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thehockeykid

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I know in undergrad, medical school, and generally in life there will be many people that you do not get along with. What do you do when you meet people that you dont like?

 

e.g The hockey teammate

-talking about how he is so good with the girls (as if it is a game)

-hating on the fact guys listen to taylor swift or other musicians that aren't his tastes

-talking about getting drunk or getting high all the time

 

I feel that with these people I have nothing in common with them and I just want to stay away from them. what are your thoughts?

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Keep your distance and have very minimal contact. I have walked out when DBs have spoken in unsavoury and objectional manner. You will not change them, so don't even go there. I will not knowingly give a DB the time of day. I have removed myself from a wider group of individuals so as not to interact with DBs. As physician, if there happens to be a brilliant DB needed to help my patient, I will suck it up.

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Blast taylor swift music in front of him. Flaunt your friends that happen to be unavailable attractive women in front of him. And act like you're always drunk or high when you're with him...It'll give you an excuse to wack the puck at his face during practice or something. But for everyone outside the arena, just stay away from them.

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Embrace them and learn from them. Here is the dirty truth: someone thinks you’re a DB, just like someone thinks I’m a DB (they are probably right). It’s not an objective term that we can all agree on, but from what I gather from your post you are talking about people who you have a personality clash with and don’t like. Those people are invaluable, they make the world interesting, and they teach you things that “people who are just like you” can’t.

It sounds like your hockey team mate is in obvious need of attention and he is trying to play the role of the guy that he thinks everyone respects. Yes people like this are loud and obnoxious, and not to mention usually pretty dumb, but just because their tastes differ from yours and they are vocal about it does not mean you should wall yourself away from them and discount them as humans with the same desire to be respected that you have. They just go about it the wrong way. As the bigger person you should understand them for their shortcomings and strive to help them anyway you can. Even if that just means discouraging bad behaviour and reinforcing good behaviour.

I’m not saying be best friends with them but don’t change your life by hiding away from them. Accept the fact that the world is full of different people with different personalities and that you have to navigate this world to get what you want out of it.

As an aside I am willing to bet this boastful womanizer is a much different person when you get them on their own.

 

I agree with you. It's important to keep those people in your life. Maybe not as good friends or even friends, but hey they may be able to teach a few things about yourself.

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With me, I just ignore them. If they continue to bother me/remain in presence I just humiliate them so badly that they avoid me, there's a million ways of doing this, something of the top of my head would include starting a discussion about his unsavoury drinking habits in a positive tonality (so as to not seem subversive to him) in front of girls that perhaps he may find attractive but have had alcoholic (perhaps abusive, but they must perceive you as ignorant of this so it would seem like you didn't intend to bring a sensitive topic up) boyfriends in the past, so they belittle him or tell him he's a slob, etc.

 

In general I avoid people I don't like, and if I happen to run into them or if they bother me I usually just humiliate them in very subliminal, subversive, and seemingly (at a surface level at least) non-confrontation ways, but that takes a few years to figure out how to do without overtly seeming like an ass yourself.

 

I know in undergrad, medical school, and generally in life there will be many people that you do not get along with. What do you do when you meet people that you dont like?

 

e.g The hockey teammate

-talking about how he is so good with the girls (as if it is a game)

-hating on the fact guys listen to taylor swift or other musicians that aren't his tastes

-talking about getting drunk or getting high all the time

 

I feel that with these people I have nothing in common with them and I just want to stay away from them. what are your thoughts?

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With me, I just ignore them. If they continue to bother me/remain in presence I just humiliate them so badly that they avoid me, there's a million ways of doing this, something of the top of my head would include starting a discussion about his unsavoury drinking habits in a positive tonality (so as to not seem subversive to him) in front of girls that perhaps he may find attractive but have had alcoholic (perhaps abusive, but they must perceive you as ignorant of this so it would seem like you didn't intend to bring a sensitive topic up) boyfriends in the past, so they belittle him or tell him he's a slob, etc.

 

In general I avoid people I don't like, and if I happen to run into them or if they bother me I usually just humiliate them in very subliminal, subversive, and seemingly (at a surface level at least) non-confrontation ways, but that takes a few years to figure out how to do without overtly seeming like an ass yourself.

 

haha, well done. :)

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With me, I just ignore them. If they continue to bother me/remain in presence I just humiliate them so badly that they avoid me, there's a million ways of doing this, something of the top of my head would include starting a discussion about his unsavoury drinking habits in a positive tonality (so as to not seem subversive to him) in front of girls that perhaps he may find attractive but have had alcoholic (perhaps abusive, but they must perceive you as ignorant of this so it would seem like you didn't intend to bring a sensitive topic up) boyfriends in the past, so they belittle him or tell him he's a slob, etc.

 

In general I avoid people I don't like, and if I happen to run into them or if they bother me I usually just humiliate them in very subliminal, subversive, and seemingly (at a surface level at least) non-confrontation ways, but that takes a few years to figure out how to do without overtly seeming like an ass yourself.

 

I'm not really sure how saying any of this doesn't make you look like a complete ass ...? you continue to support that you are a reckless(as well as filthy and disgusting) human being who will destroy others for personal gain; there there are better and more mature ways of handling little annoyances than the ones you've outlined.

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I'm not really sure how saying any of this doesn't make you look like a complete ass ...? you continue to support that you are a reckless(as well as filthy and disgusting) human being who will destroy others for personal gain; there there are better and more mature ways of handling little annoyances than the ones you've outlined.

 

Can you please stop posting emphatically against whatever muse espouses on about? It's getting old.

