Dealing with bitterness vs people who got in very easily

[Guest berrypie]

So I just found out that my friend got into Mac medicine on his FIRST try...It was the ONLY school he applied to, never wrote the MCAT, and had about a 3.7 undergrad GPA.

 

I'm trying to be happy for him, but I'm having a really hard time dealing with my bitterness...I'm still working my butt off, doing orgo this summer and writing the MCAT in August, while doing my apps for a ton of schools in Canada and the US---I'm not opposed to working hard, and I don't expect this to be easy, but I really need a way to deal with the competitive spirit that eats away at my confidence! Has anyone else had a similar experience and want to offer any words of wisdom?

[Guest everyoneloveschem]

There is no easy answer to this. Everyone has to deal with it at some point (whether it is med school, wanting to meet someone, wanting children, etc). Hopefully you're friend will not rub their success in your face, but if they do, how good a friend were they really?

 

I would say that you need to know your goals, and feel good about the hard work that you are investing into achieving those goals. Be proud of the work that you do, and the successes you have had up to now. Try not to compare yourself to others, it is usually very destructive, instead look back and see how far you have come and then imagine how far you can go if you keep working as hard.

[Guest Jochi1543]

I would just view it as a learning experience. Busting your balls to juggle work, school, MCAT, and multiple essays/applications to write/fill out teaches you effective time management skills, shows you how to prioritize your activities, and just plain tests your persistence and endurance. In the end, you'll find an adcom who will appreciate your hard work and realize that your background has prepared you to succeed in med school. A friend of mine has a surgeon father and a (now retired) surgeon grandfather, and she got into school in the US without any effort whatsoever - average MCAT scores, average grades, no volunteering experience, etc. Daddy just made a few phone calls and she was put ahead of a lot of other applicants who had to work their butts off to be eligible for consideration. However, I realize that if I had picked a different career path, I would actually be far ahead of my peers. My father is obscenely rich and in the past has helped me with offering some pretty fancy investment banking internships that I declined because I wanted to do my own thing and apply to med instead of going into IBanking. I was in the minority at my graduation as far as scoring top jobs went; but in reality, I know that if I only let my father say a word for me somewhere, I'd be raking in $100K + a year right now. Instead, I'm sitting here in someone's basement going to school full-time, studying for the MCAT on my own, and breaking my back as a full-time cashier at Walmart working for just above minimum wage. To be honest, I'm a lot more proud of myself for doing that than if I had instead let daddy score me a well-paid gig. I think you should also be proud of yourself for finding the motivation to overcome obstacles and remain focused on your goal even though someone else may have it a lot easier than you do. With such good work ethic, you are probably gonna be well ahead of someone who just got in on a whim in 10 years anyway.

[Guest Jochi1543]

Also, realize the negative impact it's having on your well-being. Being bitter/envious is not gonna get your MCAT prep finished or homework done, and you have to realize it's pointless. If you catch yourself having negative thoughts and feel like giving up, just keep in mind that somewhere on the other side of the country another student in a similar situation is studying his or her ass off and getting ahead of you while you are wasting time moping about your situation.

[Guest DancingDoc]

Berrypie,

On top of being proud of yourself for your work ethic and perseverance, be proud that you are strong enough to admit that you are bitter about this and that you want to change that. I think a lot of people would jut complain and not realize that being bitter is not going to do anyone any good, least of all themselves. I think it is awesome that you want to be happy for your friend btw, that sort of attitude is one that will hopefully get you far. I really believe that if you want it, in the end all of this will pay off. Best of luck to you

[Guest treehuggingbiologist]

It sucks, and I totally feel your anger/disappointment/pain. But as they say "c'est la vie." You gotta find the little things that make you happy - maybe its not in your future to get in right away and maybe an extra year will make you realise how much you do or do not want this for yourself. That will be shown on your application and overall demeanor.

 

Above all, you can't let this get you down. You'll have to deal with people who may not seem qualified/worthy of a job/promotion/admission for most of your life starting from now. I know several people in my graduating class who cheated their way through undergrad and ended up with higher GPA's than me. But, as several of the previous posters have said, you have to be able to get up in the morning, look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see.

