Thinking about becoming a (male) nurse, parents disapprove

[MyNameIsChris]

Hello fellow Canadians,

 

I will try my best to keep this as short as possible. Basically, I am a University student in Canada, having just started the first semester of my second year. I am 19 years old, almost 20. I am also a male. Back in High School, I wanted to be a doctor, but after conversing with a few family physicians that I was close to, I was put off of the path and applied to University as an Anthropology major, which also interested me. My parents were not very happy, and before Uni had even started, got me to drop Anthro and enter in the Sciences.

 

I did Sciences for my entire first year and decided that I would probably become a Pharmacist, since I was good at calculus and chemistry. My parents, once again, disapproved because it was now "too late" for me to be a Pharmacist, my entire first year would go to waste, and not only that, they wanted me to switch out of sciences (since apparently you can't get a job with a science major) and here I am now, second year of Uni, doing Accountant.

 

It has been just over a month since the start of the semester and I already hate it. I really can't see myself going down this route any longer, Accounting is not for me, I don't want to be at a desk all day crunching numbers, doing someone else's taxes. I was enrolled in 5 classes this semester, I dropped 2 (Accounting + Computer Business Systems) since I was not doing good in them, kept the other 3 I was doing good in (Business Math, macroeconomics, microeconomics), in secret, my parents don't know.

 

I was surfing YouTube a few days ago and came across a couple of videos by male nurses. I watched them, heard what they had to say about the job description, and honestly, I liked it a lot. I have always wanted to do something where I'd be able to help people (hence originally wanting to be a doctor), but was put off by the high-debt and time-consumption of med school. Nursing seems like a much better option, less time in school, plus there is more interaction with patients, which I like.

 

I brought it up with my mom today and she flipped. She gave me the whole lecture about how I was bringing shame on my family and how wrong it was. I come from a Punjabi family, Punjabi culture is very conservative, men aren't supposed to be nurses. Women are nurses + teachers, men are doctors/lawyers/engineers/businessmen etc... That is one reason she disapproves. Another is that she thinks it is a really dirty job, all about picking up other people's poop, she told me she wouldn't let me in the house if I did that, she would be too grossed out. I know it is a part of the job and wouldn't mind doing it for a patient who needed the help, but she is not accepting. And the final reason, she told me if I try to become a nurse, I have just wasted 2 years of Uni and that it was all for nothing. I am about 5,000 dollars in debt as of right now, she says it will all have been a waste of money. And I haven't even talked about it with my dad yet, he will likely react even worse.

 

Anyone else from a similar conservative background where the parents disapproved of their son becoming a nurse? How did you convince them?

 

Also, how does one go about becoming a nurse in Canada? Are there any (course) requirements you have to fulfill before going to nursing school? And once in nursing school, can you start working after 2 years (under supervision)? 4 years to be a RN, right?

 

Thank you guys

[Guest Raj123]

Hey Chris,

 

I think I can help in terms of my background. I am part of a hindu-punjabi family, and my parents were iffy on the whole 'male nurse' thing. I had to explain to them that not ALL positions require cleaning; albeit after a couple of years experience first. I also told them how I want to help people, as if someone would care for me if I was in that position. Although I am not in nursing school (yet), I plan to apply next year. In terms of schooling, since you are already in university, you can just apply to the accelerated nursing program (2 years). What university do you attend? There are some pre-requistes for each university, so you would need to check that out. Typically, completion of the requiements could take e about a year to complete.

 

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions!

 

Raj.

 

PS. Sorry for any spelling errors!

[MDwannabe02]

This makes me sad to hear about your parents' reactions, Chris. I am a male interested in health care also. Although I am applying to medicine, physician assistant, and physiotherapy programs this year, I am also applying to some accelerated nursing programs in Ontario. Feel free to PM me as well if you have any questions

[cw12]

Hey Chris,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Firstly I'd like to say I also started out in Anthropology but after realizing it wasn't for me, I transferred to nursing. I'm currently a nurse an enjoy it very much.

 

A few notes:

- Those years of school you completed aren't a waste as they can most likely be used as electives

- You get to have a lot more patient contact as a nurse which is great, but it is also your responsibility to fully understand the medical aspect of their care which is really satisfying as well.

- Nursing is a lot different now than it used to be and the public's perceptions of the profession are slow to adjust, I find. Sure there are some times where you're stuck with cleaning up after patients, but on a normal day, that is a minimal aspect of the profession and most times you spend your time assessing, following through with interventions and making a real difference in the life of your patients. You can also specialize into a huge variety of areas including research, management, public health, in addition to areas like ER and ICU.

- I work with quite a few males on my floor and we are all respected by patients and the rest of the health care team. Only women in nursing is a thing of the past in Canada and if you want to be a nurse, I encourage you to pursue it.

 

All the best and if you have any questions feel free to message me.