 

Contribute or not but stop trying to attack other forum members. It's not conducive to the health of this community. If you don't like what muse has to say, you have the ignore option available to you.

 

Cheers!

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you mean jack layton shouldn't have pointed out that michael ignatieff didn't attend 70 percent of parliamentary assemblies with a smile on his face? shoot, i'll remember that for when i'm running for prime minister, i did promise you that senate position remember :rolleyes:

 

I'm not really sure how saying any of this doesn't make you look like a complete ass ...? you continue to support that you are a reckless(as well as filthy and disgusting) human being who will destroy others for personal gain; there there are better and more mature ways of handling little annoyances than the ones you've outlined.
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it's paradoxical that you're ignorant of the correct use of the word ignorant (hint: ignorant doesn't mean people who offend you), hehe, i'm sorry, i wasn't intending to offend you for my own gain.

 

-1 ^ and -1 ^^ for tolerating such ignorance
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While I agree that the character traits you are referring to are less than desirable I disagree with openly belittling someone in public.

 

That raises the question of how to address such people/ activites. There's no easy answer I guess.

 

In my experience, I just choose not to reinforce such behaviours. When nobody comments in agreement, people usually get the clue.

 

changing the subject can also help!

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ignoring or not reinforcing people can be very effective too, acting apathetic or ignoring (monotonous "that's cool") toward a person who brags of their rampant womanizing and drinking is another way to stop this behaviour, so far as the behaviour is already not condoned among that group of people. but it depends on the context of the situation, if you're in a group that supports womanizing, and drinking then this may not be the solution. like everything else, social psychology is very context driven and there are no right answers.

 

here's a classic study from 1955 that talks about it, your library would probably have access since it's such a classic in behavioural psych:

 

http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/abn/51/3/668/

 

While I agree that the character traits you are referring to are less than desirable I disagree with openly belittling someone in public.

 

That raises the question of how to address such people/ activites. There's no easy answer I guess.

 

In my experience, I just choose not to reinforce such behaviours. When nobody comments in agreement, people usually get the clue.

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it's paradoxical that you're ignorant of the correct use of the word ignorant (hint: ignorant doesn't mean people who offend you), hehe, i'm sorry, i wasn't intending to offend you for my own gain.

 

sorry, but you don't get another certificate for improperly assuming things

 

as a constructive note on this topic, I'm wondering why no one has mentioned being honest with the other person(that is if you foresee spending more time with them)?? I mean forget the games, forget the name calling, forget the avoidance, and forget the rest of the tactics - just properly and nicely talk to that person and voice your concern. Some people try so hard to fit in or be noticed that they don't realize that what they are doing is actually the opposite of their best intentions.

 

I think it's too often that little problems become bigger problems due to the fact that someone was reluctant to being honest in the first place.

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I was joking about the cognitive processes thing, my friend! Perhaps he dislikes the person because he finds them to be loud and obnoxious, sometimes things are that simple :P.

 

There are some internal cognitive and emotional processes that are entirely normal. A direct attack on your character is a hit to your self esteem, nothing you'll feel will be positive. It's normal. Someone who threatens you or demeans you are pretty good reasons to dislike him, regardless of social norms or ingrained personal beliefs.

 

But you really have to ask yourself why you dislike someone for talking about ****ing girls or getting drunk or even making fun of a commercial star entirely marketed at the female demographic. On the surface, it seems like intolerance, but deeper, it seems like low self-esteem. I'm stopping here though, because this isn't a subject I enjoy, but I wanted to comment.

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well the way the op framed the person, he seemed to be the type that would be very resistant to criticism, hence the humiliative route. i also noted that when the person's behaviour is not socially acceptable you can just not reinforce it. if you know the person well and they are truly ignorant then nicely talking to that person and voicing your concerns might be the appropriate course of action.

 

on an aside, thanks for the first certificate, at least, i hung it on my wall ;)

 

sometimes it is nice to forget the name calling, to be proper and nice to people while you voice your concerns. don't you think it would be nice if people who criticize others on this forum we're more cordial like that? :D

 

sorry, but you don't get another certificate for improperly assuming things

 

as a constructive note on this topic, I'm wondering why no one has mentioned being honest with the other person(that is if you foresee spending more time with them)?? I mean forget the games, forget the name calling, forget the avoidance, and forget the rest of the tactics - just properly and nicely talk to that person and voice your concern. Some people try so hard to fit in or be noticed that they don't realize that what they are doing is actually the opposite of their best intentions.

 

I think it's too often that little problems become bigger problems due to the fact that someone was reluctant to being honest in the first place.

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If someone isn't directly unpleasant towards me, I just deal with them. I won't usually hang out with them outside wherever we're forced together, but I won't be unkind to them if they haven't given me reason to.

 

If someone is a DB directly towards me, I will usually undermine them socially in whatever setting we share, until any mutual friends we might have ignore or mock the DBery. That usually stops it, although not always.

 

I think we can tell that That Gurl responds to perceived DBery by flailing around asking for bans against a DB we all know and love?

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Reminds me of an MMI question..

 

With jerks/DBs, if I have to work closely with that person then I'll try to figure that person out in what I can do that won't make it worse, but still possibly learn something or get something out of the interaction. If we don't need to work closely then I'll just ignore and hang out with other people.

 

I have a teammate who used to throw huge tantrums (think screaming, banging your fists..) when things weren't going her way (and yeah she was over 20 then). Of course I was always the one rooming with her in hotel rooms so I learned to deal with her and yet include her in our group.

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