Jump to content
Premed 101 Forums

Writer's Corner: Free Essay Grading by PastaInhaler


PastaInhaler

Recommended Posts

Thank you so much PastaInhaler for your time to edit our Writing Samples. This is my first attempt at it and I realize that it is very bad. Your feedback is much appreciated.

 

History is the record of but a few events, repeated again and again, different only in time and context.

Describe a specific historical event that was or might be unique rather than a repetition of a previous event from a different time and context. Discuss what you think determines when historical events can be said to be unique and when they can be described as repetitions of events from earlier times and contexts.

 

Events are an important part of our society. They can be as simple as watching a parade in the street or as serious as a revolutionary taking place in a different nation. Their significance lies in their themes, and some themes may be repeated in other events that differ only in time and context. Take for example the French Revolution and the Libyan Uprising that is happening today. Both events ultimately have the same theme: democratic freedom and a better way of living. Nonetheless, they differ in time and context. The French Revolution took place in the 18th century while the Libyan Uprising started on March of 2011. The former was in a time where there were colonies more so than independent nations and the latter started because of a protest movement that initiated in Egypt for democratic rights and freedom. Both events highlight the same social movement and they share the same purpose. Similarly, if the underlying themes are the same, one could argue that the historical record is made up of a few events, repeated again and again, different only in time and context.

 

However, it can also be argued that some events have their own merits that make them unique and establish them from a given theme - henceforth, not a repetition. For instance, the popular accomplishment of a human being (Neil Armstrong) to set foot on the moon is an event that falls under the category of space exploration. Such a task, which was never accomplished before, highlights the event and eliminates it from being a repeat of a previous event that contributes to space exploration.

 

As a result, an event can be distinguished from other events, firstly, by having different themes. If the theme is shared, then it can be unique if it constitutes an accomplishment which has never been done before. Even though all events that occurred to date are important in shaping our society, the historical record can be organized into few events with an underlying theme, which are then repeated in different times and context.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

History is the record of but a few events, repeated again and again, different only in time and context.

 

Describe a specific historical event that was or might be unique rather than a repetition of a previous event from a different time and context. Discuss what you think determines when historical events can be said to be unique and when they can be described as repetitions of events from earlier times and contexts.

 

 

The adage "History repeats itself" reflects the repetitive nature of events that exists in our world. History, a record of the past, is generally comprised of repeated events that appear differently only in time and circumstance. People and events that occur throughout time share common patterns and characteristics with one another. Our world is shaped by life that exists on the planet, and as our innate characteristics do not change significantly over time, many of the events are mere reflections of one another. Human beings have a natural tendency to seek power, fame, and wealth. This often presents a struggle for human beings to coexist in peace and harmony. Struggle for fame and power has historically resulted in tensions between impactful figures. Adolf Hitler was a fascist who sought power and dominance over many European countries, ultimately contributing to the onset of World War II. As the name suggests, this war involved many countries of the world, and the international conflict led to the deaths of many people. Hitler rose to power at the cost of harsh discrimination against several minority groups, such as the Jews. Although many people desire power, fame and wealth, most would not take such drastic measures in order to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, war is an event that is repeated throughout time that demonstrates our desire for power and socioeconomic success. For as long as humans possess this attribute, we will continue to shape events that recur differently only in time and context.

 

Although many historical events share similar characteristics, there are some instances when historical events may in fact be unique, as opposed to a repetition of the past. The 20th and 21st centuries have been marked by significant technological and scientific advancements. As we strive for ongoing progress, we are often faced with new challenges that did not exist before. We live in an interconnected world in which people rely on one another for a multiplicity of purposes. As societies developed to favour such a network, a need for better communication arose. As we gained immense knowledge about the workings of the world, a need for better storage and dissemination of information arose. The discovery of the Internet, the World Wide Web, is a revolutionary event that changed how we communicated, how we shared information, and essentially how we lived our lives. People were able to instantly communicate with one another from miles across the world. In today's time, knowledge can be acquired at the click of the mouse. The Internet has changed how we perceive our world and reflects the potential for growth. Such a discovery, brought about by novel need unlike any that existed in the past, represents a unique event in history, rather than a repetition of a previous event.

 

History is record of events that have occurred throughout time. Some events are reflections of one another, while others are unique. Events that arise over time due to consistent characteristics of people who shape the world, such as fame and power, can be considered to be repetition of the past in a different shape or form. Wars, for example, are often sparked due to conflicts between powerful nations who seek domination, and thus, power. In contrast, our continuously growing and advancing society often faces challenges that are brought about by needs and demands that did not exist centuries ago. Our interconnectedness and the need for more effective communication with one another challenged us to innovative ideas. These events are unique in that they alter how we perceive the world and how we function as a society.

 

--

 

Thanks in advance for your feedback!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Television almost always distorts the way we see the world.

Describe a specific situation in which television might not distort the way we see the world. Discuss what you think determines when television distorts our perception of the world.

Television is a highly influential form of media. It is well known that the average family has more than one television in their home and that many western citizens watch many hours of television every week. Since the days of black and white television, people have been influenced by what they see on the screen. Dr. Phil advises the public to take better care of their health, and people listen. Commercials convince viewers that if the viewer buys Axe deodorant, beautiful women will suddenly become interested in him. The local news reports another violent crime, and the neighbourhood seems less safe. Documentaries can shed light on issues that people had long turned a blind eye to. Indeed, television strongly influences the way that its viewers see the world. Sometimes this influence is direct and obvious, as in the case of the news, but other times the influence of television can be more subtle. For example, popular shows, such as Sex and the City or Friends teach their viewers about social acceptable behaviour, and work to promote the cultural ideal of beauty. Clearly, whether the influence is direct or hidden, television frequently distorts the way that the viewer perceives the world.

 

In contrast, there are some situations in which television is relatively benign. Many educational shows instruct viewers without skewing their world view. Christine Cushing Live (a cooking show) would teach the audience how to make a fantastic cheesecake, but would not change the public opinion on neighbourhood safety, or convince the females in the audience that they must be thin in order to have worth. Similarly, a Nova documentary on ice age mammals or distant planets would probably open the viewer's eyes to the natural beauty and wonder of the world, but leave viewer's concepts of socially acceptable behaviour unskewed.

 

Television can, and frequently does, distort the audience's perceptions of the world. This distorting is especially likely to occur if the television program focuses on characters that the viewer can relate to. In fact, the most influential television programs are the shows that people can related to most strongly. Also, if the message of the program is highly relevant to an individual's life, this message can strongly distort the way that the individual sees the world. This rule of relevance is especially true when considering how influential news programs can be. The most benign form of television, that distorts perceptions the least, would be programming that is irrelevant and difficult to relate to.

