Che.Kree Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Well, by analogy with "quote of the day" thread, I thought to start one myself, only about/for/with jokes, ...as you all know very well, the premed's/student's/resident's life can get you stressed enough to feel hopeless, to loose your motivation, to doubt you choices, to be simply burnt out... still, a joke/smile/funny story could be a miracle; all things/situations/people would feel less important, more trivial - you will just realize that with/without this A+ on the final exam your life still continue and you really can live as well with A/A- All of you are more than welcome to participate in developping it in order to make it the most enjoyable I'm starting: "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exocytosis Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 I just realized I don't know any jokes that aren't incredibly offensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 I just realized I don't know any jokes that aren't incredibly offensive. this might tell something about your character, or might not so, do we have to take you reply as a joke and here is another one, just to prevent the transformation of this thread in a "discussions about jokes I know/don't know/didn't know" thread. ... "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrenchToast Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 I just realized I don't know any jokes that aren't incredibly offensive. That's okay. This comment just made me laugh harder than an actual joke ever could Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 another one, and I say to all of you a nice evening Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Newton, Einstein, and Pascal were playing hide and seek. Einstein covered his eyes and started to count. Pascal ran to hide. Newton drew a square on the floor with chalk and stood in it. Einstein finished his count, opened his eyes, and pointed at Newton. "Aha, I found you!" Newton pointed at the square on the floor and said "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Newton, Einstein, and Pascal were playing hide and seek. Einstein covered his eyes and started to count. Pascal ran to hide. Newton drew a square on the floor with chalk and stood in it. Einstein finished his count, opened his eyes, and pointed at Newton. "Aha, I found you!" Newton pointed at the square on the floor and said "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!" we've got some nerdy stuff out here, good, very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? "Would you like fries with that?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?" Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights." Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?" Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights." Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?" Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pheochromocytoma Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yo this ones a lil gross but knocked me on ma butt laughing when I herd it Why do bald men put holes in their pants pockets??? So they can run their hands thru there hair!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Yo this ones a lil gross but knocked me on ma butt laughing when I herd itWhy do bald men put holes in their pants pockets??? So they can run their hands thru there hair!!! that's OK , we are all (or almost all) 18+ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 this one is a little longer but is worth it to read till the end... Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there. They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page... WHICH TIRE? (95 points) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frenziedmalady Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 LOL funny!!! Keep them coming guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frenziedmalady Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 Sorry for being off topic but can anyone guide me to the meme thread posted before? Please and thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 Sorry for being off topic but can anyone guide me to the meme thread posted before? Please and thanks! here is the link, http://www.premed101.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60995&highlight=meme and for not being off topic The procrastinator's morning speach: I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 another one, yes, it's a bit longer but intertaining anyway 486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC. State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete: Any computer you own. Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.' Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object." Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error. GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey') Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors. Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline. Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.'' ''No, no. You put in my husband's teeth last week, isn't you ?" the lady said. "Yes" the dentist said. "Well than, it's up to you to remove them." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your steering wheel. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?” With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies,” cried the professor, “The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years. A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks. "I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 Signs You've Been Partying Too Much 1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head. 2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!" 3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting. 4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding. 5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..." 6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids." 7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright ****." 8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax. 9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstasy. 10. All your stories end with, "...and that's when everything got blurry." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 Mule Trading Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis & Leroy replied," Well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said," Can't do that. I went and spent it already." They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule." The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!" A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?" They said," We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do...” Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998." The farmer said, "My Lord, didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back." Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They're overseeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Che.Kree Posted January 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 A Congressional aide asks the politician: "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?" The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renoir Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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