touchthesky Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Hey guys, TOTALLY in a sticky situation and just wanted to get feedback from fellow test-writers. So I am writing on Sept. 3rd, but I just found out my friend's brother passed away and the visitations will be on Wednesday and the funeral is on Thursday. I don't know the family well, but my friend was the first person I met at university and a really great support to me (his brother's death is a tragedy and the whole thing comes as a shock). My parents are against me going, seeing as my exam is in about a week. Some of my friends suggest I go, others say I shouldn't. I am not sure what to do. My friend knows I write on the 3rd, because I haven't had much of a social life thanks to this exam. Any thoughts or feedback are greatly appreciated...I'm just lost on what to do (and the funeral home is 40 minutes away and I can't get there by TTC, only by car, from where I live). Thank you all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Go to one or the other, but not both. You will regret not having done this. Moreover, you need a break, so this will be a sad break,showing respect and you will be back to business. I had a somewhat similar situation, I went to the funeral, but had to attend lectures at university. I went to classes each day and went to the house of mourning each day and balled my eyes out. I was absolutely fully focused in class and each of these contemporaneous experiences were separate and distinct. Select the most meaningful visitiation, Wed or Thurs. and act accordingly. Your MCAT will not be affected in the slightest. Three-four hours away from the monster is good for your soul, in this case, in more than one way. And do not study the day before! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cnussey Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Are you planning on applying this year? If you postpone your exam you won't be able to receive your MCAT grades in time to submit an application and therefore should attend the wake and write the exam. If you do not plan on applying this year, then I suggest you could postpone the exam--especially if you think your friend would appreciate it (however, I'm sure your friend would understand if you don't). Show up to the wake, at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
touchthesky Posted August 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Ya I am planning on applying this year. I am one of the orientation leaders at my university so Frosh week is literally the day after I write the MCAT, and it doesn't end until the first day of classes (the 9th) so I can't postpone my MCAT date to the 12th. My parents are making the argument that it will detract from my focus to be in an emotional situation like this within a week of my exam...it just sucks how ill-timed everything has been this summer :s I would have to let my friend know if I can't do it, and at this point, it looks like I can't. Sigh...I didn't think taking the MCAT would take over my life like this I know I shouldn't be saying that because I want to be a physician and this is just one step of the process, but I'm just tired of being a lousy friend and person overall by isolating myself for this test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
touchthesky Posted August 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Go to one or the other, but not both. You will regret not having done this. Moreover, you need a break, so this will be a sad break,showing respect and you will be back to business. I had a somewhat similar situation, I went to the funeral, but had to attend lectures at university. I went to classes each day and went to the house of mourning each day and balled my eyes out. I was absolutely fully focused in class and each of these contemporaneous experiences were separate and distinct. Select the most meaningful visitiation, Wed or Thurs. and act accordingly. Your MCAT will not be affected in the slightest. Three-four hours away from the monster is good for your soul, in this case, in more than one way. And do not study the day before! That is exactly where the dilemma lies. I know I will regret not going. It's just been a messy situation studying for the MCAT this summer because so much has gotten in the way and I really want to spend this week doing exams. Sigh...I don't think I can make a decision without regretting something at the end. If I go to the wake and it messes my focus for the exam, I will blame myself for the decision if I tank on the MCAT. If I don't go and do well on the MCAT, I'll feel like a terrible friend. There's no compromise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cnussey Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Ya I am planning on applying this year. I am one of the orientation leaders at my university so Frosh week is literally the day after I write the MCAT, and it doesn't end until the first day of classes (the 9th) so I can't postpone my MCAT date to the 12th. My parents are making the argument that it will detract from my focus to be in an emotional situation like this within a week of my exam...it just sucks how ill-timed everything has been this summer :s I would have to let my friend know if I can't do it, and at this point, it looks like I can't. Sigh...I didn't think taking the MCAT would take over my life like this I know I shouldn't be saying that because I want to be a physician and this is just one step of the process, but I'm just tired of being a lousy friend and person overall by isolating myself for this test Actually, I think the wake is a compromise--your parents are forgetting that you will be just as distracted from the exam if you do not attend as if you do. Funerals are "surreal" and are a part of life (ironic) and you would be a good friend to attend something. Do not postpone the exam--you will find many people disappointed in yourself, including yourself...but you probably should attend the wake early on--with your friend--to show your respect and support. I have kids, so I often cannot attend funerals (esp. since my husband is a key part in the funeral, so I have no one to watch them)...I often attend the wake and send flowers two weeks after the funeral (to show you have not forgotten their pain). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 That is exactly where the dilemma lies. I know I will regret not going. It's just been a messy situation studying for the MCAT this summer because so much has gotten in the way and I really want to spend this week doing exams. Sigh...I don't think I can make a decision without regretting something at the end. If I go to the wake and it messes my focus for the exam, I will blame myself for the decision if I tank on the MCAT. If I don't go and do well on the MCAT, I'll feel like a terrible friend. There's no compromise I verily believe it will not interefere with your focus. It may be best t go to the Visitation which, while difficult, will not be as deeply moving as the actual funeral itself. It is definitely not necessary to attend both. You cannot do a preactice test every day, a most every second day. Taking 4 hours out of your life, no matter what you or your parents believe, is not going to make the slightest difference in the results of MCAT, and to believe otherwise is to believe in leprochans. You do require mental and emotional strength. We all have it. As a doc, you will see a patient die before you,. while you are trying to save this patient. And ten minutes later, you may have a date, a conference, a presentation to give or be trying to save another life. So, here, you need to separate the moments, you need to retrurn to business after the visitation and you can greave further after MCAT, then e ven vist the parents again and let them know what their child meant to you. They wiil deeply appreciate it after the funeral when everybody disappears and just get on with their lives. I do not see the dilemma. It is clear to me. I am not involved but was involved with a similar situation. Make your decision and return to normal mode, take controol of who you are and where you are going. Peace! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war485 Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 If that friend of yours is very close to you, then I'd say go to the funeral, or else you'd regret it. It could also strain your friendship. You only get one chance to go to the funeral... If you aren't that close to your friend, don't go but keep in mind it might distract you during the mcat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cnussey Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 If that friend of yours is very close to you, then I'd say go to the funeral, or else you'd regret it. It could also strain your friendship. You only get one chance to go to the funeral... If you aren't that close to your friend, don't go but keep in mind it might distract you during the mcat. Exactly--it's going to be distracting either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
touchthesky Posted August 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Thank you so much everyone for the feedback. I have come to a decision to attend the wake on Wednesday evening. It is the only thing that will allow me to maintain focus on this MCAT anyways (as you guys said, I'd be even less focused attempting to miss it). Hopefully this all works out in the end. Many thanks for you all for the advice and great support - I really appreciate it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recoil Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Thank you so much everyone for the feedback. I have come to a decision to attend the wake on Wednesday evening. It is the only thing that will allow me to maintain focus on this MCAT anyways (as you guys said, I'd be even less focused attempting to miss it). Hopefully this all works out in the end. Many thanks for you all for the advice and great support - I really appreciate it! I think that's the best choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cnussey Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 I think that's the best choice. I agree. Good for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Thank you so much everyone for the feedback. I have come to a decision to attend the wake on Wednesday evening. It is the only thing that will allow me to maintain focus on this MCAT anyways (as you guys said, I'd be even less focused attempting to miss it). Hopefully this all works out in the end. Many thanks for you all for the advice and great support - I really appreciate it! Good decision! Life is not meant to be easy for us and in how we make our choices and what our choices are, we mature, grow and develop into whom we are becoming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
touchthesky Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks everyone again for all your support!! I just wanted to update you guys on how it went. I went this evening to visit my friend and his family and it was a good experience. It was the first time I have been to a wake, and the first time I have seen someone in a casket. It was so surreal. I was just shocked at the whole thing...it's certainly something out of the ordinary to lose someone so quickly as my friend lost his brother. The mood wasn't too sombre; it was actually a little light-hearted to try and help the family cope with this loss. It was great to be able to comfort my friend during this difficult time. Now it's back to the books; hopefully this MCAT works out. I know how hard we all have worked, and I really hope we all come through with great scores to help our applications. Thank you all once again for your help!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cnussey Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks everyone again for all your support!! I just wanted to update you guys on how it went. I went this evening to visit my friend and his family and it was a good experience. It was the first time I have been to a wake, and the first time I have seen someone in a casket. It was so surreal. I was just shocked at the whole thing...it's certainly something out of the ordinary to lose someone so quickly as my friend lost his brother. The mood wasn't too sombre; it was actually a little light-hearted to try and help the family cope with this loss. It was great to be able to comfort my friend during this difficult time. Now it's back to the books; hopefully this MCAT works out. I know how hard we all have worked, and I really hope we all come through with great scores to help our applications. Thank you all once again for your help!! Hope it goes well...glad you went through with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igeorgex Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 this probably isn't much help after the fact (sorry I didn't see the thread earlier!) but one of my best friend's parents passed away the week before my MCAT. I couldn't delay my test since I had an experiment waiting for me in my lab after I was done writing and so I had to write then. I wound up going home that weekend, went to my friend's dad's viewing and sent some flowers to his house. he said he really appreciated us being there for him, and he understood that I had my test coming up. in the end, I doubt the 3 hours I spent attending to my friend affected my performance on the actual day (I still got to do all the tests I wanted to and review certain topics) good luck studying by the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostLamb Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 the worst that can happen is that you write and feel that you did not perform on the exam and you void the scores. you delay applying to medical school for a year. or, you submit the exam, receive subpar scores, and have to rewrite. at the risk of sounding harsh...what is the length of one year compared to the length of one's life? glad to hear that you chose to attend the wake. your support of your friend is unquestionable and you can put your mind at ease knowing you were there for them in their time of need. best of luck on the exam! LL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayven Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Personally, I think attending the wake was more ceremonial than anything. The fact that you actually really kept your friend in your thoughts meant more to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
