Father Wants Me To Be A Doctor :l

[celerystalker]

introduction: hey guys! im a first year science student at ubc, aiming to transfer to engineering. i joined this forum because i've been a lurker for a while, which helped me realize i don't want to be a doctor, but it's a cool forum full of some interesting & intelligent discussions.

 

anyone has any tips for making my dad shut up feel free to share. the following post is full of angst befitting that of a 14 year old (jsyk)

 

due to me getting good grades during my like one month of school, and medicine being a ~~~~*~*~"prestigious"*~*~*~~~~~ occupation, my father is obsessed with me becoming a doctor. Not a single day goes by where he doesn't tell me to change my education path towards premed. This is not an exaggeration. Don't get me wrong, I respect doctors and health care professionals in general. I just do not want to become one.

 

I've asked him why I should want to be a doctor. His response? "we will luk kool to ur relatives when we have daughter who is DOCTOR"

and his justification as to why im well suited for medicine "u good at math, physics, those r ~~~~brainy subjects~~~ so u can do good ANYTHANG" (he actually calls them brainy subjects btw that is his exact phrasing hehehehehehe)

 

there are so many things wrong with this line of thinking, my main concern being that.. GREAT SO ANYONE WHO CAN GET A GOOD SCORE ON A MATH TEST ANYWHERE SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HEALTH OF OTHERS A1 LOGIC

 

i even told him that u can apply to med school with engineering majors and that just made matters worse for some reason T_T he's so happy when he imagines me having both an engineering degree and a degree in medicine it makes me sick Dx ~~~~~so much PRESTIGEEEE~~~~~

 

we've had some pretty heated discussions over this. i might be overreacting but this is becoming annoying af and the more he reminds me about how much i should become a doctor, the less and less appealing medicine seems

 

 

siderants

 

btw he wants me specifically to be a family physician because he thinks that they're balling in $$$ and trying to specialize would be too stressful for me but the way he says it the implication is that i should focus on family not career -.- not that i want to be any doctor but... really? also i'm guessing some of his distaste for engineering must also stem from it being a traditionally male field d:

 

also i'm tired of my family encouraging me to quit work and volunteering and having a life to focus on my studies. like i keep telling them, gpa is important (mine is fine so far btw so this should not even be an issue) but social skills are everything in life, and considering my parents don't have very good ones (sorry not sorry) i grew up incredibly shy and awkward, and it took volunteering and work experience for me to break out of my shell and become a normally adjusted person, and i love doing these things :<

[12345c]

Sounds like the stereotypical asian parents.... Trust me, I've been there! 

 

Tips:

-Be honest, know matter how hard it may be

-Your the one who has to live your life, not your parents!

-Most asian parents are fine with Engineering, well at least mine were!

 

Good luck!

[ralk]

Sounds like the stereotypical asian parents.... Trust me, I've been there! 

 

Tips:

-Be honest, know matter how hard it may be

-Your the one who has to live your life, not your parents!

-Most asian parents are fine with Engineering, well at least mine were!

 

Good luck!

 

Good advice here. Be honest (with yourself and your father), and state your position calmly and repeatedly. Accept your decision for yourself - and act like it - and eventually he will too (might take a long time though...) Remember, parents can pressure and coerce you into doing what they want, but ultimately there's nothing they can do to force you to become a physician.

 

On the other hand, you could try making it as awkward a discussion as possible by claiming you've discovered Urology as your new passion and talking about how excited you'll be to be operating on penises for hours on end every day. Proctology would work too - nothing removes the prestige of the profession like poop!

[Arztin]

if you're not a troll, just do what YOU want.

 

I unlocked the thread. I'll see how it goes. 

[youngdad]

Whoa.  Is this for real?

 

1. Grow a pair and tell your dad you don't want to be a doctor.  You hope he is supportive of your decision but you are going ahead with that plan regardless.  

 

Done

[SkepticalStudent]

Why is there an assumption that the OP's parents are Asian? I just scanned (I do mean scanned and not skimmed) the post again and I don't see mention of it.

 

I'm not of Asian descent and my parents, throughout my adolescent childhood, pushed me to go into business. So I went into business and I hate it.

 

Unless there is a very real possibility of your parents pulling the plug on funding your education (if they are paying for it or helping you pay), then you don't need them on board with what you're studying. Even if they are... if they had any sense at all they would let you study what you want.

 

So yeah, youngdad and Arztin are right; just do what you want. I highly doubt you will change your father's or your family's opinions if you just argue with them. It's unlikely they will see things completely from your point of view, and it's not unusual for them to judge you for choosing a path that may pay less (uh, aren't engineers generally highly sought-after employees, who are paid well?) but that you are passionate about. (That doesn't make it right, it's just that people typically do not bother attempting to see the world from someone else's shoes.) Tell them you value your support, but you will study engineering because you don't want to follow your father's dreams and one day look back with regret. And if your father disapproves of you going into engineering (because - as you implied - you're a female), then prove him wrong.