 

Thanks for taking a look at this. I have to say, this is not the best piece of writing that I have ever done. By far...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks again in advance, I hope these are getting better. My June 16 test date is coming up way too fast.

 

The primary goal of every business should be to maximize profits

 

Businesses exist to make money for themselves while providing a product or service for consumers. The more successful businesses are able to maximize their profits better than their competitors. Since businesses exist to make money, every business should attempt to increase profits as much as possible.

 

An example of a company that maximizes profits effectively is Nike. Nike produces t-shirts that sell in major retail stores for approximately thirty to forty dollars. However, the actual cost of production is much lower than that. More specifically, Nike has production in other parts of the world that have very low production costs. By lowering production costs while maintaining similar sales prices, Nike increases their profits. The company's focus is on maximizing profits, which allows them to do so efficiently and become a more successful business.

 

However, not all businesses have profits in mind when considering their business. A local sports store in Bolton called Sport's Corner was closing down and had to get rid of their merchandise. In order to sell all their products by the time they had to vacate the store, they had to lower prices significantly to entice consumers to buy soon. In this action, Sport's Corner was not trying to maximize profits but instead was trying to maximize the liquidity of the products. The primary goal of the store was to sell the sports goods as quickly as possible, regardless of the profit they would make.

 

In the examples mentioned, one of the businesses was thriving, and therefore was able to focus on maximizing products. On the other hand, the business that was closing down had to focus solely on the liquidity of its products. Therefore, the primary goal of a business is to balance maximizing profits and product liquidity, which is dependent on the current state of the business.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pastainhaler, this is a KILLER thread and I am pleased as punch it's here. Thanks to other posters as well. I've learned a lot and I'd to throw my hat into the ring too.

 

Opportunity favors those who work hard.

 

Each member of the North American workforce, weary and tired though he may be, likely still has the strength to hope that the dedication and effort he puts into his job will be rewarded. These rewards can be experiencing an increasing number of opportunities, which are encounters with situations that likely have favourable outcomes. While some people may say that luck is where opportunity meets preparation (in this situation "hard work"), those who believe in this statement likely do not believe in luck. Take, for example, a Burger King employee who dutifully comes to work on time, is pleasant with his coworkers and superiors, listens and applies feedback, and completes all assigned tasks well with minimal supervision. Entry level positions at Burger King pay very little and this worker likely has a very small income. Still, because of this hard work, the employee is rewarded with promotion at the Burger King corporation invests in him. At the end of his career, this employee has had several opportunities for professional development and his income has increased considerably. Is it luck that caused this? No. The employee deserved this recognition.

However, there are members of the workforce who subscribe more to luck than hard work. For example, the hardworking employee has the same chance of winning the lottery as his or her coworkers. If these coworkers were lazy, did not care about their peers and customers, and rarely completed tasks, what could possibly explain the windfall of lottery winnings? Certainly not hard work. In comparison to their hard working coworker, these employees do not deserve opportunities and yet both would have achieved financial success.

Perhaps in situations where there is a clearly established pattern of hard work that is recognized for a long period of time opportunity is indeed provided. In contrast, there are also times where unexplainable "out-of-the-blue" success is achieved irrespective of a record of effort and commitment. In conclusion, it is possible that success befalls both the hard working and the ill-prepared.

 

I did this one in 30 minutes so I just copied and pasted what I had so I'm aware of the grammar and spelling errors.

Thanks again. Happy Monday all :)

 

The first example is fair, but you could use a stronger example where hard work gives a much better opportunity. Entry level positions at Burger King, as with many fast food establishments, pay very little, and even in managerial positions, the rates are not as competitive as with other corporations. There are more opportunities available for the same amount of hard work in other workplaces. The second task was not adequately addressed. The example used seemed weak because of the nature of lotteries. The probability is much lower for a person to win the lottery than to work hard and diligently to be rewarded. As well, task#3 does not seem clear. Ideas could be further developed.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMNOPRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey I'm back again. Thanks a lot for doing this, you are a huge help!

 

In advertising, truth is irrelevant.

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which truth in advertising might be relevant. Discuss what you think determines when truth in advertising is irrelevant and when it is relevant.

 

Advertising is an important part of any business in order to sell a product to consumers. Advertising can be seen in many forms of media, like the radio, television or magazines. In advertising, telling the truth to consumers may not matter. This is because the point of an advertisement is to attract the audience's attention to the product the company is selling. Advertisements are the first thing a consumer sees of a product. Once the consumer is interested, they can then inquire more into a product, where truth can then be found out.

 

For example, advertising campaigns in which the truth is not relevant can be seen in many high end fashion advertisements. Many high end fashion designers like Louis Vuitton, Channel, and Gucci create an image for their logo. The advertisements they use do not reflect the truth in their product but instead emulate a look the company is trying to sell. This envious look is not needed by the consumers and it is therefore not relevant if the advertisements contain truth. The advertisements may not even make it clear as to what the product is the company is selling. The importance of these advertisements is that the consumer feels the need to buy the product, based on the luxurious advertisements. The advertisements may show a beautiful man or woman in an exciting scene. The purpose of these ads is to create a sense of want for the image of the brand name. Truth is irrelevant in these ads because the purpose of the advertisements is to sell the image of the brand.

 

However, when the advertisement is advertising something people need, truth is relevant. For example, in today's society, computers are a necessity to many people's lives. It is important to know the quality of a computer before it is purchased. In this case, providing facts about the quality of a computer in an advertisement is very important. Consumers are interested in knowing facts about a computer, such as the amount of memory it can hold, what type of processor it has, and other various measurements. Without this essential information, advertisements for computers would be less appealing to consumers because the ads would not provide any relevant information to the consumers. In the case of selling computers, providing facts in advertising is very relevant and needed to make the product known to consumers.

 

In advertising, providing facts can both be necessary and unnecessary depending on the product being sold. When a company is selling a product that is not needed or is a luxury to a consumer, telling the truth in an advertisement is irrelevant. This can be seen in the case of highend fashion advertisements. When a company is selling a product that is a need to a consumer, providing facts in an advertisement is necessary. This can be seen in the case of computer advertisements. When consumers need a product, knowing the facts about that product in an advertisement is important because the best product is wanted. Having the facts presented in an advertisement allows the consumer to make an educated decision on the product. There is more thought put into the item being purchased because it is needed. When an item is a luxury and is not a necessity, the company does not feel pressure to provide truth in the advertisement because the point of the advertisement is to entice the consumer into purchasing the image being portrayed by the company. Truth in luxury advertising is irrelevant because the consumer wants the fantasy that the product is supposed to provide. In advertising, truth is irrelevant when an advertisement is selling a luxury product that a consumer does not need, however, when the product is a necessity, it is important to provide advertisements with truth, in order for the consumers to make an informed decision about the product.

