are fellow medstudents relationship-killers?

[eos319]

met a great guy at a friend's dinner last winter. intelligent, good-looking, smart, dedicated, warm. we CLICKED. we hit it off and were very good friends for several months before we decided to start dating. we've been dating for a month and it seems like he wants to start a serious relationship.

 

he's starting medschool in the fall. i will be starting my last year of school (i'm in engineering). i just feel like this is a bad time to start a relationship, because both of our lives are going to go crazy. most friends tell me i'm thinking way too much and planning way to ahead, but i can really see this thing being long-term if i commit to it, and i don't do summer flings anyways.

 

so you're thinking, if i think i can commit to it long-term, what's the problem?

 

the main issue is this. he has no problem getting girls and even though he says most girls he's dated so far aren't compatible with him, i think this WILL change in medschool. he'll be surrounded by intelligent and attractive (at least SOME, i'm sure) girls who he'll be spending lots of time with. add on top of that the lack of time for anything outside of school, i can see how something that might seem like a great idea now (we both make each other very happy) is going to fizzle out real quick. i feel like this is a bad time to start a serious relationship because i think at this point he underestimates what a life-altering experience medschool is. i, on the other hand, have had had several close friends lose long-term SOs because of premed/medschool (but mostly guys in engineering with girlfriends in med) and i had kind of tacitly adopted a rule of not dating medstudents until i met this guy.

 

so my question to the male medstudents out there (because it's a VERY different story when the medstudent in question is female) is:

if you started medschool in a relationship with someone who you thought was a great fit, did this all change in medschool? i'm not talking about the time drain, but because of the other people in your class? did you suddenly realize that dating a fellow meds student made a lot more sense and felt a lot more right than trying to maintain a relationship with a non-medstudent?

 

be interested to hear your opinion.

[meds2014]

having a kid together should pretty much lock it up, if that's your major concern...

[future_doc]

Why not go with the flow and let it develop if he is genuinely serious and interested. Yes, things happen, things can change, but by not giving it a chance, it is doomed from the git-go. There are no guarantees in life and it is impossible to accurately predict the future of a relationship n/w/s good faith by both parties. The fact that there may be attractive females in med school is irrelevant. Any man will stray if he is so inclined at any time. Many med students have significant others who are not in med school. GL!

 

I am not a med student nor a male.

[Karma]

In my opinion, you're over-thinking it. If you like him, it's worth giving it a chance. It might work out or not, but you'll never know if you don't give it a chance.

 

And as I read in another thread, it's very refreshing to date someone who's not in medicine, that way you're not in it 24/7.

[sfinch]

You two have been dating for ONE month. Man, that is really nothing yet. He could turn out to be a player, a psycho, or a guy that has not sown enough oats yet. See how things go. If you are for real, and he read this, he would think you are nuts, and leave you in a second. No one wants anyone that clingy and overthinking things this soon in a relationship. Once again, ONE MONTH??

 

If it works out, great. If not, oh well. Is he an md/phd student at toronto, or going to a school out east (dal/memorial) - because offers for most canadian schools have not occured yet.

 

 

 

 

met a great guy at a friend's dinner. intelligent, good-looking, smart, dedicated, warm. we CLICKED. we've been dating for a month and it seems like he wants to start a serious relationship.

 

he's starting medschool in the fall. i will be starting my fourth and last year in another professional faculty. i just feel like this is a bad time to start a relationship, because both of our lives are going to go crazy. most friends tell me i'm thinking way too much and planning way to ahead, but i can really see this thing being long-term if i commit to it, and i don't do summer flings anyways.

 

so you're thinking, if i think i can commit to it long-term, what's the problem?

 

the main issue is this. he has no problem getting girls and even though he says most girls he's met or dated so far aren't compatible with him, i think this WILL change in medschool. he'll be surrounded by intelligent and attractive (at least SOME, i'm sure) girls who he'll be spending lots of time with. add on top of that the lack of time for anything outside of school, i can see how something that might seem like a great idea now (we both make each other very happy) is going to fizzle out real quick. i feel like this is a bad time to start a serious relationship because i think at this point he underestimates what a life-altering experience medschool is. i, on the other hand, have had had several close friends lose long-term SOs because of premed/medschool and i had a rule of not dating medstudents until i met this guy.

 

so my question to the male medstudents out there (because it's a VERY different story when the medstudent in question is female) is:

if you started medschool in a relationship with someone who you thought was a great fit, did this all change in medschool? i'm not talking about the time drain, but because of the other people in your class? did you suddenly realize that dating a fellow meds student made a lot more sense and felt a lot more right than trying to maintain a relationship with a non-medstudent?

