do i have a problem?

[Guest larasmith]

i just wanted to check if there is something wrong with me. i feel like i'm going crazy slowly. i sit for hours and hours...days and days and not do anything at all. nothing as in absolutely nothing. i can't even study no matter how hard i try. i feel like a blank wall...like i have no life inside of me. also, when i'm thinking it gets kind of weird. i think about conversations in a transcript form. and then it gets into the really off part. i form a question in my head that someone else would be asking me. (this person is ususally someone i know and have spoken with recently, or will speak with sometime soon.) and then i answer the question that i formed. this all happens inside of my head. but it's not like hearing voices or imagining things. i myself am forming the questions they would ask me. and then in this way somewhat of an imagined conversation is carried out. i am imagining what the other would say, and what i would say back. this doesn't happen all the time...but on average i would say once a day. also, i jog regularly to release built up motions cuz i internalize everything. i had a really bad childhood and wondering if it has caused some type of mental disorder. i'm really worried. i don't want to end up in a psych ward. maybe i should visit a psychiatrist before things get too serious? or am i normal?

[Guest Jochi1543]

I think going to a counselor would be a good start. You should either have one on campus or be able to get a referral from the campus health services. They should be able to decide whether you just need talk therapy or if you need anti-depressants.

[Guest marbledust]

i'm really worried. i don't want to end up in a psych ward. maybe i should visit a psychiatrist before things get too serious? or am i normal?

 

Adding to Jochi's suggestion of accessing your school's counselling services, you might want to see your family doctor. Both places are good resources to help pinpoint the problem and look at things to help you. Generally, most psychiatrists need a referal from a family doc before you can make an appointment to see them--which is why your family doc (or the university health clinic) would be a good place to start. In many cases, the problem can be dealt with without a psychiatrist--if you are stressed out about the idea of a psychiatrist.

[Guest Malikar]

Ummm...

 

I dissociate all the time, like maybe for 90% of the day, not just "maybe once a day" like you, and I consider myself to be okay. I always have imaginary conversations in my head and my doctor told me it was healthy (I, too, used to worry.) Dissociation isn't bad, and indeed it can help us perform certain tasks better. Dissociating too much, as I do, can affect you. I know my memory suffers, for one. I used to have an excellent memory, now I can't remember what I ate yesterday. An idle mind truly is the devil's playground.

 

Now, if you aren't just making stuff up, and you really sit around all day and don't feel like doing anything, you could have depression. When you say "nothing as in absolutely nothing" my mind calls up images of shell-shocked soldiers from WWI. Do you really do nothing? When I tell people that I do nothing, it really means listen to music, watch downloaded shows on my laptop, and generally spend far to much time being unproductive while surfing the net. Sad, I know. I try to get out, play sports, drink, etc., to combat my apathy.

 

BTW, depression can cause more serious dissociation. Like I said though, most people will dissociate many times a day. I like to believe my dissociation comes from simply being a day-dreamer, combined with having nothing to keep my mind occupied. A curse of being of the first, true video-gamer generation :rolleyes . Maybe I'm depressed too, who knows.

 

You could always discuss things with your doctor, you know. He or she will definately have things to suggest to you, and will have a good idea of whether to recommend you see a psychiatrist.

 

BTW, about the forming-conversations-in-your-head thing, I do that far more than once a day. Far, far more than once a day, and I've done it since I was elementary school, or maybe highschool. I like to think I'm quite sane. A little weird perhaps, but certainly not headed towards any sort of looney-bin.

 

Oh, and I'm not sure about your age, but when people hit the end of puberty hormones change and this affects the mind. Often, mental problems will manifest in late teenagehood or young adulthood due to this. They can also occur just due to the fact that this is a very difficult and confusing period in a person's life.

 

Hope that helps, though after re-reading what I wrote I'm not entirely sure it will. lol.

 

Mal

[Guest larasmith]

Thank you all for your responses.

 

"When you say "nothing as in absolutely nothing" my mind calls up images of shell-shocked soldiers from WWI. Do you really do nothing?"

