on the Internet reading your original post who also failed to get into med school, and some of your friends who secretly want you to fail in order to make themselves feel happy. It's much more prevalent than you think. 

 

People can be such selfish bastards, and the world can be a cruel and lonely place. Even your own mother can't be there with you during your most vulnerable moments. But who the hell cares? Why would you care? What have you gained and what can you honestly gain from caring? 

 

But in the end, you want people to care. You want your mother to comfort you. You don't want your friends to see you as a "failure". You want strangers, yes strangers on the Internet to make you feel like you are a special snowflake, deserving and worthy of care. Okay. Now having read 2 pages of "words of encouragement" from these strangers, what changed? Do you feel relieved? Do you now feel you are a better person? Has it increased your chances of being accepted next cycle, assuming that you try again? What else are you going to do, other than weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself? 

 

I get it, this isn't your ordinary rejection. Those mindless hours grinding away at your studies at midnight, the sacrifices you've made so that you would have a shot in achieving your dreams - they all seem worthless, right? If that's how you view life, you have some serious soul searching to do. 

 

Don't make such posts again - it's downright pathetic and it will only hurt your soul in the long run. You don't need strangers telling you that rejections don't define who you are. How you respond to rejections do. 

 

 

.

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1. Though I would still accept you if you became my patient. 

2. Encouraging replies do not help in most instances. 

3. I seriously disagree with your last statement. I think OP will more likely be better off in the long run by "toughening himself up". He needs negative anchors, not positive reinforcements. 

 

2 is pretty presumptuous........ how would you know that apart from your anecdotal experiences? Similarly having been a mentor in various positions for over a decade, most people are more likely to shut down with tough love

 

3 is only useful if someone can actually take that in after some time to reflect....... do you honestly think with the pain so close right now that the OP is in a great position to "toughen up" ...... it's similar to grieving...... people need time.

 

- G

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You have very negative view of people, Jeff123.  I understand that you grew up in a very difficult environment and you had to rely on yourself mostly, but how can you live a healthy life if you don't trust anyone?  You claim that the OP may have a problem or deeper issues, but you may also have a problem.  

 

1. I think there's a difference between only relying on myself and not trusting others. I definitely agree with you in the sense that I trust others less than other people (probably because of my upbringings). But I'm not telling OP to have less trust in others, but rather to be emotionally stronger himself and deal with problems by himself. 

2. I may have a problem too, but that's not the issue at hand. 

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To everyone...... let's get back on track and not focus on berating jeff123. I don't think it's fair that when we talk about a supportive environment that we spend all this time to harass the person. We've given our rebuttals to his points and that should be the end of it. 

 

To OP, it would be great however if you could periodically update us on your progress. For those reading, you may find others willing to help you at different stages in the application process or in alternative directions. Make use of the potential opportunities here. 

 

- G

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It's precisely those really hurtful moments when people unleash their greatest potential. When I experienced really tough times, that's when I changed the most, for the better. I've also seen it in countless others. 

 

@G, I think you and I have very different philosophical outlooks on life and human behavior. My belief is that people are much more motivated by fear than comfort. 

 

Of course I can be completely wrong on all of this. But we can agree that it's for OP's best interest in hearing different perspectives, no? 

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It's precisely those really hurtful moments when people unleash their greatest potential. When I experienced really tough times, that's when I changed the most, for the better. I've also seen it in countless others. 

 

@G, I think you and I have very different philosophical outlooks on life and human behavior. My belief is that people are much more motivated by fear than comfort. 

 

Of course I can be completely wrong on all of this. But we can agree that it's for OP's best interest in hearing different perspectives, no? 

 

People respond differently when pushed into a corner...... it's great that you have come out the other side, but understand that it is not how others would respond.

 

Using the politics of fear inherently breeds mistrust and that motivation to improve more likely becomes avoiding punishment and ill stimuli as opposed to attaining reinforcement.

 

More importantly, if you do believe the OP would benefit from other perspectives... why wouldn't you consider a more tactful approach in the form of a PM, particularly since this entire thread was to help build encouragement and support, which is the opposite of your theme. 

 

- G

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On 5/11/2017 at 12:30 AM, jeff123 said:

It's precisely those really hurtful moments when people unleash their greatest potential. When I experienced really tough times, that's when I changed the most, for the better. I've also seen it in countless others. 

 

@G, I think you and I have very different philosophical outlooks on life and human behavior. My belief is that people are much more motivated by fear than comfort. 

 

Of course I can be completely wrong on all of this. But we can agree that it's for OP's best interest in hearing different perspectives, no? 

 

.

There are times for tough love, but there are also times for encouragement and support.