 

be interested to hear your opinion.

[future_doc]

Is he an md/phd student at toronto, or going to a school out east (dal/memorial)

 

The OP has disclosed enough information for the purpose, so no questions please.

[Karma]

Also, I hope it works out for you, but if not, it doesn't mean that med students are «relationship killers».

 

Often just giving him space when he's stressed about school will be really helpful. I know alot of guys in my class found it hard to spend as much time with their girlfriend as they used to once med school started. So if you understand the kind of stress he'll be going through, especially the fisrt semester, I think it will make your relationship stronger.

 

 

Good luck!

[eos319]

You two have been dating for ONE month. Man, that is really nothing yet. He could turn out to be a player, a psycho, or a guy that has not sown enough oats yet. See how things go. If you are for real, and he read this, he would think you are nuts, and leave you in a second. No one wants anyone that clingy and overthinking things this soon in a relationship. Once again, ONE MONTH??

 

If it works out, great. If not, oh well. Is he an md/phd student at toronto, or going to a school out east (dal/memorial) - because offers for most canadian schools have not occured yet.

 

sorry i didn't make it clear. we met at a friend's dinner party, talked and were friends for a good 3 or 4 months, but started dating a month ago. i'm pretty sure he's not any of those things, as we have several mutual friends who can attest to his character and dating history.

[sfinch]

Then go for it, if he's a good guy. If neither of you two are cheaters, you have mutual friends, and have a lot in common - things could of course work out. Why stress now in April?? And why come to a premed board and ask med students, who themselves are young and no big relationship experts.

 

You know him best. Be confident in yourself and you will do well.

 

What type of profac are you (dont be too specific)? One that gives your relatively enough free time (pharmacy, phd program, etc) or one that is busy (dents). Are you interested in doing meds or dents or something similar yourself? Those all factor in.

 

If you are in the same city as him, then things should be no different. If you will be in different cities - then all bets are off.

[dcgirl_44]

First of all, I'd argue that it isn't a "VERY different story when the med student in question is female" but that's going off on another tangent so about your current question...

 

You don't need the opinion of a male med student to answer this question for you - it's YOUR relationship and the experiences of others aren't going to compare. You haven't known each other that long and I don't understand why the only options are a summer fling or serious relationship... see how the relationship goes and enjoy it rather than worrying about the future.

 

It also seems like your insecurities are surrounding other girls - he's chosen to date you and clearly seems interested. If the issues you've mentioned truly worry you, maybe talk to him before deciding to end things based on how you think he might act in the future?

 

There's always going to be crazy/stressed times in your life. If the relationship's worth it, it won't matter

[Whatthehale]

I know you're interested in the opinions of a male medical student, but I feel my relationship experience is kind of relevant so I'll share it. I met my boyfriend while I was taking intro engineering courses and he was well into his civil degree. I got into med school that summer and we had been dating about 3 months at this point. We have been going strong for over two years now despite having to deal with a long distance relationship and careers that are likely to keep us in different provinces for upto 7years depending on where I go for residency. I like that I have someone to share a life with when our lives converge again--whenever that may be. We are able to maintain commitment despite sporadic intimacy because that's just the kind of people we are--the distance doesn't really bother us so long as we talk and write everyday and see each other once a month or so.

[UTPEOPLE]

I know you're interested in the opinions of a male medical student, but I feel my relationship experience is kind of relevant so I'll share it. I met my boyfriend while I was taking intro engineering courses and he was well into his civil degree. I got into med school that summer and we had been dating about 3 months at this point. We have been going strong for over two years now despite having to deal with a long distance relationship and careers that are likely to keep us in different provinces for upto 7years depending on where I go for residency. I like that I have someone to share a life with when our lives converge again--whenever that may be. We are able to maintain commitment despite sporadic intimacy because that's just the kind of people we are--the distance doesn't really bother us so long as we talk and write everyday and see each other once a month or so.

 

absence makes the heart grow stronger... with regard to the OP's question... if he's good in character, enjoyable and will be a good provider, I see no downsides, providing that you guys can stick through the pain during school. And if you are worried about him cheating on you with the pretty med girls, ask yourself, do you know him well enough that you dont expect this to be a problem?

[future_doc]

Somewhere along in life, even men who don't intend to, cheat. And when it happens, they rarely think of the consequences (Tiger Woods is an extreme example). The consequences come into play after they are caught. My 2 cents.