 

Yes, I really mean nothing. Nothing as in just sitting around and thinking. But I don't plan to do nothing the whole day. It just happens. And I get mad at myself for wasting so much time, but then the next day I do nothing again. Even if I have tons of things to do. But if there is some impending deadline for anything...like work or school due within the next twelve hours then I don't waste any time. Then I work non-stop until I get whatever done. But that's only max. 12 hours. Then back to doing nothing. So maybe I'm just really lazy? I didn't think I was depressed because I laugh a lot. My friends tell me that I laugh way too easily over pretty much nothing. But that's only if I'm around them. Otherwise, I feel so blah most of the time. Is laughing a good indicator of how depressed you are? Do depressed people still laugh?

 

"I dissociate all the time, like maybe for 90% of the day, not just "maybe once a day" like you, and I consider myself to be okay. I always have imaginary conversations in my head and my doctor told me it was healthy (I, too, used to worry.)"

 

"BTW, about the forming-conversations-in-your-head thing, I do that far more than once a day. Far, far more than once a day, and I've done it since I was elementary school, or maybe highschool. I like to think I'm quite sane. A little weird perhaps, but certainly not headed towards any sort of looney-bin."

 

So is that what it is called? Dissociate?

 

You have no idea how much better that made me feel, Mal. I seriously thought that only people with problems do that. Like I don't think people would actually admit to dissociating in real life. If someone asked me, I'd probably say no.

 

Btw, I'm 19. So maybe you're right about it being the hormones. Hopefully.

[Guest Anish P]

Lara, you're only 19? To me, it seems like you are just under a lot of stress...

 

I take it from your other posts that you are writing the MCAT soon... I don't mean to pry into your personal affairs, but why are you writing it so early? Are you even in university? Unless you have astronomical grades, you will need at least 3 or 4 years of undergrad + a degree to be competitive for entrance. You can wait until 3rd year to write the MCAT if you wanna...

 

I know at least for me, first-year university was a stressful and life-changing experience (I'm assuming you are in, or just completed, your first year). On top of that, you have to worry about the MCAT, which is plenty of stress, and also worry about applying through OMSAS and going through the whole pre-med thing.

 

Once again, I hardly know anything about you, but from reading your posts in this and other threads, I think you are getting (justifiably) overwhelmed with it all. It was a lot of stress for me too, and I'm in my mid-20's... I can only imagine how a 19-year old would take it.

 

I agree with some of the other posters about seeing a counsellor or family doc... but I think the meds suggestion was going a bit too far (I think docs these days are too quick to dish out the drugs, but that's another story for another day)... but I think that talking time to relax and unwind, and talking to friends/ppl on this forum would be the best help for you. You have lots of time to write the MCAT and go through the whole application/OMSAS thing... you're only 19... there is no rush! Take time to enjoy your first years of university and summers... if you are relaxed and in a happy/peaceful spot, you will do better at school and your grades will reflect that.

 

Once again, I don't know anything about your situation or life, so if what I wrote doesn't apply, or makes no sense to you personally, just ignore it

 

Good luck!

 

Anish

[Guest avarrin2001]

Lara,

 

I dont want to belittle your problem in any way... if you feel that you really need help, feel free to seek it out. No if's and's or but's about it. However, I am here to tell you that I know how you feel. During my undergrad degree, i would often waste so much time drifting off into nowhere... and I napped sooooo often... even if i slept all night, I would just get so tired thinking about all i had to do that i couldnt bring myself to doing any of it...then I would just get soooo angry at myself for wasting time doing nothing, only to end up frastrated and more worried. As for having conversations in my head... I have just finished my grad degree, and I STILL do that! I dont know why, and I dont know what it means, but if anyone does, please fill me in I just want you to know, you are not alone.... but if you feel it is just overwhelming, seek some professional help.

 

Things that help me out when i am in this kind of situation...

 

1. Plan. Write out a list of all you need to do, and then prioritise. I know at first, writing out a list might make you feel even more overwhelmed. But trust me, when you break it up into sizeable chunks, it feels more do-able. Prioritize the list... the most important things get done first. But also mix it up, after every big thing that you need done throw in something that is short and easy to tackle. And who doesnt love checking off of a list when they are acomplished

 

2. When you have a list of all you need to do, take a break. Take an afternooon just for yourself - hang out with your friends, go for a walk, hit the gym, do something to make you feel good. And dont feel guilty about what you arent doing (i.e., studying or whatever). Getting away even for a short while can rejuvenate you, at least for a bit... dont feel guilty for doing it, you need it for your mental health, and you will be more productive afterward.

