future_doc Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 I am now listening to CBC Radio and a woman wrote a book on "How to Raise a Boyfriend". She says that children are more respectful, kind, decent than a b/f. So any suggestions how to raise a boyfriend or girlfriend, lol. Sort of like potty training perhaps, lol, how to get them to do what is needed for a sustainable relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarathonRunner Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Well, I'm married, and maybe I was lucky, but my husband was incredibly kind, caring, patient, and respectful right from the start! Far more than any children I've come across. On our first date, my husband threw out his cigarettes - he knew I didn't smoke, knew that I didn't approve of smoking, and knew that if he wanted anything more than just friendship with me, he would have to give up smoking. I didn't pressure him to do so (at the time I was happy with his as a friend), but it was something that I inspired him to do. I also don't think you can change or "train" someone. If you love them, you have to accept them as they are, faults and all. Now, your significant other may inspire you to change, but the change has to come from within. My husband and I often say that we bring out the best in each other - which is very true! We inspire each other to be the best we can be, as corny as that sounds. I've inspired my husband to give up some of the excesses that were part of his life as a single army officer (smoking, drinking heavily on weekends when off duty), and he's inspired me to relax and loosen up, and take more chances. I don't know, maybe I won the relationship lottery, but I don't think you can "train" someone to be a good boyfriend. A person may change by being around you, but the change has to come from within. You can't force someone to change. Now little things, like putting things away or in the garbage (I was notorious for leaving empty gatorade bottles next to my seat when hydrating after a run - my husband eventually got me to put them in the recycle bin after finishing one instead of letting them pile up), or putting the toilet seat down, or putting clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor - now those little things can definitely be "trained" - although those requests have to be done in a fun and/or teasing manner, not in a nagging or upset one, or by "showing/modelling" the "correct" behaviour in a non-judgmental fashion. If it is something that truly bothers you (ie. you are a neat freak and your partner is a slob), then you may never get along with that person, as if they don't change, then it is likely to bother you and cause friction in the relationship. But, that's just my experience, and I had only two long-term relationships before meeting my husband, so I don't have a wealth of experience to draw upon. Others may have had other experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Well, I'm married, and maybe I was lucky, but my husband was incredibly kind, caring, patient, and respectful right from the start! Far more than any children I've come across. On our first date, my husband threw out his cigarettes - he knew I didn't smoke, knew that I didn't approve of smoking, and knew that if he wanted anything more than just friendship with me, he would have to give up smoking. I didn't pressure him to do so (at the time I was happy with his as a friend), but it was something that I inspired him to do. I also don't think you can change or "train" someone. If you love them, you have to accept them as they are, faults and all. Now, your significant other may inspire you to change, but the change has to come from within. My husband and I often say that we bring out the best in each other - which is very true! We inspire each other to be the best we can be, as corny as that sounds. I've inspired my husband to give up some of the excesses that were part of his life as a single army officer (smoking, drinking heavily on weekends when off duty), and he's inspired me to relax and loosen up, and take more chances. I don't know, maybe I won the relationship lottery, but I don't think you can "train" someone to be a good boyfriend. A person may change by being around you, but the change has to come from within. You can't force someone to change. Amazing & powerful story and indeed, you have won the relationship lottery. You can have a career in relationship advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MD2015 Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 Treat your s.o. like your favourite pet - lots of T.L.C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwh333 Posted August 24, 2011 Report Share Posted August 24, 2011 Well, I'm married, and maybe I was lucky, but my husband was incredibly kind, caring, patient, and respectful right from the start! Far more than any children I've come across. On our first date, my husband threw out his cigarettes - he knew I didn't smoke, knew that I didn't approve of smoking, and knew that if he wanted anything more than just friendship with me, he would have to give up smoking. I didn't pressure him to do so (at the time I was happy with his as a friend), but it was something that I inspired him to do. I also don't think you can change or "train" someone. If you love them, you have to accept them as they are, faults and all. Now, your significant other may inspire you to change, but the change has to come from within. My husband and I often say that we bring out the best in each other - which is very true! We inspire each other to be the best we can be, as corny as that sounds. I've inspired my husband to give up some of the excesses that were part of his life as a single army officer (smoking, drinking heavily on weekends when off duty), and he's inspired me to relax and loosen up, and take more chances. I don't know, maybe I won the relationship lottery, but I don't think you can "train" someone to be a good boyfriend. A person may change by being around you, but the change has to come from within. You can't force someone to change. Now little things, like putting things away or in the garbage (I was notorious for leaving empty gatorade bottles next to my seat when hydrating after a run - my husband eventually got me to put them in the recycle bin after finishing one instead of letting them pile up), or putting the toilet seat down, or putting clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor - now those little things can definitely be "trained" - although those requests have to be done in a fun and/or teasing manner, not in a nagging or upset one, or by "showing/modelling" the "correct" behaviour in a non-judgmental fashion. If it is something that truly bothers you (ie. you are a neat freak and your partner is a slob), then you may never get along with that person, as if they don't change, then it is likely to bother you and cause friction in the relationship. But, that's just my experience, and I had only two long-term relationships before meeting my husband, so I don't have a wealth of experience to draw upon. Others may have had other experiences. well said MR. now that we are on this topic, would you say this is true the other way around? as in men can't change women, and that change comes within. i would assume so based on what you said, but i would like to hear your insight. please don't be bias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 24, 2011 I wonder if the Pavlovian approach of reward and punishment may have merit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seann Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 I wonder if the Pavlovian approach of reward and punishment may have merit. We're talking about human beings not dogs you weirdo. You don't train people to become who you want them to be. Accept your SO for who he/she is or move on. Also, listening to that feminist BS will ensure you will never find anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 We're talking about human beings not dogs you weirdo.You don't train people to become who you want them to be. Accept your SO for who he/she is or move on. Also, listening to that feminist BS will ensure you will never find anyone. i lol'd hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThomasRolland Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 I agree with seann. This is one of the weirdest, creepiest, most anti-social threads I've seen on this forum.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 ^ ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThomasRolland Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 ^ ........ You are embarrassing yourself... seriously. Let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curi0user Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 I like all the quirks and differences... how boring would it be if he were perfect lol. LAME. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larva Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 We're talking about human beings not dogs you weirdo.You don't train people to become who you want them to be. Accept your SO for who he/she is or move on. Also, listening to that feminist BS will ensure you will never find anyone. Please don't associate man bashing/hating with "feminism". Not the same thing! -a proud feminist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted August 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 just ignore immature little people with lack of decorum for they know not what they do and are not yet responsible for their deeds or words - indeed, they need training badly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erk Posted August 27, 2011 Report Share Posted August 27, 2011 Please don't associate man bashing/hating with "feminism". Not the same thing! -a proud feminist Me too! I miss the days when men could be feminists without getting weird looks. Anyway. I'm an intensely immature man who likes playing lego and running in circles shouting. I found a wife who can tolerate me most of the time. If you want to change the one you love, it's not love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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