filter105 Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 I'm currently enrolled in MSc program. I am thinking about talking to ombudsperson soon because I really can't stand the environment I'm in. I have been sucking up since September, about half way (December?) I broke down and confessed to one of my cosupervisor that I wasn't sure I was fit for the project or the lab (my lab is really big and although at the beginning I was envisioning getting along with lot of people and eventually form a close friendship, it was proven that it would be impossible. I feel the distance and it's not really openly hostile but uncomfortable air lingers) My cosupervisor asked for me to think for few days and get back to him which other supervisor I would like to work with. But then after going it over, I wasn't sure if I would be able to restart with a new supervisor, because switiching supervisor is not normal and unless you switch your department you will see people and I didn't want to be a subject of conversation. So ther was a social pressure and the expectation that I had set for myself and lastly I really didn't know what to do and without having anyone to talk to (not even my parents) days passed. IT is a torture to swallow your pride and work under someone who does not think so highly of you. My cosupervisor is very busy so he doesn't get to see me too much so its ok, the problem is my other cosupervisor didn't think much of me before and now because they are very close to each other, I am sure they talked about my situation and the other supervisor openly shows hostility (I'm not sure what else to describe it) Even though my supervisor shares same building and same hall way, he refuse to do anything with me, and that includes teaching me so that I can at least get my work done, write and leave within 2 years. My other colleagues who have came to the lab at the same time as I did are going to conferences and I am the only one who's not. The last time I conducted experiment was december and I'm supposedly still " analyzing" them. Everyone else is so busy, getting work done, me one the other hand, I'm always waitin. Even e-mails are now being ignored and we are in a same hall way! On top of that I made a major mistake in my first experiment, so now I'm incompetent as well. I've given up so much for the MSc, because I wanted to make research priority, I've given up my volunteer activities, because when I was running my first experiment, I would sometimes stay until 7 or 8pm (from 9am in the morning) and thought it was normal, because everyone in my lab work that hard. I'm the last one to know what is really going on, and I'm forgotten alot, with supervisor who dislike me, lab collegues who I failed to warm up to, and no results, my intent on using these 2 years to learn more about reseach in science and to learn to think critically ie.// good experience is turing sour with extra bad taste in mouth to several people I have come to affiliate with. Sometimes I just want to not go and just drop everything and leave. But I don't know what else to do. I did well in my grad courses and I do enjoy the intellectually stimulating seminars and social events that some of my colleagues invites me to. Why is it so hard? I feel like I'm the only person who is burned majorly by this. One thing I learned so far is how retarded and isolated as a person I am. I should maybe talk to someone because something might be really wrong with me and I just realized that with this experience that I'm socially awkward and lot stupider that I thought because frankly, I thought I was doing ok in life until now, getting 90s in my thesis course, lab experiences, hanging out with friends. Everyone walks separate path, in different city, different life. It's natural to be drifted away or so I thought. I'm lonelier than ever and experience in my lab is really making me feel disheartened in life in general. Medicine seems like an impossible dream, I am not sure if I can get a good reference letter or be productive at all in those 2 years. I am not sure if ombudsperson will help anyway, but I left a message during their office hour (Which they have not returned) Sorry it's so depressing everyone, but I really needed to let it out, because I have no one to talk to and talking as anonymous under my ID allows me to express it honestly, because I come to realize that at my age, people don't generally offer their fragile and failing side (ie,.. confide with life) unless you are extremely close. IF you have talked to ombudsperson and it helped, I appreciate it if you let me know. Thanks for reading and I hope I can still dream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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