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I'm currently enrolled in MSc program.

 

I am thinking about talking to ombudsperson soon because I really can't stand the environment I'm in.

 

I have been sucking up since September, about half way (December?) I broke down and confessed to one of my cosupervisor that I wasn't sure I was fit for the project or the lab (my lab is really big and although at the beginning I was envisioning getting along with lot of people and eventually form a close friendship, it was proven that it would be impossible. I feel the distance and it's not really openly hostile but uncomfortable air lingers)

 

My cosupervisor asked for me to think for few days and get back to him which other supervisor I would like to work with. But then after going it over, I wasn't sure if I would be able to restart with a new supervisor, because switiching supervisor is not normal and unless you switch your department you will see people and I didn't want to be a subject of conversation.

 

So ther was a social pressure and the expectation that I had set for myself and lastly I really didn't know what to do and without having anyone to talk to (not even my parents) days passed. IT is a torture to swallow your pride and work under someone who does not think so highly of you.

 

My cosupervisor is very busy so he doesn't get to see me too much so its ok, the problem is my other cosupervisor didn't think much of me before and now because they are very close to each other, I am sure they talked about my situation and the other supervisor openly shows hostility (I'm not sure what else to describe it)

 

Even though my supervisor shares same building and same hall way, he refuse to do anything with me, and that includes teaching me so that I can at least get my work done, write and leave within 2 years.

 

My other colleagues who have came to the lab at the same time as I did are going to conferences and I am the only one who's not. The last time I conducted experiment was december and I'm supposedly still " analyzing" them.

 

Everyone else is so busy, getting work done, me one the other hand, I'm always waitin. Even e-mails are now being ignored and we are in a same hall way!

 

On top of that I made a major mistake in my first experiment, so now I'm incompetent as well.

 

 

I've given up so much for the MSc, because I wanted to make research priority, I've given up my volunteer activities, because when I was running my first experiment, I would sometimes stay until 7 or 8pm (from 9am in the morning) and thought it was normal, because everyone in my lab work that hard.

 

 

I'm the last one to know what is really going on, and I'm forgotten alot, with supervisor who dislike me, lab collegues who I failed to warm up to, and no results, my intent on using these 2 years to learn more about reseach in science and to learn to think critically ie.// good experience is turing sour with extra bad taste in mouth to several people I have come to affiliate with.

 

Sometimes I just want to not go and just drop everything and leave. But I don't know what else to do. I did well in my grad courses and I do enjoy the intellectually stimulating seminars and social events that some of my colleagues invites me to.

 

 

Why is it so hard? I feel like I'm the only person who is burned majorly by this. One thing I learned so far is how retarded and isolated as a person I am. I should maybe talk to someone because something might be really wrong with me and I just realized that with this experience that I'm socially awkward and lot stupider that I thought because frankly, I thought I was doing ok in life until now, getting 90s in my thesis course, lab experiences, hanging out with friends.

 

Everyone walks separate path, in different city, different life. It's natural to be drifted away or so I thought. I'm lonelier than ever and experience in my lab is really making me feel disheartened in life in general.

 

Medicine seems like an impossible dream, I am not sure if I can get a good reference letter or be productive at all in those 2 years.

 

I am not sure if ombudsperson will help anyway, but I left a message during their office hour (Which they have not returned)

 

Sorry it's so depressing everyone, but I really needed to let it out, because I have no one to talk to and talking as anonymous under my ID allows me to express it honestly, because I come to realize that at my age, people don't generally offer their fragile and failing side (ie,.. confide with life) unless you are extremely close.

 

 

IF you have talked to ombudsperson and it helped, I appreciate it if you let me know.

 

 

Thanks for reading and I hope I can still dream.

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I'm currently enrolled in MSc program.

 

I am thinking about talking to ombudsperson soon because I really can't stand the environment I'm in.

 

I have been sucking up since September, about half way (December?) I broke down and confessed to one of my cosupervisor that I wasn't sure I was fit for the project or the lab (my lab is really big and although at the beginning I was envisioning getting along with lot of people and eventually form a close friendship, it was proven that it would be impossible. I feel the distance and it's not really openly hostile but uncomfortable air lingers)

 

My cosupervisor asked for me to think for few days and get back to him which other supervisor I would like to work with. But then after going it over, I wasn't sure if I would be able to restart with a new supervisor, because switiching supervisor is not normal and unless you switch your department you will see people and I didn't want to be a subject of conversation.