[Robin Hood]

How much do engineers make?

[MathToMed]

If you can land a job andwork you're way up the ranks, they make a pretty hefty amount. The problem is that all but the most creative of tasks is slowly being outsourced, so the job market is a bit volatile at the moment.

[SkepticalStudent]

If you can land a job andwork you're way up the ranks, they make a pretty hefty amount. The problem is that all but the most creative of tasks is slowly being outsourced, so the job market is a bit volatile at the moment.

Ah, okay. Thanks for the clarification. I only know two engineers, but one of them is raking in around $200 k a year. (I can't even wrap my head around that.) I'm sure the specialisation will influence pay, too. (I.e., whether the person is a chemical engineer or some other type will be a factor in determining one's salary...)

 

(Edited for completely mistaking the salary number.  )

[MathToMed]

Technically it does, but I think (given it's private sector employment) the employer's prestige is a key player. For example a chemical engineer for a small fuel company will make a lot less than a chemical engineer working on a new screen for the Samsung galaxy S6, despite the same formal training.

 

To put it in perspective, an engineering friend of mine (working for about 25 years) received a bonus of $60,000 last year... And that's just their annual bonus!

[ploughboy]

At the risk of contaminating this thread with facts, let me offer the following without commentary:

 

Ontario Engineering Salaries, by all levels of responsibility:

 

Under 2 years from graduation   $58k

2-4 years $64.5k

5-7 years $75.1k

8-10 years $85.7k

11-15 years $95.1k

16-20 years $103.7k

21-25 years $108k

over 25 years $117.1k

 

 

Source: 2013 Ontario Society of Professional Engineers Employer Compensation Survey

 

Usual caveat about applying population data to individuals applies.

[bruhh]

Not sure if troll or not but if you're really in this pickle, just get your engineering degree, get a job, move out. Have an awesome life and do whatever you want. You'll have no ragrets no one can tell you what to do with your life. 

[youngdad]

1. Do what you love the money will follow.

2. If you don't know what you love, what do you think about when there is nothing to think about?  Thats the area you will find your passion.

3. You're stupid if you don't get an education

4. Whatever you do, be the best you can.  If you're going to be a burger flipper, get all the education and training that exists and be the best dang burger flipper ever.  

5. Garbage man was my backup.  (Not kidding)

6. Its not WHAT you do, its the WAY that you do it.  I've known a city bus driver, a janitor, and a fast food lifer that are super happy and feel over blessed and have a great quality of life.  

7. You only have so many years to go for what you want so go hard.

8. Money won't make you happy but it doesn't hurt.

[bruhh]

 

those who are forced to pursue medicine because of tradition, prestige, or money, should watch this video

[medguy5367]

1. Do what you love the money will follow.

 

When you grow up, you might find that the real world doesn't work like that Plenty of people that "did what they loved", from extremely talented artists to musicians to philosophers, were unable to even make ends meet doing what they loved. Often times they are unable to pay the bills or even afford the groceries or health care, and their life suffers for it as a result.

 

So no, you're wrong.

 

 

those who are forced to pursue medicine because of tradition, prestige, or money, should watch this video

 

Alan watts gives some absolutely idiotic advice here. His black-and-white, all-or-nothing way of thinking is incredibly misinformed and naive. Look, I think the guy has given some great lectures, but that video is simply stupid... plus the guy was a raging drunk to boot lol

[rmorelan]

When you grow up, you might find that the real world doesn't work like that Plenty of people that "did what they loved", from extremely talented artists to musicians to philosophers, were unable to even make ends meet doing what they loved. Often times they are unable to pay the bills or even afford the groceries or health care, and their life suffers for it as a result.

 

So no, you're wrong.

 

 

Alan watts gives some absolutely idiotic advice here. His black-and-white, all-or-nothing way of thinking is incredibly misinformed and naive. Look, I think the guy has given some great lectures, but that video is simply stupid... plus the guy was a raging drunk to boot lol

 

I guess the practical philosophical question then is where those people where still happier doing what they loved (ha, such an extreme position of course) than the alternative even if they had some financial hardship etc, ie is it still the best option. This entire approach seems to be following a hedonistic philosophical bent (attempt to max your happiness in life as the primary goal).  Pretty sure I disagree that your own personal happiness is the sole factor in choosing a choice of action (although it is major part of course).

 

That being said trapping yourself in a job you hate with all the work to get there is a big waste of time I would think. I medicine is going to take 10-15 years and ever more consume a lot of time per week for most doctors. If you hated all that you are going to be in for a bad time I think.

