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are fellow medstudents relationship-killers?


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I understand that you with your conservative Chinese values aren't aware of what it's like to experience needs and desires that defy logic but instead stem from irrational biological needs. But I assure you, for us primitive people who grew up outside the Glorious People's Republic of China, it's a very significant part of who we are.

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And as I said, we're all slaves to our urges to varying degrees. Not a single human alive is free from acting upon impulses that don't serve a rational purpose, but rather indulge some primitive part of the brain we inherited from our ancestors.

 

But just so we're clear, I have a big man-crush on the stoics of old and I find infidelity reprehensible. I've never cheated, and as far as I'm concerned I never will, but I can relate to people who have. I know what it's like to be in a relationship, and then be separated for a while, and go from having regular sex to having none. Temptations exist, and as imperfect as we as a species are, sometimes we succumb to weakness. I'm not excusing cheaters, I'm just pointing out that they're working against thousands of years of evolution, and it's not like we're perfect ourselves.

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And as I said, we're all slaves to our urges to varying degrees. Not a single human alive is free from acting upon impulses that don't serve a rational purpose, but rather indulge some primitive part of the brain we inherited from our ancestors.

 

But just so we're clear, I have a big man-crush on the stoics of old and I find infidelity reprehensible. I've never cheated, and as far as I'm concerned I never will, but I can relate to people who have. I know what it's like to be in a relationship, and then be separated for a while, and go from having regular sex to having none. Temptations exist, and as imperfect as we as a species are, sometimes we succumb to weakness. I'm not excusing cheaters, I'm just pointing out that they're working against thousands of years of evolution, and it's not like we're perfect ourselves.

 

fair enough :P

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yes, yes, I gave an extreme example that clearly does not fit the norm, and I agree that few men would cheat like that. As regards love meaning faithfulness, forever and ever, yes, this is what I want. However, I do not have faith in man's ability to maintain this in the fulness of time in today's society, even if he has the best of intentions.

 

You have got to be kidding me.

 

I know more females cheating on men than vice versa. The numbers are essentially the same for both men and women. I just think instinctively women are better liars than men - it's why they tend to do so well in interviews - they on average are better socially calibrated. If you want to know some awful cheating tales from UWO just in the last year (women cheating on fiancees, long term bfs), pm me.

 

Some men DO NOT CHEAT. Perhaps it's because they are not able to attract other women easily - but many do no even with opportunity in their face. Remember - Hollywood is full of aggressive 'me me' alpha types - they do not represent society.

 

Women cheat as much as men. It makes statistical sense of course. It's kind of like the myth that hetero men average 15 sexual partners and hetero women average 6. It's obviously not true and a statistical improbability. The numbers must be the same (median could differ slightly, if a few women are super 'sluts'). Women may be pickier than men, on average (at least early on in the mating cycle), but that's it.

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are these asian players old school or westernized (immigrants or born here)? that makes a difference. I'm an immigrant, from conservative china, and i imagine my kids in the future are gonnna think very differently from me...

 

Man, I can tell you that even in the old country, lots of **** goes on that you do not suspect. Cheating (by men and women), and backstabbing is as common in small town China as it is here in Canada. It's just not talked about much.

 

Pre 1940s China was awful in particular. Concubines everywhere, polygamous marriages, etc, etc. Infidelity exists everywhere.

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are these asian players old school or westernized (immigrants or born here)? that makes a difference. I'm an immigrant, from conservative china, and i imagine my kids in the future are gonnna think very differently from me...

 

Most of the asian players I knew back in Vancouver were so called satellite kids, not that it matters. Anyone regardless of their culture has the potential to be a jerk.

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It's funny, I'm in this exact situation now.

 

I've been dating a great girl for a few years now, and we're very serious (talking about moving in etc.).

 

Lately I've had a girl a few years younger then me (21 vs 24) come calling trying to get me to 'come over for a night' (she was a little more explicit then I should share here).

 

Now this girl is very smart, extremely good looking, and knows that I'm dating somebody. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't tempted or that I didn't want to. However the thing that stops me from ever crossing that line is that I could never do something like that to the girlfriend.

 

So at least in my experiences, love doesn't suppress that basic emotion of lust. It does however, give you different priorities (such as my girlfriends feelings vs. what lil' RyanMaverick wants). I imagine its the same shift in priorities that parents experience when they have a kid.

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You have got to be kidding me.

 

I know more females cheating on men than vice versa. The numbers are essentially the same for both men and women. I just think instinctively women are better liars than men - it's why they tend to do so well in interviews - they on average are better socially calibrated. If you want to know some awful cheating tales from UWO just in the last year (women cheating on fiancees, long term bfs), pm me.

 

Some men DO NOT CHEAT. Perhaps it's because they are not able to attract other women easily - but many do no even with opportunity in their face. Remember - Hollywood is full of aggressive 'me me' alpha types - they do not represent society.

 

Women cheat as much as men. It makes statistical sense of course. It's kind of like the myth that hetero men average 15 sexual partners and hetero women average 6. It's obviously not true and a statistical improbability. The numbers must be the same (median could differ slightly, if a few women are super 'sluts'). Women may be pickier than men, on average (at least early on in the mating cycle), but that's it.

 

Agreed.

