PastaInhaler

..............................................Post#833 Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Demonstrates proficiency in responding to the tasks. Ideas are substantially developed. Evidence of clarity, depth, and complexity of thought. A more direct and concrete example for task#1 may also better serve your essay. A concrete example may be more sufficient at proving your case in your second paragraph, but the hypothetical example was fine. The final task was good. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNOPQRST

..............................................Post#831 Length doesn't directly affect your score, however a longer essay usually means that you are developing your ideas more thoroughly than a shorter essay. With that, a longer essay that goes off topic can be considered unfocussed resulting in a lower score. Write lots, but stay focussed. Thanks for clicking, appreciated. Ideas are somewhat developed. Evidence of some clarity and complexity of thought. You may wish to choose a different example for task #1. The example could be stronger to balance out the essay since you came up with a strong example for task#2. For task#2, you have most of the ideas set, but you will need to clarify how personal privacy was violated, and specifically, how this was needed to resolve the situation. Task#3 was sufficient. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNO/PQRST

..............................................Post#830 A critical thinking course may be good for the verbal reasoning, but not so much so for the writing sample. That is only my view and I could be wrong. Your time would probably be better spent on preparing a database of examples for the Writing Sample. Practising MCAT writing prompts is not a bad way to improve. You can try doing as many prompts as you can find time to do, or you can try redoing certain prompts that are giving you issues. You may wish to also practise writing a lot on anything. Write in a journal, write about ideas, write your opinions about ideas, write critiques about your opinions about ideas, write reviews of the critiques about the opinions about your ideas. The important thing is to practise writing. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Ideas are somewhat developed. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Be sure to take some time to re-read your essay and to make corrections in case the errors affect the coherence and the flow of your essay. The first task was good, however, the second and third tasks were not as strong. Can you think of a rationale for when history is a record of humanity's wars, and when history is a record of something else? The arbitration rule that you came up with is not strong enough to delineate the two/three examples you provided. You will need to come up with a stronger rule of when history should represent wars, or when history should represent social change. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNOPQRST

..............................................Post#829 Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Ideas are somewhat developed. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Ideas presented in a coherent manner. Some good points, but you may wish to refocus the first paragraph. Make a stronger argument, by not leading into the arbitration so much. Present the argument and elaborate on it. Write about how television has influence on people, and not just influence, but the strongest influence. The second task was fine, however, the final task may need to be reworked. You can add more depth to your essay by answering one related and deeper question regarding the past: what was different then compared to now? What has changed through time? This will add the necessary depth to your essay. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNOPQRST

I will mark your essays shortly. Sorry for the delay, been having trouble logging into my account the past few weeks.

..............................................Post#826 Apologies for the delay in grading. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Ideas are somewhat developed. Evidence of some clarity of thought. The examples are fine. However, you may wish to explore the definition of "medium" to help the reader understand your arguments better since that is the main theme of the essay. You may wish to provide a bit more background on Arab Spring, then build your arguments from that. You may wish to explore how another medium served as a useful revolutionary tool. This is a key idea to the essay, and you have failed to address it. The arbitration rule you came up with could be a little stronger. The essay began to lose cohesion here and the last paragraph will need to be revised to make your ideas more clear. You will have to be more explicit with how you wrap up the essay, and you will need to tie it in with the ideas that you introduced in paragraphs one and two. I feel this essay will be scored a: JKLMNOPQRST

..............................................Post#824 Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Ideas are somewhat developed. Evidence of some clarity of thought. The first example could be a little more focussed and specific. The counter-example is fine. The arbitration rule you came up with could be a little stronger. It seems that the rule should be life stage, whether a person has a family to care for. In that case, the parents should focus on enhancing familial relationships, while putting money making on the backburner (though it is still important, just not as important). But, when a person has no family yet, he/she can work on making money because the time that they use to do this is not taken away from family, and the sacrifices that are taken are not as severe. I think this would be a better way to argue the case. It is probably not a good idea to introduce a new example of an amateur athlete so late in the essay even though it may be peripherally related to your counter example. You won't be able to explore the example in enough depth so late in the essay. It also complicates the organization of the essay and affects the flow of ideas. Further, by taking time out in the final paragraph to explore a new example, you are not putting enough energy into completing the third task while properly unifying the essay. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNO/PQRST