 

The first task is adequately addressed, though the example could be developed further and more coherently. The sense of where the truth is irrelevant was not fully addressed and explained with the example.

 

In task#2, the essay reader may take issue with your idea of a need. Computers are not needed. They are useful tools, and are very important to society in developed nations, but whether they are a need is arguable.

 

The last paragraph adequately addresses task#3, but it lacks coherence and organization. The ideas are somewhat redundant as well.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMN/OPRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey I was hoping to get my first essay checked. After sitting in on VR/WR today in class, I think that grade I got was over inflated. I had the one about laws and social values too. Feel free to tear it apart haha.

 

There are advocates that believe the justice system has no merit and influence on the values of people; thereby segregating their personal beliefs, values or morals from the laws that govern a particular area, whether it be federal, provincial or municipal. Nevertheless; there have been countless laws that have changed the social values of Canadian society, a recent example is the law that allowed Gay marriage in Canada. For decades the Gay community has been targets of unjust hatred and punishment for a way of life that was deemed "unnatural" or "immoral." The individuals of the community had been branded with derogatory words such as "homos" or "fags." Some of this hatred was intentional, while the majority was just a lack of understanding and sympathy towards the notion of being homosexual. Ultimately, the passing of this bill allowed individuals that were not gay to fully comprehend, what it meant to be homosexual and to realize that they are just normal individuals and should be treated with the same degree of respect as others. The passing of the gay marriage bill not only allowed individuals of the LGBT communities to successfully marry, but it also pushed for an era of understanding those that are different. It transformed the social values of countless Canadians and it allowed for us to progress as a society where all individuals are treated equally. Prior to the forming of this law, individuals that might have not understood what it meant to be gay would have been less likely to take the time to appreciate an individual of a different sexual orientation. Yet, after this bill was successfully passed, it allowed for young Canadians especially to assess and reevaluate their treatment of individuals of the gay community. In Toronto alone the Gay Pride Parade brings millions of tourist into the city and residents that are not Gay themselves, but enjoy, appreciate and respect the members of the community. This law has also pushed for more understanding and zero-tolerance towards the mistreatment of individuals that may be Gay in schools, universities and the workplace. It has changed the social values of all Canadians because we are more understanding and tolerant of individuals in the community. Ultimately, a law can only change social values when there is a current problem in society and it is acknowledged. The individuals that campaign to fight this injustice fully understand the problem and relate to the victims and push for all citizens to the understand. The passing of the law not only provides the victims with justice, but it provides the outlet in which other individuals can realize what was really the issue, so they can change their actions and social values. Only when a problem in society is acknowledged and corrected can society progress and the individuals learn from it. This has been engraved into society, countless ways whether it is gay marriage, allowing women to vote or the equal treatment of African Americans in the United States, all these forms of injustice have been corrected by a law and the countless work of inspirational leaders and it has changed the social value of millions of individuals in countless ways.

 

The essay weakly addresses task#1, and doesn't develop the idea more. Further, the essay is very unbalanced, focussing more on the counter-argument against the prompt. Further, task#3 is not adequately addressed. You will need to determine when laws change social values, and when laws do not change social values.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JK/LMNOPRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Government should fund scientific research only when it has direct application to societal problems.

 

Governments unfortunately do not have endless amounts of funding and grants to issue out to all scientific research being conducted. It is most sensible that governments provide additional financial aid to research directly addressing societal problems present within the population. This is observed in the pharmacology research industry which concentrates mainly on drug development to target the most widespread diseases. Not only do subsidising disease research and the associated drug development important for alleviating pain and suffering of the patients, it is ultimately advantageous. The appropriate drug or therapy can be administered to the patient immediately upon diagnosis, and medical personal do not need to use expensive resources to treat a potentially untreatable illness. This would be the case if governments did not supply adequate funding to these institutions which directly serve the people.

 

The purpose of directly addressing a societal problem is not necessarily a staple of an effective scientific research program that deserves grants from the government. Although this research does not serve to solve a blatant issue, society can benefit from the study or project in a completely different way. Funding NASA and space exploration is purely based on innovation and discovery. A societal crisis is not the focus of space research, but governments should and do fund these institutions because they feed the thirst for knowledge and curiosity. The Space Race that defined the Cold War between the United States and Soviet Union saw both countries providing an unprecedented amount of funding to this research. Regardless of space research’s inability to focus on a societal problem, morale was boosted in both respective countries by the first man, a Russian astronaut, in space and the moon landing by Americans Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.

 

Funding by the government is crucial for the continuation of scientific research. Governments make it a priority to attend to the issues faced by their people, and this is evident through their cancer and AIDS research and drug development by the pharmaceutical industry. However, scientific research which does not address a societal problem not only can benefit the people by inspiring a nation, as seen during the Space Race, it encourages creativity and innovation. The final determinant of who receives government subsidies should be dependent on the benefits of the project on society as a whole. Therefore, it is key for the scientific researchers to convince the government of this fact, and for the government to be an optimistic judge of the possibilities.

 

Proficiency in responding to the tasks. Adequate control of language with evidence of clarity in writing.

 

I feel this essay will score a:

JKLMNOPQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In times of war, maintaining public support is often the most difficult battle.

 

When a nation is at war, maintaining public support for the war may at times be more challenging than the armed opposition the nation faces on the battlefield. In the case of the War in Iraq which began in 2003, the president of the United States at the time, told the United States public that the reason for the invasion of Iraq was that there was reason to believe that the leader of Iraq was harbouring weapons of mass destruction (WMDs). Understandably, the United States approved the decision to invade Iraq, and Iraq was under U.S. control within a few days. However, subsequent to the invasion, no WMDs were found and public support for the decision to invade largely fell. Add to that the atrocities of Abu-Ghraib, where hundreds of human rights violations were carried out at the hands of U.S. military personnel, and U.S. public support for the war fell furthermore. This has led to the decision by the current U.S. president to withdraw several thousand U.S. troops from Iraq. This illustrates how the U.S. administration failed to maintain public support for the war, and is now forced to withdraw from Iraq, due to lack of public support.

 

However, maintaining public support for war is not always a difficult task. For instance, in post-WWI Germany, Germans were suffering from the weak economy caused by in large because of the sanctions placed on Germany by the rest of the world, due to the actions of Germany in World War I. Adolph Hitler then appeared in the political arena, and rallied the German people to go to war with several countries, promising to relieve them from their economic suffering. The German, swept off their feet by Hitler’s promises of prosperity approved of Hitler’s policies, leading to the beginning of the Nazi Holocaust and World War II. German support for Hitler remained quite strong, and the more challenging opposition Hitler faced was on the battlefield, when fighting Allied troops.

