Finding References

[dancemom]

As a Non-Trad, I am struggling to find references for my extracurricular activities. I have work references, from former employers but the majority of my health and extracurricular work has been individual, and family related. For the past 2 years I have been a stay at home mom, going to school online because of family needs. 

Two of my children have special needs, thus why I attend online university and am staying at home. They both need IPPs (Individual Program Plans for educational levels through school) and counselling, occupational therapy, in home physical therapy, endocrinology, and pediatricians. I am in the school weekly to support them, and taking them to appointments each week.

I have been also been caring for two elderly grandparents with dementia, through taking them to doctors appointments, getting them into assisted living, transferring them to and from wheelchairs, assisting in their plans, getting groceries, nail clipping, hair cuts, etc. Along with visitation like playing cards, meals and recreational outings.

I have been supporting my family through the diagnosis of the breast cancer gene, BRCA1. I had a cousin pass away after 2 years of breast cancer at age 23. I pushed the family (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins) into genetic counselling, developing the family history and researching the ancestry that got us approved for diagnosis. I held each hand through the review of the history, attending visits with them with the geneticists, and helping explain the findings in understandable language. I helped weigh the options for treatment, and was the support person for the surgeons and oncologists. I did aftercare for 3 mastectomies, 4 reconstructions, and 4 infection repairs. 

All of these are intensive, health and leadership related activities. The problem is none of these have supervisors, eligible for references. I'd be open to any advice. 

 

[HoopDreams]

Hi dance mom,

My impressions : 

• It seems like you are in a middle of a big storm, overwhelmed by the care-giving activities of numerous family members.
• Unfortunately, references are required for several medical programs.
• How else would they be able to assess the accuracy of your statements and occupations? 

The reality : 

• Is it fair that you are competing against applicants that do not have to undergo your level of responsibility and therefore have a lot more free time to engage in volunteering and other extra-curricular activities? No. But just like in life in general, nothing is really fair.

My questions :

• Are you really ready for a medical career with all the people that depend on your care?
• What happens to your children with special needs when you are admitted and have to take care of them on top of being a full time student?
• Can't you have a relative, a partner, a sibling, that could help you out and allow you to free up some time to pursue your medical career?
• Why not try to combine the therapies of your children with some volunteering?
• Why not volunteer in the facility where your family members are currently residing?

Some volunteering suggestions :

• Volunteer in positions where you could work from home : translation, writing, writing, editing, etc.
• Volunteer in positions where you could bring your kids with you : adapted sports organizations, special camps for youth, etc.
• Volunteer in positions where you could practice MCAT related skills : science tutor, biology tutor, chemistry tutor, etc.
• Start an organization that connects people like you : young moms that want to connect to others, non-trads with kids, etc.
• Create a website where you could share useful informations on topics you master : raising kids with special needs, study habits for non-trads, etc.

Take-home message :

• You are obviously a very strong individual, by being able to go throughout all of this. 
• Try to engage in volunteering activities that are useful. Don't just volunteer to throw away hours and get ink on your CV.
• Everything is possible, you just have to be creative.
• Good luck

 

[Anon-e-mous]

You are very inspirational. I wish you the best of luck on this journey

From your post history, I see that you are aiming for UofC med? Maybe someone from UofC could comment more specifically on your situation?

Are you seeking references to verify your activities or references to write you letters?

In Ontario, the activities you mentioned definitely have a place on the autobiographical sketch and from my understanding, can be verified by a family member or even yourself. However, it seems as though UofC requires a professional to vouge for your extra-curriculars which poses a problem in your situation as you mentioned. Have you tried contacting UofC to see if they have any advice for your specific situation?