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Jeff, you have a point - at the end of the day, one of the biggest things that would make rejections better is being accepted in the future. But telling someone that venting or wanting to hear how other people are coping is "pathetic", is not fair either. Not being accepted after such a long run of effort doesn't mean that someone can't dish on their feelings. At the end of the day, the work has to come from each of us that have been rejected to hopefully make a change and be successful next cycle, but not all of us are as lucky as you. There are tons of amazing applicants that fall through the cracks. You'll be well aware of it when you apply for residency and you see individuals who are so qualified and get amazing feedback from PDs themselves, go unmatched, and with the number of med students so high without a proportional increase in the the number of residency spots, it is bound to happen more and more over the years.  

 

Obviously the only thing for us to do is to think of next steps, see what we can tangibly do to change how things end up. But it's not fair to tell someone looking for an outlet, one day fresh out of rejections, that looking for solace as a first step is going to "hurt their soul" in the long run. The problem with med school things is that there are many who get rejected, but not everyone posts because it's not something they want to brag about. Conversely, getting in is such a proud moment that you want everyone possible to know how successful you were. It creates a bit of an imbalanced representation of the real situation and perpetuates the idea in the heads of people who have been rejected, that they are alone, when in the fact, the number of rejected students far outweighs those who were accepted. Yes, the only thing that will get us to our med school goal is to, well, get in med school, but it's a mental blow to have to deal with rejection until the next cycle rolls around, while seeing the new class start and bounce around happily (at least during O-week), and knowing you were so close to being part of it. And until then, please don't find it surprising that it's quite a hill to climb, and that we have to live with it and be reminded of it in the meantime, while trying to do things that can make an actual difference. To get to that point of actually effecting change and getting in, takes time. And it's that waiting time that is difficult. If it was up to me, I'd submit another application right away and get the ball rolling asap, but I can't. And that's the hard part.

 

It's like if you lost a pet that only lived with you, due to a sudden death despite you taking the best care of them that you possibly could. Following your logic, one would say, "They'll never come back. You can read dozens of messages online people who will console you, but it's not going to do a damn thing to change your situation. Do you think anyone would lose sleep over your dog dying? Okay, now having read two pages of "encouragement", do you feel relieved? Is your dog back? Has it increased the chances of your dog coming back from the dead? Are you going to get a new dog? Are you going to do anything but weep, seek empathy, and feel sorry for yourself?"

 

People need to grieve. Losing out on med school admission while having put so much work, knowing that we did all we could, is tough. Contrary to what you think, it does help to hear people share their stories and to talk it over together. It won't make the school suddenly send an email to me and say "jk you're in", but coping is a real process that has to happen. And sharing helps. 

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It's precisely those really hurtful moments when people unleash their greatest potential. When I experienced really tough times, that's when I changed the most, for the better. I've also seen it in countless others. 

 

@G, I think you and I have very different philosophical outlooks on life and human behavior. My belief is that people are much more motivated by fear than comfort. 

 

Of course I can be completely wrong on all of this. But we can agree that it's for OP's best interest in hearing different perspectives, no? 

I agree that you mature the most through difficult times, but perhaps responding so harshly (calling OP "pathetic") is not the most appropriate response when the person is already voicing suicidal thoughts due to lack of support...

 

Perhaps showing them a different perspective on the situation and providing advice on how to get through difficult situations is more helpful than undermining their concerns. 

 

You simply cannot assume that everyone responds to difficult situations the same way you do.

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It's precisely those really hurtful moments when people unleash their greatest potential. When I experienced really tough times, that's when I changed the most, for the better. I've also seen it in countless others. 

 

@G, I think you and I have very different philosophical outlooks on life and human behavior. My belief is that people are much more motivated by fear than comfort. 

 

Of course I can be completely wrong on all of this. But we can agree that it's for OP's best interest in hearing different perspectives, no? 

 

Your posts are interesting, I don't necessarily disagree although your initial tone was a bit harsh.

 

You are right that empathy will not help OP.  I hope OP already knew this.  To expand on your advice in a bit more of a positive way: OP is clearly close judging by the interview.  He should now be planning how to improve his application to further increase next years chances.  Since he was rejected post interview, this would include +++ interview prep.

 

More important advice might be to try and not care what your parents say to you.  Yes everyone wants people to think highly of them, but your parents sound like d-bags, so good advice might be to adult-up a bit and get some distance from them.  Possibly not react to situations like this so emotionally if possible. 

 

The one thing I will criticize Jeff123 for is the above comment.  "It's precisely those really hurtful moments when people unleash their greatest potential."  This is the same hyper-emotional bs that you are being critical of the OP for, and I think it hurts your whole "thesis" to the OP.  Your life is not a lifetime movie.  Things just happen, they aren't always laced with positive or negative meaning.  OP needs to learn from this year and maximize the chances of next year is really all that should matter IMO

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Other posters have offered many good emotional support. 

 

On a practical level, if you apply again next year, note UWO has a particular style of questions and topics it likes to ask, and is trying to solicit a particular range of answers. UWO's questions are not hard, you just have to know what they are after.