 

3. Anytime you think of something you need to do, write it down! Even if it is stopping by the store to grab some milk. The more you try to remember in your head, the less likely you will remember, and the more stressed you will get. Keeping a pad of paper close by is really helpful. Especially if you are studying. IF something pops into your mind that you were supposed to do while you are already doing something else, dont stop what you are doing to do the thing you remembered... just write it down and get to it in due time (boy, that sounded more confusing than i meant it to be!). I know in undergrad this was my biggest fault. I could be studying one minute and the next minute, find myself in the kitchen doing dishes.. and I would be like "wait a sec, what am i doing here?! I was supposed to get that chapter read before I did anything!" My attention span can be so poor, i dont even realise that i am in the middle of something before i take off to do something else. Having a piece of paper there to jot down what you need to do, i.e., "email mom", will give you peace of mind long enough to finish studying and know you will not forget your mom when you are done.

 

4. Hehe if you can, write down your inner-monologues... You never know, it could make a publishable story...or you may be solving the worlds problems and not even know it

 

Keep smiling

Ange

[Guest Malikar]

larasmith,

 

Anish P and avarrin2001 have both given really good advice, some of the same advice I was given when seeking ways to reduce my stress-level. This really brings me to another point. I guess I didn't really say it at all in my text, but I was thinking it when I was writing earlier. Anish P was probably right on the money when he (she?) said that you are likely under stress.

 

If for some reason you do get referred to a psychiatrist, I'm with Anish P on staying away from the medications. I know a few people who've been on antidepressants and say it caused far more problems than it solved, and just made them feel numb. Once, I was put on Dexedrin (it's like Ritalin) for my attention-span problem and all it did was give me muscle tremors. Apparently I don't have ADD, go figure.

 

Every year, more and more studies come out disputing the benefit of antidepressants and at the same time other studies come out providing evidence for therapies like behavioral therapy. It doesn't take a genius to recognize a trend and so I'd recommend trying behavioral therapy, or other non-medicative therapies before going for medication. Unfortunately, doctors are under pressure by drug companies to prescribe more and more medications, or the same medications for less serious conditions. But that is a rant for another day.

 

The preceding paragraph was really only written because I felt the need to say it and not really cause I think it'll end up applying to you.

 

Anyways, the more you write larasmith, the more I wonder if somehow a clone of the opposite sex was made of myself. Ok, not really, but some similarities are uncanny.

 

Mal

[Guest Elliott]

I didn't really know what to think of your post when I first read it - I was slightly unsure of what you were getting at.

I am absolutely astounded by the number of people that have similar issues, including myself. I too have those days when I get nothing done, get mad at myself and then get nothing done again. I seem to waiver in this half reality - half imaginary world. I find anything to waste time. I feel brain dead. I end up getting worse and worse and things can just spiral out of control. I have to work hard to keep this problem at bay.

I think it is a combination of depression/anxiety. I can totally relate to excessive sleeping and still feeling tired. I wish I knew how to cure this problem. I have found, though, from my experiences, these things help:

1. Exercise

2. Avoiding alcohol and any other substance abuse

3. Keeping caffeine at bay

4. Eating well balanced meals (healthy foods!)

5. Sleeping around 8 hours a night - no more or less

 

As for girl-talk, just to let you know, some women experience simlar symptoms from PMS. I know around 19-20 I actually started having "real" PMS - you know, the kind where you crave chocolate and cry over anything... Anyway, I do have episodes of this behaviour more so when I am in that time frame. It helps me to know it's not me and just my body getting a little out of balance for a few days... Something to think about.

 

I know this is silly (and can't believe I am about to share this with the board), but when I am feeling this way, I crawl into bed with my kitty, my laptop and some yummy snacks, plug in Legally Blonde and relax. It is funny and motivating. I always feel better when I watch it!

 

Anyway, hope you find what helps - don't stop trying!

 

Elliott

[Guest larasmith]

Thank you all for your helpful advice and input. I really appreciate it. I'm kind of surprised that so many ppl seem to be doing what I do. Especially since you're all med students. That's a major relief. Because in the back of my mind I was thinking that if I have issues like these then I would never make a good doctor...or A doctor.

 

Anyway...here's my response to what each of you wrote.

