Quinidine Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 I need essay advice since I have no idea how to know if I'm doing it right lol. I hope this is allowed? Prompt: In times of war, maintaining public support is often the most difficult battle. A nation engaged in a long war will have great difficulty in maintaining public support for the war over time if it does not continuously remind its people of the purpose for the war. As in any country, the public will endure bombardment from both the sides of the government in support of a war, and the pacifists who will reject such an idea. If the government is not diligent in maintaining its propaganda, the voice of the pacifists will slowly be a greater influence on the public as time goes on. For example, at the start of the Iraq war, a war originally started by President Bush of the United States of America, the central government was very clear in their purpose for invasion: The government wished to protect American citizens from potential terrorists believed to have come out of Iraq, and weapons of mass destruction also believed to be housed in Iraq. With the help of many news conferences and large media coverage, the government gained massive support from the public to initiate the war. As time went on, the support for the Iraq war greatly decreased due to pacifist sources bringing to light information denouncing the purpose of the war, such as how the original fear of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was completely made up by an individual on the government to give Bush a more persuading argument in initiating the war. On the other hand, a nation that is able to continuously remind and persuade its people of its purpose for war will get overwhelming support as the war rages. For example, during the Chinese Revolution, a civil war fought between the Nationalist party which ruled the country back then, and the Communist part of China. The Communist party was clear in presenting its purpose for war. They felt that the Nationalist part favoured the rich to an extent where the farmers and lower class were completely neglected and had an unbearable quality of life. Mao was able to bring about a strong army by catering to this exact feeling that many had felt at the time. Additionally, the Communist party continuously reminded people of this purpose, whether it be through media, such as pamphlets, or just through daily language, such as being called ‘comrade’ giving a sense of belonging to the purpose. In conclusion, whether a nation’s greatest challenge during times of war will be to gathering public support for the war will depend on how well that nation is able to continuously remind its people of the purpose for the war. During the Iraq war, the US government failed to do so and as a result, the general public became more influenced by pacifists and their propaganda against the war. This brought about great disapproval of the Iraq war. On the other hand, the Communist party of China was able to repeatedly remind its followers of their purpose in such a positive way that its people continued to support the civil uprising until the very end. Thanks (: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaInhaler Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 I need essay advice since I have no idea how to know if I'm doing it right lol. I hope this is allowed? Prompt: In times of war, maintaining public support is often the most difficult battle. A nation engaged in a long war will have great difficulty in maintaining public support for the war over time if it does not continuously remind its people of the purpose for the war. As in any country, the public will endure bombardment from both the sides of the government in support of a war, and the pacifists who will reject such an idea. If the government is not diligent in maintaining its propaganda, the voice of the pacifists will slowly be a greater influence on the public as time goes on. For example, at the start of the Iraq war, a war originally started by President Bush of the United States of America, the central government was very clear in their purpose for invasion: The government wished to protect American citizens from potential terrorists believed to have come out of Iraq, and weapons of mass destruction also believed to be housed in Iraq. With the help of many news conferences and large media coverage, the government gained massive support from the public to initiate the war. As time went on, the support for the Iraq war greatly decreased due to pacifist sources bringing to light information denouncing the purpose of the war, such as how the original fear of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was completely made up by an individual on the government to give Bush a more persuading argument in initiating the war. On the other hand, a nation that is able to continuously remind and persuade its people of its purpose for war will get overwhelming support as the war rages. For example, during the Chinese Revolution, a civil war fought between the Nationalist party which ruled the country back then, and the Communist part of China. The Communist party was clear in presenting its purpose for war. They felt that the Nationalist part favoured the rich to an extent where the farmers and lower class were completely neglected and had an unbearable quality of life. Mao was able to bring about a strong army by catering to this exact feeling that many had felt at the time. Additionally, the Communist party continuously reminded people of this purpose, whether it be through media, such as pamphlets, or just through daily language, such as being called ‘comrade’ giving a sense of belonging to the purpose. In conclusion, whether a nation’s greatest challenge during times of war will be to gathering public support for the war will depend on how well that nation is able to continuously remind its people of the purpose for the war. During the Iraq war, the US government failed to do so and as a result, the general public became more influenced by pacifists and their propaganda against the war. This brought about great disapproval of the Iraq war. On the other hand, the Communist party of China was able to repeatedly remind its followers of their purpose in such a positive way that its people continued to support the civil uprising until the very end. Thanks (: This essay will score an L/M. You