..............................................Post#819 You're welcome. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Evidence of some clarity and depth of thought. Adequate control of language. The first example was good. The second example is sufficient, but will need some work. The argument lost coherence. Who is the main clientele? How is the law firm making money and sustaining a good clientele base? The third task is good, but you will need to refer back to the law firm example to further unify the essay. I feel this essay will be scored a: JKLMNOP/QRST

..............................................Post#818 You're welcome. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Ideas presented in a coherent fashion. Adequate control of language. Your examples are sufficient in supporting you arguments. However, I would remove the part about a few thousand dollars since that conflicts with "the treatment will prove to be very expensive, and can severely set him back financially." The rule for arbitration that you came up with in task#3 was somewhat circular. You are to: Discuss what you think determines whether or not a person's first priority in life should be financial security. Essentially, you have stated that whether or not a person's first priority in life should be financial security depends on whether the person cares about/prioritizes financial security. You will need to come up with another rule that better explains the examples you provided. You could try: stage in life, sociocultural context, life-changing events, family situation (are children involved?), family protection, etc... I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNOPQRST

..............................................Post#811 Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Adequate control of language. You must remember that a hospital, like other non-profit organizations, is not a business. It may have some qualities that are similar to businesses, but they are not businesses. Businesses are for-profit entities. The first example is fine, but you could use a more specific example to illustrate your point to make it more compelling. For instance, Vogue magazines are placed at the check-out counters at all of the Metro grocery stores in Ontario. This was done because it was shown through Statistics Canada that the majority of grocery shoppers in Ontario were women aged 18-40 who were also the primary audience for Vogue magazine...etc... As well, your arguments could benefit from further elaboration to clarify your point of view. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLM/NOPQRST

..............................................Post#805 Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Indentations before each paragraph won't be needed. The tab key also does not work on the actual MCAT. Some issues with coherence and depth of thought. Adequate control of language. Your examples are sufficient in supporting you arguments. However, you will need to explore them in more detail. The first paragraph lost coherence and focus. You will have to be more explicit with your ideas and focussed. Some ideas in the final paragraph don't fit well with the prompt: "limits the interaction" conflicts with advancements in communication technology. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNOPQRST

..............................................Post#798 You're welcome. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Demonstrates proficiency in responding to the tasks. Evidence of clarity and depth of thought. Ideas presented in a coherent fashion. Adequate control of language. Good examples. Tasks well done. I feel this essay will be scored a: JKLMNOPQ/RST

..............................................Post#796 You're welcome. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Adequate control of language. You have many examples for each argument. This can be used to add some depth and to argue your point, but you would actually benefit from having one single powerful example for the argument in favour of the prompt and one for the counter-argument. As well, there was some difficulty with the rule for arbitration in task#3. This was the result of the many examples used for task#1 and task#2. If you stick to one example each, you will be able to pull out a clear rule. The rule you came up with seems too flexible and not so clear-cut. It also makes it seem like the examples for task#1 and task#2 can blend together. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNOPQRST

..............................................Post#795 You're welcome. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Adequate control of language. The first example was not presented well. It actually seems to support the counter-argument that money shouldn't be the top priority, but keeping the family safe is. People make money to protect and provide for their family. You will need to tweak the argument somehow. The second example and the final task were sufficient. I feel this essay will be scored an: JKLMNO/PQRST

..............................................Post#794 You're welcome. Thanks for clicking. Appreciated. Evidence of some clarity of thought. Ideas presented in a coherent fashion. Adequate control of language. Your examples are sufficient in supporting you arguments. The line with: "If the population consists mostly of young liberal adults..." You were on to something there, and will need to expand on this more, since this is an important part of your first argument. The second and third task were sufficient. I feel this essay will be scored a: JKLMNOP/QRST