 

Anish:

Yes, I really am 19. I'm going into my third year in September, so that is why I'm writing the MCAT this August. So really, it's not that early. I might postpone it to next April/August though because I really haven't been able to study much this summer. I got back my second full length and went up a bit to 7-7-9 S but that's only a 23. But I guess the improvement is decent for putting in very little effort so far. Maybe I am too stressed and overwhelmed. I'm a little pressured by family though. The biggest stress though is that I won't get accepted into med school. I personally don't mind doing a master's and applying until I do get in, but I don't think they'd be okay with that. Everything is go-go-go...don't waste time...etc. They'd be really disappointed. So yeah, that's stressing me out majorly. I wish I could just forget about that and just do whatever I want whenever. There is this one master's program that I really want to do but even some of my friends are saying that there's no point if my ultimate goal is medicine. So I don't know. And also, there are some serious family problems to deal with which doesn't help things either. So yeah, stress is an issue.

 

Ange:

I'm definately going to try your plan. I started making a list today of what I have to get done. I think your advice is going to help reduce the chaos of this summer, and allow me to accomplish more during the day. Actually it's kind of funny that you mention the internal monologue writing because I took writing classes in high school and would mainly submit my internal monologues as poetry and the teacher encouraged me to publish my work. I haven't done that yet...or written anything since high school but I guess it's time to start.

 

Mal:

I think I will avoid the medications. I'm starting to think that I'm really not losing it. Maybe I'm more normal than I thought I was. It seems like a lot of you here do the same things as me, and you guys are all fine. A clone, eh? lol. I didn't think I said all that much but you can definately get a lot out of ppl through these postings. Out of curiousity, what similarities were uncanny?

 

Elliot:

I don't think that's silly at all. Thanks for sharing. It's definately better than staring at the walls lol. Actually, when I read it I was thinking awww, how cute...esp. with your kitten and everything. But I agree, Legally Blond is great. But I've only watched it once. I don't drink any caffeine, except for coke once in awhile. But I don't sleep much. I eat unhealthy most of the time. I don't exercise. I don't do drugs but I drink occasionally. So I'm definately going to follow your advice to make myself feel better.

 

Thanks again to everyone. You guys are awesome.

[Guest Konale]

"There is this one master's program that I really want to do but even some of my friends are saying that there's no point if my ultimate goal is medicine."

 

Just wanted to add in - even if your final goal is medicine, a master's degree could be very useful. It gives you the chance to explore something else that you enjoy, gives you a little more time to apply/do your MCAT, and could open more doors in the future. If it's something that really interests you.

[Guest larasmith]

Thanks, Konale. The programme really does interest me...and it'll give me a good job if I don't get into med school. But I still have two years of undergrad left to decide.

 

My major question right now is: should I write the MCAT this August? I've already registered, but since I really haven't been able to study much....should I wait? Or should I try studying hardcore until the 20th and see what happens? Kaplan says you can retake their course if you've been to all the classes and did the min. requirements...which I have done. But I really want to do well on it, not mediocre. Also, I'm working full time. And I'm volunteering. As well, I'm taking six courses each term next school year...so I don't know if it would be a good idea to take it in April. But the extra course I'm taking is super easy, and I love the subject. So I guess it really doesn't count as six courses. But for next summer, I'm was going to volunteer for a month in another country in May. So I'd only be able to start studying in June. I really don't know what to do about this. Any suggestions for when to write the MCAT?

[Guest Konale]

Everybody's different, but given the choice I don't think I'd elect to do the MCAT more than once, unless it was absolutely necessary. It was a long test.

 

I worked full time, volunteered and studied a few hours a day from about May-August something, and it worked out ok for me. IMO, if you don't need to do it now, you don't feel ready, things are exceedingly busy and next summer might work for you, do it next time. But you have to do what's right for you To be honest, I don't think I would have felt fully prepared for it no matter how long I had to study .. but it some of my undergrad courses really helped, and I thought a lot of it was about how you think, not specifically what you know.

 

Either way you decide to go, good luck

[Guest petiD]

Hi.

Just briefly, b/c I am madly trying to finish a report for work that I so left till the last minute... Spent 1.5 months in my office staring out into space and surfing the net and feeling rotten about it ... (See, you are by no means alone!)... and now I'm paying for it!

But about the MCAT...

