Prep101 - FREE MCAT Writing Sample Feedback #2

[the stranger]

** Note: Future prompts will be posted to the thread entitled "Prep 101 (Sameer) - FREE MCAT Writing Sample Feedback Corner" - please search that thread for "newest prompt" (I will change the post with the latest prompt so it says newest prompt). You can also continue to submit essays to that thread for any of the past prompts at any time, just include the prompt in your post so I know which one you're responding to.***

 

You may post a response to prompts any time, but please post to the "Prep101 (Sameer) - FREE MCAT Writing Sample Feedback Corner" Thread.

[nowitzki41]

Any advice would be appreciated.. thanks!

 

In our western society the conception of equality is well enshrined into our everyday life. Equality has been written into the treatise and declarations which founded many of our nations; and equality is a cornerstone to many social institutions. Education is a means by which society can enforce and promote equality. In todays information age, knowledge is our most valued resource. Knowledge which is obtained through educational institutes are open and promoted for everyone, no matter race, sex or sexual orientation. Many nations such as the United States of America have gone as far as to use education as a tool for retribution for inequalities of the past. This is clearly seen in affirmative action enrollment policies throughout many post secondary institutions. Such initiatives elucidate the importance of education in any effort to bring abouts equality. In the bargaining table of life, one can only be considered equal if they can bring equal value to the table. This equal value is obtained through education.

 

However, education can be just as important of a factor in situations of systematic inequality. Since education is such a valuable commodity in our information age; unequal distribution of education can bring abouts and sustain inequality. Such unequal distribution can be seen in both overt and covert educational policies of nations. An example of covert education inequality can also be seen in the Ivy League Schools of the United States. Although there is no official policy for selecting applicants unequally, situational factors such as high tuition costs serve as a bottleneck of sorts, weeding out those of low economic means. If one is agree that the best education is obtained in these Ivy League Schools, then one must also accept that the best education is reserved for those with the economic backing. Inequality brought about by education can more clearly be seen in cases of overt educational policy. An example of this includes the inability for women to attend college or university under the Taliban rule of Afghanistan. Such policies institutionalize the inequality withholding the power of education from an entire sub-population. These policies perpetuate a viscous cycle where the uneducated minority is powerless to the ruling power; change can not be brought about without obtaining the education which they are prevented from getting. It is clear that education can play just as pivotal role in enforcing inequality as it can for promoting equality.

 

So when is it that education promotes equality? When does it do the exact opposite? Education can only serve as mechanism for bring about equality when and only when it is available to everyone. In cases where restrictions are placed on who can obtain education, inequality is bound to ensue. However when available to everyone, education brings everyone to a level playing field in obtaining the knowledge and skills necessary to succeed in our information age. For equality to succeed an underlying acceptance that "we are all the same" is needed. This needs to be accepted from top to bottom, from policy makers to the citizens of the nation. When accepted equality and all the fruits of equality can truly be enjoyed.

[the stranger]

Any advice would be appreciated.. thanks!

 

In our western society the conception of equality is well enshrined into our everyday life. Equality has been written into the treatise and declarations which founded many of our nations; and equality is a cornerstone to many social institutions. Education is a means by which society can enforce and promote equality. In todays information age, knowledge is our most valued resource. Knowledge which is obtained through educational institutes are open and promoted for everyone, no matter race, sex or sexual orientation. Many nations such as the United States of America have gone as far as to use education as a tool for retribution for inequalities of the past. This is clearly seen in affirmative action enrollment policies throughout many post secondary institutions. Such initiatives elucidate the importance of education in any effort to bring abouts equality. In the bargaining table of life, one can only be considered equal if they can bring equal value to the table. This equal value is obtained through education.

 

However, education can be just as important of a factor in situations of systematic inequality. Since education is such a valuable commodity in our information age; unequal distribution of education can bring abouts and sustain inequality. Such unequal distribution can be seen in both overt and covert educational policies of nations. An example of covert education inequality can also be seen in the Ivy League Schools of the United States. Although there is no official policy for selecting applicants unequally, situational factors such as high tuition costs serve as a bottleneck of sorts, weeding out those of low economic means. If one is agree that the best education is obtained in these Ivy League Schools, then one must also accept that the best education is reserved for those with the economic backing. Inequality brought about by education can more clearly be seen in cases of overt educational policy. An example of this includes the inability for women to attend college or university under the Taliban rule of Afghanistan. Such policies institutionalize the inequality withholding the power of education from an entire sub-population. These policies perpetuate a viscous cycle where the uneducated minority is powerless to the ruling power; change can not be brought about without obtaining the education which they are prevented from getting. It is clear that education can play just as pivotal role in enforcing inequality as it can for promoting equality.

