Keith's daily Writing Sample submission corner

[keith_015]

Hi everyone. For those struggling with the writing sample, or those who are interested in getting better/different ideas for your own writing, I will be doing daily writing sample submissions based on AAMC writing sample prompts. I will be doing this up until July 30, the date of my MCAT. If you would like to have me critique your own work (PM 1 sample), I would be willing as long as I don't get too many requests. Feel free to critique of you so choose. Enjoy!

 

This is my first practice sample since writing my last MCAT in 2006. It isn't the best, but time will improve.

 

Writing time: 32min

Time to edit: N

 

Higher education would be more effective if colleges were more selective in choosing students

1) Explain what you believe the statement means.

2) Describe a specific situation in which higher education would not be more effective if colleges were more selective in choosing students.

3)Discuss what you think determines whether or not higher education would be more effective if colleges were more selective in choosing students

 

Every year many prospective students hoping to attend post-secondary institutions in an undergraduate, graduate, or professional program level wait helplessly for admissions results. Many applicants estimate their chances based on their background of requirements such as GPA, SAT, and extra-curricular activities. Especially in programs where sounds knowledge is required, the only applicants sought out are those who exhibit outstanding academic achievement. By selectively admitting students based on academic acheivement, post secondary institutions effectively elevate the likelihood of future academic success. Difficulty and breadth in content for post-secondary courses may be driven by the prior knowledge and understanding of those to be enrolled. If students chosen exhibited a high degree of success in their respective program prior to admission, it is likely that they are well prepared to apply prior knowledge to a vast amount of future academic content; they are more likely to succeed.

 

While academic intelligence may assist in understanding printed or lectured content, it is necessary to observe that screening for academic intelligence alone may not produce effectiveness in post-secondary education. Life skills and experiences are important in many different professions, especially those which consist of frequent interaction with others. Professions including physicians, optometrists, teachers and lawyers require a high level of social aptitude. Professions such as social workers require intensive social skills, while not require a higher level of academic understanding. Schools admitting applicants into programs producing such professionals should consider extra-curricular activities and volunteerism to a higher degree. Academic knowledge alone will not help a physician in informing a patient that they are fatally ill, nor will a teacher be able to effectively instruct their students.

 

Situations exist where being more selective for intelligence as well as screening for social aptitude coincide. Professional programs which require a high level of understanding and social interaction should screen applicants based on the two criteria. A social physician may have outstanding interpersonal skills, but a patient would also require the patient to provide accurate and knowledgable results regarding their health. Other than such professional programs, intstitutions should analyze the purpose of the program to which they are admitting: is the program primarily knowledge based, or is it social based? If the program aims to prior fundamental knowledge for future student success then academically screening would be most effective. If the program requires social functioning, schools should ease academic requirement and admit on those with experience who will succeed.

 

Self-Analysis: I decided to define effective stating that students would learn more and have a higher rate of academic success, and selective as those with higher academic achievement.

One weakness I identified is the examples in paragraph two. I shouldn't have listed the physician, lawyer etc. separate from the social worker. It created two tiers which was not justified.

[keith_015]

Writing time: 30min

Time to edit: N

 

Wealthy politicians cannot offer fair representation to all the people.

1) Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means.

2) Describe a specific situation in which a wealthy politician might offer fair representation to all people.

3) Discuss what you think determines whether a wealthy politician can or cannot offer fair representation to all the people.

 

 

If a survey was to be performed on politicians, a stark statistic that may be revealed is the number of politicians considered to be wealthy. It is no surprise considering many have a have gained wealth by practicing law prior to taking office. As well, voters know from common knowledge that successfully running for office requires large financial support: money that cannot all be raised through fundraising. The lifestyles that wealthy politicians endulge prior to office or during their time in office may not reflect that of the constituents. It is not surprising that these politicians do not provide adequate representation to all people. A wealthy politician likely resides and prior to office, did reside in an affluent neighbourhood; a neighbourhood relatively crime free and populated with the wealthy. The issues of the common person are not reflected in that environment. When drafting legislation or producing policy, a wealthy politician may be out of touch when it comes to necessary social programs and affordability. They do not adequately gauge the magnitude of new taxes on the common person.

 

Despite the influence on the wealthy politician by their out of touch lifestyle, situations exist where wealthy politicians do fairly represent all people. Legislation concerning the good of the nation, especially issues such as that protect every citizen's rights and freedoms. A fundamental example of when wealyhy politicians adequately represented all was the enacted of national charters of rights or freedom. Another example would be when wealthy and non-wealthy politicians alike did not disagree or see any differently with any person in their country when measures were enacted following the September 11 attacks. Politicians of all circles were applauded for their proactive approach to protecting the better interests of their citizens. No matter the wealth of the politician, a common country vision is always transparent and shared with the citizens.

 

The relative background of the issue being examined will determine whether or not a wealthy politician can adequately represent all the people. Issues such as taxes, social programming, and health care (especially in the US where wealth can dictate service) may not coincide with a wealthy politician because they do not feel the impact or magnitude of any change. If a wealthy politician were to live a relatively conservative lifestyle, it is more likely that some of these issues would create more of a personal impact. Nevertheless, all politicians, including the wealthy will have the better interest of the country at heart. After all, national affairs effect every citizen regardless of wealth. This provides transparent representation to all types of citizens.

 

Self Analysis: I was not particularily satisfied with this essay. I thought my argument was weak and fluidity wasn't as strong. Language was OK I guess. I did this essay as part of a whole time practiced MCAT, which I hadn't done until today. I felt slightly mentally used up following the VR so I wasn't able to generate strong thoughts or examples for my argument. Thank God that the PS and VR are shorter than when I last wrote in 2006!

[jxtnguyen]

As I stumbled onto this page looking for help with the MCAT writing samples and read your well-written essays, I immediately registered in this forum. Literally, I signed up just two minutes ago! This is exactly the kind of help I have been looking for all over the internet, so, thank you very much for doing this, your help is greatly appreciated!

 

I have a question about that second writing sample. I noticed that you did not give specific examples of wealthy politicians in neither of the first nor second tasks. Is it okay to write the essays without using specific examples?

 

If you were to give specific examples, who would you use? I was thinking of using Thomas Jefferson for the antithesis because he was born into a wealthy family, but he was also able to offer fair representation to the people--for instance, he wrote a bill that established freedom of religion. Which president can I use as an example of the thesis, though? What president was rich but was a poor representation?

 

Again, thanks for sharing your answers!!!