If you are referring to a lack of reference letters, these definitely need to be from a professional. You mention that you can get references from past employers. How many more reference letters might you be missing? Perhaps you should contact some of your professors from your online undergrad and see if they'd be willing to write you a letter based on your academic performance. I'm sure if you explain your situation, someone will be willing to help. Another thing you might be able to try is to seek a professional from the community who can vouge for your experiences. I have heard of people using spiritual advisors as reference letter writers as long as they are not peers (it is even mentioned on UofT's website). Maybe there is someone in your community who could write a letter like this? I would definitely check with UofC though and anywhere else you apply to make sure this is okay. I'm only really familiar with applying in Ontario and the US.

Also, to comment above - I have worked as an at-home transcriptionist and would not recommend it or translation in your situation. Most jobs from home like this and freelance writing don't translate well into good reference letters when you are not directly working with someone. They pay for your efficiency and don't really get to know who are unless you are in an office setting.

[dancemom]

Thank you HoopDreams and caramilk for your responses. 

HoopDreams, to answer your questions.

• It seems like you are in a middle of a big storm, overwhelmed by the care-giving activities of numerous family members.
  • It's actually not overwhelming, I find it less challenging than when I was travelling for work, but it does limit my ability to join other activities outside of the above commitments.
• Is it fair that you are competing against applicants that do not have to undergo your level of responsibility and therefore have a lot more free time to engage in volunteering and other extra-curricular activities?
  • I actually consider the level of care I am dedicating to my family to be equivalent to volunteering / extracurricular. If they were not related to me, the exact same tasks would be considered as strong extra-curriculars. I don't consider it unfair or a negative at all, as I feel it has strongly influenced the type of doctor I will be, and will strengthen my overall application, as all of the activities have strong personal relevance and ongoing commitment. 
• Are you really ready for a medical career with all the people that depend on your care?
  • The reality is my grandparents will likely not be around by the time I start medical school, and all of the family members with the BRCA1 gene will have had their medical therapies by then, so my responsibilities as a support person / advocate will be decreased significantly.
• What happens to your children with special needs when you are admitted and have to take care of them on top of being a full time student?
  • Before I was an student / SAHM, I was a full time employee, working 50-70 hours and travelling internationally every other week. I plan on putting the same plans in place as I had then. I expect though the hours will be longer in theory, in many ways it will be easier as I will not be away from the family for a week at a time.
• Can't you have a relative, a partner, a sibling, that could help you out and allow you to free up some time to pursue your medical career?
  • While they do help out, I cannot rely on them completely. Right now most of them are dependent on me. Plus I am taking a 5 courses right now.
• Why not try to combine the therapies of your children with some volunteering?
  • I actually do, and am getting one of my reference letters from there.
• Why not volunteer in the facility where your family members are currently residing?
  • That is an excellent idea. I will approach the care facility to see if there are opportunities available.

caramilk:

I am looking for a final reference letter writer. I have no issue getting referees to verify my activities, such as the doctors involved with my family's medical care, along with the teachers and occupational therapists I work with.  They have all already agreed to be contacted. I am concerned though, that the relationships are not of sufficient depth for them to be able to comment directly on my abilities and strengths as they are of an occasional and more personal nature (though indirect) rather than a reporting or supervisory one, and thus don't feel comfortable asking them to act as references. 

I am tailoring my application to U of C because of family restrictions, and ideally this third reference would focus on my leadership, management and organizational strengths. While theoretically, I could ask another former employer to write me a reference letter for this focus, it would be old (2011-2013), and I worry that the age of the letter would decrease it's value.

In sum;

For planned references, I have confirmed references from my former employer, and from one of the organizations I volunteer with while helping my children. I am lacking a strong third reference letter writer.  

I am engaged in events such as BRA (Breast Reconstruction Awareness Day), and Dementia, Diabetes and mental health activities, fundraising and research (as a patient), but they are not in depth enough to develop a relationship with the supervisory individuals. I had to shut down a support group for special needs families I had started due to a personal situation.  I have written my MCAT, and am happy with the score. My GPA is on the lower end of the accepted range, and I am working on getting it up a bit more but am comfortable with it.