 

So when is it that education promotes equality? When does it do the exact opposite? Education can only serve as mechanism for bring about equality when and only when it is available to everyone. In cases where restrictions are placed on who can obtain education, inequality is bound to ensue. However when available to everyone, education brings everyone to a level playing field in obtaining the knowledge and skills necessary to succeed in our information age. For equality to succeed an underlying acceptance that "we are all the same" is needed. This needs to be accepted from top to bottom, from policy makers to the citizens of the nation. When accepted equality and all the fruits of equality can truly be enjoyed.

 

Hey nowitzki41,

Your essay presents a deep and thoughtful examination of the topic. You address each task near perfectly, and your examples are relevant and their significance is explained well. I especially liked your use of two examples in task 2; it is often difficult to incorporate two examples into a task but you’ve done it seamlessly here. Your criteria are clearly stated and well thought out, making your essay unified and easy to understand. The only critique I would offer is that you made several mechanical errors, which should just signal you to spend an extra couple minutes proofreading your essays in the future. Be especially careful with your use of the semicolon; look up the rules and examples of semi-colon usage online when you get a chance. As well, you could have included a more direct/specific example in task 1, and related your criteria back to your examples in task 3. Otherwise, very well written. Keep up the good work!

Score: 5/6

[123coco]

Thank you in advance

 

Education make everyone equal.

 

Democracy is founded on the notion that all individual are free and equal before the eyes of the law. To ensure that all citizens have equal access to every opportunity, democratic governments provide elementary and secondary education to every individual. Education for all ensures that everyone will receive the opportunity to develop the skills that will enable them to fairly compete on the job market. Education, therefore, can be the great equalizers that mends economic and social disparities. America?s first Black President, Barack Obama, is a great example of how education can narrow the gap of inequality. Obama?s mother, a single women who often struggled to make ends meet made sure that her bi-racial child had access to a good education. Historically Blacks in America were systematically oppressed through slavery, segregation and denial of basic civil rights. To diminish the obstacles that a Black man living in American must face, his family encouraged him to pursue the best possible education. Indeed, Obama graduate from Harvard law school at the top of his class. His education empowered him with the knowledge and skills to become the President of the United States. Obama, a member of an old subclass, therefore, was able to break racial barriers in part, due to his academic credentials. Although education may narrow the gap of inequality, the gap still exist.

 

In Northern Ontario, roughly twelve indigenous communities are living without proper schools. Students do not have a school building and must learn out of cramped portables. Teachers are over extended and have little resources to motivate children to learn. The quality of the education they receive is so poor that children who live on reserves tend to be two to three grade levels behind non-Indigenous Canadian students. Employment opportunities are sparse on reserves forcing some Indigenous peoples to migrate to urban centres in search of better opportunities. The problem, however, is that the skills and knowledge of individuals who are educated on reserves is below national standards and makes it challenging for them to properly compete on the Canadian job market. Due to their inability to secure good paying jobs, some Indigenous people must turn to illegal measures to gain income. In part, it is for this reason that Indigenous women are over represented in sex work in Canada. Although the Canadian government provides education for Indigenous peoples, their quality of life tends to be significantly below the quality of life of the general Canadian population.

 

Education, therefore, has the ability to make everyone equal if the quality of education provided by the state is leveled. In other words, all children should have access to similar academic resources and training. Once the quality of education being distributed is unleveled, some children will be academically ahead of other children. This disparity will manifest itself when they become adults and are competing for the same opportunities. The child who received the better education will be more equipped for success. If all schools meet national standards, they will produce children with equivalent capabilities and class differences will be minimized. It is only in this context that education has the ability to be the great equalizer.

________

Hot penny stocks

[Wellington Boots]

Hi Sameer,

Thanks in advance for reading my essay.