 

Therefore, during times of war, the difficulty of maintaining public support for war is highly circumstantial. If a nation is in a state of economic stability such as in the U.S. at the time of the invasion of Iraq, maintaining public support for war is quite challenging. However, if a nation is in a state of economic collapse, such as in post-WWI Germany, maintaining public support for war is relatively easy, as war is thought to bolster the economy.

 

Thanks!

 

Proficiency in responding to the tasks. Adequate control of language with evidence of clarity in writing. Ideas were adequately developed.

 

I feel this essay will score an:

JKLMNOP/QRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Only educated people can take advantage of new technologies.

 

Education is essentially what allows individuals to reap the maximum benefits of the technologies which surround them. Education is best recognized as the formal education one receives in North America and Europe from the kindergarten level, all the way to the post-graduate level. A formal education provides individuals with the ability to apply the various ideas and principles they have learned throughout their education to solving the problems they face at any given moment. For instance, at the advent of the new millennium, highly educated engineers from the Unites States, introduced the unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) into the realm of surveillance and reconnaissance. The UAV is an extremely sophisticated piece of technology, which requires a team of three highly trained individuals (one pilot and two servicemen) to operate, since everything from the UAV’s maintenance to its takeoff is highly complicated. At some point during the course of the ongoing war in Afghanistan, United States military personnel began equipping these reconnaissance aircraft with precision-guided bombs, in order to reduce the escalating number of U.S. military casualties within the region. Essentially, what used to require U.S. soldiers entering Taliban strongholds in order to eliminate the Taliban, could now be accomplished by UAVs dropping precision-guided bombs on Taliban strongholds, thereby eliminating the need for U.S. soldiers to put their lives in danger.

 

However, within the context of the same conflict, lies the example of an uneducated individual using a new piece of technology to accomplish their goal. Recently, the Taliban – who have seldom experienced formal education – have begun utilizing heat-seeking RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades) to fight off U.S. forces. Already, one U.S. Cobra helicopter has been brought down by them using these heat-seeking RPGs. RPGs require a single operator, and can be launched with the pull of a trigger.

 

Therefore, whether or not only educated individuals are able to take advantage of new technologies is highly circumstantial. In the case of technologies whose operation is quite complex, such as the UAV, only educated individuals are able to use them to their advantage. However, in cases where technology may not be very difficult to operate, such as the heat-seeking RPG, and uneducated individual may be able to use the technology to their advantage. Therefore, it is the complexity of the operation of a technology which determines the ability of uneducated individuals to the technology to their advantage. The less complex the operation, the greater the ability of uneducated individuals to use the technology to their advantage.

 

Thanks again!

 

Proficiency in responding to the tasks, however the ideas in task#2 could be developed more. Adequate control of language. Evidence of clarity in writing.

 

I feel this essay will score an:

JKLMNOP/QRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much PastaInhaler for your time to edit our Writing Samples. This is my first attempt at it and I realize that it is very bad. Your feedback is much appreciated.

 

History is the record of but a few events, repeated again and again, different only in time and context.

Describe a specific historical event that was or might be unique rather than a repetition of a previous event from a different time and context. Discuss what you think determines when historical events can be said to be unique and when they can be described as repetitions of events from earlier times and contexts.

 

Events are an important part of our society. They can be as simple as watching a parade in the street or as serious as a revolutionary taking place in a different nation. Their significance lies in their themes, and some themes may be repeated in other events that differ only in time and context. Take for example the French Revolution and the Libyan Uprising that is happening today. Both events ultimately have the same theme: democratic freedom and a better way of living. Nonetheless, they differ in time and context. The French Revolution took place in the 18th century while the Libyan Uprising started on March of 2011. The former was in a time where there were colonies more so than independent nations and the latter started because of a protest movement that initiated in Egypt for democratic rights and freedom. Both events highlight the same social movement and they share the same purpose. Similarly, if the underlying themes are the same, one could argue that the historical record is made up of a few events, repeated again and again, different only in time and context.

 

However, it can also be argued that some events have their own merits that make them unique and establish them from a given theme - henceforth, not a repetition. For instance, the popular accomplishment of a human being (Neil Armstrong) to set foot on the moon is an event that falls under the category of space exploration. Such a task, which was never accomplished before, highlights the event and eliminates it from being a repeat of a previous event that contributes to space exploration.

 

As a result, an event can be distinguished from other events, firstly, by having different themes. If the theme is shared, then it can be unique if it constitutes an accomplishment which has never been done before. Even though all events that occurred to date are important in shaping our society, the historical record can be organized into few events with an underlying theme, which are then repeated in different times and context.

 

 

Proficiency in responding to the tasks. The ideas in task#2, and task#3 could be developed further. Adequate control of language with evidence of clarity in writing. Writing is coherent, and ideas were adequately developed.

 

I feel this essay will score an:

JKLMNOP/QRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

History is the record of but a few events, repeated again and again, different only in time and context.

 

Describe a specific historical event that was or might be unique rather than a repetition of a previous event from a different time and context. Discuss what you think determines when historical events can be said to be unique and when they can be described as repetitions of events from earlier times and contexts.

 

 

The adage "History repeats itself" reflects the repetitive nature of events that exists in our world. History, a record of the past, is generally comprised of repeated events that appear differently only in time and circumstance. People and events that occur throughout time share common patterns and characteristics with one another. Our world is shaped by life that exists on the planet, and as our innate characteristics do not change significantly over time, many of the events are mere reflections of one another. Human beings have a natural tendency to seek power, fame, and wealth. This often presents a struggle for human beings to coexist in peace and harmony. Struggle for fame and power has historically resulted in tensions between impactful figures. Adolf Hitler was a fascist who sought power and dominance over many European countries, ultimately contributing to the onset of World War II. As the name suggests, this war involved many countries of the world, and the international conflict led to the deaths of many people. Hitler rose to power at the cost of harsh discrimination against several minority groups, such as the Jews. Although many people desire power, fame and wealth, most would not take such drastic measures in order to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, war is an event that is repeated throughout time that demonstrates our desire for power and socioeconomic success. For as long as humans possess this attribute, we will continue to shape events that recur differently only in time and context.

 

Although many historical events share similar characteristics, there are some instances when historical events may in fact be unique, as opposed to a repetition of the past. The 20th and 21st centuries have been marked by significant technological and scientific advancements. As we strive for ongoing progress, we are often faced with new challenges that did not exist before. We live in an interconnected world in which people rely on one another for a multiplicity of purposes. As societies developed to favour such a network, a need for better communication arose. As we gained immense knowledge about the workings of the world, a need for better storage and dissemination of information arose. The discovery of the Internet, the World Wide Web, is a revolutionary event that changed how we communicated, how we shared information, and essentially how we lived our lives. People were able to instantly communicate with one another from miles across the world. In today's time, knowledge can be acquired at the click of the mouse. The Internet has changed how we perceive our world and reflects the potential for growth. Such a discovery, brought about by novel need unlike any that existed in the past, represents a unique event in history, rather than a repetition of a previous event.