I took it last year while I was working full time, volunteering and dealing with a pretty major family crisis. I didn't take a course and did not feel ready at all. I took the MCAT anyways b/c the school I planned to apply to, UBC (only applied to one school as a third year applicant) takes only the best MCAT marks anyways. Well, I ended up doing even WORSE than I had been doing on the practice exams...! Totally freaked out and got triple 8's. I wasn't too choked though and looked at it as a practice round... BUT, it didn't seem to matter to UBC and I was offered acceptance anyways.

Moral of the story... I'm so glad I did that MCAT !

Check with the schools you want to apply to regarding their policy for multiple MCAT scores and the emphasis they put on the MCAT.

Good luck!

petiD

(PS, in some ways your post made ME feel more normal!:smokin !)

[Guest larasmith]

Thanks for the advice. I'm really stressing out about this, and because I'm stressing out so much I can't study at all. It's a really bad cycle. I don't have to write it this year. I'm not feeling ready. I'm taking organic chemistry this summer in addition to working and that takes up a lot of time. And orgo finishes completely at the end of next week so I'll have to be studying for the final exam all of next week because there's so much info to go through, which means I won't be able to study for the MCAT this week at all. Starting Sunday, August 8th is when I'll be done that course completely and free of volunteer commitments. So that's when I'll have the most time study for the MCAT, but that really doesn't give me a lot of time. And I realized that if I retake the Kaplan course, it has to be for the April MCAT (next test date). But that's worrying me because of the six courses/part-time job/EC's. But if I started this summer somewhat, then I figured by April it should be fine if I start putting in decent hours each week at the end of this month and during school in September. I"m kind of leaning towards not writing it this summer. Does that sound like an okay plan? I'm sorry for bringing this up again but I really don't know if I'm making the right choice or not.

[Guest Ruenil]

Do what causes you the least stress.

 

If writing it next April or next August both works for you as far as applying to schools when you want to apply, and it reduces the stress in your life, do it.

 

Good luck, whatever you decide

[Guest Anish P]

I agree with Ruenil. If you are too stressed out to write it this year, and if you don't really have to do it right away (as far as I can see, there doesn't seem to be any great rush -- you're still a teenager!), then don't... it would be better to preserve your sanity, write it next year, when you can give 110% and smoke the test

 

Anish

[Guest larasmith]

That's what I was hoping to hear...so glad you two said that!! Finally decided to wait until at least April, so that's a major relief.

 

Btw, all of you were right. Apparently I just have too much stress on me, and symptoms of mild depression which should end once I de-stress. So it feels good to know that I haven't officially lost it yet.

 

All of you have been very helpful. Thanks a lot.

 

Lara

[Guest kupo]

hey larasmith,

 

As for my 2 cents, no I don't think you have a problem. I have had similar moments, maybe or maybe not to the same degree. I too have had anxious thoughts about "what to do with my life", "is it the end of the world?" and "I'm bored, I do nothing, I get mad, and then do nothing - what do I do?". As for my experiences I did my best to take initiative and deal with those questions I had about myself and my future:

 

1) What to do with my life: Medicine is a career I have had to really think about to be honest. At first it was something that was suggested to me, then I was thrown into first and second year where everyone seemed to wanna go, then it became something that I really wanted because of the skills (both life, social, and academic skills) that I acquired over time during undergrad. Something happened after 2nd year and I said to myself, "You know what, I'll give myself one extra year to think about it." So I joined Co-op. An even better bonus was all the life experience I acquired because i joined Co-op (I did work terms in other places in Canada and lived on my own). It took a lot of courage for me to make quite an important decision.

 

2) Is it the end of the world?: Strong group of friends and family support (especially mom and my girlfriend) convinced (or actually, reminded ) me that I was young and that there was no rush to get into medicine. I put everything into perspective and learned take one thing at a time. Easier said than done, but I managed to do it. Writing things down for even daily tasks was a great start (great advice by whomever posted that message).

 

3) Im bored, I get nothing accomplished: I've had those moments. For me I realized that feeling sucked, and I committed to the one thing that would get my mind off things: SPORTS. Team sports. I said, screw this, I want to have fun, I want to release all my emotions and physical "uptightness" (is that a word?) and all my stress.

 

You know, sports is what has have kept me sane all these years. Sports activities are something I've always looked forward to. It's given me a chance to play with my good friends, have good laughs, and have good eats after the game.

 

I could go on forever, but I thought I would lend you some of my experiences as well.

 

Kupo