 

So ther was a social pressure and the expectation that I had set for myself and lastly I really didn't know what to do and without having anyone to talk to (not even my parents) days passed. IT is a torture to swallow your pride and work under someone who does not think so highly of you.

 

My cosupervisor is very busy so he doesn't get to see me too much so its ok, the problem is my other cosupervisor didn't think much of me before and now because they are very close to each other, I am sure they talked about my situation and the other supervisor openly shows hostility (I'm not sure what else to describe it)

 

Even though my supervisor shares same building and same hall way, he refuse to do anything with me, and that includes teaching me so that I can at least get my work done, write and leave within 2 years.

 

My other colleagues who have came to the lab at the same time as I did are going to conferences and I am the only one who's not. The last time I conducted experiment was december and I'm supposedly still " analyzing" them.

 

Everyone else is so busy, getting work done, me one the other hand, I'm always waitin. Even e-mails are now being ignored and we are in a same hall way!

 

On top of that I made a major mistake in my first experiment, so now I'm incompetent as well.

 

 

I've given up so much for the MSc, because I wanted to make research priority, I've given up my volunteer activities, because when I was running my first experiment, I would sometimes stay until 7 or 8pm (from 9am in the morning) and thought it was normal, because everyone in my lab work that hard.

 

 

I'm the last one to know what is really going on, and I'm forgotten alot, with supervisor who dislike me, lab collegues who I failed to warm up to, and no results, my intent on using these 2 years to learn more about reseach in science and to learn to think critically ie.// good experience is turing sour with extra bad taste in mouth to several people I have come to affiliate with.

 

Sometimes I just want to not go and just drop everything and leave. But I don't know what else to do. I did well in my grad courses and I do enjoy the intellectually stimulating seminars and social events that some of my colleagues invites me to.

 

 

Why is it so hard? I feel like I'm the only person who is burned majorly by this. One thing I learned so far is how retarded and isolated as a person I am. I should maybe talk to someone because something might be really wrong with me and I just realized that with this experience that I'm socially awkward and lot stupider that I thought because frankly, I thought I was doing ok in life until now, getting 90s in my thesis course, lab experiences, hanging out with friends.

 

Everyone walks separate path, in different city, different life. It's natural to be drifted away or so I thought. I'm lonelier than ever and experience in my lab is really making me feel disheartened in life in general.

 

Medicine seems like an impossible dream, I am not sure if I can get a good reference letter or be productive at all in those 2 years.

 

I am not sure if ombudsperson will help anyway, but I left a message during their office hour (Which they have not returned)

 

Sorry it's so depressing everyone, but I really needed to let it out, because I have no one to talk to and talking as anonymous under my ID allows me to express it honestly, because I come to realize that at my age, people don't generally offer their fragile and failing side (ie,.. confide with life) unless you are extremely close.

 

 

IF you have talked to ombudsperson and it helped, I appreciate it if you let me know.

 

 

Thanks for reading and I hope I can still dream.

 

Your story is so sad...what exactly are the other masters students doing? Why does your supervisor seem to be fine with them?

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to be honest, I don't know.

 

We can only conduct experiment after the approval, and I really have hard time talking to my supervisor, sometimes it takes a week to talk to them and one cosupervisor that shows open hostility (ignoring hello and averting eye contact) actually says 'no time, next time' everytime I muster a courage to speak to him.

 

He comes often in my office to talk to my other colleagues and both are his direct students I'm the only co-supervised student.

 

 

Also, the nature of the work is different I work with tissue samples and other students with live animals, so they have more work, and more data whether they want it or not anyway.

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to be honest, I don't know.

 

We can only conduct experiment after the approval, and I really have hard time talking to my supervisor, sometimes it takes a week to talk to them and one cosupervisor that shows open hostility (ignoring hello and averting eye contact) actually says 'no time, next time' everytime I muster a courage to speak to him.

 

He comes often in my office to talk to my other colleagues and both are his direct students I'm the only co-supervised student.

 

 

Also, the nature of the work is different I work with tissue samples and other students with live animals, so they have more work, and more data whether they want it or not anyway.

