Guest Lynlloyd Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 NEW DISEASE BREAKOUT - B.A.R.S. The World Health Organisation (WHO) has just issued an urgent warning about BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome). A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world. The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland around 1500 BC, the disease is said to affect people who gather in Pubs and Taverns or who plainly congregate for different reasons. It is not known how the disease is transmitted but approximately three billion people world-wide are affected, with thousands of new cases appearing every day. Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 6:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is mostly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence, uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked and/or relentless arguing. In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur. Sometimes death ensue usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??" If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last call or the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease can reappear at very short notice or at the latest, on the following Friday. Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost property, killer headaches and divorce. On the up side, there is not and probably never will be, a permanent cure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jbird Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 Tee hee! Thanks Lynlloyd, you kill me! In fact I think I can feel BARS coming on right now....good god it's only 0830 here in Victoria, maybe I should go back to bed.:b Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shelleyrn Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 Actually BARS are open here in Winnipeg!!! Woohoo....off I go....(okay, just kidding) I am too busy watching this damn board....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lynlloyd Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 Hey there jbird. I agree, I feel BARS coming on too!!! It's 11:25 here......BARS can happen anytime after noon in my book!!! Back to bed???.....Go for it!!!! With three kids, I don't know what that option feels like anymore!! Maybe one day!!! TTFN. Lynlloyd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jbird Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 Back to bed?? What was I thinking? It's noon somewhere!! Ah.. bartender..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lynlloyd Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 You're too funny!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest macdreams Posted May 30, 2003 Report Share Posted May 30, 2003 Thank, Lyn!! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D macdreams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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