 

The great Mahatma Ghandi once said “there is enough in this world for every man’s need, but not enough for every man’s greed”. The simplicity, yet profound nature of this eloquent statement speaks to a very important virtue in today’s society: equality. One method that holds the key to equality is education – be it in a formal learning environment, such as a college or university, or during the journey from innocence to experience, or “life learning”. In the pursuit of an education, one endeavours to gain a piece of the socioeconomic pie; one hopes to get a good paying job to support one’s family, have the means to buy a home or provide, in turn, an education for one’s own children. This sentiment is well reflected in American President Barack Obama. He attained valuable life lessons from his work as a community organizer in urban neighbourhoods in Chicago and attained a formal education in law from Harvard Law School. Once in the Presidency, his policies for change to help all Americans included health insurance reform, providing more funding for education and improving financial solvency to reduce unemployment and help create jobs. Obama used his education as a means to help American society become more equal in the socioeconomic sphere of life.

 

 

However, education may not always result in all people being equal. There are many instances of individuals who have used their education – either formal, informal or both – for personal gain and a life full of lavish luxury. Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin airlines, records and mobile phone company, is a self-made billionaire who came from modest means himself; he learned from the school of life, started his company from scratch and made it into the success it is today. While it is an inspiring “rags to riches” story, he leads a life that is in excess and disproportionate to the average person; his personal “home” is actually an entire island; he often makes the news by trying stunts such as trying to fly around the world in a hot air balloon; he owns several large yachts and private jets; he travels to various locations around the world and stays in high-end accomodations. When there are so many people in the world who barely have enough for their daily needs – especially in the world’s current fragile economic situation – Branson flaunts his wealth without hesitation. His life is one that not everyone can enjoy; it is one that is devoid of equality owing to his education in the school of hard knocks.

 

What determines, then, whether education creates a level playing field and makes everyone equal depends on what one does with that education. If an individual uses education for the greater good of society, such as the case with Barack Obama, education helps to create more equality and give people a chance gaining a strong foothold in the socioeconomic sphere of life. If, however, one use education for personal means and to procure a life filled with excess, such as the case with Richard Branson, education does not create equality and in fact creates more disparity and polarization within society. Education, then, can be considered a dual-edged sword. However, if treated with respect and used wisely, education can be an effective way to ensure the needs of all people can be met.

 

 

**After reading this essay again, the Richard Branson example isn't entirely correct. My bad ! Hopefully I got the main message across though.

[the stranger]

Thank you in advance

 

Education make everyone equal.

 

Democracy is founded on the notion that all individual are free and equal before the eyes of the law. To ensure that all citizens have equal access to every opportunity, democratic governments provide elementary and secondary education to every individual. Education for all ensures that everyone will receive the opportunity to develop the skills that will enable them to fairly compete on the job market. Education, therefore, can be the great equalizers that mends economic and social disparities. America’s first Black President, Barack Obama, is a great example of how education can narrow the gap of inequality. Obama’s mother, a single women who often struggled to make ends meet made sure that her bi-racial child had access to a good education. Historically Blacks in America were systematically oppressed through slavery, segregation and denial of basic civil rights. To diminish the obstacles that a Black man living in American must face, his family encouraged him to pursue the best possible education. Indeed, Obama graduate from Harvard law school at the top of his class. His education empowered him with the knowledge and skills to become the President of the United States. Obama, a member of an old subclass, therefore, was able to break racial barriers in part, due to his academic credentials. Although education may narrow the gap of inequality, the gap still exist.

 

In Northern Ontario, roughly twelve indigenous communities are living without proper schools. Students do not have a school building and must learn out of cramped portables. Teachers are over extended and have little resources to motivate children to learn. The quality of the education they receive is so poor that children who live on reserves tend to be two to three grade levels behind non-Indigenous Canadian students. Employment opportunities are sparse on reserves forcing some Indigenous peoples to migrate to urban centres in search of better opportunities. The problem, however, is that the skills and knowledge of individuals who are educated on reserves is below national standards and makes it challenging for them to properly compete on the Canadian job market. Due to their inability to secure good paying jobs, some Indigenous people must turn to illegal measures to gain income. In part, it is for this reason that Indigenous women are over represented in sex work in Canada. Although the Canadian government provides education for Indigenous peoples, their quality of life tends to be significantly below the quality of life of the general Canadian population.

 

Education, therefore, has the ability to make everyone equal if the quality of education provided by the state is leveled. In other words, all children should have access to similar academic resources and training. Once the quality of education being distributed is unleveled, some children will be academically ahead of other children. This disparity will manifest itself when they become adults and are competing for the same opportunities. The child who received the better education will be more equipped for success. If all schools meet national standards, they will produce children with equivalent capabilities and class differences will be minimized. It is only in this context that education has the ability to be the great equalizer.