 

History is record of events that have occurred throughout time. Some events are reflections of one another, while others are unique. Events that arise over time due to consistent characteristics of people who shape the world, such as fame and power, can be considered to be repetition of the past in a different shape or form. Wars, for example, are often sparked due to conflicts between powerful nations who seek domination, and thus, power. In contrast, our continuously growing and advancing society often faces challenges that are brought about by needs and demands that did not exist centuries ago. Our interconnectedness and the need for more effective communication with one another challenged us to innovative ideas. These events are unique in that they alter how we perceive the world and how we function as a society.

 

--

 

Thanks in advance for your feedback!

 

The essay shows clarity, depth and complexity of thought. Major ideas are substantially developed. A facility with language is evident.

 

I feel this essay will score an:

JKLMNOPQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Television almost always distorts the way we see the world.

Describe a specific situation in which television might not distort the way we see the world. Discuss what you think determines when television distorts our perception of the world.

Television is a highly influential form of media. It is well known that the average family has more than one television in their home and that many western citizens watch many hours of television every week. Since the days of black and white television, people have been influenced by what they see on the screen. Dr. Phil advises the public to take better care of their health, and people listen. Commercials convince viewers that if the viewer buys Axe deodorant, beautiful women will suddenly become interested in him. The local news reports another violent crime, and the neighbourhood seems less safe. Documentaries can shed light on issues that people had long turned a blind eye to. Indeed, television strongly influences the way that its viewers see the world. Sometimes this influence is direct and obvious, as in the case of the news, but other times the influence of television can be more subtle. For example, popular shows, such as Sex and the City or Friends teach their viewers about social acceptable behaviour, and work to promote the cultural ideal of beauty. Clearly, whether the influence is direct or hidden, television frequently distorts the way that the viewer perceives the world.

 

In contrast, there are some situations in which television is relatively benign. Many educational shows instruct viewers without skewing their world view. Christine Cushing Live (a cooking show) would teach the audience how to make a fantastic cheesecake, but would not change the public opinion on neighbourhood safety, or convince the females in the audience that they must be thin in order to have worth. Similarly, a Nova documentary on ice age mammals or distant planets would probably open the viewer's eyes to the natural beauty and wonder of the world, but leave viewer's concepts of socially acceptable behaviour unskewed.

 

Television can, and frequently does, distort the audience's perceptions of the world. This distorting is especially likely to occur if the television program focuses on characters that the viewer can relate to. In fact, the most influential television programs are the shows that people can related to most strongly. Also, if the message of the program is highly relevant to an individual's life, this message can strongly distort the way that the individual sees the world. This rule of relevance is especially true when considering how influential news programs can be. The most benign form of television, that distorts perceptions the least, would be programming that is irrelevant and difficult to relate to.

 

Thanks for taking a look at this. I have to say, this is not the best piece of writing that I have ever done. By far...

 

Ideas are somewhat developed. Evidence of some clarity and depth. Ideas show some focus. Examples were given for task#1, but task#1 itself was not adequately addressed.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMNO/PQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks again in advance, I hope these are getting better. My June 16 test date is coming up way too fast.

 

The primary goal of every business should be to maximize profits

 

Businesses exist to make money for themselves while providing a product or service for consumers. The more successful businesses are able to maximize their profits better than their competitors. Since businesses exist to make money, every business should attempt to increase profits as much as possible.

 

An example of a company that maximizes profits effectively is Nike. Nike produces t-shirts that sell in major retail stores for approximately thirty to forty dollars. However, the actual cost of production is much lower than that. More specifically, Nike has production in other parts of the world that have very low production costs. By lowering production costs while maintaining similar sales prices, Nike increases their profits. The company's focus is on maximizing profits, which allows them to do so efficiently and become a more successful business.

 

However, not all businesses have profits in mind when considering their business. A local sports store in Bolton called Sport's Corner was closing down and had to get rid of their merchandise. In order to sell all their products by the time they had to vacate the store, they had to lower prices significantly to entice consumers to buy soon. In this action, Sport's Corner was not trying to maximize profits but instead was trying to maximize the liquidity of the products. The primary goal of the store was to sell the sports goods as quickly as possible, regardless of the profit they would make.

 

In the examples mentioned, one of the businesses was thriving, and therefore was able to focus on maximizing products. On the other hand, the business that was closing down had to focus solely on the liquidity of its products. Therefore, the primary goal of a business is to balance maximizing profits and product liquidity, which is dependent on the current state of the business.

 

Ideas are somewhat developed. Ideas presented in a coherent manner, with some focus, but may be lacking in complexity. An essay reader may take issue with your second example that is in response to task#2. You mentioned how businesses exist to make money. The underlying idea is that they continue to do so in order to maintain longevity and to stay in business. What the essay readers are looking for is an example whereby a business can still be a business without placing focus on maximizing profits, and still maintain itself under such conditions. Such an example would help to unify the essay a bit more, and the logic will be easier to see by the essay reader.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMNOPQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Plans for achieving social justice can succeed only when those affected give their approval.

 

It speaks to the good in the world when we see people trying to take care of each other. From community services to emergency services, and all kinds of services in between, we see people looking out for the best interest of their fellow man. However, certain forms of social justice, such as liberty, can only succeed if the people who want it are willing to fight for it. For example, countries like Iraq may have wanted to be free of a dictator like Saddam Hussein, but toppling their government without their overwhelming approval was, of course, doomed to failure. This is not to say that it is wrong to help a floundering country with its revolution. After all, America received a great deal of help during our revolution, the difference was that Americans were ready to lay their lives down in the pursuit of their liberty.

 

When we talk about social issues, however, sometimes it is necessary to push for social justice against public opinion. During the desegregation of the public schools, for instance, the changes in people’s lives were perceived to be so uncomfortable that some people would have chose to forgo the process entirely. If desegregation had not taken place against the approval of many people, there is no telling where race relations would be now.

 

The question is whether liberty and desegregation are really on level playing fields as far as social justice is concerned. The greater good must always be fought for, but people must be willing to fight for their causes. Ultimately, the civil rights movement was a success due to the commitment of its participants. They saw that nothing would change unless they stood for what they believed in. Whereas from a revolutionary standpoint, Iraq was not on the verge of overthrowing Saddam. This contrast of a successful movement versus an unsuccessful one shows us that social justice only achievable in a real way in those affected give not only their approval, but there bodies and minds.

 

Thanks Pasta :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The personal privacy of citizens should be protected from government intrusion.

