filter105 Posted October 26, 2010 Report Share Posted October 26, 2010 Hello non-trads. I am a MSc student who had a pet of 5 years until yesterday. I regret that I wasn't able to go to vet with him along with my sister and my dad yesterday when I should have, as it was my last chance to physically touch and hold him. I am ok most of the time, but I do find it hard to focus on things and ends up zoning out or spontaneously weep everytime I think of him. It's not the death itself that really upset me but the fact that he was sufering so much. Everytime I think of how his eyes were, how he walked and just lied down lifelessly I cry out. I tried to be calm and I am, I can even crack jokes with my lab mates but it comes as attack and when my thought wonder back to him, like now I can't stop crying. Is this normal? I just imagine how scared he must have been, how much pain he must have suffered until he was put down. He couldn't even cry out, unlike human he can't describe how much he was suffering. but the vet told us that it was unusual for him to have lived until then given his condition. I really can't help but cry for him. how did you handle pet death? My sister must be especially hard but it seems that she cried too much yesterday to the point where it's just exhaustion. For me I was trying to keep it down so much and whenever I'm alone, I just break out (like in my room when alone, shower and etc.) PLease let me know of the good way to deal with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karma Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 There's no easy way to deal with loss... only time will make your pain easier. Just keep on going, on day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmm29 Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 When we put our dog down a few years ago, I thought I'd be okay about it - sad, but not overly emotional - she was 15, and obviously struggling and in pain. Little did I know I'd be a MESS. It took me a very long time to get over it, and be okay about it. I missed her as much as I think I'd miss a human friend. It's completely normal, and it WILL get better. I'm truly sorry about your doggy. Good luck with everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosuperman Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 So sorry for your loss In terms of handling it, try to just be with your feelings and less with negative thoughts by focusing on the love that is the reason you feel the way you do. Let yourself have your feelings. Expect and accept that there are going to be some hard times when you miss him, and this is because you love him, and you wouldn't want any other way. If you feel like crying then let it happen - fighting it will add struggle to the pain thats already there without helping to alleviate any of it. Focus on taking care of yourself in a healthy way and just take it one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 There is no love like the unconditional love of a pet who has become a close family member. You need to grieve and to carry on with your day to day productive life with fond memories that are now sad, but you do understand your pet is in a beter place and no longer suffering. When you become a physician, you will encounter death all too often and continue to function even if there is a close relationship with a longterm patient. While you feel the grief and sadness, know that it will be less intense with time, you will miss the pet years from now and you will continue to function. I too have gone through what you are feeling now and time will help and heal. Be well and do what you must do in your life every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewfieMike Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 just wait it out. Time heals all. You're going to feel crappy until you don't anymore. I'd also get a new dog. Of course it's not the same, but you'll find things to love about the new one as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrogirl Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 Just know that it's both okay and normal to be very upset over the loss of a pet. They aren't just animals - they're a part of your family. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling and to take the time you need to grieve. It sounds like he was a very lucky dog to have found his way into a family who loved him so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filter105 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 Thank you for all your kind messages. I didn't think so many of you would have replied. I thought writing about it alone, would make me feel somewhat better (give closure?) even if I don't get any advice, because I really couldn't bring myself to talk to people at this point, because I know I would burst into crying. I am able to talk about it with my family members and cries together with my sister when we try to reminisce happy times and looking at pictures of him. I'm sure time would heal, but right now it hurts so much. Thank you once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach88 Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 inspi(red), I understand exactly how you feel. Just after finally writing my MCAT with 2 weeks until med school applications due, my cat who i've had for 12 years passed away suddenly. i had taken her to the vet two days before because i was worried that she was sick but the vet said she was fine so i took her home. two days later i took her back because she stopped eating and then he said he had to keep her over night to do tests. i didnt think she was that sick at all and then the next morning the vet phoned me and told me she had passed away over night from advanced heart disease - something cats dont show signs of until death. i was in complete shock and an absolute mess. i could not stop crying. every time i thought about her for a second i would cry to the point where i was almost not going to apply to med school (i didnt have the mental ability to write my personal essay or autobiographical sketch). i didnt think my reaction was normal, it felt like the end of the world - especially