Just me Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Hello all, I'm in the midst of a common-law separation after being with my partner for almost a decade. I have recently been accepted to medical school- to start this fall. The separation has just happened (not a total surprise but we've made it thru before) and I'm lost and can't believe I have to move on now to a new life. Is there anyone with any suggestions on how to deal with this? I tried so hard to get in, now I'm in and my relationship falls apart, but mainly for another issue- not med school- though I'm sure it was a factor he's not admitting to. Right now, I have to find a place to live which is insane at this time of year (I'm moving out of his place that he owns), do all the paperwork for admissions, and figure out my finances in terms of LOCs and such- now that we are apart the whole finance thing has changed. I've quit my job to give myself greiving time but most importantly I'm scared to death about how I'll be at the start of school. Only a little over a month to go and i don't know what to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satsuma Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Hi Just me, First, congrats on getting accepted to medical school!! Second...sorry about the falling apart of your relationship. Right now everything may seem really overwhelming, but it will all work out. You will find a place to live...and if it doesn`t turn out to be your perfect place, you can always move again (if you are renting that is) Don't worry about finances...like many others in med school, you will get an LOC from the bank that will be more than enough to cover your years at med school...the sum is daunting but you WILL pay it back, and the banks are very quick at setting the LOC up! You were very smart to quit your work in order to give yourself some time to sort through things before school! 10 years is a long time to have someone a part of your life. My advice is to start defining yourself in a way that doesn`t include your ex....and hey, med school is the perfect opportunity to do that! It is a fresh start and will give you something to focus on. In my experience (personally and those of friends) it is often best to just cut communication for a few months...it is hard but it gives you time to get on your feet and get into a "happier place" a little more easily. If you really insist on staying friends, best to develop a friendship after you've dealt with things and moved on. Try to focus on what lies ahead of you instead of what is behind you Sats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ploughboy Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Wow, lots going on with you! Dunno where you're matriculating, but at UWO at least the Office of Student Affairs has some very understanding people who are great to just talk to. They're the ones to whom the students all vent and unload when the going gets tough. I assume that most other schools have similar supports in place. It might be a good idea to chat with them even before school starts. Best of luck! pb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Oh, that's really rough. Doesn't matter how good or bad a relationship was, it's a hard thing to go through and I'm sure you won't be "finished" with your grieving for a long time. I'm sure everything is totally overwhelming for you right now, but like other posters have said, don't worry about finding a perfect place, you can always move later...take things as they come, one day at a time. Do you have friends/family who can be there for you?? I know UBC has a great student resource and counselling centre....make sure to use whatever resources your school has. You're human, and we ALL need help to navigate life, especially when the chips are down. Congratulations for getting into med school! Be proud of yourself. This is a new beginning of a new life for you. I'm trying to send you positive vibes!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darla Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Congrats on getting in! The hard part is over - now you know what hand you've been dealt for the fall. I agree with everyone who are suggesting you talk to someone once you get to school. You'll be mourning the death of a future you thought you had and trying to build a new one. Rather than advice, I have a story. When I told my physician I got in, she was excited at first then became worried about my partner. Her partner wasn't 100% behind her going into med school. They stuck it out anyway and got married. A couple years (and a child) in and they were getting a divorce. You now know at the beginning of this next stage of your life who wants to be a part of it. I hope that you are able to dust this guy off your feet and enjoy the new opportunities that are open to you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
never too late Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 With science backgrounds, some of us don't necessarily look at things from another perspective, but for me, I do believe that what is meant to be will be. However, you never see this until you have traveled quite a bit further down the path. http://www.premed101.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif Like others have said, you should be so extremely proud of yourself for getting accepted. That is awesome! Give yourself credit for this. No one can lie & tell you it will be easy moving on, but it does get better. Just stay focussed on your dream & think where you will be in 4 years, which will happen like the blink of an eye!!! All the best & hang in there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 I know that you are in a lot of pain right now and things seem really overwhelming. But, in my life, some of the best things have happened to me after relationships or other important life things fell apart. You were smart to leave work to give yourself some time. But now, try a new prespective - look at this as a new beginning - you worked really hard to get into med school. Unfortunately, sometimes things have to fall apart before you can build something new. And maybe after you finish your first year of med school you will look back and say "Whew! That was the best thing that every happened to me!". I wish you luck, Just Me. I know you will get through this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just me Posted July 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. Here's hoping to get over the nasty hump! Speaking of which- does anyone know much about antidepressants at a time like this and how useful (or not) they may be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satsuma Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Hi Just Me, Please talk to your doctor about the need for antidepressants. Your doctor should be able to help figure out if you are going through "normal grieving" or something more and decide on an approach to treatment from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica Posted August 18, 2007 Report Share Posted August 18, 2007 Hey, I'll see your break up and raise you two kids under five! I've been trying to leave but the student housing waitlist is quite extensive so he is supposed to be going this month. This is my second break up of a long term relationship - 7 years seems to be my charm. This one seems to be tremendously easier just because I know I survived the last time. - And I moved out, lived in a different country, also worked with him so I had to find a new job. The difficulty that exists with breaking up is that when someone ties thier identity so closely to another, the failure to reconcile feels like a failure of oneself. But its not. You did what you thought was right and the best you could - and that's all you can do. You've obviously been driven enough to get yourself into medical school. The medical review board obviously thinks you're pretty special. Think of what's ahead of you! As the other poster said things do happen for a reason. I see you posted a month ago, so, I hope you're feeling a bit better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Cave Posted August 19, 2007 Report Share Posted August 19, 2007 Just me, I'm in first year med at UofC in a class of 152. Our class has been together for two weeks now and I know over 2/3 of the class already and most of them I consider friends. I can't say there's been any other time in my life when I made 100 new friends at once, it's almost overwhelming (in a good way). My point is that you will not be lonely, you are about to make loads of new friends and have loads of fun. The glass is half full and about get overfilled Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isosceles Posted August 23, 2007 Report Share Posted August 23, 2007 Awwww..... cheers to that, Dr. Cave As we keep being told, you are joining what is more like a big family than anything else, and will have access to all kinds of support systems that you never imagined. Take advantage of them if you need them... and hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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