 

The privacy entitled to the citizens of a nation is one of the hallmarks of a democratic society. Privacy is the state in which an individual has the ability to retain personal information from inquirers. A citizen is an individual who has been the resident of a nation for a sufficiently long period of time, and has already pledged allegiance to the nation in some form an oath demonstrating loyalty. Intrusion can be defined as the violation of the state of individual privacy wherein the intruder has extracted information from an individual using force or has simply bypassed the awareness of an individual of the inquiries into their personal lives. Therefore, when the personal privacy of citizens is protected from government intrusion, citizens’ private matters are not open to privy by the government. In the case of conventional law in any democratic society, law enforcement officials or any public officer for that matter is not allowed to carry out search and seizures on the private property of citizens unless they possess a court-administered warrant allowing them to do so. This ensures that the privacy of citizens is not arbitrarily invaded, unless there is reasonable doubt of foul play on the part of the citizen.

 

However, there are periods of time wherein it is generally considered acceptable to bypass the permission and awareness of citizens when accessing their personal information. For instance, just days after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the U.S. Patriot Act came into effect, which essentially allowed various U.S. intelligence agencies and law enforcement officials to bypass the traditional safeguards of U.S. citizens’ privacy, allowing them to access the personal information of citizens without the citizen being aware of such actions on part of the government. The prime example of the Patriot Act in action is the widespread engagement of intelligence officials in the warrantless wiretapping of citizens’ private phone conversations.

 

Therefore, citizens’ privacy may or may not be protected from government intrusion depending on the circumstances involved. Generally, during peacetime within a democratic society, the privacy of citizens is indeed protected from government intrusion. However, during times of war, when citizens are expected to accommodate to the war-time policies of their government, certain safeguards of personal privacy much be removed in order to ensure the overall security of the nation. In the case of the conventional requirement of warrants when carrying out search and seizures on private property, this protocol is generally considered essential during peacetime since no imminent danger is present to the nation at large, and thus, the privacy of citizens should be respected and accommodated. However, during times of war, such as the post-9/11 era, wherein the threats of proliferation of international and domestic terrorism were widespread, certain safeguards on the personal privacy of American citizens needed to be removed in order to better monitor terrorist chatter and ensure the overall security of the nation. Therefore, during times of peace, when a nation is not at war, the protection of citizens’ personal privacy is expected to be protected from government intrusion, whereas when a nation is at war, it is understandable for the government to intrude upon the privacy of citizens since they are only doing so in order to protect the nation at large.

 

Thanks again Pasta! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

 

The best way to learn how to ride a bike is to ride a bike. No matter how much theoretical skills one read on books or how much experience one was told by others, you only learn how to ride a bike after trying riding the bike yourself. Maybe the theories and indirect experiences help one to improve, but without practical experience, one can never get the real skill. This is a great example of education comes not from books but mainly from practical experiences. Books represent theories or indirect experiences told or written by others, while practical experience means direct personal experiences. Many other examples can be listed to support this statement and many people would say they believe this statement is true.

 

Unfortunately, practical experiences are not always readily available. Many life science students are familiar with colorful textbooks with metabolic pathways shown in pictures and lengthy explanations. We learn these mechanisms mainly through books and lectures, but rarely, if ever through practical experiences. The reason is obvious: the practical experience is hardly available to students. We cannot dissect an animal cell to observe how a molecule of glucose gets uptaken by the cell and goes through all the possible metabolic pathways that we may want to learn. Even when students perform experiments, the experiments are designed to prove or disapprove a certain theory or assumption, which means, it does not directly show the material or principle we want to learn. Thus, books provide the best or even the only way of education when practical experiences are not available.

 

To determine when practical experience provides a better education than books, the education goal and available education methods needs to be examined. When the goal of education is a practical skill such as riding a bike and practical experience can be easily achieved, practical experience is usually a better way of education than books or other indirect experiences. However, when the goal of education is an abstract theory, such as the metabolic pathway of glucose in human cell, books may be more beneficial to students to obtain a clear big picture. Sometimes there is no available practical experience that could provide students with direct illustration on abstract education goals. The other times, practical experiences could only represent selected conditions instead of the general rule, and this is when students must learn the general rule from book theories rather than practical experiences.

 

 

 

Thank you very much!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Technology solves many problems, but in the process often creates new ones.

 

It is without question that the 20th and 21st century has been marked by the surge of technology and computer-based devices. Unprecedented technological advances have been crucial to solving problems encountered in society, yet have contributed and trigger alternate problems. The last century has bared witness to countless wars fought in radically different manners, purely based on the drastic changes in technology. Instead of fighting with guns and ammunition in the muddy trenches, wars are now defined by bombs and the threat of weapons of mass destruction. Although the improvement of technology allows for increased security in terms of night vision goggles and radar to sense enemy attack, the rise in nuclear weapon research and production raises serious concerns. This was observed during the Cold War between the United States and Soviet Union and currently with North Korea, where weapons of mass destruction and their ability to ultimately destroy the world is the primary problem which has risen from the advancements in technology.

 

Technology creating further problems in the path of solving them is not a dominating theme in all fields, however. The developments in technology have paved the way for saving more lives, as patients can now be saved when it once was impossible. The new resources available in hospital for doctors is unparalleled by anything seen in the past, as robotic hands allow surgeons to remove a seemingly unreachable tumour to save a patient’s life. Technology is perceived as the medical field’s ally in conquering disease and prolonging the life of patients around the world, and no problems arise from the yearning to treat and heal.

 

Technology is the solution to many of the everyday problems faced by people today; however, it can come at a cost as it creates problems of its own. Although it allows for improved security and protection to the armed forces, it provides immense power to those who possess the technology to form nuclear weapons. This only causes uncertainty and fear for the rest of the world. However, medical advances made possible by technology results in the solely positive outcome of prolonged life and health to patients. Whether technology results in problems is determined by what the intension of pushing the endless boundaries of technology are. When technology is used to save lives, it has no faults, but when it is used to deny it, technology creates greater problems than the ones it is attempting to solve.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi! This is my first practice written response, it feels really short to me, so any feedback at all would be appreciated.

 

"The best kind of education encourages students to question authority"

 

Write a unified essay in which you accomplish the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which encouraging students to question authority is not the best kind of education. Discuss what you think determines when students should be encouraged to question authority.

 

My response:

 

Education in which students are encouraged to question what they are taught often produces adults who are able to think for themselves. It can be argued that these are the types of people who later become great scientists, politicians, and innovative educators themselves. Without education of this type, our worldviews would be confined by the principles and ideas of the past, and progress would be limited significantly. This situation can be likened to the style of government of the former Soviet Union, in which strict guidelines were placed on what the people were allowed to learn, prohibiting creativity and out-of-the-box thinking. The economic and social stagnation that arose from the Soviet regime is evidence of the negative effects of imposing authority and discouraging free thinking among people.

