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Do you think you are narcissistic?


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I was talking with a friend at work who recently lost a friend of his (unsure of how) and after saying the obvious I'm sorry to hear that, I realized that I don't really feel bad about it, leaving me to believe I have some narcissistic tendencies. My question is do you believe you are in the same area as myself and do you think that is a part of being a doctor, or a police officer, or anyone in that sort of line of work?

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I honestly don't care either. In many cases, I could care less when my own family members (whom I have not developed a relationship with) pass away. My uncle passed away from lung cancer about a year ago and I remember hearing the news, looking back on some memories we had when I was younger, then going on about my day. I'm not particularly proud that I don't care, but then again, we are who we are.

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I honestly don't care either. In many cases, I could care less when my own family members (whom I have not developed a relationship with) pass away. My uncle passed away from lung cancer about a year ago and I remember hearing the news, looking back on some memories we had when I was younger, then going on about my day. I'm not particularly proud that I don't care, but then again, we are who we are.

 

Disagree with we are who we are. As someone who grew up in a bad environment that resulted in me becoming someone I didn't really like and i've worked hard to change who I was. Accepting that we are who we are is giving up on a very fundamental differentiator between humans and other animals: we can change if we want to.

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Disagree with we are who we are. As someone who grew up in a bad environment that resulted in me becoming someone I didn't really like and i've worked hard to change who I was. Accepting that we are who we are is giving up on a very fundamental differentiator between humans and other animals: we can change if we want to.

 

"Be yourself" is probably the dumbest one liner go-to advice I've ever heard.

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Disagree with we are who we are. As someone who grew up in a bad environment that resulted in me becoming someone I didn't really like and i've worked hard to change who I was. Accepting that we are who we are is giving up on a very fundamental differentiator between humans and other animals: we can change if we want to.

 

I definitely agree that we can change if we want to, but I'm not sure if that applies to all situations. To relate back to the OP, perhaps one of the only times I would ever feel sorry for the death of an individual is if they were close to me (e.g., best friend, immediate family, significant other) or if I (as a medical student/physician) have developed a strong relationship with a patient (e.g., someone nearing their death). I'd also assume that you, like I, don't particularly care that my uncle passed away due to lung cancer. At least, not to the same extent as if he was your uncle. At the end of the day, I think it depends on the circumstances of the situation. If I were to accept the idea that we can change in this regard, then it would only feel as if I was forcing that emotion.

 

Given your situation, I definitely agree that we can change if we really want to. You hear it all the time, heavy drug user goes clean, criminal betters him or herself, etc.

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"Be yourself" is probably the dumbest one liner go-to advice I've ever heard.

 

I'm not necessarily vouching that we always be ourselves. I understand the importance of change. I'm just arguing that there are some situations whereby we can attempt to change all we want, but nothing will come of it. In my experience, this is one of those situations.

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Have you guys seen patients die yet? (I'm not being a jerk, genuinely asking)

 

I worked on the floor for 2 summers as a PSW and have seen about 10 patients die. It's usually not a big deal and not emotional because you don't know them very well. The first few times you're anxious because tv and movies have hyped death up and it's supposed to be this huge deal, but its not.

 

So that reaction is very normal.

 

However, when you know the person and have spent several shifts getting to know them, then it's definitely harder. The real emotion I found is when you see the family. There was one lady who died suddenly in the middle of the night and her husband came rushing in and you could could see he was absolutely devastated. They were married for like 40 years and you could tell at that moment he had nothing to live for. That hit everybody pretty hard, especially her nurse. That makes you realize that she was somebodies wife and mother, and you truly empathize because you think about your own family. Not gonna lie, I definitely kept getting something caught in my eye that shift.

 

So my point is its normal to not feel anything significant when people die and we have no context for it or we don't know them. We're fairly emotionally resilient and if we all cried every time we heard about a teenager dying on the radio, it would be a depressing life. I'm sure OP isn't a psychopath :)

 

That's exactly the point I tried to make. Whether you empathize or not is largely dependent on the context and your relationship with the individual and/or the people around them. I think the question now becomes, can we change to be more empathetic in this regard or are we who we are? Personally, I believe in the latter. We all have varying thresholds of emotion.

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Have you guys seen patients die yet? (I'm not being a jerk, genuinely asking)

 

I worked on the floor for 2 summers as a PSW and have seen about 10 patients die. It's usually not a big deal and not emotional because you don't know them very well. The first few times you're anxious because tv and movies have hyped death up and it's supposed to be this huge deal, but its not.