[hexonu]

men aren't supposed to be nurses. Women are nurses + teachers, men are doctors/lawyers/engineers/businessmen etc...

 

As a woman one would think that your mother would refrain from making sexist judgements like that despite what her "culture" dictates, but I guess ignorance isn't exclusive to one sex.

 

Anyways, you're nineteen and I would hope at that age that you're self-sufficient enough to pursue your own career interests regardless of what your parents think.

 

I also don't think a few youtube videos will give accurate insight as to what an RN does. I suggest you shadow an RN for a week and go from there. In my experience nursing is akin to battered womens syndrome, you hate it sometimes but you keep going back because you love it.

[seeking1]

As a woman one would think that your mother would refrain from making sexist judgements like that despite what her "culture" dictates, but I guess ignorance isn't exclusive to one sex.

 

>implying a number of women (particularly mothers) do not regularly make these sexist judgments every day (its not exclusive to this culture either, I know Italians, Irish and Croats probably think similarly)

 

Go for your dreams OP! Hope for the best, plan for the worst, have backups!

[Austyn PIP]

Hey Chris

 

I had same situation with my parents when choosing this career. But you have to keep trying and determined. If you need any help, feel free to contact me.

[Mr. Murse]

I brought it up with my mom today and she flipped. She gave me the whole lecture about how I was bringing shame on my family and how wrong it was. I come from a Punjabi family, Punjabi culture is very conservative, men aren't supposed to be nurses. Women are nurses + teachers, men are doctors/lawyers/engineers/businessmen etc... That is one reason she disapproves. Another is that she thinks it is a really dirty job, all about picking up other people's poop, she told me she wouldn't let me in the house if I did that, she would be too grossed out. I know it is a part of the job and wouldn't mind doing it for a patient who needed the help, but she is not accepting. And the final reason, she told me if I try to become a nurse, I have just wasted 2 years of Uni and that it was all for nothing. I am about 5,000 dollars in debt as of right now, she says it will all have been a waste of money. And I haven't even talked about it with my dad yet, he will likely react even worse.

 

Anyone else from a similar conservative background where the parents disapproved of their son becoming a nurse? How did you convince them?

 

Also, how does one go about becoming a nurse in Canada? Are there any (course) requirements you have to fulfill before going to nursing school? And once in nursing school, can you start working after 2 years (under supervision)? 4 years to be a RN, right?

 

Thank you guys

 

It's a cultural thing. I have friends who come from brown or asian families with similar cultures. Their parents believe that their children should be one of those professional careers, but the thing is, we are in CANADIAN culture. We have freedom to choose any career we want.

 

As for the two years, there are two ways of looking at it: 2 years of a waste, or two years of realizing that law, med, accounting is not what you want to do, and you have gained experience and skills from those years that will make you a more effective nurse. Choose the more empowering interpretation.

 

I say this because I spent FOUR years gaining experience, and communication skills that make me excel and excellent in everything that was expected of me. (This is paraphrased from my nursing instructors, and not something I made up)

 

Your parents are concerned with prestige, so give them bait that appeals to them.

 

Tell them to have an open mind and consider that nursing can be prestigious and highly profitable. Tell them that nurses are expanding their scope of practice and becoming more specialized. There are several specialties to choose from. You won't plan on being a regular nurse, but plan on completing a masters degree. This degree is prestigious because nurses with their masters are going to replace "future doctors." There will come a time where people see a nurse (masters), instead of a family doctor. I know it may sound arrogant, but you can make nursing history and take advantage of the opportunity while you still can. It's still in the early works, but this is the future of healthcare and it is slowly evolving.

 

I am a male nursing student, and I can understand where you are coming from. I come from a similar culture. It may be difficult for your parents to accept and adjust, but they will come to accept and understand you and the nursing profession over time.

[future doc]

It's a cultural thing. I have friends who come from brown or asian families with similar cultures. Their parents believe that their children should be one of those professional careers, but the thing is, we are in CANADIAN culture. We have freedom to choose any career we want.

 

As for the two years, there are two ways of looking at it: 2 years of a waste, or two years of realizing that law, med, accounting is not what you want to do, and you have gained experience and skills from those years that will make you a more effective nurse. Choose the more empowering interpretation.

 

I say this because I spent FOUR years gaining experience, and communication skills that make me excel and excellent in everything that was expected of me. (This is paraphrased from my nursing instructors, and not something I made up)

 

Your parents are concerned with prestige, so give them bait that appeals to them.

 

Tell them to have an open mind and consider that nursing can be prestigious and highly profitable. Tell them that nurses are expanding their scope of practice and becoming more specialized. There are several specialties to choose from. You won't plan on being a regular nurse, but plan on completing a masters degree. This degree is prestigious because nurses with their masters are going to replace "future doctors." There will come a time where people see a nurse (masters), instead of a family doctor. I know it may sound arrogant, but you can make nursing history and take advantage of the opportunity while you still can. It's still in the early works, but this is the future of healthcare and it is slowly evolving.