 

123coco,

What a great essay, and what an improvement from only a few days ago! Well done. Your essay shows depth and clarity, and you’ve really hit the nail on the head here. Your examples were well chosen and thoroughly explained, without superfluous detail. Your entire essay flowed well and shows unity of thought. I would only offer two pieces of advice: for future essays, take a couple extra minutes to proofread and make sure you eliminate mechanical errors – these just take away slightly from the overall effect of your essay; also, try to directly relate your criteria back to your examples in task 3 – this will push the unity and clarity of your essay even further up the scale by tying it all back together. Lastly, I would also suggest adding some variety to your sentence structure; although you show strong control of language, sentence variety just makes your essay that much more interesting to read.

Overall, great job!

Score: 5.5/6

[the stranger]

Hi Sameer,

Thanks in advance for reading my essay.

 

The great Mahatma Ghandi once said “there is enough in this world for every man’s need, but not enough for every man’s greed”. The simplicity, yet profound nature of this eloquent statement speaks to a very important virtue in today’s society: equality. One method that holds the key to equality is education – be it in a formal learning environment, such as a college or university, or during the journey from innocence to experience, or “life learning”. In the pursuit of an education, one endeavours to gain a piece of the socioeconomic pie; one hopes to get a good paying job to support one’s family, have the means to buy a home or provide, in turn, an education for one’s own children. This sentiment is well reflected in American President Barack Obama. He attained valuable life lessons from his work as a community organizer in urban neighbourhoods in Chicago and attained a formal education in law from Harvard Law School. Once in the Presidency, his policies for change to help all Americans included health insurance reform, providing more funding for education and improving financial solvency to reduce unemployment and help create jobs. Obama used his education as a means to help American society become more equal in the socioeconomic sphere of life.

 

 

However, education may not always result in all people being equal. There are many instances of individuals who have used their education – either formal, informal or both – for personal gain and a life full of lavish luxury. Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin airlines, records and mobile phone company, is a self-made billionaire who came from modest means himself; he learned from the school of life, started his company from scratch and made it into the success it is today. While it is an inspiring “rags to riches” story, he leads a life that is in excess and disproportionate to the average person; his personal “home” is actually an entire island; he often makes the news by trying stunts such as trying to fly around the world in a hot air balloon; he owns several large yachts and private jets; he travels to various locations around the world and stays in high-end accomodations. When there are so many people in the world who barely have enough for their daily needs – especially in the world’s current fragile economic situation – Branson flaunts his wealth without hesitation. His life is one that not everyone can enjoy; it is one that is devoid of equality owing to his education in the school of hard knocks.

 

What determines, then, whether education creates a level playing field and makes everyone equal depends on what one does with that education. If an individual uses education for the greater good of society, such as the case with Barack Obama, education helps to create more equality and give people a chance gaining a strong foothold in the socioeconomic sphere of life. If, however, one use education for personal means and to procure a life filled with excess, such as the case with Richard Branson, education does not create equality and in fact creates more disparity and polarization within society. Education, then, can be considered a dual-edged sword. However, if treated with respect and used wisely, education can be an effective way to ensure the needs of all people can be met.

 

 

**After reading this essay again, the Richard Branson example isn't entirely correct. My bad ! Hopefully I got the main message across though.

 

Hey Wellington Boots,

I think you're right about the second example: although in the end I feel like I understood what you were trying to say, as I was reading your second paragraph I felt a little lost. This is a great example of the power of task 3 – often if an essay’s other tasks lack some clarity, task 3 can save the day by throwing a meaningful light on the rest of the essay. Now that having been said, of course you never want to rely on the saving grace of task 3 and become complacent with your task 1 and 2. One way to prevent this from happening would be to spend some extra time planning your essay before you write. I feel like you probably realised the lack of clarity in your second argument as you were writing it. You could have prevented this by working out the details of that example before writing, so that you could more clearly elucidate its points and relevance when you write the paragraph. At Prep101 we recommend that students always take the first 5 minutes to plan the essay: this may seem like a lot of time but if you spend enough time planning, you will be able to use your time typing more effectively. 5 minutes of planning time is enough to get your main ideas down for task 1 and 2, come up with strong examples and consider how you will use them, and think of a strong resolution principle to tie it all together. Do this every time you write an essay (now during practice and on the actual MCAT) and you will notice the difference in the clarity and unity of your writing.

