It's Okay To Move On From Med - Non-Trad Applicant "Giving Up"

[JackSprat]

 

TLDR: I quit applying after 6-7 years of dreaming, 3 application cycles, 2 interviews, 1 waitlist (only applying to UBC for family reasons), and I have no regrets. It's just a job, and it's not where the best parts of life happen.

 

Hello All,

I decided almost a year ago now to stop applying to Med School, and I feel very much at peace (actually, very happy) with my decision. I don't know if there's anyone out there that is considering the same, or if my perspective can help at all, but I feel like it's worth just putting it out there, and in a way I need to write my denouement for my med school journey.

I did my undergrad in Electrical Engineering at UBC 2011-2016 (Co-op program). I realized in 3rd year that I almost certainly did not want to do this as my career, and started looking again at Med School. It had always been in the back of my mind since I was young, and I thought I had a genuine interest in medicine. I got engaged that summer to my girlfriend of 6 years, and dropped the bomb on her that I wanted to change  career directions and start studying for the MCAT. We decided it best to complete my degree and start working and give engineering a fair shake before quitting, but that I would study MCAT material in the meantime. I started studying while on work-term before 4th year (Examkrackers Audio Osmosis in the car, Kaplan Study Books after work and in the mornings, Kahn Academy Youtube). I blitzed through the materials for about 2.5 months before taking the MCAT in April 2015 and essentially bombing, as I knew I would, but I wanted to get a flavour for the actual test (scored 501 or something like that). I had done none of the actual university courses for Bio, Biochem, Organic Chem, Psych, etc., only physics and gen chem. It was a bit of a wake-up call.

I finished my degree, started working at a consulting firm, kind of liked it, but after a couple months felt some existential dread that I just didn't care at all about the work I was doing, and wanted to do something "meaningful and impactful", and convinced myself that I had always been interested in medicine (only a little bit true), and that I had no choice but to try again.

I moved to a new job and it was a bit more interesting than the last, as I got into industrial automation, but I was still committed to pursuing Med. I studied slowly over the course of a year in the evenings, and wrote the test again in 2018 and scored a 511. I was mildly happy with the overall score, but I had been getting 129/130 in CARS in the practices and got a 126, which made me pretty upset. A 514/515 I would have been ecstatic about.

I applied for 2018-2019 and did not get an interview. I didn't retake the MCAT, as I had heard of others getting in with less. My wife and I also had a daughter that year (I was 26), and I wanted to focus more on being present for that, soaking up time with my daughter, and not studying every spare minute. I also re-discovered my love for playing guitar, reading literature, hiking, writing poetry, listening to podcasts, and actually enjoying life, which I also felt would make me a more well-rounded applicant.

2019-2020 I got an interview and made it to the waitlist, which was a brutal experience, looking for the email every week and not getting bumped in or out. I finally got the rejection letter, but I was encouraged by my stats and validated in my approach to extra curriculars (headed up a book classic lit club, hiking/canoeing/outdoors, fatherhood experience, disabled sibling care...). I had a 75-100th percentile NAQ, above average interview, 85% GPA, 511 MCAT. I knew I could improve the MCAT, but I felt that the waitlist suggested I was "good enough" and I tried again the following year.

2020-2021 I got the interview again, and actually felt like I did better than the previous year. Several questions centered around COVID, one in particular stuck out to me on what the government should do to combat misinformation on social media, which I found very interesting, and a little surprising, but I won't get into that right now. I felt like I gave very balanced and thoughtful answers, showed understanding for multiple sides and arguments, but was resolute in my decisions where they were required. 

I got rejected and was pretty shocked. I immediately decided to try again, but my wife encouraged me to take some time off from applying. We wanted to have another baby, and had recently miscarried, and she didn't know how we could make med school work anyways if I got in. I agreed to take that year off and focus on family things.

Within one month I knew for certain that I had no desire to continue applying or be in the medical field at all. It was a HUGE relief to finally give it up. I had started developing some weird stress-induced ailments that were nagging at me, which quickly went away after making my decision. I quickly realized that I had been chasing this dream for a couple reasons that I could fill outside of a career:

• Doing Something Meaningful - Being a father taught me quickly that I find my true meaning outside of work. I am always going to want to spend less time at work and more with family and doing the things I love, cultivating those hobbies that make me feel alive and passionate, reading great literature, listening to and learning great music, developing new skills, being available to spend quality time with my wife, and taking my daughter hiking and camping. NOTHING in this life is better than building a relationship with my daughter and spending time with her. I have spoken to many doctors that feel burnt out - and young ones that feel they made a mistake going into med - because it can be all consuming. If that is what you want, and you are primarily career oriented, I think that it great. I thought I was that way, but stepping back from the application cycle made me realize that I am NOT! That said, I have since moved jobs twice more and landed in a well-paying, high-responsibility job that I can take pride in by becoming an industry expert, and knowing that I am adding real value to the company. I don't need to make the lame to walk and the blind to see to find fulfillment in work - I just need to take pride in what I am doing, and know that I am doing my best.
• Self Actualization - I wanted to achieve as much as I possibly could, and reach my full potential. In fact, I still do. But if doing that through medicine took up so much time that I couldn't be the best father/husband possible, or refine my other skills and hobbies, or put a dent in my reading list, I think I would be pretty miserable. I know medicine does not have to be 100% work, but it does have a tendency of being very demanding with long shifts, hospital rounds, being on-call etc. I know that I can achieve my "full potential" through other lines of work and through personal endeavors. The world of engineering is pretty big, and shifting jobs/roles has already given me some self-worth through work as I increase responsibility.

More than anything, I think work is mostly a necessary evil. It can be good, and fulfilling to an extent, but it is not even close to being the most important thing. The most beautiful and meaningful parts of life are free for the taking, like looking for worms in the garden with your kids; catching up with an old friend over a scotch; getting caught out, soaking in the rain on a long hike; seeing the sun stream out through the clouds after a storm; smelling the magnolias blooming in May; loving deeply, losing painfully, suffering greatly, recovering gracefully.

I am very very happy to have moved on, and I hope that everyone knows that your identity or success or fulfillment of happiness or anything is not tied to being accepted into medical school, and it is completely reasonable to decide it is not for you.

[SamN91]

A beautiful post!