Medicine And Life Things

[Curiousaboutapps1]

Hello Current Medical Students,

I will be doing an MD/PhD starting this summer and I'm wondering how to make the extended time frame work with my life outside of academics and medicine. I'm in a fairly serious relationship and we are looking to get married within 2-3 years (Maybe kids a few years after). However, that would put me right at the beginning of my PhD and kids somewhere in my last two years of Med. 

I will be in my late 20s when I graduate school and I don't want to push having kids too far into my 30s. I'm just unsure of what is most feasible, kids at the end of med or kids in residency. I know pregnancy will be hard to deal with regardless of what stage of education I'm in. (My partner is supportive and will be the primary parent while I am in school, I'm more worried about the physical toll of pregnancy).

I anyone has any insight into how to work school and life together, I would appreciate the advice. 

[ralk]

Managing and advancing a relationship in medical school isn't a simple matter, no doubt, but it shouldn't be a huge impediment either.

 

To start, based on your comments I'm assuming that you're the woman in this situation and are in your early 20's?

 

Getting married can be done at any time. If you're anticipated a larger wedding that'll take a fair bit of time/energy to plan, then you'd want to avoid the higher-stress times like the end of your PhD or your clerkship years, but even then it's completely doable (one of my classmates did all their wedding planning during clerkship). If you're doing a smaller wedding, or better yet, just doing the City Hall thing, you can work that in pretty much any time. The only thing to note that is if you're getting government-provided student loans or grants and then get married, it can affect how much you're eligible for if your partner earns an income. It seems like a trivial thing, but with the grants, it can mean tens of thousands of dollars over the course of the program. Many medical students therefore choose to get married in or just after 4th year of their MD programs, even if they would have done so earlier, for this financial reason.

 

Having kids is a bit trickier, especially for women in medicine, unfortunately. The ideal time for kids tends to be residency. You get guaranteed time off if you want it and money coming in for maternity leave. If you have a kid in school, most schools will give time off, but there's no money and medical school schedules are less flexible than residency schedules. This is especially true when doing clinical placements in those last two years of Medical School - people do have kids during this time, but not many do and I have no idea how they handle it. Similarly with having a kid during your PhD, particularly towards the end - there's a lot to do during that time and often significant pressure to get things wrapped up. The schedule might not be as amenable to having kids during that time. One other thing I should mention is that when considering children towards the end of medicine, there is unfortunately a stigma against women who want/have children in some residency programs. Programs can't ask about whether you have/want children moving forward, and attitudes on this are changing for the better, but particularly in a few select specialties, it can absolutely be a detriment if they find out. Showing up to a CaRMS interview with a baby bump is not something I'd recommend, even though it really, really shouldn't matter.

 

Because you seem to be young while starting medicine, I'll echo the standard advice and say plan to wait for residency. If you're graduating in your later 20's, that means a kid in your late 20's/early 30's, which is pretty average for our generation. You still have to work while pregnant, and I won't pretend it's a fun or easy time, but you at least get time off to recover, and spend time with your newborn without having to worry as much about the finances.

[Birdy]

I just had my third baby back in October, right before I started clerkship. At my school we do some clinical electives in July and August which was while I was 21-29w pregnant and I can say that they were not without their challenges. Being on my feet for hours was not workable as I had a tendency to get very dizzy and sometimes pass out. There was nothing wrong with me, particularly. I'm just a very faint-y person when pregnant. Because I was a preclerk and they were electives, I had no call nor particularly intensive clinical responsibilities, but it was still tough. I was 29w when I went back to just academic work for the remainder of my pregnancy, and I honestly don't imagine I'd have been able to keep up with clinical work past 35w or so. Doing long surgeries or particularly physically intensive rotations would be very difficult in the mid to late third trimester. When we have our fourth child in a few years I intend to start my maternity leave by 35w as a way of managing that. In Ontario, pregnant residents have some protections (things like no call after 30w, lower at some schools) which can help.

 

I only took a week off school after delivery which was only at all reasonable because I was still in preclerkship at the time. While I had an easy delivery and recovery, that is obviously not always the case and I certainly would not suggest this to someone who is having their first baby and needs to learn how to navigate parenthood (after the second kid it's sort of "enh, what's one more?")

 

Most schools allow students to pause their education for a year and just resume with the next year's class. I did not want to lose a year, so a week off is all I got. When we have another (during residency) I plan to take six months off.

 

Balancing medical training and family is not impossible. I've not found it particularly difficult most of the time, though there have been some rough days here or there as there would be no matter what career I had. My kids are not suffering because of my training any more than they would be from me having a job. It's busy, but lots of families are busy. Thats not unique to medicine. Balance can be found, it just takes some planning.

[older]

Wow! You are certainly commended and admired for what you accomplished - three children while still in medical training, and plans for the fourth during residency. This is incredible, but I daresay it is a notable exception and not a common thing. While it is a great example that "life things" can be  successfully managed, I am wondering how much time did you really have with your babies....a week off school after delivery?   It's true that many families with two working parents are pretty busy, but not everybody is Marissa Mayer. Most mothers, and increasingly fathers, opt for more time with their children and decisions are not easy and clear-cut. It is prudent to ask these questions, OP thank you for the post.