The challenge I face, is that I have little desire, and limited time to pick up additional activities just to pad my references when I feel that the experiences and activities I am currently pursuing show leadership, advocacy, commitment to community, organization,  etc, much stronger than initiating something new would. Ideally, I would be able to combine of my current care with available witnesses able to act as references for me.

Some alternative avenues I am looking at are joining another organization that does occupational therapy as a volunteer for individuals who wouldn't be related to me, which would tie to both my grandparents and my children along with giving me that supervised aspect. It also ties with my existing volunteer commitments. Alternatively, I am considering facilitating existing support group 12 week sessions that I formerly took part with (there are two possible groups).  Finally, I am looking at the possibility of joining an existing charity that supports one of the needs my children have, and volunteering in a general capacity there, but worry it wouldn't necessarily tailor to the gap in my reference letters. I am hoping to apply this year for entry next year, and want to ensure I have maximized my odds. 

[Anon-e-mous]

1 hour ago, dancemom said:

Some alternative avenues I am looking at are joining another organization that does occupational therapy as a volunteer for individuals who wouldn't be related to me, which would tie to both my grandparents and my children along with giving me that supervised aspect. It also ties with my existing volunteer commitments. Alternatively, I am considering facilitating existing support group 12 week sessions that I formerly took part with (there are two possible groups).  Finally, I am looking at the possibility of joining an existing charity that supports one of the needs my children have, and volunteering in a general capacity there, but worry it wouldn't necessarily tailor to the gap in my reference letters. I am hoping to apply this year for entry next year, and want to ensure I have maximized my odds. 

 

These all sound like great ways to get involved and have a strong final reference letter. Goodluck!

[End Poverty]

On 1/21/2018 at 5:30 PM, HoopDreams said:

Hi dance mom,

My impressions : 

• It seems like you are in a middle of a big storm, overwhelmed by the care-giving activities of numerous family members.
• Unfortunately, references are required for several medical programs.
• How else would they be able to assess the accuracy of your statements and occupations? 

The reality : 

• Is it fair that you are competing against applicants that do not have to undergo your level of responsibility and therefore have a lot more free time to engage in volunteering and other extra-curricular activities? No. But just like in life in general, nothing is really fair.

My questions :

• Are you really ready for a medical career with all the people that depend on your care?
• What happens to your children with special needs when you are admitted and have to take care of them on top of being a full time student?
• Can't you have a relative, a partner, a sibling, that could help you out and allow you to free up some time to pursue your medical career?
• Why not try to combine the therapies of your children with some volunteering?
• Why not volunteer in the facility where your family members are currently residing?

Some volunteering suggestions :

• Volunteer in positions where you could work from home : translation, writing, writing, editing, etc.
• Volunteer in positions where you could bring your kids with you : adapted sports organizations, special camps for youth, etc.
• Volunteer in positions where you could practice MCAT related skills : science tutor, biology tutor, chemistry tutor, etc.
• Start an organization that connects people like you : young moms that want to connect to others, non-trads with kids, etc.
• Create a website where you could share useful informations on topics you master : raising kids with special needs, study habits for non-trads, etc.

Take-home message :

• You are obviously a very strong individual, by being able to go throughout all of this. 
• Try to engage in volunteering activities that are useful. Don't just volunteer to throw away hours and get ink on your CV.
• Everything is possible, you just have to be creative.
• Good luck

 

 

- U of C doesn't require a professional to vogue for your activities, however, it is preferred. If they are suspicious about your activities, they will notify you.

- Wonderful volunteering suggestions, Hoopdreams . If you volunteer for an organization for one year, you should be able to ask for reference letters :). Look for organizations where you can volunteer 2 -3 hours/ week for 1 year  in the areas where you have a lot of experience ( aka volunteering as a caregiver in a seniors home.. etc..). I know it is extremely difficult to balance your family with academics and volunteer work but that's what you have to do.

- I am quite familiar with U of C applications, dance mom, so feel free to PM if you have any questions.  I will be happy to help in whatever way I can.

I genuinely wish you best of luck