Married during Med school

[Hani]

This might sound like a funny topic but I was just curious on this question.

 

I'm still in 3rd year hoping to start up on my application soon etc

 

I was just wondering if there is anyone here who has started/gone through medical school while married.

 

 

Is it hard, or easier having someone there? If anyone can provide some thoughts on their experiences and how it has helped/not helped them that'll be great

 

Thanks

[FacetheMusic]

I'm getting married in 4 days and starting med school in the fall. Ask me in a few months?

[~me~]

Congratulations, FacetheMusic!

[FacetheMusic]

Thank you!

[chanjawa]

I'd be interested in hearing people's experiences on this as well. Initially I thought the title was referring to getting married during med school.

 

I am starting school this fall and hoping to get married next summer (luckily, I ran into someone with the same plans for next summer, so we decided to get engaged, lol, jk).

 

Wondering how hard it is going to be to plan a wedding during first year meds. Especially since the wedding will be in a different city about 5 hours away!

[Julie]

Hi!

 

This has been discussed previously here : http://premed101.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24357&highlight=married

[FacetheMusic]

I'd be interested in hearing people's experiences on this as well. Initially I thought the title was referring to getting married during med school.

 

I am starting school this fall and hoping to get married next summer (luckily, I ran into someone with the same plans for next summer, so we decided to get engaged, lol, jk).

 

Wondering how hard it is going to be to plan a wedding during first year meds. Especially since the wedding will be in a different city about 5 hours away!

 

I planned a wedding in KW (not from there and have never lived there) while living in London and working, doing my thesis, and applying to medical school. I would guess medical school might be as busy or more. It was quite difficult. I would suggest hiring a wedding planner in the city you plan to get married in, since well - you won't have a lot of time to interview vendors yourself.

[rrt23]

hey i'm currently finishing my first year in med school and i've been married for three years. it was difficult at times, but i'm in a long distance marriage at the moment (he's taking classes in a different province) so i think that has a lot to do with it. i know there are a lot of us married folks in my class and it is definately doable... i think some things are harder, like going out with friends (my class is really social!!) and getting priorities straight, but for the most part i really like having someone who supports me through all the tough times.

it's all definately about your support network for medicine and if that includes a husband/wife who is willing to go through the sacrifices that are necessary for a medical career then you can make it work.

there is also a significant number of people in my class getting married or engaged (out of 101 students we had 2 get married this year and i think at last count 6 engaged.... there are 14 of us already married, two of them have young children, one of them has a baby on the way!! that's not counting people in commited relationships....)

so it is possible to have a serious relationship and still do well in school!

[Maxime]

I got married with my girlfriend in third year of med school. She was also in med school, 200 km away! Still managed to travel every weekend, and applied to residency as a couple. Worked out great, definitely doable (much easier though if you're both in the same town)

[George]

I'm getting married this October - my fiancee is a PhD student and I'm in first-year med, we live in Calgary, and our wedding's going to be in Toronto. No biggie, no biggie

[WaveSense]

sigh... i was hopping this thread was filled with negatives so my gf can see that it is not a good idea to get married before finishing school.... guess i have no choice now......

[Jochi1543]

sigh... i was hopping this thread was filled with negatives so my gf can see that it is not a good idea to get married before finishing school.... guess i have no choice now......

 

LOL 10char

[Laura_333]

 

I had several meetings with my lawyer, family accountant, and even a marriage counselor before I decided that getting married was the best choice.

 

We're having a wedding either way, but the decision to sign the papers is largely based on logistics.

 

ps- solid pre-nups are your friend

 

Wow, I understand that realistically divorce happens and prenups should be considered, but what an attitude to go into a marriage with! Ouch, I hope I never read my parter writing something like this.

[inspiring-curmudgeon]

Wow, I understand that realistically divorce happens and prenups should be considered, but what an attitude to go into a marriage with! Ouch, I hope I never read my parter writing something like this.

 

I agree, for the most part.

[Jochi1543]

Wow, I understand that realistically divorce happens and prenups should be considered, but what an attitude to go into a marriage with! Ouch, I hope I never read my parter writing something like this.

 

Well, I think it actually makes sense to draft a prenup if you know your future income will be very high (especially if your spouse's isn't). I mean, I'd hate to have my husband cheat on me with his 18 year-old secretary and then have to pay him spousal support for the rest of my life and have to work an extra 20 hours a week to cover that while he spends my hard-earned money on bolt-ons for her. A situation that happens more often that it should. For example, my mother made the mistake of putting down my father's name on some of her property years ago, and now he won't let her sell it just to spite her - so she has assets that are rapidly depreciating that she cannot get rid of. There have been many divorces in my family, and all I can say is be VERY VERY VERY careful with your property because you won't believe the extents to which people can go to in order to ruin your life if you divorce.

[RandomGirl]

I totally agree with Jochi! Obviously you only get married because you are in love with and committed to your partner, but you still have to be realistic and realize that things change.

[Laura_333]

I do agree that prenups are important to protect yourself, however I highly doubt I will ever get one, perhaps because we will have very similar incomes so maybe that makes is simpler. I was more reacting to the overall tone of the post, and hope that the prenup is seen as a likely never-needed piece of paper to be forgotten about after 50 years of marriage. I simply think that going into marriage thinking too much about divorce is a recipe for disaster! Obviously there are many reasons to divorce, but I hope my attitude will keep my future marriage strong--I think that seeing that in my family and extended family (and my boyfriend's) there hasn't been a single divorce means perhaps that attitude is important.

