Prep101 - Free Writing Sample Feedback **Thread #4**

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 40 loopas

 

The success of a country is often measured by its ability to meet the basic needs of its citizens. A government is obligated to see that basic needs such as, adequate food, clean water and shelter are provided to the citizens of its nation. For example, Canada is a growing country which often ranks high in the United Nations' list of quality of life. The Canadian government is obligated to meet the basic needs of its citizens because it has resources to do so. For example, Canada is bordered by the most fresh water in the world which ensures that all citizens have access to it. In addition, Canada provides provides free grammar healthcare to all of its citizens and free elementary and secondary education. The government is obligated to see that these needs of its citizens are met because they it must grammar answer to Canadian citizens who pay high taxes for these services. If the Canadian government did not provide these services to its citizens, there may bepolitical unstability as the citizens would be unhappy and may question the government. Strong.

 

In some cases however, a government is not obligated to see that the basic needs of its citizens are met. For example, during the Kargil War of 1999 between India and Pakistan, the Indian government decided that it was more important to strengthen its military than meet the basic needs of some of its citizens. Pakistan threatened to use its nuclear weapons in order to gain control of the disputed land, known as the city of Kashmir. To prevent this, India focused on strengthening its military control of the Kashmir border and was unable to to provide water tankers to those living in small villages around Kashmir. Under normal circumstances, these water tankers are regularly supplied to villages because villagers have no other way to access safe drinking water. The Indian government defended their decision by arguing that had they not prevented the nuclear attack, the harmful effects of the nuclear radiation would have affected most of India whereas their decision to stop supplying water tankers only affected a fraction of the Indian population. Strong.

 

Though the governments of the nations with the highest quality of life feel obligated to see that the basic needs of its citizens are met, in some cases this is not possible due to national turmoil in which a nation's resources must be used for another purpose. This is too long an introduction to your resolution paragraph. What determines whether a government is obligated to see that the basic needs of its citizens are met is whether the country is at peace or at war. Because Canada is at peace, it should theoretically use all of the taxes paid by its citizens to provide free services to the citizens. During war, however, a government is not obligated to meet the basic needs of its citizens if doing so would compromise the safety of its citizens as was the case during the Kargil War. The application of your resolution principle could be improved through expansion and elaboration.

 

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 All of the tasks are well addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 40 baseballbears

 

A government of a country is responsible for the welfare of its citizens. By enacting laws and policies, a government regulates the way the country is run, which in turn affects the living conditions of its citizens. This is a run-on sentence. There are too many separate ideas. Many people believe a responsible government is obligated to meet the basic needs of its citizens. Food, shelter, access to healthcare and protection, for example, are some of the needs considered to be within a government's obligation. In Canada, the national social assistance program and universal healthcare program help even the poorest segment of the population achieve a basic level of quality of life. By spending tax money to help those who would otherwise live in destitution, the Candian government fulfills its duty to meet its citizens' neds admirably. This argument is too short. There needs to be more relevant points to flesh out your argument. Why is the government obligated to do this?

 

However, governments are not always able to put the basic needs of its citizens first. During World War II, when the Japanese military invaded China, the Chinese government chose to fight the Japanese rather than peacefully surrender their country. Fighting the Japanese made sense from the perspective of national interests. No country wants to be invaded by another and there were no guarantees that the Japanese would have treated Chinese citizens well had they colonized the country. However, by going to war instead of surrendering right away, the Chinese government certainly sacrificed the immediate safety of some of its citizens, particulary those living in areas where battles took place. In this case, the Chinese government, in order to defend its nation as a whole, could not meet the basic needs (i.e. protection) of all its citizens. Strong.

 

What then, determines whether a government must meet the basic needs of its citizens? One criteria that should be considred is whether it is in time of war grammar or peace. In times of peace, governments should, to the best of their abilities, meet the basic needs of its citizens. Why? The Canadian government is able to focus much of its tax spendings on the welfare of its citizens precisely because in times of war, no other issues take precedence. ?? On the other hand, during times of war, governments may be forced to sacrifice the basic needs of its citizens for "the greater good". In the case of China during World War II, the Chinese government arguably sacrificed the immediate safety of its citizens by not surrendering to the Japanese. A peaceful surrender would have meant less civilian and military casualties for the Chinese. However, putting an entire country in the hands of an enemy nation whose long-term intentions could still pose great danger to its citizens is foolhardy. Although engaging in warfare meant the Chinese government could not meet the basic needs to all of its citizens, during war time, the obligation to protect national and long-term interests take precedence.

Strong.

 

 

 

I feel like I haven't improved at all, which is sort of frustrating. Sigh. Must keep at it I suppose. Thanks so much Raymond for all your help this summer!