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1. OP received enough empathy. 

2. I grew up in a very, very difficult environment, and had to deal with extremely challenging circumstances. It's definitely painful to go through it, but I think it was a blessing i disguise because I learned to only rely on myself. 

3. I want the best for OP and don't look down on him as a person. 

4. If you disagree with me, we can have a dialogue regarding the content of my advice, I don't want to engage in personal attacks. 

 

 

I guess what it comes down to is that you, nor anyone else in this thread, are not a "special snowflake" either. I am certain that many people ITT may have grown up in difficult environments and had to withstand challenging circumstances. They didn't let those things make them bitter.

 

I understand that thinking like that has helped you survive, and that you must be a resilient person as a result of what you went through. Know that if this type of thinking helps you, it does not help everyone. I hope you keep that in mind when you become a doctor. 

 

Good luck man

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Hey everyone.

 

[...]

 

That hurt.

 

[...]

I get it. I am a failure. I am a disappointment. 

 

[...]

I sat in my car crying. I kind of wanted to end it there.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am a failure, and I have no one to blame but myself.

 

And I don't even know why I posted this. This wont help, really, in the end. Truthfully. 

 

I can't talk to the person I thought I could. So I am here. Expressing myself to strangers on the internet.

 

Pitiful.

 

Oh no, don't say that. Please don't say that. You are much more, so much more than a rejection from one med school.

You have the right to cry right now. Do it. Do it loudly. Express yourself. Yes, you might get some head aches tomorrow, but it'll be worth it. Promise. Express yourself and don't be afraid to. But please, please don't think about ending it here. 

You are so much more than that. You know what I just read ? I read about a strong person. I read about a persevering person. I read about a passionate person. 

The path to med school is not easy. But believe me, you have to be proud about your courage. You have to be proud about all the work you have done, all the sacrifices you've made.

 

If I were a patient, I would love to be treated by a strong, persevering and passionate person. Please don't give up on med school. I know it's cheesy, but don't give up on life. There are so many suprises that are waiting for you in the future. 

 

You are not a failure. And there is nothing wrong with you sumply because of this. I know you have in you, somewhere, the strenght to go through all of this. You've done it before. Your efforts will be rewarded. In some way or another. May it be med school or not. I promise.

 

So please, give life another chance. Give yourself another chance.  And cry. A lot. It'll help, promise. 

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You seriously think I took time to write out my original response to OP to "judge" and "patronize" him? 

 

OP, if you are reading this, I hope you seriously consider my advice on its own merit, irrespective of anything else. I apologize if my tone sounded judgmental or patronizing. This is honestly what I think, and I have zero ill intent. 

 

Although I'll accept at face value that your intent was to help, unfortunately (speaking as a third party observer) I did not feel that this came through at all in your original post. To my reading, the entire post seems to essentially drive home the point that the OP should feel bad about himself for having reached out to this community (which has existed for well over a decade with the main aim of helping others through this process). The only specific course of action I could glean from it was basically the admonition to not post again.

 

This is in contrast to other posters who have provided constructive advice on improving one's application, in addition to the "words of encouragement" you seem to place little value on (but actually is the positive self-talk that the OP needs to replace his negative thoughts, and will help his interview performance in the future). I am not sure if you are undertaking or plan to pursue a medical career, but if you were working in a student health centre and a struggling student came to you with expressions of self-harm, would you honestly tell them they were pathetic for feeling this way, that they need to sort out their own problems and not come back? Even a brief acknowledgement that the OP understandably feels down after the rejection, before moving on to the advice to put it behind him and move forward, would have come across significantly better.

 

Of course, empathy is important and necessary to any attempt to advise or help someone. Remember, empathy is not sympathy, pity, or coddling. It is simply the ability to see from someone else's viewpoint. Research has shown that more empathetic providers have better patient outcomes/satisfaction, better teamwork and as a result patient safety. Conversely, less empathetic providers experience more patient complaints/lawsuits. In the worst case scenarios, children have died preventable deaths from sepsis after repeat ER visits in which their parents' concerns (about their children seeming "off" and being sicker than thought by the ER team) were dismissed and labelled as overly anxious or hysterical. 

 

To the OP, I think this serves as a good example that people, like your mother (who I'm assuming has been supportive in the past since you thought she was the one person you could turn to), may care about you and try to help/motivate you, but express that very poorly, and unintentionally have the opposite effect. The one point I'll agree with jeff123 on is that people who don't care won't really respond. Your mother is probably similarly frustrated as you are by the setback you have encountered, and the intensity of her response probably reflects her level of investment.

 

Please don't hesitate to reach out to a distress line or student counselling centre if you would like to talk more. They are trained to respond in a calm, non-judgmental manner and can help provide some clarity and perspective on next steps.

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