Need advice: Woman + Career

[itimebomb2]

Some might think it premature of me to be thinking of carms, since I just started first year. But let me explain why I feel the need to figure things out soon. I'm currently in a serious relationship with the woman of my dreams, and we have planned to pursue marriage as soon as logistically possible. We both go to McMaster; however, she is in her 4th year of undergrad while I am in 1st year meds.

 

My girlfriend has applied to medicine this year and we both believe and know that she will make a good doctor one day; however, there is no certainty as to where she will be placed (and given a poor MCAT score, she will likely need to reapply after this cycle). This means that if we were to get married soon, when I apply for residencies, I will be tied down to where she will be for medical school - i.e., if she gets into UWO, I'll have to pursue a residency at UWO. I really don't want to delay marriage by up to another 4 or 5 years for her to finish medical school.

 

Now, in my first few months of medical school, I've found myself attracted to competitive residencies (anaesthes, surgeries). I know that securing a position in these residencies requires intentionality, but I know that I will really only have one shot at one school when the day of reckoning comes, due to being tied to my future wife.

 

I'm not sure if I've clarified my dilemma here, but basically it comes down to the fact that if I narrow down my activities to pursue, say, ortho, and I don't get into the one school that my girlfriend goes to, how screwed will I be? Do I realistically have a shot at getting into other residencies at that school if all of my activities/efforts have catered to obviously gunning for a competitive program?

 

Any advice would be massively appreciated.

[hking03]

My opinion on this scenario is that you should consider the very real possibilty that it might be best to get married- if that is what you want... Then apply to as many residencies all over the country- ranking whichever one your wife will be closest to as your number 1 and seeing how the chips fall.

 

Ultimately, if you love this girl the distance isn't going to change that. If you are meant to be it will work out.

 

I've seen quite a few success stories with long distance marriages due to work/school. The important thing to consider is what you both want- that is to be married to each other... Then deal with locations for residencies afterwards... It's a temporary thing anyways. When you are done you can choose where you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

 

Sometimes the short term sacrifice of not living together may suck, but I would think it would be worse to sacrifice your career goals as this could have a negative impact on your marriage.

 

Good luck with first year, and I hope you are able to move forward with your marriage plans.

[itimebomb2]

My opinion on this scenario is that you should consider the very real possibilty that it might be best to get married- if that is what you want... Then apply to as many residencies all over the country- ranking whichever one your wife will be closest to as your number 1 and seeing how the chips fall.

 

Ultimately, if you love this girl the distance isn't going to change that. If you are meant to be it will work out.

 

I've seen quite a few success stories with long distance marriages due to work/school. The important thing to consider is what you both want- that is to be married to each other... Then deal with locations for residencies afterwards... It's a temporary thing anyways. When you are done you can choose where you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

 

Sometimes the short term sacrifice of not living together may suck, but I would think it would be worse to sacrifice your career goals as this could have a negative impact on your marriage.

 

Good luck with first year, and I hope you are able to move forward with your marriage plans.

 

Thank you for the advice... much appreciated.

[Lactic Folly]

I have seen compassionate transfers to allow one to be closer to family members, but as alluded to above, your chances of obtaining a transfer would be greater if you are married.

[itimebomb2]

I have seen compassionate transfers to allow one to be closer to family members, but as alluded to above, your chances of obtaining a transfer would be greater if you are married.

 

Good to know - thanks!

[babydoctor]

I'm currently in 2nd year and I'm going to be in a similar position soon in that my husband will likely be working in a high-profile job that he won't want to leave when I'm applying for residency. Basically, our plan is to see what specialty/specialties I'm drawn to and if I'm absolutely certain that I MUST do a certain specialty to be happy, I will apply everywhere and we'll go where I get in (but I will list where his job is as my first choice), but if I'm drawn to more than one, I will apply to several specialties in the one location and list those specialties in that location as my top choices (so I'll be very likely to get a residency in the location of his job, given that most people match to one of their top 3 choices). Likely the latter will happen, because I figure I'll probably happy to do any of at least two or three specialities that are related (e.g. peds/family/er - all basically primary care) so pretty much any prep I do in the way of extracurriculars and electives will work for all of them. I'm going in with an open mind and the idea that I'll do things to prepare that will give me the most options and an impact that spans more than one speciality.

 

I hope that helps a bit. Good luck!

[Darla]

Do you know anyone else who is in a similar situation? Chatting with folks who have already been through it can be helpful/alleviate a lot of your stress. Maybe chat with the Student Affairs office to see if they can recommend a graduate you can contact.

[Smurfette]

I would figure out what specialty you want early on (eg. ortho). Spend this year really getting to know the people in your home school (Mac) so hopefully they will support you for your specialty of choice. Then, when you find out where your girlfriend/wife is going concentrate your electives at her school. Tell people you're interested in going there and why. Even for competitive specialties, people like students who like them (not in an annoying suck-upy way, but in a "you're part of the community" kinda way). There's no guarantees in life, but essentially you're not that different from everyone else in the sense that you want a specific program in a specific location. Your preference for location might be stronger than other people, but most people have a top choice school

 

As with anyone else, you'll improve your chances if you: 1) are a good applicant in general (ie. demonstrate interest through activities, research, etc. as well as be a generally all-round candidate), 2) know the people in the specific program/location you're interested in and hopefully have them like you, and 3) it always helps to have someone at your home school with a longer history with you say something like "I think this student is amazing and will make a great resident."