 

Hmm... It almost seems as if he is trying to protect his intellectual investment in his directly supervised students.. maybe it will be better if you gave up the co-supervisor and stuck to the other supervisor?

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I'm currently enrolled in MSc program.

 

I am thinking about talking to ombudsperson soon because I really can't stand the environment I'm in.

 

I have been sucking up since September, about half way (December?) I broke down and confessed to one of my cosupervisor that I wasn't sure I was fit for the project or the lab (my lab is really big and although at the beginning I was envisioning getting along with lot of people and eventually form a close friendship, it was proven that it would be impossible. I feel the distance and it's not really openly hostile but uncomfortable air lingers)

 

My cosupervisor asked for me to think for few days and get back to him which other supervisor I would like to work with. But then after going it over, I wasn't sure if I would be able to restart with a new supervisor, because switiching supervisor is not normal and unless you switch your department you will see people and I didn't want to be a subject of conversation.

 

So ther was a social pressure and the expectation that I had set for myself and lastly I really didn't know what to do and without having anyone to talk to (not even my parents) days passed. IT is a torture to swallow your pride and work under someone who does not think so highly of you.

 

My cosupervisor is very busy so he doesn't get to see me too much so its ok, the problem is my other cosupervisor didn't think much of me before and now because they are very close to each other, I am sure they talked about my situation and the other supervisor openly shows hostility (I'm not sure what else to describe it)

 

Even though my supervisor shares same building and same hall way, he refuse to do anything with me, and that includes teaching me so that I can at least get my work done, write and leave within 2 years.

 

My other colleagues who have came to the lab at the same time as I did are going to conferences and I am the only one who's not. The last time I conducted experiment was december and I'm supposedly still " analyzing" them.

 

Everyone else is so busy, getting work done, me one the other hand, I'm always waitin. Even e-mails are now being ignored and we are in a same hall way!

 

On top of that I made a major mistake in my first experiment, so now I'm incompetent as well.

 

 

I've given up so much for the MSc, because I wanted to make research priority, I've given up my volunteer activities, because when I was running my first experiment, I would sometimes stay until 7 or 8pm (from 9am in the morning) and thought it was normal, because everyone in my lab work that hard.

 

 

I'm the last one to know what is really going on, and I'm forgotten alot, with supervisor who dislike me, lab collegues who I failed to warm up to, and no results, my intent on using these 2 years to learn more about reseach in science and to learn to think critically ie.// good experience is turing sour with extra bad taste in mouth to several people I have come to affiliate with.

 

Sometimes I just want to not go and just drop everything and leave. But I don't know what else to do. I did well in my grad courses and I do enjoy the intellectually stimulating seminars and social events that some of my colleagues invites me to.

 

 

Why is it so hard? I feel like I'm the only person who is burned majorly by this. One thing I learned so far is how retarded and isolated as a person I am. I should maybe talk to someone because something might be really wrong with me and I just realized that with this experience that I'm socially awkward and lot stupider that I thought because frankly, I thought I was doing ok in life until now, getting 90s in my thesis course, lab experiences, hanging out with friends.

 

Everyone walks separate path, in different city, different life. It's natural to be drifted away or so I thought. I'm lonelier than ever and experience in my lab is really making me feel disheartened in life in general.

 

Medicine seems like an impossible dream, I am not sure if I can get a good reference letter or be productive at all in those 2 years.

 

I am not sure if ombudsperson will help anyway, but I left a message during their office hour (Which they have not returned)

 

Sorry it's so depressing everyone, but I really needed to let it out, because I have no one to talk to and talking as anonymous under my ID allows me to express it honestly, because I come to realize that at my age, people don't generally offer their fragile and failing side (ie,.. confide with life) unless you are extremely close.

 

 

IF you have talked to ombudsperson and it helped, I appreciate it if you let me know.

 

 

Thanks for reading and I hope I can still dream.

 

Sorry to hear about your experience in the lab so far. As a former MSc who also had somewhat challenging (by far, an understatement!) relations with their supervisor, I can relate to your story. Unfortunately every supervisor is different, and from what I personally observed and from the experiences of my colleagues, many are very similar to what you described.