 

Score: 4.5-5/6 (hard to say how much the lack of clarity in task 2 would effect your overall mark – remember the AAMC graders use a holistic technique and look at your essay as a whole, not at the individual tasks)

[Purplehaze]

Hi the stranger,

Thanks in advance. I feel slightly embarressed posting this after nowtskizi41 and wellington boots, but this is the best I could do in 30 min :S I couldn't come up with a "real life" example, but tried my best to explain the hypothetical one I came up with :S

 

As students progress from elementary school up to secondary education and higher, in addition to learning basic social skills, they also build knowledge and skills that help them become competitive and successful individuals in the work field. Hence, we can say that the purpose of education is to equip students with the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in life and work efficiently in the area of their education. Once students graduate from a certain level of education, they are equally eligible to apply to jobs in their educational field and be seen as equally competitive.

 

However, there can be conditions under which we are not able to say all educated individuals are equal. Take for instance situations where individuals are applying for a position at competitive careers. If two individuals, having graduated from the same law school and with similar credentials, are applying to a competitive position at a law firm, the employee will have to look past their degrees and level of education in order to choose one of the applicants. In such a case, the employee might look into their references and other aspects of their application to decide which individual is better suited for the job. Hence, although both applicants are educated to the same degree, one applicant is deemed better than the other.

 

The question remains: what determines whether or not education makes everyone equal? The answer depends on how we define education and whether or not it is the only basis for judging individuals. If we are to say that all individuals who have completed their primary education are educated, then they can be seen as equal in that regard. However, if we are also to take into account their grade point averages, and other aspects of their accomplishments, then, the fact that they all possess a degree or diploma does not necessarily make all individuals equal.

[crazyflower]

Thanks for looking at our essays! I'm very grateful for your help in writing prep Here is my essay:

 

 

A hallmark of modern society is the emphasis placed on obtaining an education to further one's career and life goals. Completion of primary education has become mandatory in many nations, while post-secondary enrollment has increased exponentially. An education gives one both the theory and skills necessary to pursue an academic field of interest. More importantly, an education allows all individuals to acquire the teachings considered necessary by modern standards. A student pursuing a degree in medicine, for example, must complete certain required courses, whether they be in the sciences or humanities, in order to qualify for enrollment. With these requirements in place, the admission committee is guaranteed that the applicant pool has the necessary knowledge to pursue medicine.

 

It cannot be stated, though, that an education necessarily makes all individuals equal. While a Bachelor of Science may present the facade of a standard degree, there can be variations between possesors of the same title. One may complete a Bsc. degree in numerous subjects, including biochemistry, astrophysics, and psychology, with different requirements for each. The title of the degree may convey a sense of an equal education, but the differences between students' areas of interest can be drastic.

 

Though it may seem easy to consider education as merely an academic experience, it is impossible to disregard the holistic nature of the university experience. A student will not characterize their educational experience solely by the number of classes taken, but by the friendships made, or the extracurriculars pursued. Even if two students were to pursue the same Arts degree program, the nature of each's experience will be far different from the other's.

 

Obtaining an education is vital for people today, as it guarantees a standard of understanding and knowledge for the student, and an equal opportunity to pursue certain academic interests. However, it is still important to maintain the distinctions between students, through differences in learning experiences, as it allows for individuality. When multiple applicants are considered for the same position, it is necessary that they possess the required knowledge in order to fulfill job requirements. It is only when the academic qualifications are nearly identical for multiple indiciduals, though, that one should be examined in terms of their experiences outside of the classroom.

[PastaInhaler]

Thanks for your help and feedback, Sameer.

 

"Education makes everyone equal."

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which education does not make everyone equal. Discuss what you think determines whether or not education makes everyone equal.

 

-=- -=- -=-

 

The quest for knowledge can come about through the transfer of information from one generation to the next, from parents to children, from instructors to trainees, and from teachers to their students. The last case is the main emphasis of formal education. As the student learns, and progresses in his studies, the teacher can reveal more knowledge to the student. Formal education usually entails transferring information from a teacher, or professor to a student, in the form of lectures and assignments or examinations. Formal education creates equality in people, bestowing at least a basic understanding of certain concepts and math and communication skills that are necessary for some basic jobs. Education allows for equality in Canada since it is mandated by law that a student shall remain in formal education up until the age of 16. In this way, people are made to have an equal exposure to learning up until the age of 16 in Canada. Certain skills in math, communication, and technical skills are taught through education this mandatory. People are equal because they will have all learned the same basic skills and have the same basic knowledge as others who have reached age 16 because of the mandatory education laws in Canada.

