mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Looking for some advice and wisdom from the forum: Before it was official, how did you know that your relationship with your gf/bf/partner/spouse/etc was going to end or needed to end? Thanks everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 p.s. I'm trying to make a hard choice and I don't know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 p.s. I'm trying to make a hard choice and I don't know what to do Every situation is entirely different and what applies for me is not relevant for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renin Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Boyfriend #1: When he said: "What do you mean I can't see four other girls?" Boyfriend #2: When he said: "I don't marry doctors." Boyfriend #3: When he said: "I went on a date tonight... with a blonde." ------------------- I don't think there's been a situation though, that I didn't know it was going to end soon. The other person seems to be less forgiving, and less responsive to you... and either gets more controlling or doesn't really care about what you do anymore... for me, all signs that someone is looking for some resolution to problems. Also, they don't really put much effort into solving problems, or as much as they used to. In all seriousness, go with the gut. As much as you might want to hum-haw about it, and weigh pros and cons, I think that the gut knows best. And you know you've made the right decision when you feel relief after you've done it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Boyfriend #1: When he said: "What do you mean I can't see four other girls?"Boyfriend #2: When he said: "I don't marry doctors." Boyfriend #3: When he said: "I went on a date tonight... with a blonde." ------------------- I don't think there's been a situation though, that I didn't know it was going to end soon. The other person seems to be less forgiving, and less responsive to you... and either gets more controlling or doesn't really care about what you do anymore... for me, all signs that someone is looking for some resolution to problems. Also, they don't really put much effort into solving problems, or as much as they used to. In all seriousness, go with the gut. As much as you might want to hum-haw about it, and weigh pros and cons, I think that the gut knows best. And you know you've made the right decision when you feel relief after you've done it. Thanks for this. I guess I'm worried that I'll regret my choice...we've been together for 5+ years...so it's a tough choice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Every situation is entirely different and what applies for me is not relevant for you. yeah of course....my gut feeling....it's not good, but can you count on that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Renin...did those dudes actually say that to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renin Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Renin...did those dudes actually say that to you? Yes. I pick REAL winners, don't I? btw, I was with each of them for a year. I don't know how I'd feel about breaking up with someone that I was with for five years. They'd be so snuggly and familiar... unless they weren't. Then I'd be disappointed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renin Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 yeah of course....my gut feeling....it's not good, but can you count on that? Well, if you think back to the days of the cavemen (bear with me here), the gut instinct is the one that kept you from being eaten alive by bears. Or sabertooth tigers. So... there's that survival instinct. I guess the gut instinct when things are not going well is to bolt and run away (from bear or tiger, which is a bad thing), so I would take a few days, reassess the situation (or ask a mutual friend who is good at keeping secrets what they think)... if things are not going well after you try very hard to make things work (and I would imagine that after a 5 year relationship, you know what works and what doesn't, or have some idea), then I would probably walk away. Or slow things down. Or step back, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Well, if you think back to the days of the cavemen (bear with me here), the gut instinct is the one that kept you from being eaten alive by bears. Or sabertooth tigers. So... there's that survival instinct. I guess the gut instinct when things are not going well is to bolt and run away (from bear or tiger, which is a bad thing), so I would take a few days, reassess the situation (or ask a mutual friend who is good at keeping secrets what they think)... if things are not going well after you try very hard to make things work (and I would imagine that after a 5 year relationship, you know what works and what doesn't, or have some idea), then I would probably walk away. Or slow things down. Or step back, etc. Thanks for the ideas...it's good to see how others would think this thru... Crappy thing is I've tried or done all that stuff...why do relationships have to be so hard? I guess I don't know if it's time to walk away yet...probably cuz it's so hard to do when you've been with someone for a while Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Yes. I pick REAL winners, don't I? btw, I was with each of them for a year. I don't know how I'd feel about breaking up with someone that I was with for five years. They'd be so snuggly and familiar... unless they weren't. Then I'd be disappointed maybe your next bf will be a true winner...sorry about the last ones...not all guys are like that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renin Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 maybe your next bf will be a true winner...sorry about the last ones...not all guys are like that.... Thank you. I hope he'll be a winner too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 (10 characters) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