 

The only thing I can recommend is trying your best to show your supervisor wrong. Get a fresh start on your project - talk to people on your committee or ask your colleagues in the lab for their time and advice. You might not be on the best terms with them, but perhaps if you put yourself out there you could possible gain their opinions and expertise. They might have been in that lab (and working with that supervisor) for longer than you, and could have some useful constructive advice. You really have to put yourself out there, but keep your head high and don't give up. Pursue your experiments with the dedication and standards that you hold for yourself, and do your best to not listen to unfounded negativity.

 

My experience was very similar - I was an extremely dedicated student, spending all day and weekend at the lab with very little acknowledgment or encouragement (if anything, he constantly put me down) from my supervisor. But, two years does go by fast, and if you do your best to work past the negative comments and to gain the advice of others....you can definitely do it! And your defense will be the greatest, happiest moment - you overcame that obstacle and finished with success.

 

There were other students in my lab who ended up leaving the program, or switching to another supervisor. The one student who switched actually ended up in a very supportive environment with an excellent supervisor - so it is possible!

 

Also, just some reading material for you: http://jcs.biologists.org/cgi/content/full/121/11/1771

 

From this article, my own experience, and the experiences of my friends - I can tell you that research can be unbelievably difficult, but you can make it through. Perhaps that feeling of "not being good enough" will never go away, but at least it's a challenge you WILL be able to overcome. Good luck and remember that you are an intelligent, competent, dedicated student, and it is possible! :)

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One thing I forgot to mention - talk to your department. They are there to support you! Meet with the chair and explain your situation. The way your supervisor treats you is completely inappropriate, but unfortunately is reality. They should be able to offer some advice.

 

Good luck!

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I realized that, I mean I'm only MSc student and the other PhD (I also made it clear at the beginning that I will only do Msc) . but hearing from third party make it...you know when you always have a conviction and when you hear it from other people it's more real than your conviction...haha

 

I only found that he favours people very heavily after joining the program. He was very pleasant and welcoming when I first met him and his students portrayed him well. (I also learned that one of the MSc student left this program and joined entirely different program and even though we are all in same campus, I never saw him vist) Guess I should have collected more information.

 

Those student that he favours, he would invite them to dinners and have them look after his children (like picking them from school or babysit).

 

I was also shocked when he openly criticized seminar speakers with his close phD student like saying how a speaker was a horrible speaker, it was a stupid question and stuff. I can't imagine what he says about me. From a distance he seemed really respectable and passionate about his research and along with positive feedback from his student that I joined the lab.

 

 

I never encountered people like this before at least in close proximity and I guess lack of experience and handling situation with different people are what I'm lacking. I've been pretty lucky that almost all the people I have been affiliated with were pretty intelligent and friendly sort.

 

 

I do though, hope that these experience and hardship will teach me something and will be valuable in long term. Its just sometimes like a panic attack, it dawns on me how I can't keep look at optimistically of the situation and the treatment I'm recieving.

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I just saw your reply. Thank you so much for your support and advice.

 

I wish I can do that and trust my department is supportive, but my other cosupervisor (who I broke down to) is the chair of the department and the other cosupervisor is his family member, they do lot of researches together and my research project overlap both of their interest, and thus I became 'cosupervised'

 

I'm in sticky situation so to speak. 2 years go by fast and that scares me the most, I feel I would be the ultimate failure with this experience and the finale would be bye bye medicine forever.

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inspi(red), just read your post, and I sympathize. I was in (almost) exactly the same position several months ago, working for a supervisor I didn't like, and who didn't like me, and unfortunately with lab mates I either didn't get along with, or didn't see enough to establish a relationship. It's tough to go into the lab every day, knowing there's awkwardness and/or hostility awaiting at some point through the day. But, as other posters have mentioned, 2 years does go by quick. I endured the degree for my own benefits, including admission to medicine, but also for the chance to publish and make a scientific discovery, and I did those things. Looking back now, it was worth it, without a doubt. The day I finished I left that place and never went back, and have had no contact with my supervisor. It kinda sucks, as I thought it would be a lasting relationship, but I'm moving on. I guess the point is, I did it, so you can do it. Put your nose to the grindstone, so to speak, and get your project done and thesis written, then leave and don't go back. If it's medicine you're after, think of this as yet another test, as well as an opportunity to build up a thicker skin. I did notice you mentioned having to build up courage to talk to your supervisor. I say, don't be scared. Go in, ask for what you want, and if he/she doesn't offer it, go to someone else, until you get it. You have places to go, so stop wasting time being afraid of this person. Also, there are channels in the school to help you with a pr@# supervisor. Let me finish by saying, it was HELL getting through that degree with those people, but totally worth it- I'm now in medicine, and they're left behind for good. Good luck.