 

Even though students are required to have a certain minimal amount of education in Canada, students may choose to pursue whatever area of study they wish, and whether or not to continue on with postsecondary studies. In a specific case, as exemplified by level of study, education does not allow for everyone to be equal. A person who decides to pursue a M.Sc., and no further does not examine a theory in the level of depth and comprehensiveness as a student in a doctoral stream program such as a Ph.D. in the same field. The level of creativity, hard work, and intricacy and sophistication of research found in a Ph.D. education is on a higher level than a M.Sc. Education may not make everyone equal when a student has a deeper desire to learn more and to ask more questions as required by a Ph.D. level of education than an M.Sc. level of education.

 

With regard to equality that is brought on by education, it is determined by choice beyond the age of 16. This choice is reserved by the student. Whether or not the student decides to continue to study in an education environment is up to him. All things are equal upto that point of age 16. Beyond that, if the student wishes to pursue further education, he may. Provided that he continues with his studies in higher education, reaching higher levels than his peers, not every person remains equal at that point. There are contrasting levels of education that can be pursued, with higher levels of sophistication in more advanced degrees.

[the stranger]

Hi the stranger,

Thanks in advance. I feel slightly embarressed posting this after nowtskizi41 and wellington boots, but this is the best I could do in 30 min :S I couldn't come up with a "real life" example, but tried my best to explain the hypothetical one I came up with :S

 

As students progress from elementary school up to secondary education and higher, in addition to learning basic social skills, they also build knowledge and skills that help them become competitive and successful individuals in the work field. Hence, we can say that the purpose of education is to equip students with the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in life and work efficiently in the area of their education. Once students graduate from a certain level of education, they are equally eligible to apply to jobs in their educational field and be seen as equally competitive.

 

However, there can be conditions under which we are not able to say all educated individuals are equal. Take for instance situations where individuals are applying for a position at competitive careers. If two individuals, having graduated from the same law school and with similar credentials, are applying to a competitive position at a law firm, the employee will have to look past their degrees and level of education in order to choose one of the applicants. In such a case, the employee might look into their references and other aspects of their application to decide which individual is better suited for the job. Hence, although both applicants are educated to the same degree, one applicant is deemed better than the other.

 

The question remains: what determines whether or not education makes everyone equal? The answer depends on how we define education and whether or not it is the only basis for judging individuals. If we are to say that all individuals who have completed their primary education are educated, then they can be seen as equal in that regard. However, if we are also to take into account their grade point averages, and other aspects of their accomplishments, then, the fact that they all possess a degree or diploma does not necessarily make all individuals equal.

 

Hello Purplehaze,

 

You’ve done well here in addressing the three tasks, and writing a unified, coherent essay. Although your example is rather general, as you noted, it still functions to address task 2. In future essays there are several things you can do to improve your score into the 5-6 range:

- It is always beneficial to include an example in your supporting paragraph (task 1) even though the instructions do not explicitly state this

- As you mentioned, a general example is always weaker than a specific, concrete example; definitely avoid completely hypothetical examples, but a general example that is relevant and is explained well is better than no example at all

- Try to offer a more thorough and in depth look at the topic presented in the prompt – for example here, although your take on what determines whether education makes everyone equal is valid, it is rather superficial; you may have chosen to look at a more “metaphorical” meaning of “equality” i.e. how education can or cannot equalize people in society despite race, sex, creed, or caste.

 

Score: 4.5/6

[the stranger]

Thanks for looking at our essays! I'm very grateful for your help in writing prep Here is my essay:

 

 

A hallmark of modern society is the emphasis placed on obtaining an education to further one's career and life goals. Completion of primary education has become mandatory in many nations, while post-secondary enrollment has increased exponentially. An education gives one both the theory and skills necessary to pursue an academic field of interest. More importantly, an education allows all individuals to acquire the teachings considered necessary by modern standards. A student pursuing a degree in medicine, for example, must complete certain required courses, whether they be in the sciences or humanities, in order to qualify for enrollment. With these requirements in place, the admission committee is guaranteed that the applicant pool has the necessary knowledge to pursue medicine.

 

It cannot be stated, though, that an education necessarily makes all individuals equal. While a Bachelor of Science may present the facade of a standard degree, there can be variations between possesors of the same title. One may complete a Bsc. degree in numerous subjects, including biochemistry, astrophysics, and psychology, with different requirements for each. The title of the degree may convey a sense of an equal education, but the differences between students' areas of interest can be drastic.