japlanet Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I'm in a similar situation - I basically know that it's over because I was thinking about the prospect of a long distance relationship while I'm in medical school and realized that I didn't care enough to put that much effort in. Now my problem is, I told him that as far as I'm concerned, the relationship is over, but he lives with me and seems to not be listening, since he still sleeps in my bed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeaHatingBrit Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Depends alot on the situations ... How old you are, where you're going in life, etc. Alot of times, one person feels the end coming - and the other has no idea, or is attempting to ignore the signs. If you're falling out of favor with the person though, there isn't much you can do to salvage it ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I'm in a similar situation - I basically know that it's over because I was thinking about the prospect of a long distance relationship while I'm in medical school and realized that I didn't care enough to put that much effort in. Now my problem is, I told him that as far as I'm concerned, the relationship is over, but he lives with me and seems to not be listening, since he still sleeps in my bed! (10 characters) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I'm in a similar situation - I basically know that it's over because I was thinking about the prospect of a long distance relationship while I'm in medical school and realized that I didn't care enough to put that much effort in. Now my problem is, I told him that as far as I'm concerned, the relationship is over, but he lives with me and seems to not be listening, since he still sleeps in my bed! that doesn't sound good...living with the other person makes it harder...we're in that situation too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Depends alot on the situations ... How old you are, where you're going in life, etc. Alot of times, one person feels the end coming - and the other has no idea, or is attempting to ignore the signs. If you're falling out of favor with the person though, there isn't much you can do to salvage it ... we both know it's been coming for a while...but I think we really want things to work out, but just keep hitting a dead end or something...same problems over and over again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Couples counseling can be really helpful for the potential break-up of a serious relationship.I found in my last break-up (4 years, we were actually engaged when we broke up), that by the end, there was so much between us that we could no longer really hear what the other was trying to say, no matter how hard we tried. Our counselor was really great at helping us get to the source of the issues and figure out if they were fixable or not. We had a long history of solid communication, but when it came to potentially breaking up, it was just too intense an issue to be able to work through alone. In my case, I was dead set against breaking up at the beginning of counseling, but after only a few sessions I was able to be more honest with myself about the real issues, and that really helped me move forward. We both had solo sessions to make sure we both liked and trusted the counselor first. Good luck finding your answer. thanks for sharing...counseling is a bit expensive though...but I can see how it was probably what you guys needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 thanks for sharing...counseling is a bit expensive though...but I can see how it was probably what you guys needed. We are talking about two lives here. Spending a few hundred dollars you cannot afford is far cheaper than making a mistake and destroying what may be saved! In the Province of Quebec, there is an inexpensive/cost effective "mediation" process offered for those seeking divorce. Perhaps there is similar availability for those living together in your jurisdiction. Dealing with these issues together with a trained counsellor in whom you both have faith will be far less expensive emotionally and psychologically than whatever the financial cost may be. And you both will leave each other, if this happens, each intact and respecting the other. Isn't that worth it? And if you can save a relationship for you both, how wonderful! hmm...this is the wrong time to be cheap. Like the patient who dies b/c he feels he cannot afford the operation - better to have the operation and worry about paying later. Reread Title of my first post above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixmastermike Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 part of the problem is they won't go to counselling...i've suggested it in the past.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 I get the feeling that what you're looking for is more support than advice. I may be wrong about this, but if I'm not, then my advice is to remember that you deserve to be happy. It sounds simple, but often it's really not. Being happy is important...It's my goal in life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 If you're a student, your school probably offers free counseling services. If either of you have any insurance, then some form of counseling is probably covered as well. Only you know if it's the right option for you. If it is, then there are many services out there to make it more affordable. I know our school has counselling services. The college I went to had it as well, so it must be pretty universal. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w8kg6 Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 ok, based that you're on a premed forum, it sounds like the position you're in is that you may have to leave your SO for med school. Just talk to her about it man, I'm sure it's on her mind as well, and thatt she's worried about it too. Sit down, figure out what's best for you, and have an open discussion talk about it. I expect that will be a lot more fruitful than coming to strangers on an internet forum. You might decide that a relationship isn't the right thing right now, but if that's what it is, then that's what it is. It beats the pants off having an elephant in the room. Just talk with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooty Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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