 

Alternatively, you could plot their demise. Its your call really.

[Guest jaegwon]

- If you have to jump through lots of hoops, but still get in...think about the people who did the same and didn't get in.

 

- If you apply and don't get in one year...think about the people who apply and don't get in multiple years.

 

- etc.

 

The point is there are a lot of people with difficult circumstances and people who have gone through extraordinary lengths to get into medicine. Don't worry too much about comparing to other people's experiences...especially those that already got in.

 

Good luck with everything.

[Guest muchdutch]

I think anybody who's struggled with admissions, and that's quite a few people on this board, has been in the same boat. But doesn't everybody know somebody, or multiple somebodies, like this? To whom everything comes so easy, or at least appears to? These people are very frustrating, but as mentioned you can't waste your time and energy being bitter/upset over them. There will ALWAYS be someone like this in your life - getting into med school, in med school, during CARMs, during residency, for the rest of your life!

 

Don't get me wrong though. When I found out a girl I knew got into med at 19 after two years of uni and rocking the mcats and not really studying 'all that hard', I was pretty bitter too - I have way more life experience than her! But, they obviously picked her for a reason, and they may pick you too, one day, for a reason as well. So, you swallow the bitterness (only after writhing in it for a quick minute or so!) and continue studying that orgo because that is what you need to do to make it.

 

Another thought to consider: although I don't know your friend, he still took the chance of applying to only one school without writing the MCAT and succeeded. Perhaps you could be in his boat as well if you had his GPA/ECs/essay/etc. While he may not work as hard as you in the admissions process, perhaps he works twice as hard as you at academics and you just don't realise it because it's behind closed doors! It's so easy to be bitter at others when they succeed, especially after you work so hard, but think about it: when you and a friend work toward the same goal and your friend gets their faster, who are you really mad at - your friend for taking the easier route, or yourself for not thinking about doing it that way?

 

But I agree with treehuggingbiologist - definitely start plotting his demise....:evil

[Guest TheChosenOneDDS]

There's a lot of luck involved in the process and gives us a gut check about what is important in life. People who study all the time and get good grades are not guaranteed a spot.

 

I also believe in Destiny and that sometimes, what may seem like your friend got in easily might not be the case. May be he tried his best and a 3.7 is all he could get?

 

Who knows. But one thing is for sure, he got in and he's probably good medicine material. Medicine is not for everyone and there is a certain type of person who would fair better than others. Given that you need a certain level of academic ability, but it's not like he had bad marks.

 

@#%$ happens. Take some toilet paper and wipe.

 

Deal with your own problems and try not to compare what you did with others...

[Guest scooter]

Hey,

Why does everyone think being bitter is such a bad thing :rollin Personally I like it If it is grinding at your competitive side that he got in without doing the mcat and what not... then channel that bitterment and competitive edge to do fabulous on the MCAT and get accepted to two schools:eek

Bitterment, like heart-break, loss, envy, and antibiotics are not all that bad if taken in the proper doses at the proper time.

Don't deny your feelings, but don't waste time on them either- Use em or Lose Em that is what I say

Scooter

[Guest Paulchemguy]

I'm sure we all want to channel all our bitterness, and envy into useful positive energy. But sometimes we just can't, because a rejection seems to mean make all your efforts futile. It's alright to have these feelings. We're humans afterall.

 

Be as bitter as you want, only for a while though. Then we all gotta move on. Like most people said, the admission process is mysterious in someways. There's luck, subjectivity, and many other factors invovled.

[Guest 24medgirl]

It's funny that this topic came up today. I have been recently accepted to the University of Ottawa on my first time applying to medical school. I only applied to three schools and only received one interview. I also didn't completed the MCATs - not because I didn't want to work hard to study for them - mostly because (coincidently) I wasn't interested in the schools which require MCATs.

 

I'm not going to go into detail about this situation, but basically I have a few "friends" who are in their 4-5 application cycle to medical school. I have seen them be rejected 4 and 5 times.

 

Before I was accepted I worried if these "friends" would be bitter or even angry with me. Now that I've been accepted - I have seen one of these "friends" who was very gracious, the other "friend" I have not seen and I worry that they are bitter about me getting into med.