Writing is one of those skills that takes time and experience to improve. This is similar to the situation with verbal reasoning.

 

Overall Mark: 4.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a Q)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 40 meniscus

 

The government of a nation can affect its citizens in many ways. To be obligated to do something means that one is required to do the task. Basic needs are things that humans must have to survive. These basic needs include food and shelter, which one requires money to be purchased. Usually, the government must ensure the basic needs of its citizens are met. For example, in Vietnam, when one does not have a job because no will hire grammar them, he can collect welfare. This is a small amount of money that allows one to purchase food and shelter in order to survive. In addition, if one is physically unable to work, one call collect grammar employment insurance, short term disability, or long term disability so that one can still receive income to purchase the basics needs to survive. If the government does not ensure these basics needs are met, citizens may likely suffer from malnutrition and likely even die in the long term. Thus, usually the government must ensure the basics needs of citizens are met. Strong. Could use more depth in the argument.

 

However, sometimes a government might not be required to ensure the basics needs of citizens are fulfilled. For example, when the Vietnam War occurred, the government of South Vietnam no longer provided social assistance, such as welfare and employment insurance, to make sure people would get their basic needs. The government no longer funded the social assistance during the war because the nation was in a state of chaos and it was more important for the government to spend funds to fight the war and ensure its citizens were safe in the cities. More police and soliders were hired to protect the citizens in the city and to battle the soldiers from North Vietnam. Also, a portion of funds was spent on citizens who wanted to flee their country on refugees boats to seek life in a new country. Excellent.

 

Thus, what determines whether the government must ensure it citizens' basic needs are met depends on if the nation is in a state of war or peace. When a nation is in a state of peace, the government should enusre basic needs are met. For example, when there was no war in South Vietnam, the government provided social assistance to give citizens the funds to pay for food and shelter. There was no other major issues the government had to take care of; so the government was required to meet the basic needs of its citizens. This idea could be more strongly expressed. However, when a nation is at war, the government should not be required to ensure basics needs are met. For example, when the Vietnam War erupted, the government of South Vietnam stopped running its social assistance programs to allocate funds for the military, safety personnel in the cities, and refugee boats to allow people to escape the country. During the war, it was more important for the government to ensure the safety of the nation and its citizens as opposed basic needs of it citizens since survival was at stake; safety was more of an immediate issues than basic needs. Excellent.

 

Overall Mark: 5.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a S)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5.5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is completely addressed. Resolution task is completely addressed.

Depth: 5

Focus and coherence: 5.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 40 medhopeful64

 

One of the responsibilities of a government is to ensure that its citizens are properly cared for, both physically and mentally. Essentially, the government has a moral obligation to ensure that the basic needs of these citizens are met, such as having adequate food, shelter, clean drinking water, etc. The government has this obligation because its citizens pay tax to grammar the government, and most would argue that in this way the government has a moral duty to use its ciitizens' money in a responsible manner. For example, the governments of many countries use a relatively large portion of taxpayer money to fund social services such as welfare. Such social services are set in place in order to ensure that the basic needs of the people are being met when they cannot provide for themselves. In their time of need, the government is obligated to ensure that all citizens have enough to eat and a safe place to live in. This is okay but is too general and lacks depth.

In extenuating circumstances, however, a government might not be obligated to see that the basic needs of its citizens are met. For example, during times of war, a country may have other, higher priorities that it needs to take care of before ensuring the basic needs of its citizens are being met. During WWII for example, the Canadian Government set up a ration policy because the majority of its finances were being used to cover military expenses. Because resources were scarce, and the War was an urgent and necessary endeavor, food had to be rationed among the citizens. The citizens had to make do with the little food they had, and in some cases, it may not have been adequate. However, during WWII the government's first priority was no longer ensuring that the basic needs of the citizens were being met; there were other more pressing matters to deal with first. Thus, in this case, it is clear that sometimes the government is not obligated to see that the basic needs of its citizens are met. Excellent.

 

Ensuring that the citizens have enough food and shelter is one of the responsibilities of the government. This is not a good introductory sentence for the resolution paragraph. Whether or not a government is obligated to see that its citizens' basic needs are met depends on if the country is in a state of war or a state of peace. During times of war, the government has other, higher priorities that take precedence over the basic needs of the citizens (such as ensuring that the military forces are well equipped). During times of peace, however, the government has a moral duty to ensure that the basic needs of its citizens are met because it has the finances to do so (ie, using taxpayer money to fund social service programs like welfare to ensure all citizens have adequate food/rent). Try not to use brackets to interject ideas in a formal essay. This is strong. Try adding additional ideas rather than simply reiterating the points you made earlier.

