noneed2live Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 I recently been accepted to Toronto Medical School. My parents are very restrictive and don't understand that I need to live near the school during the next 4 years, but they would rather have me commute 1 hr back and forth. I know I can eventually get them to be on my side, but they keep bringing up the fact that I am going to be heavily in debt. How can I convince them without having to bicker back and forth between them? Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 You're going to be heavily in debt anyways... Might as well live closer to school so that you can use your time more efficiently, get into a more competitive residency, and pay off that debt more easily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnGrisham Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 I recently been accepted to Toronto Medical School. My parents are very restrictive and don't understand that I need to live near the school during the next 4 years, but they would rather have me commute 1 hr back and forth. I know I can eventually get them to be on my side, but they keep bringing up the fact that I am going to be heavily in debt. How can I convince them without having to bicker back and forth between them? Any suggestions? You're an adult presumably, time to start having tough conversations. Start off slowly and work towards it. It can't be done in isolation, and don't try to make up excuses like "I need to do it because of class" etc, because then you won't get to the root of the issue. Even worse, if you don't make your intentions clear, they may think that you would not have an "excuse" to live at home once you finish medical school for example. Set clear expectations, boundaries etc. This can be hard for many people, especially at your age - this would be a time that i would say it would be helpful to get the guidance of a counsellor - phrasing and language is important, and they can be very helpful for this. It can be a lot of big changes, and emotions can/definitely will come up. NB: Before people begin to jump in - there is nothing wrong with living at home with your parents as a 20-something or beyond for that matter. IF it is on your own accord and own decisions, and you have privacy levels you desire. It IS an issue if there is underlying guilt, power dynamics, feelings of being "responsible" to having to live there etc. Plenty of well adjusted people live at home with their parents for short-term, or even long-term reasons, (financial, strategic, or simply just have a good relationship etc). There are also many that develop co-dependency issues, and have adult-child tendancies that are unhealthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freewheeler Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 You're an adult presumably, time to start having tough conversations. Bingo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noneed2live Posted May 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 Yeah, I have to start formulating my arguments and be ready to be calm and relaxed when my father starts getting enraged. He can't temper his emotions properly, so it is sometimes difficult to get through to him. Even when I try to rationalize with him, he sometimes can't see what I'm trying to tell him. I think there is a webinar coming up soon for medical students regarding Bank loans and all the finances, so I am going to sit with him during it so he can see everything for himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schmitty Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 They DO have a point. You would save a very large amount of money commuting. It is definitely doable, as many people in my class did it and excelled. As you are likely to travel by TTC, this means much of your commute time is also potential study time. That said, you are an adult and it's your decision and they can't force you to do anything. However, your parents may be helping you financially which makes it a trickier situation as they could use that leverage over you. Thus, it is really about you decided how important it is to live near campus. If you decide that living near campus isn't 100% necessary (it isn't...many don't), then maybe you could try it for a year? First and second year are pretty chill compared to clearkship. Maybe try it for first year, if it's unbearable, you can move during summer after second year - just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meridian Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 You will be paying +1800 a month for a single or +1200 a month sharing if you do the downtown condo near the school. That is a lot of money if the alternative is free rent at home. Sounds like maybe you lived at home during undergrad as well ? You have to balance the money vs the chance to expand your own wings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmorelan Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 You're going to be heavily in debt anyways... Might as well live closer to school so that you can use your time more efficiently, get into a more competitive residency, and pay off that debt more easily (ha, many of my friends in family medicine from my class have just about paid off their loans - I still have 3 more years of training before I even get a "job" ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmorelan Posted May 13, 2017 Report Share Posted May 13, 2017 You're going to be heavily in debt anyways... Might as well live closer to school so that you can use your time more efficiently, get into a more competitive residency, and pay off that debt more easily (ha, many of my friends in family medicine from my class have just about paid off their loans - I still have 3 more years of training before I even get a "job" ) You're an adult presumably, time to start having tough conversations. The OP is basically a doctor now - and is about to have some REALLY tough conversations. Why do you personally think you need to live by the school? Probably your key point. I will say that 2 hours of travel every day would seriously impact your ability to both study and network at the school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edict Posted May 14, 2017 Report Share Posted May 14, 2017 A compromise might be trying the first year living at home and switching to living near the school in second year if you feel it. In any case, it is more beneficial to live near your base hospital in clerkship than in pre-clerkship, so if money is an issue, making sure you live close is probably more important in clerkship than in pre-clerkship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmorelan Posted May 14, 2017 Report Share Posted May 14, 2017 A compromise might be trying the first year living at home and switching to living near the school in second year if you feel it. In any case, it is more beneficial to live near your base hospital in clerkship than in pre-clerkship, so if money is an issue, making sure you live close is probably more important in clerkship than in pre-clerkship. yeah it is really hard to travel like that in clerkship for sure - 6am start times in surgery for instance, ha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cantus Posted May 14, 2017 Report Share Posted May 14, 2017 I know a few students who just finished 1st year at UofT med, and they commuted as well (2 hour round trip). It's definitely doable, but even then the majority of the class lives downtown. Everyone is definitely planning on moving out before/when 3rd year starts though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi Posted May 14, 2017 Report Share Posted May 14, 2017 Your father feeling engaged is not relevant to anything other than wanting to control you whether he realizes it or not. You are now an adult and as such, you must make your own decisions based upon your own best interests, regardless of how those whom love you feel. You have a LOC and will live on it, and eventually pay it off without difficulty. Accordngly, let him vent say what he must if for no other reason than he will know he said what he wished. Then, you simply say, "Dad, I am an adult. I love you. And I will make my own adult decision and live with the consequences. Then, move out and use your LOC like the rest of us. He will get over it, it is not your problem but will be if you allow yourself to be controlled. Will he know what is best in your future treatment of patients too? Its gotta stop and you must put an end to it by ignoring his viewpoint which might have been the law in the past but it is no more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippa756 Posted May 16, 2017 Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 You could start out by trying the commute, but it i surprising how tiring it can be especially with the traffic going in and out of Toronto. Also, no one's lack of control of their temper or their biological relationship to you is excusable for any type of abusive behaviour (verbal or otherwise). That is a much more serious issue for you to take into account about deciding to stay at home or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noneed2live Posted May 16, 2017 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 I got it taken care of. They understood my situation and I will be moving downtown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippa756 Posted May 30, 2017 Report Share Posted May 30, 2017 Glad to hear it noneed2live - best of luck with the move :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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