addressed task 1 adequately. However, you have failed to properly address task 2. Paragraph 2, where task 2 is supposed to be addressed, failed to address task 2 adequately. It did however, reinforce task 1. You must address how the prompt is not true, and illustrate with an example, or explanation. Whether my feedback helps you or not, take it with a grain of salt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinidine Posted March 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah no I realized that the essay seemed strange :/ I haven't written an MCAT essay for a few months and that was my warm up. Thanks for the feedback though I'd love to have examples on how I could improve my writting! (: Here's a new one that I think addresses the tasks better: Prompt: Politicians should concentrate on making policy rather than attempt to affect people's beliefs. The job of a politician is to propose legislation that will cover the demands of the people he or she represents. They should not be wasting time trying to project his or her opinions on the public. Typically, this would not benefit the politician when trying to make policies as most legislative policies are too complicated for the average person to understand. For example, when Mayor Steve of FreedomRUs, a city with a large deficit, was trying to pass a financial bill that would increase property taxes by 2% and sales taxes by 1%, he focused on getting support from the elected committee rather than the people of the city since most citizens were engineers, and had would not comprehend the complex financial benefits to the city’s budget if the taxes were raised. Without this base understanding of economics, even an attempt to explain the importance of balancing the budget and how that will be achieved would not help the Mayor in passing the bill. On the other hand, if a politician is trying to pass a policy that is simple to understand emotionally, it might be beneficial for that politician to affect people’s beliefs when passing the policy. For example, when Mayor Steve, a very well known Pro-choice politician, tried to pass a law in FreedomRUs banning abortions in unauthorized clinics, he was able to tug at people’s heartstrings by explaining that a woman can be seriously injured if she tries to get an abortion in a clinic with possibly no proper training, including possibly future infertility, infection or even death. The purpose of the bill was to ensure such areas be taken down and new, monitored, abortion clinics be provided. Since there was 40% teen pregnancy rate in FreedomRUs, the people were able to sympathize and strongly supported the bill, pressuring the other politicians to vote for it and ultimately allowing it to pass. In conclusion, the factor that determines whether a politician should focus on passing policies or changing people’s beliefs is determined by whether affecting the people’s beliefs will help the politician pass the bill. When trying to pass the financial bill, it would have been a waste of time for Mayor Steve to try to persuade his people of his belief that increasing taxes will help the budget, since most of them would not understand or not care enough to speak out on behalf of the bill. But when the same Mayor attempted to pass a law on something the people of the city could relate to and emotionally understand the consequences he outlined, it was very beneficial for him to persuade others those abortion clinics with no training will lead to harm of women when passing his bill to ban such clinics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
<abstract> Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Yeah no I realized that the essay seemed strange :/ I haven't written an MCAT essay for a few months and that was my warm up.Thanks for the feedback though I'd love to have examples on how I could improve my writting! (: Here's a new one that I think addresses the tasks better: Prompt: Politicians should concentrate on making policy rather than attempt to affect people's beliefs. The job of a politician is to propose legislation that will cover the demands of the people he or she represents. They should not be wasting time trying to project his or her opinions on the public. Typically, this would not benefit the politician when trying to make policies as most legislative policies are too complicated for the average person to understand. For example, when Mayor Steve of FreedomRUs, a city with a large deficit, was trying to pass a financial bill that would increase property taxes by 2% and sales taxes by 1%, he focused on getting support from the elected committee rather than the people of the city since most citizens were engineers, and had would not comprehend the complex financial benefits to the city’s budget if the taxes were raised. Without this base understanding of economics, even an attempt to explain the importance of balancing the budget and how that will be achieved would not help the Mayor in passing the bill. On the other hand, if a politician is trying to pass a policy that is simple to understand emotionally, it might be beneficial for that politician to affect people’s beliefs when passing the policy. For example, when Mayor Steve, a very well known Pro-choice politician, tried to pass a law in FreedomRUs banning abortions in unauthorized clinics, he was able to tug at people’s heartstrings by explaining that a woman can be seriously injured if she tries to get an abortion in a clinic with possibly no proper training, including possibly future infertility, infection or even death. The purpose of the bill was to ensure such areas be taken down and new, monitored, abortion clinics be provided. Since there was 40% teen pregnancy rate in FreedomRUs, the people were able to sympathize and strongly supported the bill, pressuring the other politicians to vote for it and ultimately allowing it to pass. In conclusion, the factor that determines whether a politician should focus on passing policies or changing people’s beliefs is determined by whether affecting the people’s beliefs will help the politician pass the bill. When trying to pass the financial bill, it would have been a waste of time for Mayor Steve to try to persuade his people of his belief that increasing taxes will help the budget, since most of them would not understand or not care enough to speak out on behalf of the bill. But when the same Mayor attempted to pass a law on something the people of the city could relate to and emotionally understand the consequences he outlined, it was very beneficial for him to persuade others those abortion clinics with no training will lead to harm of women when passing his bill to ban such clinics. It sounds like you missed the 'focus'of the prompt. Also, try to use concrete examples that actually happenned. For example you could have discussed Roe vs. Wade, or same sex marriage legislation, even the financial bailout (things that really happenned). I also take exception to thet bolded statement because engineers are highly educated professionals that would certainly understand basic economics... after all what goes in must come out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
