chanjawa Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 A pre-nup is obviously self serving for someone who wants to be a physician because they just want to protect their money. Any spouse with common sense should see this as a red flag. The relationship is already off to a dominate start. And for whoever keeps saying marriage is a contract…your wrong it’s a commitment. If you live like it’s a contract then for sure get a pre-nup because you obviously do not know what your getting yourself into. So logically having a way out that pains you less makes sense in this case. Well said! Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but personally, I just don't understand pre-nups. I've been with my girlfriend, now fiance, for over 7 years and a pre-nup has never once crossed my mind. Maybe it's because we've been together since high school, and we had decided to get married way before I chose to make a career change and apply for med school. It's fine if you both truly believe that a pre-nup is a good idea. But generally speaking, it's usually the case that one person brings up the subject of a pre-nup, and the other just goes along with it. More often than not, it's the person who is making more money that is asking for a pre-nup (but not always). How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of a pre-nup request, when the thought of a pre-nup never once crossed your mind beforehand, and you thought that your partner trusted you completely? I would feel pretty bad. Even if for some unforeseen reason we ended up divorcing down the road, I would feel hurt that my partner currently thinks that I would be capable of trying to "screw" her out of her money. If you think I would even be the slightest bit capable of doing that to you, why are we getting married again??? Not a good way to start a marriage, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chanjawa Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Again, those are my feelings and reasons for not wanting to get a pre-nup. Not saying it applies to everyone, and couples may have valid reasons for wanting one. If both people in a relationship agree that a pre-nup is best, go for it! In any case, I wish everyone who will be getting engaged/married/having kids in med/dent school all the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silvrsleuth Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I will not proceed in this debate, I believe we have both expressed our opinions, and anyone reading them can make up their own minds on the matter. I do encourage a change of topic so that this thread can go back to being friendly and supportive. Marriage during professional programs offers unique challenges and I value a place where we can share our experiences and concerns. I will do my part by asking this question: Has anyone has taken a honeymoon during med/dent/etc??? I'm anticipating being in serious need of relaxation with my hunny after our wedding and before I go back to class. Any ideas? It will be in July. I honestly have no idea, but I'm thinking of renting a cottage instead of taking a trip and saving the big trip for an anniversarry present the summer that school ends. Has anyone done this and regretted not taking a trip somewhere? I'm right there with you! I've read all your posts, and I think you're very well-spoken (written?), regardless of whether or not I agree with your opinions (which I do!). i would say that taking SOME kind of vacation or holiday is important, post-wedding. after all, you've probably had a stressful few days/weeks/months (depending on your wedding) and having time to reconnect and celebrate privately is important. it depends on your personality - are you do-ers who like to have lots of activity, or are you the kind of people who like to relax. this will determine where you want to go, and if you can meet those needs semi-locally. i heard from a friend of mine that Hawaii is a great place to visit in July. It's their off-season, so it's WAY cheaper for some amazing deals, but summer is still their best weather (we just tend to think of it being a winter destination because it's warmer at that time of year than anywhere else). that's where she went on her honeymoon, and they LOVED it. they did the all-inclusive thing for quite cheap, and there was lots of nature-related stuff to do (hiking, swimming, boating, etc) as well as the usual resort-y stuff. plus, no crowds! it's a little cliche, but it could be an option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Marriage is all about love and happiness and more. Going on a trip to Africa on safari is exciting. Are you not going to get shots for your protection? A marriage contract goes with the territory. I repeat, I have no money and if my intended was wealthy, I would insist upon a marriage contract. If he insisted upon protecting his every cent from me, this would be a worthwhile exercise, as I would likely never agree. However, as I intend never to be dependent upon another adult, I might agree ..... and insist that he agree to buy and maintain a certain amount of life insurance as each child is born, and to cover the cost of a home we purchase so that he keeps his money but I and my future children are protected come what be, that in event of dissolution of the marriage, I continue to live in the matrimonial home with the children. I would also insist upon being primary care giver of the children until age 13 when they can make their own decision. These are practical points to cover, so walking in, he is covered, Iam covered, the children are covered and we have made another "comitment" to each other that just like marriage, is legally binding. Then may we live happily ever after! But if not, practical matters have been addressed at the best of times. Life is a bed of roses, if you see it that way. It's all about one's perspective on life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silvrsleuth Posted June 25, 2009 Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 (My wedding planner freaked when I told her I didn't want to carry a bouquet! Who cares!) well, obviously no one has ever pointed out to you that the bouquet is the most important part of the wedding! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura_333 Posted June 25, 2009 Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 I just don't want either of us to feel like we never had a "real" honeymoon. There's so much expectations when it come to weddings! (My wedding planner freaked when I told her I didn't want to carry a bouquet! Who cares!) When my best friend got married they stayed at a cottage on a lake for about a week and loved it. Then 3 years later went on a huge trip to europe and also did a cruise around Italy. I know she did not regret waiting for the big trip, perhaps because she couldn't afford to go all out at first and it also gave something to look forward to after a few years of marriage. I think going to maui sounds awesome...I love how its beaches with still lots of active things to do like hike/shop/explore etc. My experiences with all-inclusive resorts in Mexico was you mostly got stuck at the resort with only a few day trips, so I would prefer maui all-inclusive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura_333 Posted June 25, 2009 Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Oh, and who really cares about the bouquet? I think the more interesting weddings try and do things differently. I for one find the idea of my future husband sticking his head under my dress looking for a garter in front of my grandma and family horrifying haha. Hmm but no bouquet...what would you do with your hands? If i didn't have something to hold onto I know the hundreds of eyes staring at me as I walked would make me need something to fidget with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 25, 2009 Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Oh, and who really cares about the bouquet? I think the more interesting weddings try and do things differently. I for one find the idea of my future husband sticking his head under my dress looking for a garter in front of my grandma and family horrifying haha. Hahaha! I think I agree on this one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renin Posted June 25, 2009 Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 Yeah, we're avoiding the whole garter thing too. I'm not much of a fan, and my dad would freak. Haha! My dad saw it at a wedding and couldn't understand why the groom was so unclassy and stuck their head under the bride's dress. No one explained the garter thing to him, so when he reemerges with it - dad freaks out, thinking it's her panties. >__< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 I know I'm running a hazard of re-igniting the pre-nup debate, but I wanted to share some info from our lawyers with anyone who might be getting married soon, and in the same situation. Future hubby and I both have families that own estates that have been in the family for several generations. These properties were bought for next to nothing years and years ago, but are now worth a large amount. These are properties we would both like to see stay in our families for many more generations. As a result, we've both signed legal documents stating that we forfeit any spousal rights to each others family properties when they are inherited. Neither of us feel entitled to each others family properties until we have children, in which case we would pass them down to them. I know his family bought their property back when they came here from Poland so it means a lot to them, and my family intends to turn my mother's estate and art collection into a gallery when my parents pass. I hadn't even thought of property inheritances until recently, so I'm really grateful my fiance and I are on the same page on this matter. Well done and beautiful that you are both on the same page! Although I would have thought that "inheritances" would never enter into matrimonial assets for the purpose of division between spouses upon the end of the marriage for any reason (such as death or divorce). It would be interesting for you to ask the lawyers if this very step was actually essential to conform to your joint plans or whether it would have occurred in any event by virtue of the operation of law. Plus the fact that each of your parents would have and should in any event put a specific exclusion in their Will stating that this bequest is to remain your sole property, etc. and not to become part of any matrimonial property between you and your spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renin Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 RE: inheritances Thankfully my immediate family is poor Because I am a girl, and therefore drown-worthy, I do not have any inheritance from any of my other relatives. So we have no assets to speak of. Oh, my dad owns a 1988 Camry. I think it has more rust than metal in the side And we also have a turn-table, and a 8-track player... and one of those really really old exercise bikes I think he got from a garage sale. Haha. I'll buy out my spouse if needed on my inheritance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovely09 Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 I'm not yet married but i have friends who's married while studying.There's no problem with this as long as you know how to balance between the two.Time management is also a must for you finish both task in school and at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cnussey Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 I have two young toddlers (have been married almost 6yrs now) and am applying as soon as the applications actually come out (sigh, I'm a little impatient). I know many friends who have gotten married and who have had children during med school--they're all fine. I, personally, think it's a better idea to have your kids before med school (they'll be going to school along with me) or after med school rather than trying to nurse them during exams (trust me, writing an exam while bouncing a baby or nursing a baby isn't exactly stress-free)...but it can be done! It also depends on what you want as a parent and as a spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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