[UTPEOPLE]

Somewhere along in life, even men who don't intend to, cheat. And when it happens, they rarely think of the consequences (Tiger Woods is an extreme example). The consequences come into play after they are caught. My 2 cents.

 

but tiger woods has a sex addiction. I think the majority of men would never cheat like that. after all, love means faithfulness, forever and ever

[future_doc]

yes, yes, I gave an extreme example that clearly does not fit the norm, and I agree that few men would cheat like that. As regards love meaning faithfulness, forever and ever, yes, this is what I want. However, I do not have faith in man's ability to maintain this in the fulness of time in today's society, even if he has the best of intentions.

[UTPEOPLE]

yes, yes, I gave an extreme example that clearly does not fit the norm, and I agree that few men would cheat like that. As regards love meaning faithfulness, forever and ever, yes, this is what I want. However, I do not have faith in man's ability to maintain this in the fulness of time in today's society, even if he has the best of intentions.

 

Do you mean that there are too many girls out there who are willing to seduce a committed guy? Or that guys are simply too HORMONE DRIVEN?

[future_doc]

Many women don't care if the guy is in a relationship and either guys have a roving eye at some stage or like puppies, when called even by a nice stranger, they come runnin'.

[UTPEOPLE]

Many women don't care if the guy is in a relationship and either guys have a roving eye at some stage or like puppies, when called even by a nice stranger, they come runnin'.

 

This makes me lose faith in humainty... I hope that this is something relatively restricted to western culture and not affecting asian culture as much...Although I must admit that I do feel good if another girl innocently flirts with me (pride ), though if she doesnt back off after I tell her i'm commited, alarm bells about the girl's character go off.

[future_doc]

Shared work experiences especially under stressful conditions bring people together with unintended consequences (at first). And, in our mobile society where we have contact to so many people outside of our set of friends, random and accidental relationships, short or long term may/can occur as increasing opportunities expand, innocent enough at first. It takes character, foresight, knowing boundaries and decency to know where to draw the line…unfortunately, the line is not always drawn.

 

We all make choices and being responsible individuals, we need to live with the consequences of our choices, whether intended or not. I think life was so much simpler in a bygone era.

[mildoc1]

This makes me lose faith in humainty... I hope that this is something relatively restricted to western culture and not affecting asian culture as much...Although I must admit that I do feel good if another girl innocently flirts with me (pride ), though if she doesnt back off after I tell her i'm commited, alarm bells about the girl's character go off.

 

Western culture doesn't have a monopoly on cheating, I know plenty of would-be asian players!

[UTPEOPLE]

Western culture doesn't have a monopoly on cheating, I know plenty of would-be asian players!

 

are these asian players old school or westernized (immigrants or born here)? that makes a difference. I'm an immigrant, from conservative china, and i imagine my kids in the future are gonnna think very differently from me...

[Tango Charlie]

Men have a biological imperative to make lot's of progeny with any woman they can, and women can be damaged through their upbringing to seek chaos/unobtainable men/men like their ******* fathers. Plus in general women will find a man who is sought after by other women more attractive. All of those things predispose either gender to cheating. Some social constructs can attempt to suppress these needs, but it doesn't usually work. It's for that reason that abstinence education is such a waste of time, and that the religious obsession with sex and, especially, controlling it, is so vulgar.

 

I'm an immigrant, from conservative china, and i imagine my kids in the future are gonnna think very differently from me...

 

One can only hope.

[UTPEOPLE]

Men have a biological imperative to make lot's of progeny with any woman they can, and women can be damaged through their upbringing to seek chaos/unobtainable men/men like their ******* fathers. All of those things predispose either gender to cheating. Some social constructs can attempt to suppress these needs, but it doesn't usually work. It's for that reason that abstinence education is such a waste of time, and that the religious obsession with sex and, especially, controlling it, is so vulgar.

 

 

 

One can only hope.

 

thats no excuse for immoral behaviour though ... Animals also have the biological imperative to obtain all the advantages they can, prey on the weak, cast out the old in their pack, and to resort to violence before thinking. Excusing away immoral tendencies as biological signals will fail to consider the fact that as humans, we are capable of rational, moral thought, and therefore, we should be able to curb the animal parts of ourselves with the higher, cooperative part of ourselves that makes us human.

[Tango Charlie]

I'm not saying it excuses it, I'm saying that to varying degrees we're all slaves to our biology. You shouldn't be so aghast and losing faith in humanity at the thought of people being people.

[UTPEOPLE]

I'm not saying it excuses it, I'm saying that to varying degrees we're all slaves to our biology. You shouldn't be so aghast and losing faith in humanity at the thought of people being people.

 

interesting...