[future_doc]

Well, I think it actually makes sense to draft a prenup

 

Absolutely. If you live in Quebec, where live-in companions have no rights ever, and if your intended won't sign the prenup, not to worry, engage an OOP religous leader(Priest, Minister, Rabbi, etc) to perform the ceremony. Not being an authorized official to perform marriage in the province, the marriage will not be recognized under the law, only under religious law. So, you are not really married lol and as common law unions are not recognized, there is no need for a prenup, just make sure there are no joint bank accounts and the home is in your name.

 

If you live in any other province, get married in Quebec and bring your OOP marriage performer with you on the plane, you are still not married.

 

just joking guys, but this would work. Better a prenup and each side must have their own legal representation, if not, it can and will be set aside by the party without independent legal rep.

[Laura_333]

Oh, and pre-marital counseling is an incredibly valuable endeavor. We're seeing a marriage counselor every two months until we get married next summer and it's been fantastic for making sure that we're on exactly the same page and that we're completely clear about our expectations.

We already started on solid ground, but we didn't necessarily know the right questions to ask.

 

The way we see it, we need to be able to realistically and respectfully talk about divorce if we're going to be part of the increasingly small club that avoids it.

 

You clearly take marriage very seriously, and I think there would be wayyy less divorce if everyone did the counselling route and was so honest and upfront with their potential spouse. Good luck!

[Kittyp]

This might sound like a funny topic but I was just curious on this question.

 

I'm still in 3rd year hoping to start up on my application soon etc

 

I was just wondering if there is anyone here who has started/gone through medical school while married.

 

 

Is it hard, or easier having someone there? If anyone can provide some thoughts on their experiences and how it has helped/not helped them that'll be great

 

Thanks

 

 

I believe it depends on your spouse. If he/she is understanding and supportive that person can help you a lot to run normal routine life and can make your career life easier. But if he/she is a different personality it can make everything very hard.

[Halcyon]

I believe it depends on your spouse. If he/she is understanding and supportive that person can help you a lot to run normal routine life and can make your career life easier. But if he/she is a different personality it can make everything very hard.

 

I second this; but, even the most supportive partner can lose their 'supportiveness'. People change. There's always a risk factor when getting into relationships. Don't rush into anything just b/c you think you want to get married.

 

Good luck!

[Renin]

I totally agree with Jochi! Obviously you only get married because you are in love with and committed to your partner, but you still have to be realistic and realize that things change.

 

I think it's more romantic TO get a prenup. So you can focus on the other parts of the relationship and not have to worry about finances!

[chanjawa]

There are two possible outcomes to a marriage.

 

1. You get married and stay madly in love forever.

 

2. You get married and somewhere down the line one of you, or both, fall out of love, and you get a divorce (or stay together unhappily).

 

So the question is, which would you regret more.

 

1. You got married, stayed madly in love forever, and now wish you could redo it and never have doubted you or your spouse's love when you first brought up the subject of a prenup.

 

2. You got married, thought you would stay madly in love forever, but didn't, and now wish you had gotten that prenup because you are losing half your house, half your money, etc...

 

I like to think that I would be more bothered waking up at 85 next to my loving wife, knowing that I once doubted her love and devotion to me, than I would be if I lost half my material possessions to a woman I once loved dearly enough to marry.

 

I don't think I'm being idealistic here. In fact it seems pretty logical to me. You are either risking the purity of your love and trust for each other in the name of protecting half your material possessions, or you are risking half your material possessions in the name of your love. I wouldn't want to gamble on the former!

 

Just my 2 cents.

[whale.of.a.time]

I'm on this particular bandwagon also.

 

Just an old romantic, I guess...

 

There are two possible outcomes to a marriage.

 

1. You get married and stay madly in love forever.

 

2. You get married and somewhere down the line one of you, or both, fall out of love, and you get a divorce (or stay together unhappily).

 

So the question is, which would you regret more.

 

1. You got married, stayed madly in love forever, and now wish you could redo it and never have doubted you or your spouse's love when you first brought up the subject of a prenup.

 

2. You got married, thought you would stay madly in love forever, but didn't, and now wish you had gotten that prenup because you are losing half your house, half your money, etc...

 

I like to think that I would be more bothered waking up at 85 next to my loving wife, knowing that I once doubted her love and devotion to me, than I would be if I lost half my material possessions to a woman I once loved dearly enough to marry.

 

I don't think I'm being idealistic here. In fact it seems pretty logical to me. You are either risking the purity of your love and trust for each other in the name of protecting half your material possessions, or you are risking half your material possessions in the name of your love. I wouldn't want to gamble on the former!

 

Just my 2 cents.

[koft]

This might sound like a funny topic but I was just curious on this question.

 

I'm still in 3rd year hoping to start up on my application soon etc

 

I was just wondering if there is anyone here who has started/gone through medical school while married.

 

 

Is it hard, or easier having someone there? If anyone can provide some thoughts on their experiences and how it has helped/not helped them that'll be great

 

Thanks

 

It is certainly doable, i have known ppl who are married and had kids during either meds school or residency. Of course, it is going to be tougher and can be more challenging to have a kid during meds school. Easier with residency esp. Pathology, etc.

 

One thing I found is as long as you have a good support system in place you are set.

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