 

So that reaction is very normal.

 

However, when you know the person and have spent several shifts getting to know them, then it's definitely harder. The real emotion I found is when you see the family. There was one lady who died suddenly in the middle of the night and her husband came rushing in and you could could see he was absolutely devastated. They were married for like 40 years and you could tell at that moment he had nothing to live for. That hit everybody pretty hard, especially her nurse. That makes you realize that she was somebodies wife and mother, and you truly empathize because you think about your own family. Not gonna lie, I definitely kept getting something caught in my eye that shift.

 

So my point is its normal to not feel anything significant when people die and we have no context for it or we don't know them. We're fairly emotionally resilient and if we all cried every time we heard about a teenager dying on the radio, it would be a depressing life. I'm sure OP isn't a psychopath :)

 

Not only would it make for a depressing life, it would make it virtually impossible to function effectively as a health care practitioner.

 

I had one patient that I was to work with for two days in a row. On the first day, they were clearly very sick, but so are a lot of my patients, so I thought nothing of it. I come in the next day and am told that this person had passed away over the night. I absorb this information, reflect on it for about 5 seconds, take a deep breath, and I move on. There was nothing else to do - I had other patients to attend to, and they deserved my full attention and care.

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Not grieving/affected by something =/= narcissistic. You could argue that grief is narcissistic in itself. Yes, some people suffer terribly or die in awful ways, but usually when your relative or friend dies, you feel bad because of YOUR loss. The person who died is now gone and doesn't care, the world goes on. But you are sad because YOU are never going to spend time with this person, enjoy their company, etc.

 

I agree with whoever commented earlier that watching someone else distraught over their loss can be more tasking than finding out your patient died. I remember one of my patients lost her mom to cancer when she was under my team's care, and it was especially upsetting because she missed her mom's death because we had to keep her from leaving on a day pass for an extra half an hour because we were doing some stupid "we know there's no way you have this condition, but this is internal medicine and we don't feel right until we spend $10,000 on irrelevant diagnostics" test. She was quite distraught, and so was I, we cried together for a while, etc.

 

On the other hand, we had a death 1.5 hours into the first day of my first residency rotation that was considered traumatic enough for everyone involved that we had multiple debriefings, both informal and formal (health authority organized a group session with a counselor, etc). Quite a few people were crying, some said they had not slept for several nights after the event, etc. I almost felt bad because I really wasn't that shaken by it. I was obviously shocked when it happened and replayed the details of everything that took place a few times, but once I reassured myself both through self-analysis and through talking to my preceptors that I did nothing wrong and there was nothing else I could've done to change the outcome, I moved on before the day was even over.

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  • 2 months later...

complex trauma can cause depersonalization too.

 

i was like that for a period, but for most of my life i've been hyper-empathic... classical narcissist... in this society yes... but it's context driven... i actually love to be wrong, love to be challenged by a mentor, pushed to new levels, the empathic tendencies also aren't very narcissistic, as is the insight that while i'm freakily statistically deviant in innumerable experiences, characteristics, abilities, i also have extreme weaknesses, scary bad short term memory, probably mildly borderline, impulsive... i do sometimes think that people should give part of their shot at something to me say in a team environment because well, a series of accidents, serendipitous and statistically unlikely created a pretty strange brain which can do certain cognitive tasks scary well... in addition, i'm intense, i read 1200 pages in 4 days ending 2 days ago... so yeah, i seem narcissistic, but i can't help i push myself to the edge all the time, meaning i don;t hve a response to everything, i can unequivocally refute it with a citation off the top of my head... so what the **** should i say... i'm not ****ing normal... lol, i always describe cluster b linguistic and social science assertive career chicks, tattoos, all that, as what i like, so that enough shows i'm less narcissistic, more to the point and rarely challenged, resulting in not prideful happiness, but a desire for a real person to mentor me, or push back and forth, or anything like that... i love cocky people (seemingly to others) who can back it up... to me, it's being congruent with yourself, if someone does;t work 90 hours a week, sleep 3 a day, good luck getting that inane knowledge-base, and bs'ing about it is more narcissistic than the person that works insufferable extents but knows their **** in and out and isn't afraid to say they're good.