Although generally free thinking and the questioning of authority is a necessary aspect of the cultivation of a growing society, there are drawbacks to encouraging this behavior. At an extreme, students encouraged to question authority in a negative manner will often participate in violence and destructive behavior. The numerous examples of riots and violent protest throughout history speak to the dangers of allowing students to question authority and take action against it.

It is the manner of education provided to growing minds that determines whether questioning authority will be productive or destructive. Students must be taught to think for themselves and share their ideas with peers in a peaceful way; in turn their peers must be taught to receive these ideas with an open-mind. Violence is rarely the answer, nor is oppression. The teachings of Ghandi are an excellent example of this: taking a stand against authority must be accomplished in a peaceful manner, for violence is but a temporary solution. Each worldview has a valid point, and it is this that students must be educated to understand; we must take each and every idea presented to us and evaluate it thoughtfully, taking into account evidence both supportive and contrary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you PastaInhaler for your feedback on my first prompt. Here is my second attempt and once again, I appreciate your help! (I think everyone does :))

 

A politician's true beliefs are displayed during a crisis.

 

Describe a specific situation in which a politician's true beliefs might not be displayed during a crisis. Discuss what you think determines whether or not a crisis will bring out a politician's true beliefs.

 

Sometimes when a person makes a friend, this friend might not be what they envisioned in the first place. In the beginning, they work together, laugh together and share secretes with one another. But sometimes, there is a reason for this "friendship." Sometimes there is a motive behind it, and once the goal is achieved, the individual learns the sad truth: the friend was two-faced. Similarly in the political stream, when a politician markets him or herself to the public, we may not get the full picture, but only what the prospect president paints for us. Sometimes, it is during an economical crisis in the country, a civil war between tribes, or the start of a revolution do we get the shocking truth about the person's true beliefs. In fact, sometimes there is an unfortunate price to pay to remove the politician whom we once voted for dearly to improve the country we live in. Take for example the revolution that sparked in December and fully ignited in January of 2011. The Egyptian people, particularly the youth, were not satisfied with Hosni Mubarak's ruling. They wanted change and as soon as possible. They protested against the government and asked for Hosni Mubarak's resignation, but unfortunately the president did not agree. It becomes very ironic then to see that a politician who wanted the good for the people is now acting against the people's wishes. In fact, news about Hosni Mubarak's international bank accounts and purchased lands made the headlines. He had expensive houses in London and the US, which were sanctioned in the revolution process because of the use of weapons against the civilians. It was a fight between pro-Mubarak and anti-Mubarak, with those being pro-Mubarak hired by the government. No one could have predicted that this would happen since Mubarak took presidency in Egypt. It was only during the revolution did Mubarak's true motivations become visible and not only in Egypt, but also on an international level.

 

However, sometimes politicians might not display their true beliefs during a crisis. This is the case when a politician wants to be re-elected for another term or elected for the first time. It is important to maintain the people's trust in order to get their votes in the next election. If the politician was to show his true ideology, which perhaps conflicts with the way people see a situation, it could prove detrimental to his or her chance of winning a seat in parliament or presidency. For example, when Obama was running for Presidency in 2008, his campaign revolved around the notion of Change. This change was what the people wanted to hear. He promised that he would return the troops from Iraq, focus on the economical problems in the nation, and close Guantanamo. This was a time of economic crisis in USA. USA's debt was and continues to rise because of the international wars they are a part of, including Afghanistan. People wanted their husbands, sons, daughters, and wives back from the battlefield and others wanted jobs to feed themselves or their children. When the US citizens hear Obama advocating for change, they follow him. Unfortunately Obama did not accomplish what he said in the Campaign. He did not close Guantanamo, and even though he is on the process of pulling the troops back from Iraq, troops were sent to Afghanistan. Perhaps better than before in terms of employment, the US dollar is now less than the Canadian dollar, and so the economy has probably not changed much. Had people known that Obama would send troops to Afghanistan to continue the war against terrorism, they might not have voted for him.

 

In order to win an election, politicians might not show their true motives to the public. It is unfortunate that sometimes we see the shocking truth during a crisis. If the crisis started before an election, such as an economic crisis, and it is still ongoing, then some politicians might use that to their advantage and hide their true beliefs from the public. However, if the crisis is directly related to the politician, such as Hosni Mubarak and the Egyptian revolution, then it is quite likely that the public might see the politician's true motives. Even the politician might not be able to stop the public from seeing his or her true beliefs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A politician's true beliefs are displayed during a crisis.

Describe a specific situation in which a politician's true beliefs might not be displayed during a crisis. Discuss what you think determines whether or not a crisis will bring out a politician's true beliefs.

 

 

It is commonly believed that "tough times bring out the worst in people." A politician, a powerful figure within a nation, generally acts to satisfy the needs and wants of citizens. During prosperity, the affairs within the country are often moderate, and the citizenry is usually tranquil. However, during a crisis, a politician is expected to react with responsibility and leadership. Under most of these circumstances, a politician's beliefs and values may be portrayed. Pierre Trudeau, Canada's 15th prime minister, contributed significantly to Canada's political system as well as the lives of Canadians. Trudeau helped to establish the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms within the Constitution in 1982. Additionally, he helped maintain national unity against Quebec separatists. During the October Crisis of 1970, FLQ executed violent measures against the government. In response to the revolt, Trudeau introduced the War Measures Act that allowed authorities to detain members of the FLQ. His reaction to the crisis demonstrated political acumen, as well as his interest in maintaining national identity. Therefore, the October Crisis revealed Trudeau's true beliefs that despite the rights and freedoms of citizens, a revolt that risks the nation's security must be addressed with responsibility and leadership.

 

Although most crises may reveal a politician's true beliefs, some circumstances may in fact conceal the true values of a leader. Politicians who generally disregard the concerns and interests of the citizenry often hold a position of dictatorial power and act in their self-interest. December 2010 marked the beginning of a revolution that not only changed how the citizens of the country lived, but also encouraged others to take action to fight for their rights and freedoms. The Tunisian Revolution against President Ben Ali arose due to lack of political freedom, censorship, inflation and poor living conditions. The revolution strived for change, against a government that neglected many of its citizens. During the revolution, Ben Ali agreed to make changes within the nation in the interests of citizens; however, people demanded a new government. They communicated with one another through Facebook, severe censorship notwithstanding. Ben Ali's true beliefs, which he had held for years during his dictatorship, were not revealed during the crisis.

 

A politician's true beliefs may be portrayed during most crises. If the crisis risks national security and unity against a government that hopes to maintain tranquility, the true values of a politician may be revealed. However, when a crisis is marked by revolt against a government that operates in self-interest, neglecting the needs of many citizens, a desperate and distressed politician may falsely agree with the conditions of citizens. Under this circumstance, the true beliefs of the politician are not exposed. In conclusion, politicians who generally act in the best interest of the nation's citizens respond responsibly to crises, revealing their true beliefs. Conversely, a dictator who fears losing power against a national revolt will respond desperately, which however does not reflect their true beliefs.

