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are fellow medstudents relationship-killers?


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Here's one article out of thousands that you can find online through google scholar.

http://www.jstor.org/pss/585557

 

Also, it is well known that single mothers are more likely to be below the poverty line. Again, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be a single mother, it is just a trend that should be considered but not taken as some sort of evidence that single parenthood is bad.

 

Again let me emphasize that just because trends exist doesn't mean we can apply them to individuals! We know that children of single parents are more likely to suffer from stress, but that doesn't mean that being a single parent will mean you will have stressed out kids! There is much more more going on here.

 

In the same way, we know that on average men are physically stronger than women, but that doesn't mean that if you are a woman you are automatically weaker than a man. There is variability and many exceptions, so with all things we have to be careful going from statistics to talking about an individual.

 

(Just an aside for all you medicine-keeners, this same dilemma happens with treating your patients. You might see in the literature that someone has on average 4 years left to live. How do you communicate this to your patient? He is an individual and therefore may die tomorrow or may die in 10 years. The average survival doesn't mean that much because there is such a huge variability).

 

Thank you. I will now get off your case. :)

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This fcker makes me look like a saint. What a jerk.

 

I think I'm with Leon on this one....

The end is near!

I never thought I'd see the day where I agreed with sfinch:eek:

 

 

And reading through this thread... HOW THE HECK did it go from asking for relationship advice to talking about single parent families?! :confused: Most random thread derailment ever.

 

How will you ever know if you don't give it a shot? Stop thinking and start doing. You either want to give the relationship a shot, or you don't. Some girls think way too much. The same situation will apply to any guy you are interested in, you're not going to stop other attractive, intelligent girls from being around the guy you are interested in. So it's up to you - give it a shot or not. I don't see why you wouldn't though.

 

I'm with Law on this one. To the OP (if the OP is actually still reading the thread after the random derailment....): You'll never know if it could have worked unless you try. Do you really want to give up what could be a really great guy JUST BECAUSE he MIGHT cheat? That could happen with any guy at any time, not just if he's in med school. What about some guy you start dating who has a regular 9-5 job? What about the women this person works with? They could be relationship killers too. You can't live in fear of being cheated on, or you'll miss something that could be really great. Not all guys are cheaters, just like not all women are monogamous. It's about finding the one that fits you, and you'll never know unless you try.

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met a great guy at a friend's dinner last winter. intelligent, good-looking, smart, dedicated, warm. we CLICKED. we hit it off and were very good friends for several months before we decided to start dating. we've been dating for a month and it seems like he wants to start a serious relationship.

 

he's starting medschool in the fall. i will be starting my last year of school (i'm in engineering). i just feel like this is a bad time to start a relationship, because both of our lives are going to go crazy. most friends tell me i'm thinking way too much and planning way to ahead, but i can really see this thing being long-term if i commit to it, and i don't do summer flings anyways.

 

so you're thinking, if i think i can commit to it long-term, what's the problem?

 

the main issue is this. he has no problem getting girls and even though he says most girls he's dated so far aren't compatible with him, i think this WILL change in medschool. he'll be surrounded by intelligent and attractive (at least SOME, i'm sure) girls who he'll be spending lots of time with. add on top of that the lack of time for anything outside of school, i can see how something that might seem like a great idea now (we both make each other very happy) is going to fizzle out real quick. i feel like this is a bad time to start a serious relationship because i think at this point he underestimates what a life-altering experience medschool is. i, on the other hand, have had had several close friends lose long-term SOs because of premed/medschool (but mostly guys in engineering with girlfriends in med) and i had kind of tacitly adopted a rule of not dating medstudents until i met this guy.

 

so my question to the male medstudents out there (because it's a VERY different story when the medstudent in question is female) is:

if you started medschool in a relationship with someone who you thought was a great fit, did this all change in medschool? i'm not talking about the time drain, but because of the other people in your class? did you suddenly realize that dating a fellow meds student made a lot more sense and felt a lot more right than trying to maintain a relationship with a non-medstudent?

 

be interested to hear your opinion.

 

Wait this thread is about med school relationships?

 

Edit: Any updates, OP?

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Wait this thread is about med school relationships?

 

Edit: Any updates, OP?

 

 

haha, i too am amazed at the level of derailment this thread has taken.

 

we girls DO think too much. i'll just take things as they come, i guess.

 

now, carry on with the derailed thread. it's far more amusing.

