help....

[Guest nonce]

Hi, im applying to the Ontario medical schools this year (along with u of s, and many others).

Im having a problem with my Queens application. I know i should probably post my problem in their forum, but im more used to all of you, as I have posted here before. I have always recieved informative responses from you, so i decided to post my question here anyways.

 

Now this may be a bit weird, but i gonna do it anyways.

 

For Queens, they have about 5 essay questions that they want answered. They are all straight forward, but they can only be answered in 1500 characters...which has proven to be a problematic task. I've done most of them and happy with the outcome....but one essay im having problems with. Its not so much the answer im having a problem with, but condensing it into 1500 characters. What i have come up with is okay...but im not sure i get my point across....and i think it might not flow that well. I wanted to try it out here....and see what you all think....

Im sorry about doing this, but i thought that this might be a good way to get some feedback on this one.....so here goes:

 

Explaining your choice as it relates to the study and practice of medicine, expand on one area described in the autobiographic sketch that demonstrates your sensitivity to others and the ability to form team relationships.

 

 

"I have always thought that my strength on the basketball court was as a team leader. I was never the MVP of a team, but have always been a key player. In my grade 12 year, this notion was confirmed when I was given the Most Valuable Team Player award for the varsity boys basketball team. It is one of my most cherished awards.

This award is given to players who exhibit excellent team work, who give to the betterment of the team rather than the person, and who exhibit team leadership qualities. These qualities, which I was regarded as having, will undoubtedly prove to be invaluable when I become a physician. Our healthcare system is a team. From physicians to nurses, to pharmasists, each member is as important as the next, Each must fulfill his or her role to the best of his or her ability in order to achieve the ultimate goal: helping the patient. My strengths in basketball helped me direct the teams overall attention to our ultimate goal, and will hopefully transcend into the medical field and help in my ability as a physician.

A team player must be sensitive to each member, and make sure that each individual is happy with their role. Being awarded the MVTP award meant that I was always concerned with what each team member had to say and any concerns they might have. From the star player, to the rookie on the team, each voice is important. This level of sensitivity will help me as a physician not only with my patients, but also with members of the health care team."

 

So what do you think? do you get my point? or am i babbling?

 

Thanks a bunch for your help,

Nonce

[Guest Lactic Folly]

Your point is clear.. I have a few stylistic quibbles but the organization is good and gets your message across.