 

 

Thank you for your time and efforts towards providing feedback to many people!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Plans for achieving social justice can succeed only when those affected give their approval.

 

It speaks to the good in the world when we see people trying to take care of each other. From community services to emergency services, and all kinds of services in between, we see people looking out for the best interest of their fellow man. However, certain forms of social justice, such as liberty, can only succeed if the people who want it are willing to fight for it. For example, countries like Iraq may have wanted to be free of a dictator like Saddam Hussein, but toppling their government without their overwhelming approval was, of course, doomed to failure. This is not to say that it is wrong to help a floundering country with its revolution. After all, America received a great deal of help during our revolution, the difference was that Americans were ready to lay their lives down in the pursuit of their liberty.

 

When we talk about social issues, however, sometimes it is necessary to push for social justice against public opinion. During the desegregation of the public schools, for instance, the changes in people’s lives were perceived to be so uncomfortable that some people would have chose to forgo the process entirely. If desegregation had not taken place against the approval of many people, there is no telling where race relations would be now.

 

The question is whether liberty and desegregation are really on level playing fields as far as social justice is concerned. The greater good must always be fought for, but people must be willing to fight for their causes. Ultimately, the civil rights movement was a success due to the commitment of its participants. They saw that nothing would change unless they stood for what they believed in. Whereas from a revolutionary standpoint, Iraq was not on the verge of overthrowing Saddam. This contrast of a successful movement versus an unsuccessful one shows us that social justice only achievable in a real way in those affected give not only their approval, but there bodies and minds.

 

Thanks Pasta :)

 

There were issues with clarity and complexity of thought. Major ideas were underdeveloped and the tasks were not adequately addressed.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMNOPQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The personal privacy of citizens should be protected from government intrusion.

 

The privacy entitled to the citizens of a nation is one of the hallmarks of a democratic society. Privacy is the state in which an individual has the ability to retain personal information from inquirers. A citizen is an individual who has been the resident of a nation for a sufficiently long period of time, and has already pledged allegiance to the nation in some form an oath demonstrating loyalty. Intrusion can be defined as the violation of the state of individual privacy wherein the intruder has extracted information from an individual using force or has simply bypassed the awareness of an individual of the inquiries into their personal lives. Therefore, when the personal privacy of citizens is protected from government intrusion, citizens’ private matters are not open to privy by the government. In the case of conventional law in any democratic society, law enforcement officials or any public officer for that matter is not allowed to carry out search and seizures on the private property of citizens unless they possess a court-administered warrant allowing them to do so. This ensures that the privacy of citizens is not arbitrarily invaded, unless there is reasonable doubt of foul play on the part of the citizen.

 

However, there are periods of time wherein it is generally considered acceptable to bypass the permission and awareness of citizens when accessing their personal information. For instance, just days after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the U.S. Patriot Act came into effect, which essentially allowed various U.S. intelligence agencies and law enforcement officials to bypass the traditional safeguards of U.S. citizens’ privacy, allowing them to access the personal information of citizens without the citizen being aware of such actions on part of the government. The prime example of the Patriot Act in action is the widespread engagement of intelligence officials in the warrantless wiretapping of citizens’ private phone conversations.

 

Therefore, citizens’ privacy may or may not be protected from government intrusion depending on the circumstances involved. Generally, during peacetime within a democratic society, the privacy of citizens is indeed protected from government intrusion. However, during times of war, when citizens are expected to accommodate to the war-time policies of their government, certain safeguards of personal privacy much be removed in order to ensure the overall security of the nation. In the case of the conventional requirement of warrants when carrying out search and seizures on private property, this protocol is generally considered essential during peacetime since no imminent danger is present to the nation at large, and thus, the privacy of citizens should be respected and accommodated. However, during times of war, such as the post-9/11 era, wherein the threats of proliferation of international and domestic terrorism were widespread, certain safeguards on the personal privacy of American citizens needed to be removed in order to better monitor terrorist chatter and ensure the overall security of the nation. Therefore, during times of peace, when a nation is not at war, the protection of citizens’ personal privacy is expected to be protected from government intrusion, whereas when a nation is at war, it is understandable for the government to intrude upon the privacy of citizens since they are only doing so in order to protect the nation at large.

 

Thanks again Pasta! :)

 

The tasks are adequately addressed. There is evidence of clarity of thought. Ideas are presented in a coherent manner. Some of the ideas in task#2 could be elaborated upon.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMN/OPQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

 

The best way to learn how to ride a bike is to ride a bike. No matter how much theoretical skills one read on books or how much experience one was told by others, you only learn how to ride a bike after trying riding the bike yourself. Maybe the theories and indirect experiences help one to improve, but without practical experience, one can never get the real skill. This is a great example of education comes not from books but mainly from practical experiences. Books represent theories or indirect experiences told or written by others, while practical experience means direct personal experiences. Many other examples can be listed to support this statement and many people would say they believe this statement is true.

 

Unfortunately, practical experiences are not always readily available. Many life science students are familiar with colorful textbooks with metabolic pathways shown in pictures and lengthy explanations. We learn these mechanisms mainly through books and lectures, but rarely, if ever through practical experiences. The reason is obvious: the practical experience is hardly available to students. We cannot dissect an animal cell to observe how a molecule of glucose gets uptaken by the cell and goes through all the possible metabolic pathways that we may want to learn. Even when students perform experiments, the experiments are designed to prove or disapprove a certain theory or assumption, which means, it does not directly show the material or principle we want to learn. Thus, books provide the best or even the only way of education when practical experiences are not available.

 

To determine when practical experience provides a better education than books, the education goal and available education methods needs to be examined. When the goal of education is a practical skill such as riding a bike and practical experience can be easily achieved, practical experience is usually a better way of education than books or other indirect experiences. However, when the goal of education is an abstract theory, such as the metabolic pathway of glucose in human cell, books may be more beneficial to students to obtain a clear big picture. Sometimes there is no available practical experience that could provide students with direct illustration on abstract education goals. The other times, practical experiences could only represent selected conditions instead of the general rule, and this is when students must learn the general rule from book theories rather than practical experiences.

 

 

 

Thank you very much!!

 

Responds adequately to the tasks. Evidence of clarity of thought, though some issues with organization in paragraph#1. Some ideas could be elaborated upon in paragraph#1.

Some ideas in task#2 will need to be explored in greater detail. As well, you may need to explain what a metabolic pathway is. The essay graders normally do not have a scientific background. Even if they did, it may not necessarily be in biochemistry or molecular biology.

 

I feel this essay will be scored an:

JKLMNOPQRST

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...