 

Though it may seem easy to consider education as merely an academic experience, it is impossible to disregard the holistic nature of the university experience. A student will not characterize their educational experience solely by the number of classes taken, but by the friendships made, or the extracurriculars pursued. Even if two students were to pursue the same Arts degree program, the nature of each's experience will be far different from the other's.

 

Obtaining an education is vital for people today, as it guarantees a standard of understanding and knowledge for the student, and an equal opportunity to pursue certain academic interests. However, it is still important to maintain the distinctions between students, through differences in learning experiences, as it allows for individuality. When multiple applicants are considered for the same position, it is necessary that they possess the required knowledge in order to fulfill job requirements. It is only when the academic qualifications are nearly identical for multiple indiciduals, though, that one should be examined in terms of their experiences outside of the classroom.

 

Hi crazyflower,

Unfortunately your essay does not adequately address the three tasks required. Although you have presented an argument towards when two specific “educations” can be considered equal or not, you have not addressed the prompt’s question of when do those educations, perhaps regardless of their contents, engender social (or other) equality to their holders. You’ve discussed what makes one degree different from another, but you haven’t elucidated why or how those degrees create equality or do not create equality for their recipients. In the future try to spend extra time before you write to consider the broader (and often social) context of the prompt, and make sure you’ve fully understood what the prompt is trying to say. Admittedly this prompt is particularly vague however you will actually encounter such ambiguity rather often on the MCAT.

Score: 2.5/6

[the stranger]

Hey PreMed101, we've changed up how were going to do these threads: From now on I'll post all the new prompts to the thread entitled "Prep101 (Sameer) - FREE MCAT Writing Sample Feedback Corner", and you can continue to post essays from past prompts there as long as you want. Just be sure to include which prompt you're responding in your reply. I'll change the post for the newest prompt to say "newest prompt" so you can always search for that string and find the latest prompt.

 

So again, all new prompts will be posted to "Prep101 (Sameer) - FREE MCAT Writing Sample Feedback Corner", and you can still post essays to old prompts whenever you want.

 

Thanks and glad to see a lot of you posting! This is working out well so far.

 

Sameer

[the stranger]

Thanks for your help and feedback, Sameer.

 

"Education makes everyone equal."

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which education does not make everyone equal. Discuss what you think determines whether or not education makes everyone equal.

 

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The quest for knowledge can come about through the transfer of information from one generation to the next, from parents to children, from instructors to trainees, and from teachers to their students. The last case is the main emphasis of formal education. As the student learns, and progresses in his studies, the teacher can reveal more knowledge to the student. Formal education usually entails transferring information from a teacher, or professor to a student, in the form of lectures and assignments or examinations. Formal education creates equality in people, bestowing at least a basic understanding of certain concepts and math and communication skills that are necessary for some basic jobs. Education allows for equality in Canada since it is mandated by law that a student shall remain in formal education up until the age of 16. In this way, people are made to have an equal exposure to learning up until the age of 16 in Canada. Certain skills in math, communication, and technical skills are taught through education this mandatory. People are equal because they will have all learned the same basic skills and have the same basic knowledge as others who have reached age 16 because of the mandatory education laws in Canada.

 

Even though students are required to have a certain minimal amount of education in Canada, students may choose to pursue whatever area of study they wish, and whether or not to continue on with postsecondary studies. In a specific case, as exemplified by level of study, education does not allow for everyone to be equal. A person who decides to pursue a M.Sc., and no further does not examine a theory in the level of depth and comprehensiveness as a student in a doctoral stream program such as a Ph.D. in the same field. The level of creativity, hard work, and intricacy and sophistication of research found in a Ph.D. education is on a higher level than a M.Sc. Education may not make everyone equal when a student has a deeper desire to learn more and to ask more questions as required by a Ph.D. level of education than an M.Sc. level of education.

 

With regard to equality that is brought on by education, it is determined by choice beyond the age of 16. This choice is reserved by the student. Whether or not the student decides to continue to study in an education environment is up to him. All things are equal upto that point of age 16. Beyond that, if the student wishes to pursue further education, he may. Provided that he continues with his studies in higher education, reaching higher levels than his peers, not every person remains equal at that point. There are contrasting levels of education that can be pursued, with higher levels of sophistication in more advanced degrees.

 

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