Guest antissa Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hi, I seem to recall someone else mentioning that they started a thread for peer discussion of ppl's writing samples, but I can't seem to find that thread. I've made writing sample the focus of my last week (because I've overlooked it up to now) and with only a few days left, I'm starting to panick. I am taking a prep course, but it's online so I don't have instructors to mark my essays. I would really appreciate having at least ONE looked at by someone who has done this kind of thing (read: begging for your help, Aneliz) so I know approximately where I stand Anyone else is more than welcome to post samples here too... This is one that I just did, which is neither my best nor my worst so I think it's fairly representative: The prompt was "No matter how oppressive a government, violent revolution is never justified." The great political leader Ghandi is renowned for promoting peaceful revolt, and most such protests these days are of this sort. In the sixties, much of America’s youth was marching on Washington, participating in sit-ins, to protest the Vietnam War, and advocate bringing American soldiers home. Most would disapprove of the violent overthrowing of governing bodies in European history, often involving beheadings and assassinations of royal families. Humanitarians will now say that violence of this sort cannot be justified, especially not when directed against government, the purpose of which itself is to set laws that keep in check our violent, animal natures. These rules are what allow us to exist as we do, cooperatively and socially with broad, diverse cultures as no other species does. Still, it is ironic to preach about the atrocity of violent revolution, since America owes its independence to such a revolution, as do many other countries around the world. Just recently, for example, President George W. Bush sent the U.S. army into Iraq, to bring down dictator Sadam Hussein. The media aired stories about the tyranny of Sadam, stories of torture in his dungeons and abuse by his guards. Certainly, it is debatable whether this action is justified, but it has been done, which indicates that it was deemed justifiable by those in power and a significant portion of the American people at one point. Apparently, torture and murder by a government are crimes that deserve violent overthrow, so obviously, there are circumstances where even the most devout pacifist would be hard-pressed to condemn such revolution – if, for extreme example, Hitler, the most notorious military figure in history, was practicing eugenics in America. The complicated question of whether or not violent revolution is justifiable then, seems to reduce to the extent of oppression, so that it cannot be said that such revolution can never be justifiable under any circumstances. Obviously, it would be unlawful for a man displeased with President Bush’s foreign policy to fire shots into the White House, but in circumstances where the government is itself violating laws and committing crimes deemed unacceptable and in violation of the most basic human rights, citizens may very well be able to justify taking the law into their own hands, for the good of the country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest squeegy80 Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Although I'm no expert, here's what I see: Very well written. The only weak area I see is your first paragraph, where you don't really explain what the prompt means. I know it seems implicit in your discussion and examples, but I've always been told to really blatantly explain the prompt before launching into the examples. The marker may dock you on this and say you didn't fully complete all 3 tasks, which would bring your score down to a 3. One extra sentence in your intro of basic explanation and you'd be at a 5 or 6 for sure. And I'd suggest writing that Hitler was the most notorious military figure in RECENT history. But that's another topic... squeegy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest antissa Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Thanks for the response! It actually was very helpful, I've had noone to tell me stuff like that Now that you mention it, the first task is the one that's got me the most puzzled. I sort of realized as I was writing it that I merely repeated the prompt, but most of these prompts given seem self-explanatory to me, so I don't see how to go about further explaining it. Define 'oppressive government'? Explain WHY someone might think violent revolution unjustified? I read a sample essay that did that - said it's because violent action only inspires further violence, but there's no way I could think of something that ingenius under pressure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest antissa Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 Hey, my dad just told me something potentially useful, if true, and I wanted to check with you guys (because he wrote MCATs back in 92, when they were just starting up with writing sample so he might not know what he's talking about) He said that in the first task, when they ask you to "explain what you think the prompt means", you can basically approach it as if you are defending the prompt - why someone would say this, why it would be true, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ploughboy Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hash: SHA1 Hi antissa, I'm obviously no expert, but your dad's interpretation really clicked for me. If I look at the first task in that light, gets a lot easier and makes a whole lot more sense. Thanks for sharing! Good luck with the studying... pb -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: GnuPG v1.2.3 (MingW32) iD8DBQFBGCew/HNgbK3bC2wRAp91AJ9X+bfH8pBDBArVb55lQA3I4u7NOACdHj5b uN8H6nfU0vUk9RuiYvXxLmM= =BNQq -----END PGP SIGNATURE----- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest aneliz Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Your essay looks pretty good.... the only problem with it is that you don't really address the first task...and, as such, it would only get a max 3/6 if the marker felt the same way. I agree with the advice that you really need to blatantly address the first task....defend the statement, explain it to someone that doesn't understand it...etc. The other weak part of your essay is the conclusion... restating something many times does not make it so.. you need to expand on it and provide proof of WHY you think that is so or provide a way to judge the amount of oppression that would make it justified... be careful about the "sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't because of X...but I'm not going to define what X really means" conclusions... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest UTStudent03 Posted August 10, 2004 Report Share Posted August 10, 2004 Thanks for the first task tips, I was also having problems explaining what a certain prompt means, basically because I would just regurgitate the prompt without explaining it... but tackling it in the way of "explain and defend" to someone who doesn't understand makes it easier - the ideas and examples start flowing when I think about it this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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