 

I agree with some of you that a lot of this process if luck. I also believe that the reason why I was accepted has a lot to do with when I applied. I could have applied 3 years ago when I completed my undergrad degree - but I know and knew almost certainly that I would have been flat out rejected at that time in my life. I have been working as a health professional for the last three years and I think that experience helped greatly in my application to medical school.

 

T.

[Guest TheChosenOneDDS]

there will always be people bitter about you....it happens.

just ignore and assess the friendship. If it is worth them being ur friend then great, if not then start making new friends with ppl in ur med class...at least u know they won't be bitter towards you about that.

people are selfish by nature.

[Guest little endian]

As someone above said, there's a LOT of luck involved in getting into med school. It's all about who reads your app, who interviews you, what kind of day you're having on your interview day, etc. Why be bitter about something you can't change? Just move on and worry about getting yourself in! The only thing you can do is improve yourself and your application and all the other things are out of your control so don't sweat them!

[Guest weerdo]

While I understand where you are comming from, I find it hard to believe that this person got in without alot of hard work. You said it was 'easy' for him...how do you know that? If he told you that, I would guess that he is being less than truthful.

 

You say that you are busting your butt doing the MCAT and taking orgo....I know they are necessary for some schools, but I'll tell you right now, good MCAT scores and an 'A' in orgo alone won't get you into any school...if you interview anywhere you will find that out very quickly.

 

I think that luck may be a part of this process, but I strongly belive that 'luck' really only follows those people who work hard and deserve it. If you fill in your application on the last day, or hand in an autobiographical essay with poor grammar, you can pretty much be assured that you won't see any 'luck' comming your way in the near future. So, I don't know how much being 'lucky' really factors into it.

 

If this person is a friend of yours, talk to him, find out what he did different, or what he has to offer that Mac that they thought was an asset. At Mac, you know that it wasn't his MCAT score or orgo grade, that's for sure.

 

As a poster above has said, I got into med school on my first try as well, but I will tell you, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life on something that was as far from being a certainty as this process is. I know for sure that I was working harder than most people in my class, including my friends who were applying with me.

 

Don't be bitter, and it's ok to be competative, I think we all are to a degree, but at the same time, if your marks are good, and I assume they are (as you stated this person's GPA was only 3.7 ), there must be some weak spot(s) in your application that are not reflected through academic acheivements.

[Guest 24medgirl]

As a poster above has said, I got into med school on my first try as well, but I will tell you, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life on something that was as far from being a certainty as this process is. I know for sure that I was working harder than most people in my class, including my friends who were applying with me.

 

I got in on my first try - but believe me, like you I worked VERY hard to get in. This was one of the most challenging years of my life mostly due to applying to med (and I've had some challengin years!). Also like I said, I feel a lot of the work I've done to get into medical school has been over a long period of time. I waited until I knew I had a good chance of getting in.

 

I agree with most of you- bitterness will not get you anywhere.

 

T.

[Guest TheChosenOneDDS]

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[Guest TheChosenOneDDS]

i dunno what happened that last post....it was probably one of my best posts...

 

dealing with the economics of applying to the US when you can't get into canada, rather than trying.oh well, if anyone is interested just PM me. rather than waste my time here on this screwed up message board.

[Guest no wai]

I've got to say that luck has a HUGE role in med applications.

 

I did write my application on the last day (or morning of technically) and consequently I did have both a spelling mistake and a grammatical mistake in my essay.

 

And I got in.

 

Once you've got the basics that make you qualified to be a doctor, when/whether you are accepted or not is very much up to luck IMHO. If whoever reads your application or interviews you can identify with what you've done, you've got a huge head start. If the person reading your application had a bad day or was preoccupied with something else on their minds, your application can slip through the cracks. Play the odds game and you're bound to find an adcom that matches you.

[Guest riDer]

i think that feelings of bitterness often come because we subcounciously think that we are better (or more qualified) than the other person and when the adcom doesnt agree bitterness results.mybe you should reaccess you own sense of self where you might be giving yourself too much credit.on the other hand, you dont want to think of yourself as a peice of @#%$, an balance of the two will eliminate those feelings.