after being away for university for the last four years and then having my cat sit on my lap every single day of the summer while i studied for the mcat. its been a month now and all i can say is that it takes time. eventually you stop crying and start thinking about good memories - i put up a bunch of pictures of her all over my room which really helped. Ive unfortunately had to deal with a lot of human deaths in my life, but honestly, this felt just as terrible as loosing a human family member. all i can say is try your best to remember the good times. and as silly as this may sound i only got through my applications bc i knew my pet wouldnt want me to give up my future because i was angry that she was taken away from me. I'm sure your dog who loved you would feel the same way about your applications to med school. just do your best, have friends help you out, and get through this hard time for your puppy's sake:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kylamonkey Posted October 28, 2010 Report Share Posted October 28, 2010 I don't know ho you feel, but I will very soon, probably. My German Shepherd is 14.5. She's immoble but I have a wheelchair for her, so she's actually pretty happy when we go out for walks. We went to a nice wooded area on the weekend after CASPer and got to bark at bears. I am terrified that I may have to make "The descision" soon. Also, I know it's the most peaceful way to go, in your sleep, but I am terrified of finding her not breathing. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with it when the time comes. I've never ad anyone remotely close to me pass away, and I only went to my first (and only) funeral when I was 27 yrs old. I'm going to be heartbroken. I know it. I really really feel for you, but it at least sounds like others here know your pain, so you can know that others in "real life" know your pain too. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flow Cytometry Posted October 29, 2010 Report Share Posted October 29, 2010 Hello, My dog of 14 years passed away about 2 yrs ago when I was a 4th year med student. I, too, found it very hard to focus on work. Worst of all, it was also my CARMS interview period for residency. As everyone said, only time will heal. Even today, I still missed our dog, but time will make you feel better. Give yourself sometime for sorrow, as mourning is a natural process. Time will heal you. All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedDream Posted October 29, 2010 Report Share Posted October 29, 2010 Hey There, It is definitely not abnormal for you to be feeling this way about your dog. I've had a dog for the past 4 years and love him to bits. Animals tend to become more than just "pets", they become a member of your family. So don't feel shame from crying or being upset- just let it out! Personally I find things are sometimes easier to deal with after a good cry. Maybe something you could try and do when you are having thoughts about him being in pain before he passed is try and think about how that suffering has ended now. Perhaps try and take comfort in the fact that your puppy is at peace Again, very sorry for your loss and make sure you give yourself time to heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filter105 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 It has been 2 years (roughly) since my pet died. Today, his brother passed away. I have one and only interview next week..probably only one I will get in my life... I'm thinking how I should prepare for it. the pet...he has been sick for roughly month. first was the gait, and then he was literally starved (his stomach was so flat and his balance was way off...he didn't poo as much anymore)... but instead of kitty food (which he normally eats and prefers over any other foods for some reason) or can food (so it's soft and easier for him) which he didn't touch...when he had jam or baby food, he would eat. poo in his litter box and climb on to his hammock. He couldn't stand or move, but he was eating and we put up going to vet for euthanasia because unlike his brother whom we could clearly see suffering before we put it down... besides the physical limitation, he was living. We knew that he had very little time left. Talked about when... to go to vet, but we put off, thinking it was too much bother and thinking... he was still living... when would be the right time but at the same time, not look at it straight, hoping it would be alright... How wrong I was... we just buried him few hours ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Henderson Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Sorry to hear about your loss! How to work through it really depends on your personal coping strategies. One that seems to be quite universal is talking about it though. Whether you're more comfortable talking to a close friend or family member or would prefer to talk to someone anonymously (crisis lines are always available for this) make sure you work through the grief in a healthy way. Best of luck to you on your interview <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flow Cytometry Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Hello Inspired, As I mentioned in the post 2 yrs ago, I had similar experience as you while my dog passed away when I applied for CARMS 3 yrs ago... It is though to think about the doggie while needing to concentrate for interviews... I think it is ok to grieve, and do your best to prepare for whatever interviews you have upcoming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 It has been 2 years (roughly) since my pet died. Today, his brother passed away. I have one and only interview next week..probably only one I will get in my life... I'm thinking how I should prepare for it. the pet...he has been sick for roughly month. first was the gait, and then he was literally starved (his stomach was so flat and his balance was way off...he didn't poo as much anymore)... but instead of kitty food (which he normally eats and prefers over any other foods for some reason) or can food (so it's soft and easier for him) which he didn't touch...when he had jam or baby food, he would