 

I was talking with a friend at work who recently lost a friend of his (unsure of how) and after saying the obvious I'm sorry to hear that, I realized that I don't really feel bad about it, leaving me to believe I have some narcissistic tendencies. My question is do you believe you are in the same area as myself and do you think that is a part of being a doctor, or a police officer, or anyone in that sort of line of work?
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am i missing something here? i thought being narcissistic meant you think you're incredibly good looking and want to have sex with yourself every time you look in the mirror

 

Narcissistic derives from Narcissus, a greek man who fell in love with himself after seeing his reflection in a pool, however, being narcissistic just means you are more preoccupied with yourself, and how important you are to society, not with other people and their problems.

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I honestly don't care either. In many cases, I could care less when my own family members (whom I have not developed a relationship with) pass away. My uncle passed away from lung cancer about a year ago and I remember hearing the news, looking back on some memories we had when I was younger, then going on about my day. I'm not particularly proud that I don't care, but then again, we are who we are.

 

That's... not... cool.

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my hyper-empathy and complex ptsd regarding vicarious and secondary trauma make me hyper-vigilant with regard to protecting the interest of people i feel are vulnerable to predatory behavior, i'm not narcissistic rally, i talked to a homeless man for an hur yesterday, great conversation... in fact to have the sort of verbal fluency, crystalized and fluid intelligence i do you have to go through almost extreme masochistic devotion to learning, which for me was never borne out of purpose, ddr4, comt, psychogenomics, philosophy, law, economics, literally everything... you don't get this unless you're almost clinically empathic... a lot of people who've experienced vicarious trauma want to go into helping professions, and use hypervigilance and mastery as a way to mitigate probablistic outcomes of emotionally salient consequences, one may be fearful off, which are recurrent subcortically via subliminal sensory stimuli, often auditory... leading to the constant hypervigilant reaction, in some cases agressive mastery, or more resilient forms of reacting when innumerable traumatic events occur... my treshold for i suppose, what is aversive is also very tuned down, 15 to 18 hours a day for a month is doable... to me, even though i know my brains a little ****ed, lol... and msot people find that inpallatable... just think, most of my diatribes are reactive aggression to posts i extrapolate with human suffering... i just make logic leaps in my posts because the verbal contingent propositions often don't even fit a word count

 

 

Absolutely agree. It's hard not to seem pedantic when you're just genuinely interested and have a great depth of knowledge about something.

 

I think you must like Nietzsche's gadfly - the gadfly that bites and causes us to improve our ways...

 

 

 

Is that classical narcissism? I've never heard that attached to the definition, but it makes sense - the best of the best probably compensate with empathy.

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mmm, there's more naive narcissism, compensatory narcissisism, narcissism derived from anxious avoidant attachment which relate more to competance and inter-personal functioning... lacking dependence really... the literature is rather dense

 

Narcissistic derives from Narcissus, a greek man who fell in love with himself after seeing his reflection in a pool, however, being narcissistic just means you are more preoccupied with yourself, and how important you are to society, not with other people and their problems.
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mmm, there's more naive narcissism, compensatory narcissisism, narcissism derived from anxious avoidant attachment which relate more to competance and inter-personal functioning... lacking dependence really... the literature is rather dense

 

all narcissistic behaviour generally has a guideline of what makes it "narcissistic" though.

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you'll see nuanced differences in what will provoke narcissistic behavior though, they're actually pretty easy to spot the differences in, one is by far more ego-syntonic... you'll also see narcissism used in defensive ways in certain circumstances, in others brutally oblivious almost delusional self indulgent belieef completely unaware that they aren't in fact as i'd call special...

 

all narcissistic behaviour generally has a guideline of what makes it "narcissistic" though.
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you'll see nuanced differences in what will provoke narcissistic behavior though, they're actually pretty easy to spot the differences in, one is by far more ego-syntonic... you'll also see narcissism used in defensive ways in certain circumstances, in others brutally oblivious almost delusional self indulgent belieef completely unaware that they aren't in fact as i'd call special...

 

What would you call defensive?

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hyper-vigilant and hyper-resilient due to vicarious extreme ptsd on numerous occasions, depersonalization secondary due to a visual condition which facilitated the verbal cognitive processes, and which contributed more to the point where you get to c-ptsd.

 

i don't care about being smarter than anyone tbh, i prefer listening to people smarter than me if i can find them... i just know a lot of stuff to protect myself or anyone i perceive as being helpless from being victimized, rather than to protect against feelings of inadequacy. i don't think i'm especially special in the sense people should make concessions for me, i have a ton of inane strengths but some glaring weaknesses i get help with too, so i suppose presentation isn't always experience.

 

What would you call defensive?
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