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Hey!

 

Man, after reading your message I felt terrible for you. :(

 

I luckily had a fantastic supportive supervisor. However, I had a committee member that really disliked me and made my life HELL.

 

He never offered any support for me. Never complemented my work. Only told me that what I wanted to do was impossible and then when I made it possible he then had other negative things to say.

 

He once told me, during a committee meeting in front of everyone that he thought my work was "pseudo science" while throwing his hands up in the air (hahahaha....this might give me away if anyone is in my dept). This man made me cry so much!

 

Then he went away for a year and NEVER returned my e-mails. Even so, I made sure that I had more than enough committee meetings so that whatever he hated I could change. Then came the defense, and I thought that he was on board with my project.....but no way. Even though I had already presented some of my stuff to him and he had not commented on it, suddenly it wasn't good enough. I asked him why he hadn't mentioned it at the bunch of committee meetings I had? His reply: "I wasn't paying attention".

 

After defending, he wouldn't sign off on my thesis. The changes he wanted me to make were huge and it made no sense to me or my supervisor why he was making such ridiculous demands. I cried for two straight weeks because this man had destroyed me and if I didn't fix it all up before the tuition deadline, I would have to pay for another semester. This was money that I didn't have.

 

So why all this pain? It was because of my supervisor. He just didn't like my supervisor and decided to make my life difficult. Seriously. Once I got both my supervisor and this dude back into the same room they just started arguing with each other (and I watched this strange spectacle) and finally we came to a compromise.

 

He also had a PhD student that was temporarily living with me when I was finishing up revising my thesis and she was always in tears too. He was terrible to her.

 

I know a bunch of grad students who feel completely underappreciated by their supervisors (or committee members), and with good reason. A bunch switched supervisors. I think that you shouldn't give up, but definitely do get in contact with that ombudsman. You shouldn't have to go through this. By being unhappy, this will stunt your academic productivity. I know of one student that was extremely unhappy in her lab because her supervisor looked down at her and never offered support, while everyone else in her lab was the cat's pyjamas.

 

And heck, I screwed up stuff all the time during my MSc. From screwing up, you learn so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Being ignored by your supervisor is his error. If a student needs help, it is his JOB to help. It is his job to teach you how to become an independent scientist (which requires guidance on his part). If he does not provide you with this, switch!!!!!

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Hey!

 

Man, after reading your message I felt terrible for you. :(

 

I luckily had a fantastic supportive supervisor. However, I had a committee member that really disliked me and made my life HELL.

 

He never offered any support for me. Never complemented my work. Only told me that what I wanted to do was impossible and then when I made it possible he then had other negative things to say.

 

He once told me, during a committee meeting in front of everyone that he thought my work was "pseudo science" while throwing his hands up in the air (hahahaha....this might give me away if anyone is in my dept). This man made me cry so much!

 

Then he went away for a year and NEVER returned my e-mails. Even so, I made sure that I had more than enough committee meetings so that whatever he hated I could change. Then came the defense, and I thought that he was on board with my project.....but no way. Even though I had already presented some of my stuff to him and he had not commented on it, suddenly it wasn't good enough. I asked him why he hadn't mentioned it at the bunch of committee meetings I had? His reply: "I wasn't paying attention".

 

After defending, he wouldn't sign off on my thesis. The changes he wanted me to make were huge and it made no sense to me or my supervisor why he was making such ridiculous demands. I cried for two straight weeks because this man had destroyed me and if I didn't fix it all up before the tuition deadline, I would have to pay for another semester. This was money that I didn't have.

 

So why all this pain? It was because of my supervisor. He just didn't like my supervisor and decided to make my life difficult. Seriously. Once I got both my supervisor and this dude back into the same room they just started arguing with each other (and I watched this strange spectacle) and finally we came to a compromise.

 

He also had a PhD student that was temporarily living with me when I was finishing up revising my thesis and she was always in tears too. He was terrible to her.