 

I am a male nursing student, and I can understand where you are coming from. I come from a similar culture. It may be difficult for your parents to accept and adjust, but they will come to accept and understand you and the nursing profession over time.

 

I think that's taking it a little too far...

[mursing]

Mr. Murse... nurse practitioners will NEVER replace physicians.

[hexonu]

Mr. Murse... nurse practitioners will NEVER replace physicians.

 

They already have in northern communities (GPs), in fact SRNA (The Sask RN Association) is now developing plans for RNs in the north to diagnose and treat common medical ailments, whether or not that will come to fruition I don't know, but it looks promising, granted they've always had this under the transfer of medical functions which allowed them to do things physicians normally do. I think they require a physician to sign off on specific competencies and they have to be renewed every so often.

 

I'm just saying the scope of RNs and NPs is increasing so that statement isn't outrageous as you make it sound.

[NLengr]

They already have in northern communities (GPs), in fact SRNA (The Sask RN Association) is now developing plans for RNs in the north to diagnose and treat common medical ailments, whether or not that will come to fruition I don't know, but it looks promising, granted they've always had this under the transfer of medical functions which allowed them to do things physicians normally do. I think they require a physician to sign off on specific competencies and they have to be renewed every so often.

 

I'm just saying the scope of RNs and NPs is increasing so that statement isn't outrageous as you make it sound.

 

That's actually one of the roles NPs could fill rather well. A NP is great for a small isolated communities where it just isn't efficient or economical to place a physician.

[Chipenjigator]

Hi Chris!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You're young, and it's easy to fall under the pressure of your parents expectations (at any age really). Good for you for pursuing this and keeping true to what you know is for you. Sometimes it's hard to strive for what you really love, especially with your parental pressures as well as your cultural ones.

 

Like it's been said, many credits of yours will be transferrable, considering your first year was in sciences. It should be a rather smooth transition into a nursing program with a few of the science courses already under your belt. This is normal. I cannot tell you the number of friends I have who have done this, even after 2 years in. And sometimes for the complete opposite of what they originally pursued and having no relevant courses! You're still in a very good position.

 

Money is always a factor, but $5000 is really peanuts if you put it into a different light. 20 years from now, doing accounting, sitting at your desk, presumably miserable (if you're already unhappy a few months into the course). Is 5 grand really more important than the potential happiness you could have if you switched now? Remember this is your life career, this is where you go every day, where you get fulfilment. This is for your life, not a handful of years. It's also how people perceive you, whether we like it or not. People will always judge, wouldn't you rather people judge you (be that positive in society's case or negative in your culture's case) for something you truly are and feel passionate about?

 

Keep your chin up! It's hard to know what's right and stand up for yourself when you feel everyone is against you. But 5-10 years down the road I guarantee you'll be thanking yourself. Good luck in whatever you choose!

[Mr. Murse]

One career cannot 100% replace another, but different careers can share similar roles and practices. Both NP's and GP's are educated differently, so let me be clear...

 

The scope of practice for nurses are expanding, and some are taking on some of the roles of GP's, but not all.

 

Same with pharmacy. Pharmacists are expanding their scope of practice to prescribe medications for minor ailments (according to the Blueprint for Pharmacy).

 

http://blueprintforpharmacy.ca/docs/kt-tools/pharmacists%27-expanded-scope_summary-chart---cpha---october-2013.pdf

 

This is off tangent to the OP's question, but I wanted to be clear about this detail. I am also more concerned about the OP's situation. I hope things are going well with him.

[nurseofalltrades]

I hear ya friend. I'm the first one in my whole family who has attended university, and decided to do my BScN. Some found it odd, some were proud.

 

My parents think of it as "one of those phases" or something for some reason.. they seem to think that it's a walk in the park, as my brother in college for his chem engineering diploma gets more study time when we're home, and chores are in order (family tradition).

 

Go for what you want to do in life, regardless of what others think. Not very "nurse like", but so far i've been able to rub it in my friends face who said nursing isn't much of a career. Its better than the warehouse "careers" they have had to deal with.

 

Cheers

[KitKat]

Really?

Weren't you like 20 or so? And you still let your parents make every single choice for you? You are not 12, you are of age and fully aware of what you want or not. Why not get some balls and not be consumed by your parents overwhelming desire to control you?

[Anfield]

Really?

Weren't you like 20 or so? And you still let your parents make every single choice for you? You are not 12, you are of age and fully aware of what you want or not. Why not get some balls and not be consumed by your parents overwhelming desire to control you?

 

Man, I hate to stereotype, but Caucasians tend to have your attitude and many ignore the fact that parents are much more influential in other cultures/countries.

 

I wish it was simply about getting some balls and doing whatever the hell you want...:/ If that was the case I would be in 1st year BScN but nope I'll be starting next year when I should technically be in 2nd year