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Sometimes, although becoming a single parent may have its disadvantages, it is the better alternatives. Many strong, single parents leave their spouse to escape destructive habits they may have, like drugs, abuse, gambling, etc.

 

In these cases, the single parent may face issues like stress bestowed onto their children, and poverty, because they are raising their children alone. But compared to the alternative, their choice may actually be improving the quality of life for their kids, and not destroying or worsening it. Just a thought. :)

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How will you ever know if you don't give it a shot? Stop thinking and start doing. You either want to give the relationship a shot, or you don't. Some girls think way too much. The same situation will apply to any guy you are interested in, you're not going to stop other attractive, intelligent girls from being around the guy you are interested in. So it's up to you - give it a shot or not. I don't see why you wouldn't though.

 

+1 10char

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  • 2 weeks later...

I might be completely wrong on this one but I seem to recall frequent infidelity in high school. Relationships lasted as long as the person next to you kept their pants on. Then you get to University and it doesn't get much better. I also don't recall too many of the "non Medicine" jobs that I worked at through High School where there wasn't some form of cheater (male and/or female) among the team.

 

It isn't something limited to Medicine. The close proximity and stressful environment are certainly factors in something "happening" but those situations arise in many, many, many different jobs/areas of education.

 

Bottom line, everything is up to you. If you have a strong committed relationship things will probably work out. If the relationship is not strong, or you constantly accuse/worry about cheating, its probably more likely to happen than if you don't. That doesn't mean that you have to be intentionally naive to a bad situation, but if you spend every waking moment thinking about your partner in the arms of another meddie, it will eventually seep into your alone time with your partner and things could just fall apart from that kind of toxic environment.

 

And I certainly don't want to give the preventative "You deserve better" talk, but a guy or girl that cheats probably isn't doing it because "they just don't know how it happened". Unless they were drugged, force stripped, and then mind-controlled into sex, they certainly had something on their mind other than staying faithful. The signs might not be blatantly flashed in your face, but it is usually a certain type of individual who philanders and, no, it isn't "Doctors" that I am speaking of.

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either way, you're right, there's a link for sure

 

This is where the disadvantage stems from:

 

People in single parent families are at a greater risk of poverty (or maybe people in poverty are at a greater risk of being single parents).

 

Living in poverty is clearly a disadvantage for a child.

 

I'm not saying AT ALL that being a single parent CAUSES poverty, I'm just saying that in a population, single parents are at risk of poverty. It's purely statistics.

 

I support single-parenthood, it is a great choice for many.

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I haven't read the whole thread, but for the OP...

 

I'm a female med student, but here's what I believe. Whether or not a guy cheats on you depends on the character of the guy and how he feels in his relationship WITH YOU more than the opportunities he has around him. There will always be women around to cheat with whether or not he is in med school. There's classmates, co-workers, the bartender, the waitress, the girl at Starbucks. You either trust your guy or you don't. If you don't trust him to be a decent person, then don't go out with him. If you trust him, then let him be and just try to make your relationship the best it can be. Paranoia about this and that woman will just make him want to break up with you. Don't create all this drama. It'll just kill you AND your relationship.

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Based on the original post from a girl who has been dating the guy for ONE MONTH, I am going to hazard a wild guess that the guy is going to meet someone far less insecure and overanalytical, and be happier with her.

 

That post came off as hilariously insecure. I'm surprised she isn't thinking about 2 1/2 years down the line when he starts clerkship and meets young nurses. Or what will happen if he gets a residency spot in another city, and whether it will be worth uprooting her life for him. Because there's just such a high likelihood of this relationship lasting another 4 years.

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  • 2 weeks later...

As much as I enjoy the slander and nerd-rage regarding East-West morals and single parenting, I'm sure you could take it to another thread and verbally assault each other just as effectively.

 

I suppose the question to the OP becomes, how much have you talked to him all that much about this? Littered throughout the thread are some good points, but one that hits me is the need for good communication. If you can't discuss these things openly then there's a red flag already. If you have brought it up (which may be the case by now), really it's up to you to judge his character.

 

I know it's hard to take general advice, especially when it's coming from so many directions like these threads. So talk it out, and don't let your insecurities rob you of an opportunity. If it doesn't work out it won't be any worse than any other breakup (sucks, but that's life). But, if it works.....

 

Besides, trust me, just because there are pretty girls in med school doesn't mean they are single or even interested.

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