 

Future_doc, your inability to trust men is seriously going to impact your future/current relationships. Not all men are cheat (even with temptation). Not all women are faithful (even with an amazing guy). Your overgeneralizations amaze me.

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I understand that you with your conservative Chinese values aren't aware of what it's like to experience needs and desires that defy logic but instead stem from irrational biological needs. But I assure you, for us primitive people who grew up outside the Glorious People's Republic of China, it's a very significant part of who we are.

 

I don't think snide remarks like this are necessary.

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I think one mistake that people tend to make when entering a new potential relationship, and I'm guilty of this too, is thinking too far ahead. When you've dated someone for a month, two, even three, there is NO reason why you should be thinking "marriage", "relationship", "moving in", etc. because it is JUST a couple of months.

 

The other thing that amazes me is the fact that people don't get to know each other well and they just jump into a "relationship." Why not use those first couple of (4-6) months to get to know each other on a deeper level, instead, right away, making your bond an "exclusive" one?

 

Also, relationships are all about balance, compromise and communication. If a relationship doesn't have that, it is an ultimate fail.

 

Nowadays, and I've seen this happen to MANY, people tend to meet a person, flirt, spend a day or two with them, start to date them, date them for 3 weeks = relationship... and guess what happens? 4-6 months comes rolling and all you hear is "She did this" "He did this"...

 

Another thing I don't get is the need to spend 24/7 with your SO. Some of my gfs spend ENORMOUS amounts of time with their bfs - they're practically seeing each other 21 hours a day. What's up with that?! :confused:

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Yeah spending too much time in your own head (thoughts/worries of the future, past, other failed relationships) and not enough time in the moment is one of the best ways to ruin a relationship or prevent a healthy one from even forming.

 

You need to examine your own reasons for being so doubtful, OP, and not validate the impossible-to-know future or these impossible-to-accurately-gauge expectations (re: the caliber of this guy or the nature of your relationship-to-be) as a source of stress or conflict. You can't know what will happen or who he will turn out to be... particularly if you've only known each other intimately for a couple months.

 

I say take it one day at a time. You'll learn, grow and benefit no matter what happens, and you won't have any regrets. With regard to the infidelity side-tangent that cropped up - its no revelation that people aren't perfect and humans do stupid things. Any student or non-student, male, female, asian, medically trained or otherwise is capable of making mistakes... you won't get very far with anyone though if you waste your time worrying about these mistakes before they even happen (especially considering they may not happen at all).

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And I don't think implying that infidelity is a Western concept is necessary.

 

Well, eastern media doesnt really portray having multiple partners/ casual sex as being "glamorous". Western media on the other hand *cough* hollywoord "cough* university stereotypes cough*

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Okay people: cheating happens everywhere in the world. It is a part of who we are (unfortunately). If we go back in time, we would notice that cheating has tremendous history (like thousands of years).

 

And I'm not approving cheating. I'm just saying that it is a part of life and it could happen to anyone. Sometimes the person you've trusted the most betrays you the most.

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oh come on... those people are outliers...:D I could cite the polygamous marriage cults of america! :D

 

I am the first to defend asian culture. But you are seriously nuts.

 

South Korea now has a higher divorce rate than canada. Their birth rate is the lowest in the world.

 

Japan's most popular underground video game is a rape game. You can purchase soiled schoolgirl panties from vending machines. Porn is insanely popular there - and especially violent.

 

You really are living in some sort of delusion. Whites guys love going to Korean and Japan because sadly, women (including married ones) throw themselves at them purely for sex. I'd like to say that is not true - but it is. :(. The same is true, to some degree, in N America. The number of CBCs that will only date white guys in Vancouver is insanely high.

 

Asian culture is not all chaste my friend. How you think that is the case blows my mind.

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So true leapy. If we live lomg enough, virtually everybody we know will betray us. I hope not to live that long!

 

I disagree. Your family will never betray you and if you pick your friends wisely, they won't either. It depends on what you perceive as a "betrayal".

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I am the first to defend asian culture. But you are seriously nuts.

 

South Korea now has a higher divorce rate than canada. Their birth rate is the lowest in the world.

 

Japan's most popular underground video game is a rape game. You can purchase soiled schoolgirl panties from vending machines. Porn is insanely popular there - and especially violent.

 

You really are living in some sort of delusion. Whites guys love going to Korean and Japan because sadly, women (including married ones) throw themselves at them purely for sex. I'd like to say that is not true - but it is. :(. The same is true, to some degree, in N America. The number of CBCs that will only date white guys in Vancouver is insanely high.

 

Asian culture is not all chaste my friend. How you think that is the case blows my mind.

 

Agreed. I heard about that Japanese game only recently, when it was reported that it wasn't banned. I was pretty grossed out about it.

 

For anyone that doesn't know what sfinch is talking about:

http://digitaljournal.com/article/289921

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I could cite the polygamous marriage cults of america! :D

 

Hey now, Mormonism is hardly mainstream. And at the end of the day, who really cares if two consenting adults choose to have sex, casually or not? The obsession over sex you conservative-types have is much more unhealthy than what I'd call the liberal perspective on it. Sex is natural and fun and is hardly something for people that deserves to be policed by their fellow citizens. If anyone has a distorted view on sex, I'd say it's you.

 

Anyway, this is one of the many reasons I absolutely cannot stand nationalism.

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