Can Anyone Relate?

[Eddysteady1]

I'm in my first year of medical school and I'm very grateful for being here today. I've been noticing that I feel quite out of place in my class. I mean, I'm able to make friends, socialize, hang out with classmates, but I still get this constant feeling of being different, out of place, and having this need to validate myself all the time. And it's really bothering me. I come from quite a different background than "most" med students, or the typical med student. I come from a poor immigrant family from India, and lived and grew up in probably the most underprivileged area in town. My parents have no education but always emphasized the importance of school to me as a child. I grew up around immigrants, poor people, in a rough environment where hiphop and rap was our music, and my peers were always aspiring to become gangsters and some eventually became criminals. I'm sure you can envision what I'm talking about by now. Although I was always academically stronger than the people around me, and always aspired to get a great education and become a doctor, I still grew up in that environment, and my roots belong there; whether I like it or not. And that upbringing has influenced and shaped who I am today in some way whether I want it or not. And so being in a med class, I feel extremely different from everyone else. From the white dude who was born in the richest area in town, got the absolute best education, gets a luxurious vacation every summer, knows how to play 3 instruments, and his dad's a doctor. Or the girl whose parents are both doctors, and was able to go to several trips to third world countries to beef up her med application. I am not hating on these people. It's great and awesome how they were lucky to have these privileges in their life, and I hope I can offer the same to my children one day. All I'm saying is that it's so hard for me to relate to these students and be close to them and feel comfortable around them. We talk differently, behave differently, have different perceptions of the world, and I feel like I'm always academically lagging compared to these people. I need to study so much harder than them to be at their level, whereas they grasp concepts and retain them very quickly.

 

With all this I sometimes start losing confidence in myself and start thinking that maybe I don't even belong here. Maybe I won't be able to make it to the end here in med school. Which is not true, and which is just my negativity speaking to me. But those thoughts do come every now and then and bother me a lot. I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there that can relate to my situation, and if you can, how did you handle it? What made you stay firm and what gave you the confidence boost to feel better about yourself?

 

Thank you!

[ralk]

With all this I sometimes start losing confidence in myself and start thinking that maybe I don't even belong here. Maybe I won't be able to make it to the end here in med school. Which is not true, and which is just my negativity speaking to me. But those thoughts do come every now and then and bother me a lot. I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there that can relate to my situation, and if you can, how did you handle it? What made you stay firm and what gave you the confidence boost to feel better about yourself?

 

Please reassure yourself that you're exactly the type of person who belongs in medical school. Someone who had additional barriers to get to medical school and to continue going through it deserves to be there more, not less.

 

What you're going through is called Impostor Syndrome. It's exceedingly common in medical school, even among those whose parents are doctors and who got the very best education. Coming from a different background that most of your peers can certainly amplify those feelings, but they're not unique. Those other students who seem to be picking up concepts like it's nothing? Many of them are studying a lot harder than they're letting on. The bottom line is that if you got into medical school, you can finish it. The greatest barrier by far to becoming a physician is just getting into medical school and you've done that.

 

So why should you continue on? For the exact reason you feel you should leave - you have a different background. That means different experiences and perspectives that are too often missing in medicine and leads to significant blindspots among practitioners. There's a lot your colleagues and even your supervisors can learn from your time growing up and getting into medicine. Likewise, there are perspectives and ideas on life you can learn from them. When medicine is solely comprised with those who grew up privileged - as it frequently is - medicine becomes short-sighted and narrow-minded. I'd strongly encourage you to continue on, take advise from your peers who seem to be doing better, and where appropriate, share your story so that your peers can in turn learn from you, and be better physicians for it.

[older]

You have every reason to be proud of yourself, and of what you accomplished. Comparing yourself to those who had it "easy" is pointless, and may lead to resentments and bitterness. You have the benefit of experiences and resilience that others might not, and if you differ, it is not in negative way. You are certainly capable to finish med school, and once you do,  you have a chance to make unique contribution just because of your different background and life experience.

 

The feeling of "not belonging" is hard to overcome, but people feel that way for many reasons, especially in the first year. After you settle and find few friends, things will turn around. Don't shy away from people - they will value you for who you are once they know you.  Having different perception of the world is one of the things that others will find interesting. You are among intelligent, open-minded people (at least most of them), and as long as you keep open mind  yourself, be open, friendly and helpful to others, you'll find your place in med school community. Good luck!