 

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is completely addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 4.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 40 souljaboy

 

The basic needs of a country's citizens are considered essential for their daily life. Basic needs such as food, shelter, and sanitation are necessary for life and a government must make taking care of those needs its most important obligation. Because it is the government's duty to take care of its citizens, they must essure the citizens' basic needs are met. In Canada, the government has ensured that there are programs providing these basic needs to every one of its citizens, no matter the circumstance. Programs such as welfare provide the necessities for citizens' who are not financially capable of supporting themselves. Further social programs such as retirement homes funded by the government help meet the basic needs of those who are no longer capable of taking care of themselves. The government is obligated to have these programs in place because their first priority must be the welfare of every citizen. Strong.

 

However, a government might need to prioritize the nation's security over meeting the needs of every one of its citizens if aa significant threat occurs. In wartime, such as during the civil war of Congo, there might exist a priority more important than ensuring the citizen's needs are met. The government had to focus all of their limited resources on taking care of the more significant threat that the rebel army poses. The rebel army would conduct mass killing of civilians of different ethnic background. grammar The government had to ensure that these killings are prevented by dedicating their entire resource grammar towards fighting the rebel army. Meeting the citizens' basic needs is no longer the highest priority because there is a clear and more significant danger to the citizens' safety. The government must be obligated to protect the citizens from the more immediate threat and must use all their resources towards doing so. Therefore, they are no longer obligated to try and meet all the citizens' basic needs if the resources cannot allow for it. Strong. The explanation could use improvement. The discussion is repetitive.

 

Whether a government is obligated to meet its citizens' basic needs depends on whether there is a more immediate threat to the citizens safety. In Canada, where there is currently no higher priority for the government than taking care of the needs of its citizens, the government is obligated to take care of the basic needs via various social programs. In special circumstances where there are there are greater threats to the lives of citizens, the government is no longer obligated to take care of the basic needs because they need to deal with the greater threat. During the civil wars of Congo, the government is obligated to protect its citizens from the immediate threat to their safety caused by the rebel army, which required taking away from the resources that cater to their basic needs. The government is obligated to ensure its citizens' safety, which usually prioritizes taking care of its citizens' basic needs but can change depending on the circumstance. Strong. The application of the resolution principle to Canada could be improved. Your resolution principle could be improved by simply stating that it depends on whether the nation is in a state of peace or war. This is much clearer than what was written here.

Overall Mark:5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 All of the tasks are well addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 40 monachima505

 

In times of need, citizens often rely on their government for support. While some citizens have access to family and friends for support, others may not have a similar support network. In order to ensure the equality of all citizens, governments have an obligation to ensure that the basic needs of its citizens are met. For example, the Canadian government provides a variety of social services, such as unemployment insurance, to Canadian citizens in need. These social services often include allowances to provide those in need with a home, food, and other necessities for an adequate quality of life. The government also provides word choice laws to ensure the protection its citizens’ lives and health. Many Canadians feel a sense of security living and working in a nation which will support them in times of need. When a government ensures that the basic needs of its citizens are met, it maximizes the number of citizens living at or above a certain “minimum standard” for quality living. Thus, every government should have the obligation to do so. Strong. Try to expand upon the argument and add more relevant points.

 

However, there may be certain situations in which a government might not have this obligation. For example, consider a nation that is in a state of turmoil due to warfare, and this nation is also severely lacking in military resources. The nation may be forced to implement conscription, effectively putting a gun in the hands of any able-bodied man and requiring them to serve in the military on the front lines. By putting the lives of non-consenting citizens at risk, the government essentially denies these citizens the basic right to life. In the eyes of the government, it is acceptable to lose a few men in military service in order to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation as a whole. Strong. There are many nations that could have been used in the discussion so it is confusing that you don't mention any country at all.

 

The critical factor that determines a government’s obligation to provide for its citizens is the present state of the nation. This is vague and ambiguous. It would be much better if you said depends on whether the nation is in a state of peace or war. That is much clearer than what is written here. A nation with plentiful resources or one in peacetime has a far greater responsibility to support its citizens than a nation in dire straits. Although the primary focus of nation’s resources should be to provide for its citizens, a justifiable exception to this occurs when a nation is severely lacking in the resources to the point that the nation is threatened, such as during wartime. In this case, the government is temporarily relieved of its obligation to meet the basic needs of its citizens, in order to more fully focus its efforts on improving the state of the nation.

You need to apply your resolution principle to both of your previously discussed examples.

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[wendyokoopa]

Just wanted to say thanks so much for the feedback, Raymond! I listened to your suggestions and got an R! Don't know what I would have done without you.