osteon Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 There are three things that need major improvement in your essay: 1) You did not answer the questions posed. 2) Your grammar and vocabulary needs improvement. 3) Probably not a good idea to bash a specific population group in your essay - especially engineers in the context you described. What if the person reading your essay is an engineer, or knows one? Also, what you wrote doesn't even make sense; pretty much everything an engineer does relates to finances. You'll never see an engineer design something more expensive than it needs to be - architects and designers are the ones responsible for increased costs due to aesthetics. Engineers design rocket ships that travel in space, so I'm pretty sure they understand what taxes and finance policies are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaInhaler Posted March 22, 2011 Report Share Posted March 22, 2011 Yeah no I realized that the essay seemed strange :/ I haven't written an MCAT essay for a few months and that was my warm up. Thanks for the feedback though I'd love to have examples on how I could improve my writting! (: Here's a new one that I think addresses the tasks better: Prompt: Politicians should concentrate on making policy rather than attempt to affect people's beliefs. The job of a politician is to propose legislation that will cover the demands of the people he or she represents. They should not be wasting time trying to project his or her opinions on the public. Typically, this would not benefit the politician when trying to make policies as most legislative policies are too complicated for the average person to understand. For example, when Mayor Steve of FreedomRUs, a city with a large deficit, was trying to pass a financial bill that would increase property taxes by 2% and sales taxes by 1%, he focused on getting support from the elected committee rather than the people of the city since most citizens were engineers, and had would not comprehend the complex financial benefits to the city’s budget if the taxes were raised. Without this base understanding of economics, even an attempt to explain the importance of balancing the budget and how that will be achieved would not help the Mayor in passing the bill. On the other hand, if a politician is trying to pass a policy that is simple to understand emotionally, it might be beneficial for that politician to affect people’s beliefs when passing the policy. For example, when Mayor Steve, a very well known Pro-choice politician, tried to pass a law in FreedomRUs banning abortions in unauthorized clinics, he was able to tug at people’s heartstrings by explaining that a woman can be seriously injured if she tries to get an abortion in a clinic with possibly no proper training, including possibly future infertility, infection or even death. The purpose of the bill was to ensure such areas be taken down and new, monitored, abortion clinics be provided. Since there was 40% teen pregnancy rate in FreedomRUs, the people were able to sympathize and strongly supported the bill, pressuring the other politicians to vote for it and ultimately allowing it to pass. In conclusion, the factor that determines whether a politician should focus on passing policies or changing people’s beliefs is determined by whether affecting the people’s beliefs will help the politician pass the bill. When trying to pass the financial bill, it would have been a waste of time for Mayor Steve to try to persuade his people of his belief that increasing taxes will help the budget, since most of them would not understand or not care enough to speak out on behalf of the bill. But when the same Mayor attempted to pass a law on something the people of the city could relate to and emotionally understand the consequences he outlined, it was very beneficial for him to persuade others those abortion clinics with no training will lead to harm of women when passing his bill to ban such clinics. (Paragraph 2) Legislation to address financial matters pale in comparison to the true calling of an elected official. In stark contrast to policy development, a politician encapsulates the epitome of leadership for a community. This leadership stems from an intense and sincere charisma that guides the community under the politician's care through the suffering and turmoil they endure. This leadership is found in NYC's mayor, Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who poignantly illustrates the strength of character and guiding vision that pulled his people out of devastation and tragedy on that fateful day of 9/11 when America was attacked... <next: effects of leadership on belief systems> etc... To pull this essay into the S range, you will have a unifying theme. This theme is distinct from task #3. This is also the hardest part of writing an S essay, aside from the complex sentences used, and the formulation of valid deductions from your other examples and arguments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest copacetic Posted March 23, 2011 Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 honestly if you just adjust the tasks youll do fine. add in some fancy words and sentence structure on top of that and youll be stellar. trust me, i know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinidine Posted March 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2011 Everyone please calm down ^ ^;; I was just making a point I wasn't trying to enrage engineers :x Besides I made up unrealistic examples for my essays on my past MCAT and got a Q. I wasn't writting the essay in hopes to insult engineers. Anyways I'm sorry. Thanks to all who helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaInhaler Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Everyone please calm down ^ ^;; I was just making a point I wasn't trying to enrage engineers :x Besides I made up unrealistic examples for my essays on my past MCAT and got a Q. I wasn't writting the essay in hopes to insult engineers. Anyways I'm sorry. Thanks to all who helped. Hey, you're welcome. Let me know if there is any other way I can help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