eat. poo in his litter box and climb on to his hammock. He couldn't stand or move, but he was eating and we put up going to vet for euthanasia because unlike his brother whom we could clearly see suffering before we put it down... besides the physical limitation, he was living. We knew that he had very little time left. Talked about when... to go to vet, but we put off, thinking it was too much bother and thinking... he was still living... when would be the right time but at the same time, not look at it straight, hoping it would be alright... How wrong I was... we just buried him few hours ago. What I wrote you when his brother died: "There is no love like the unconditional love of a pet who has become a close family member. You need to grieve and to carry on with your day to day productive life with fond memories that are now sad, but you do understand your pet is in a beter place and no longer suffering. When you become a physician, you will encounter death all too often and continue to function even if there is a close relationship with a longterm patient. While you feel the grief and sadness, know that it will be less intense with time, you will miss the pet years from now and you will continue to function. I too have gone through what you are feeling now and time will help and heal. Be well and do what you must do in your life every day." __________________ I sorely miss my beloved pet, years later, and she too survived onn baby food until I knew I had to put her down b/c of the cancer that was ravaging her. I also have suffered the death of one loved human. In both cases, I cried like a baby hours at a time. However, each day I was able to perform all of my responsibilities without distraction in a professional manner. And only after discharging these daily responsibilities, did I let go and grieve day after day afer day after day. As for the upcoming interview, you need to be focused and to be the best person whom you are, personable, a good cummunicator, a quick and ethical thinker and decision maker who sees all sides of an issue, takes a position and ably defends it. Perhaps you want to practice some scenarios or questions with family members, which will help you focus and keep you on track. If you break down during these sessions, it is better now than for the real deal. Questions for MMI & Panel Interviews can be found at the link of my signature below and at my thread in the Canada Section of the International Forum at http://www.studentdoctor.net. I am available to chat by PM as futuredoc1004 if you sign up at http://forums.studentdoctor.net/register.php Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Let'sGo1990 Posted February 27, 2012 Report Share Posted February 27, 2012 There is no love like the unconditional love of a pet who has become a close family member. You need to grieve and to carry on with your day to day productive life with fond memories that are now sad, but you do understand your pet is in a beter place and no longer suffering. When you become a physician, you will encounter death all too often and continue to function even if there is a close relationship with a longterm patient. While you feel the grief and sadness, know that it will be less intense with time, you will miss the pet years from now and you will continue to function. I too have gone through what you are feeling now and time will help and heal. Be well and do what you must do in your life every day. This line hit me hard, f_d. This topic makes me sad since my dog is getting old . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filter105 Posted March 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Hello Everyone, Thank you very much for your kind words. I really appreciate everyone... taking their time to share experiences...going through such sad event. My sister is finally clearing the area where brothers used to live. She didn't even ask me to help her. I just let her do her stuff. It feels weird though, because everyday when I looked at the empty cage (where there beds were), it felt like as if they were still there, any moment now they would poke their little faces and observe... but they are not there anymore. Anyway, thanks again for all your supports. I really appreciate it! much thanks!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Best wishes for the interview. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 This line hit me hard' date=' f_d. This topic makes me sad since my dog is getting old .[/quote'] Enjoy the time you have with your dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerena Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Enjoy the time you have with your dog. +1 Also, for those grieving the death of a pet, I've found the pet loss chat room to be especially helpful. Sometimes we might feel that others don't truly understand how painful it can be to lose a pet, or to care for a sick pet. But there is support, and it can help. It's helped me so much to talk about my cat, Jasmine. I think about her everyday -- such a huge impact from such a tiny creature and when I'm feeling down, I think of how beautiful she was catching butterflies in the garden. So, so cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Thank you for sharing that wonderful resource with us. Yes, my deceased pet only brings beautiful memories and happiness now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kylamonkey Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 inspi(red)- I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm especially sorry to hear that it's right before an interview. Pull all your strength together for it, and you will do OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
filter105 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Thank you kyla monkey. When I got back from interview, small space in living room where their hammocks used to be were occupied with a table. It felt very weird. I'm getting by though... compared to first death where I broke out every now and then uncontrollably... I gained some control over it Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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