touchthesky Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Hey guys, Thanks a lot for all of your replies. It was definitely a good decision to go. I would have most certainly regretted it if I hadn't gone, especially with the severity of the issue (my friend's brother who passed away was in his early 20s). Being there meant a lot to me because I would have been more distracted at home just thinking about it and how painful the experience is for my friend, and how selfish I am for not having been there. It's such a tragic circumstance and it really was the least I could do. I can't wait to finish up this MCAT so I can be there for my friend as we all head back to school. I am hoping things go well on exam day, but like LostLamb said, the worst that can happen is not really all that bad...especially in light of the tragedies that others face in life. Sometimes I think it would be completely devestating to fail to reach this med school goal of mine, but I have come to learn, and to realize, that there are even greater challenges in life than this one we face. Of course it is important (it is our careers after all!), but I certainly have come to look at life in a different light through this experience. I hope the MCAT prep is going well for everyone. It's truly unlike any other exam I've had to prepare for...it really tests you not only mentally, but emotionally! Thanks again everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 touchthesky, you have matured greatly as a result of the thought process and emotions you went thru in taking your decision. Slef-reflection, prioritization and ultimately listening to yourself and being comfortable with your decision and acting upon it was not easy. We do not always make the best decision 100% of the time but we certainly try - you accomplished both. Whenever we make a decision, sometimes good sometimes not, we continue to learn and move forward in life trying to be a better person. I would venture to say that the manner in which you handled this difficulty is a defining moment in your life, and you took control, doing what you felt you had to do. You are a better person fo it! Please use your insight in helping those of us who are seeking help on this forum, thereby payi8ng forward, this is what the forum is meant to be all about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x_ring2006 Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 I think you should go to the visitation on Wednesday and write your exam on Thursday. You'll probably feel better if you do that than if you skip everything. I think that it will put your mind at ease rather than be a distraction. I don't think all of your hard work should go to waste, so you should definitely still write the mcat. Whatever you decide to do, do not feel guilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janny_jan Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 I agreeeee! I may be biased because I also have an X-ring..from 2008! Write the test and go to the visitation, dont feel guilty (you are a great friend), do amazing like you know you will with all the prep you've been doing. You can re-write the test if you need to, thats the only good thing about the MCAT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
touchthesky Posted September 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2009 touchthesky, you have matured greatly as a result of the thought process and emotions you went thru in taking your decision. Slef-reflection, prioritization and ultimately listening to yourself and being comfortable with your decision and acting upon it was not easy. We do not always make the best decision 100% of the time but we certainly try - you accomplished both. Whenever we make a decision, sometimes good sometimes not, we continue to learn and move forward in life trying to be a better person. I would venture to say that the manner in which you handled this difficulty is a defining moment in your life, and you took control, doing what you felt you had to do. You are a better person fo it! Please use your insight in helping those of us who are seeking help on this forum, thereby payi8ng forward, this is what the forum is meant to be all about. Hey Future_Doc and the rest of the Premed 101 Fam, I just wanted to let you guys know that I finally wrote the MCAT yesterday and it feels SO weird to be done (I don't even know what to do with the stacks of books and notes lying around in my room lol). There's really no telling how I did; I think it can go either way at this point...but of course I'm hoping for the best. It seems like such a blur...it was so long but felt so short, and when I came out of the testing centre, the whole thing felt like a dream. (As a sidebar, the testing centre was wonderful. I was at Willis College in Toronto and it has such a friendly staff! The facility itself is very comfortable and I highly recommend it). I get my scores in a month, so I guess in the meantime, I will be working on applications and back-up plans (LOL). Anyways, I really did learn a lot from this whole experience and I wanted to share a bit of that with you guys. The whole MCAT process was the most emotionally stressful academic experience I've had thus far; unlike studying for an exam at University, this one tests a lot more - particularly a willingness to perservere and keep pushing regardless how hard or confusing things get. I remember stressing out everyday about how little time I had to prepare for it - first it was 80 days, then 50 days, then 20 days, and then the final two days. I feared running out of study time so much, that it actually materialized; if I would have been more confident with my abilities from the start of the summer, I think I could have cut my study time by half and gotten more done. The stressing out part really put a hamper on the process. The experience a week ago of attending the wake really opened up my eyes to how fragile life is, and how transient and short it can be. We are all very lucky to have what we have; despite how miserable things can feel with this road to Med School, it is so important to realize that there are challenges even bigger than our own, namely ones of life and death. Whenever I would stress out, my parents would remind me of how blessed I really am to have what I have, to have accomplished as much as I have, and to have the ambition to keep going. No matter what, or where, or when, I have a sense of optimism that I will reach my goal, whether it be now or later. It is important to never lose heart, but to embrace each challenge as it comes. For those of you still waiting to write your exam - don't stress yourself out. Crying, hating the process, making yourself miserable or down will not get you to where you want to be. It will only take away mental clarity, and if I could go back in time and change how I approached things, I would have definitely stressed less. Of course this is an important test - but not more important than your mental health, or that of those around you. It is never over. Good luck and I'll be in the rest of the process with the rest of you guys. I hope each and every one of you attains your goals, and I hope that next year, at this time, or even the year after, we'll be where we want to be. Best wishes always...keep your heads up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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