 

On a personal level I have been lucky to find two things I love and I followed them both to extremes (computer science and medicine ). In the first the money did follow, and hopefully that won't be an issue in the second.

[youngdad]

When you grow up, you might find that the real world doesn't work like that Plenty of people that "did what they loved", from extremely talented artists to musicians to philosophers, were unable to even make ends meet doing what they loved. Often times they are unable to pay the bills or even afford the groceries or health care, and their life suffers for it as a result.

 

So no, you're wrong.

When I grow up?  Thanks o wise one. 

Steven Covey disagrees with you.  

[武田信玄]

6. Its not WHAT you do, its the WAY that you do it.  I've known a city bus driver, a janitor, and a fast food lifer that are super happy and feel over blessed and have a great quality of life. 

City bus driver makes 30dollars/hr + full pension/benefits, that's a damn good job if you ask me. I would be over blessed too.

[carolynH]

Just stumbled upon this post. 

 

If you're annoyed by your father pestering you to become a doctor, wait till you become a doctor and date someone who is few notches below in terms of education level, social status, wealth....   If he likes to show off having a doctor daughter, how do you think he'll react when you marry a guy who makes 1/10th of what you make, or even worse, depends on your support and be a house husband? That will be disastrous! Where will he put his face???

 

Besides the shallow bragging right by your father, becoming a doctor does bring you financial stability and respect from the society. If you're already seriously dating someone who is not going to match up when you become a doctor, you better think twice about applying to med school, unless you'll break up your relationship once you're admitted. Otherwise life with your family will be hell for the next many years. Nobody will be happy in the entire situation.  Good luck.

[JohnGrisham]

introduction: hey guys! im a first year science student at ubc, aiming to transfer to engineering. i joined this forum because i've been a lurker for a while, which helped me realize i don't want to be a doctor, but it's a cool forum full of some interesting & intelligent discussions.

 

anyone has any tips for making my dad shut up feel free to share. the following post is full of angst befitting that of a 14 year old (jsyk)

 

due to me getting good grades during my like one month of school, and medicine being a ~~~~*~*~"prestigious"*~*~*~~~~~ occupation, my father is obsessed with me becoming a doctor. Not a single day goes by where he doesn't tell me to change my education path towards premed. This is not an exaggeration. Don't get me wrong, I respect doctors and health care professionals in general. I just do not want to become one.

 

I've asked him why I should want to be a doctor. His response? "we will luk kool to ur relatives when we have daughter who is DOCTOR"

and his justification as to why im well suited for medicine "u good at math, physics, those r ~~~~brainy subjects~~~ so u can do good ANYTHANG" (he actually calls them brainy subjects btw that is his exact phrasing hehehehehehe)

 

there are so many things wrong with this line of thinking, my main concern being that.. GREAT SO ANYONE WHO CAN GET A GOOD SCORE ON A MATH TEST ANYWHERE SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HEALTH OF OTHERS A1 LOGIC

 

i even told him that u can apply to med school with engineering majors and that just made matters worse for some reason T_T he's so happy when he imagines me having both an engineering degree and a degree in medicine it makes me sick Dx ~~~~~so much PRESTIGEEEE~~~~~

 

we've had some pretty heated discussions over this. i might be overreacting but this is becoming annoying af and the more he reminds me about how much i should become a doctor, the less and less appealing medicine seems

 

 

siderants

 

btw he wants me specifically to be a family physician because he thinks that they're balling in $$$ and trying to specialize would be too stressful for me but the way he says it the implication is that i should focus on family not career -.- not that i want to be any doctor but... really? also i'm guessing some of his distaste for engineering must also stem from it being a traditionally male field d:

 

also i'm tired of my family encouraging me to quit work and volunteering and having a life to focus on my studies. like i keep telling them, gpa is important (mine is fine so far btw so this should not even be an issue) but social skills are everything in life, and considering my parents don't have very good ones (sorry not sorry) i grew up incredibly shy and awkward, and it took volunteering and work experience for me to break out of my shell and become a normally adjusted person, and i love doing these things :<

 

Just transfer to engineering, get  degree with good job opportunities compared to the Bsc, and live your life. Heck, you can even say you applied for med but just didnt get in - like the other 1000's of qualified students who apply ever year and don't get in.

[gottawannit]

probably not the answer you're looking for but...stop being such a pussy.

 

med is hard enough for kids to get into without having to compete with kids like you who are trying to get it "just because". Countless people on this forum have had dreams of medicine for years and are really struggling to even get interviews and now you're coming in here and belittle all their drive and diligence by wanting to half-ass something just because you can't be your own person and are trying to please someone else.

[Garfas]

Suppose that you have to do what you want. I had the same situation. ANyway, choose what you like and do it. But don't be rude with you parents anyway.