<abstract> Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 (Paragraph 2)Legislation to address financial matters pale in comparison to the true calling of an elected official. In stark contrast to policy development, a politician encapsulates the epitome of leadership for a community. This leadership stems from an intense and sincere charisma that guides the community under the politician's care through the suffering and turmoil they endure. This leadership is found in NYC's mayor, Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who poignantly illustrates the strength of character and guiding vision that pulled his people out of devastation and tragedy on that fateful day of 9/11 when America was attacked... <next: effects of leadership on belief systems> etc... To pull this essay into the S range, you will have a unifying theme. This theme is distinct from task #3. This is also the hardest part of writing an S essay, aside from the complex sentences used, and the formulation of valid deductions from your other examples and arguments. Seriously, how long did it take you to write that... I can see someone practiced... lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaInhaler Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Seriously' date=' how long did it take you to write that... I can see someone practiced... lol[/quote'] It took 1-2 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erk Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 In my opinion, while an essay doesn't have to be long to score highly, your essays are a little short. I think a large part of this is because you establish a clear and settled opinion in your first sentence, and then leave yourself relatively little room to develop it. It leaves you far more leeway to write an effective essay if you instead establish and then discuss a "grey area". Discuss situations in which the prompt is true, AND situations in which it is untrue... or even skip true/untrue altogether and squeeze your way around it all sideways. Hard to explain, easier to show, so........ consider the following outline for an essay: Prompt: Politicians should concentrate on making policy rather than attempt to affect people's beliefs. INTRODUCTION: -Note to self: Define "politician", "belief". Observe that in this essay belief/value used as synonyms. -In a democracy, politicians are elected based on concordance with the values of their constituency. Even in an autocracy, autocrats generally tend to fall in step with the greater culture of a nation in order to avoid open rebellion. -Policymaking is the clearest role of any politician -Policies are design based on the values of the leadership, which is usually constructed from the values of the constituency. -Societal values tend to evolve in line with governmental policy PGPH 1 -Societal values can be dictated by governmental policy even inadvertantly -Example: Prevention of underage drinking began as a policy dictated by temperance groups, but now has been adopted by most North Americans as an inherently desirable goal. -Related example: The concept of pedophilia as related to post-adolescent individuals is a relatively recent idea brought about by the development of laws related to "legal age". Since these laws were brought about, societal values fell into line. -Paragraph conclusion: Politicians will affect public values whether they aim to or not. PGPH 2 -Politicians more effective at controlling peoples' beliefs rather than creating policy tend to be dangerously powerful. -Example: Emperor Hirohito of Japan and his advisors developed a previously nonexistent "state" shinto religion oriented around emperor-worship, and convinced the Japanese population to believe that it was a "purer" form of the original shinto. It was used to fuel and empower the Japanese war machine in world war II. -Example: Emperor Meiji of Japan and his followers two generations earlier altered the traditional belief and power structure of their constituency in order to retrieve Japan from a medieval economy and create a modern first world nation. They did this before they had access to policy control. -Conclusion: Altering policy is a relatively delicate tool. Controlling a constituency's beliefs is extremely potent and should be feared, especially by the constituents themselves. Conclusion: -Politicians' job is to enact policies. These policies may be based on current beliefs, or designed to change beliefs. -Even policies not intended to change beliefs will have an effect -Politicians who set out to change beliefs will have a great deal of power if they are effective. -Whether a politician "should" or "should not" aim for this goal is qualitative. However, societies should be aware, and even afraid, of the power wielded by a politician who controls the beliefs of the masses. Time: 8 minutes This is the sort of outline I prepared for my essays... I got a T. Note the writing gets more complete towards the end as I get more into the topic. Then I'd go back and in that mental mode rewrite the earlier outline pieces into full sentences and add linkers for the more fleshed out parts later on. By about 15 mins I'd have an essay and spend the rest of the time editing wording and adding support. The last thing I do after writing and while checking my spelling/wording/etc is to reread the prompt and ensure I've completely addressed it. If I haven't, I won't usually remove anything unless I'm really dissatisfied, but I will go back in and add another paragraph to make sure the reviewer understands how my point addresses the prompt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soenuedo Posted April 1, 2011 Report Share Posted April 1, 2011 Guess it's time to practice my essay-writing... Awesome stuff guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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