 

I know a bunch of grad students who feel completely underappreciated by their supervisors (or committee members), and with good reason. A bunch switched supervisors. I think that you shouldn't give up, but definitely do get in contact with that ombudsman. You shouldn't have to go through this. By being unhappy, this will stunt your academic productivity. I know of one student that was extremely unhappy in her lab because her supervisor looked down at her and never offered support, while everyone else in her lab was the cat's pyjamas.

 

And heck, I screwed up stuff all the time during my MSc. From screwing up, you learn so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Being ignored by your supervisor is his error. If a student needs help, it is his JOB to help. It is his job to teach you how to become an independent scientist (which requires guidance on his part). If he does not provide you with this, switch!!!!!

 

HAHA... this is so true... even though im only in second year, I managed to get a nice laboratory science research position. In my very first week there, I made a serious error which wasted a hundred bucks worth of reagents. When I told my supervisor, all he said was "and now you know".

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HAHA... this is so true... even though im only in second year, I managed to get a nice laboratory science research position. In my very first week there, I made a serious error which wasted a hundred bucks worth of reagents. When I told my supervisor, all he said was "and now you know".

 

at least you didn't burn down the lab. kidding

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You are definitely not the only person who feels like this, and there's a good chance that other people in your department feel the same way, but are trying very hard not to let on so that people don't find out. Most grad students feel like this at some point. I could tell you all kinds of horror stories about my own life as a grad student, and I will if you think that it would helpful to hear some of them. :)

 

But don't let this make you feel like you don't deserve to be there. Everyone feels like an imposter in grad school. They didn't make a mistake when they admitted you. You are working hard, and the people who are supposed to be helping you aren't. The problem is that when people act like you're crap, you start to believe it. You shouldn't. You are just as good as they are, and you can do this. Just keep working hard, and remember that in the end it looks really bad for your department when they have a student that doesn't finish, so even if they're jerks, it's in their own self-interest to help you out in the end, and as you get closer to the end of your 2 years, they will start feeling that pressure.

 

With that being said, though, I absolutely think you should talk to the ombudsperson and anyone else at your school who could possibly help. Even though a lot of grad students go through this, that doesn't mean you should just suck it up and not try to change it. The following google search may convince you that in fact there is nothing wrong with you and you are not socially challenged and stupid:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&q=imposter+syndrome+graduate+school&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=

 

I also recommend reading PhD Comics if you do not already (http://www.phdcomics.com) and checking out their grad student forums. There are grad students from all over the world on their who will be able to give you even more advice and support.

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Not much to add here except to reiterate that it is very normal to have many (most?) experiments not work and to feel like you don't know what you're doing. I have a very hands-off supervisor (we talk about my project like twice a year) and I've found that if I want to learn something, I have to either ask around or teach myself. It fails often, but I guess it builds character or scientific ability or something!

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But don't let this make you feel like you don't deserve to be there. Everyone feels like an imposter in grad school. They didn't make a mistake when they admitted you.

 

...

 

I also recommend reading PhD Comics if you do not already (http://www.phdcomics.com) and checking out their grad student forums. There are grad students from all over the world on their who will be able to give you even more advice and support.

 

I totally felt that way (like an imposter) until I was done. And then I realized how I really did belong all along.

 

AND listen to astrogirl....PhD comics saved my life during my dark graduate student days!!!!

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HAHA. I was there doing a ROP.

 

When did it happen? all i know is that when we came back for school, a section of the chem building was cordoned off... and for many years (and for years to come), the pictures of the lab room was shown in first year/second year training as an example of what you SHOULDN'T DO!!

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When did it happen? all i know is that when we came back for school, a section of the chem building was cordoned off... and for many years (and for years to come), the pictures of the lab room was shown in first year/second year training as an example of what you SHOULDN'T DO!!

 

There was a fire there this summer. Smelt really bad because some chemical was released in the fire. ARe you referingto a previous incident

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There was a fire there this summer. Smelt really bad because some chemical was released in the fire. ARe you referingto a previous incident

 

the incident i'm referring to was a fire caused by a graduate student who tossed a towel soaked with reducing agent into a receptacle intended for oxidizing reagent. After the student left, the reaction accelerated and blew/melted away half of the lab... The picture was awesome, I have never before seen Half a fumehood

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