[carolynH]

I think almost all med students can relate to your feeling in 1st year.  People of various backgrounds are pooled together due to their various strengths and abilities.  Their age ranges from late teens to early 40's with life experience from almost nil to extremely sophisticated. What I find though is that each and every med student is a bright shining star on his/her own. So during the 1st year, these shining stars inevitably get intimidated by one another because these stars have the tendency to strive for the best  (they have to be, otherwise they wouldn't get to where they are!) .  When they feel they can't measure up to their peers, it makes them question their ability and feel that they don't fit in. I know it's hard to overcome these feelings but you will eventually find your spot and your friends within this big group of stars because you truly are a star yourself! Don't focus on what you don't have but be proud of who you are and what you could bring into this group of stars that they couldn't! Hang on and go luck!

[fastrunningfish]

I think that it is really important that you have identified early on that it can be difficult to relate to people who are different than you. I think many people ignore this and then lack the skills to communicate with patients and other physicians who think differently, come from different backgrounds etc. Being able to find common ground with the person you're interacting with can be challenging but very helpful in forming a solid relationship with someone (patient , colleague.).

 

I also think it is important to keep in mind when you are comparing yourself to your classmates, that people will only disclose the 'good things'. Most people are not going to share their most challenging parts of their life, roadblocks they've experienced, the fact they are struggling in a certain course, or with certain material. Most people want to be seen in the best light possible. I think most people will or have experienced the same feelings as you. I have to constantly tell myself I belong here. It can be hard to adjust from being part of the top of your class to just being part of the average when everyone is quite exceptional. 

 

Everyone is studying hard in medical school. Everyone. Some people might study more or less, but they are all still studying hard, likely much harder then they did in undergrad for many.

 

I relate to your post even though my background is different than yours, and I have had different experiences than you, but I often feel out of place still too. Look at us relating already haha Good luck!

[Bambi]

I too come from a poor immigrant family, had a language barrier and was out of place when I entered med school, I am now a resident in a surgical specialty and life carries on. During medical school, however, I adjusted, made friends and my best friends are now classmates and roommates from my class who come from a totally socially different background than I. I just focused on learning medicine. I now feel that I totally fit right in and am so busy that I have no time for such thoughts, work, sleep, relax when possible - repeat! Count your blessings and ignore all else. Good luck!  

[GH0ST]

I'm in my first year of medical school and I'm very grateful for being here today. I've been noticing that I feel quite out of place in my class. I mean, I'm able to make friends, socialize, hang out with classmates, but I still get this constant feeling of being different, out of place, and having this need to validate myself all the time. And it's really bothering me. I come from quite a different background than "most" med students, or the typical med student. I come from a poor immigrant family from India, and lived and grew up in probably the most underprivileged area in town. My parents have no education but always emphasized the importance of school to me as a child. I grew up around immigrants, poor people, in a rough environment where hiphop and rap was our music, and my peers were always aspiring to become gangsters and some eventually became criminals. I'm sure you can envision what I'm talking about by now. Although I was always academically stronger than the people around me, and always aspired to get a great education and become a doctor, I still grew up in that environment, and my roots belong there; whether I like it or not. And that upbringing has influenced and shaped who I am today in some way whether I want it or not. And so being in a med class, I feel extremely different from everyone else. From the white dude who was born in the richest area in town, got the absolute best education, gets a luxurious vacation every summer, knows how to play 3 instruments, and his dad's a doctor. Or the girl whose parents are both doctors, and was able to go to several trips to third world countries to beef up her med application. I am not hating on these people. It's great and awesome how they were lucky to have these privileges in their life, and I hope I can offer the same to my children one day. All I'm saying is that it's so hard for me to relate to these students and be close to them and feel comfortable around them. We talk differently, behave differently, have different perceptions of the world, and I feel like I'm always academically lagging compared to these people. I need to study so much harder than them to be at their level, whereas they grasp concepts and retain them very quickly.

 

With all this I sometimes start losing confidence in myself and start thinking that maybe I don't even belong here. Maybe I won't be able to make it to the end here in med school. Which is not true, and which is just my negativity speaking to me. But those thoughts do come every now and then and bother me a lot. I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there that can relate to my situation, and if you can, how did you handle it? What made you stay firm and what gave you the confidence boost to feel better about yourself?

 

Thank you!

 

I felt the exact same way, especially since I was so close to not getting an interview in the first place. That said more and more I'm beginning to recognize what my strengths and weaknesses are and just how little the correlation is between the classwork and reality. You can do it as long as you stay the course. 

 

Good luck, 

 

- G