Writing Sample Critique Corner

[O'Neill]

Here's one of mine.

 

Prompt: The primary goal of every business should be to maximize profits

 

In a competitive marketplace such as one present in many capitalist societies, businesses must be efficient in order to be successful or risk being eliminated by other more skilled entrepreneurs. Part of this efficiency is measured by the amount of profit that can be made, which if high enough allows the business to thrive and expand. This is usually accomplished through re-investment in infrastructure, but the profits can also attract more investors further fueling this expansion. It is obvious then, that if a business is to survive in a competitive market, one of its primary goals should be to maximize profits.

 

However, it is also possible that maximizing profits, although great for the shareholders, might not be desired. Consider the health insurance industry; this is an industry that functions to provide funds to individuals needing treatment. If the goal was profit maximization, companies would be advised not to provide the service for which they were initially paid. On the other hand, paying for medical procedures while risking a profit decrease, would engender feelings of good will toward the company from the public. It is possible that the behavior associated with providing a service as the primary goal would create more customers which could very well increase profits.

 

In the end therefore, it seems that the main determinant of whether a business should maximize profit depends on what the business provides and how it will survive under each policy. If a business sells a luxury good, then maximizing profits would be a worthwhile goal because it would increase the chance of business survival and probably would not engender bad feelings among customers because they usually expect to pay more for rare goods. If on the other hand, the business provides an essential service such as medical insurance, its survival could depend on a large risk pool (many customers) which could only be possible by pleasing customers by paying for medical procedures. After all, the customer is always right.

 

 

Thanks for your comments.

[thegame11]

any idea about this prompt????

 

 

The scientific pursuit of truth is flawed by economic and personal interests.

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the scientific pursuit of truth is not flawed by economic and personal interests. Discuss what you think determines whether or not scientific truth is flawed by economic or personal interests.

 

 

I'm really confused about this one, any ideas will help...

thanks.

 

This may be somewhat helpful...

 

Explain what you think the above statement means:

-"scientific pursuit of truth" - fundamental science research done to learn more about our Universe, understanding the physiological processes involved in animals, detailed mechanisms and functioning of physical phenomenon

-"economic and personal interests": driven by money, wealth, prestige, job security, improvement in lifestyle

-eg. A student working in science laboratory is usually not interested in "seeking the truth" but more interested in the type of job offers he/she will potentially get once they graduate. Beginner students conducting research interested in learning how to conduct research (personal gain) is not necessarily interested in the actual research

-eg. Pharmaceutical companies doing research are more interested in economic gain. Discovering a new drug is an investment of millions of dollar.

 

Antithesis:

-e.g. - A tenured professor, who will retire in few years, conducts research on physiological mechanism of nematode movement. The professor has very little personal gain. He has spent most of his professional life learning about nematodes and is just interested in the new discoveries.

 

What determines...:

-type of research that is conducted. Research being conducted that has a lot of direct implications on society will most likely have more personal & economic gain. eg. studying the exact gene that causes cancer vs. studying the genome which may be important in causing cancer

-dependent on institution where research is conducted: academic vs. private organizations. Private organizations leaning much more towards personal gain.

-person doing research: a tenured professor (who is going to retire soon) vs. (an extremely motivated) graduate student.

[Ahhdumb]

help plzzzzzzzzz

first time officially doing a timed practice essay, any criticism would be highly appreciated. One thing I know already I think I need to work on is sticking to my main idea. anyways heres my essay.

 

 

True leadership leads by example rather than by command

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which true leaders lead by command rather than by example. Discuss what you think determines when a leader should lead by example or command.

 

A true leader is a figure of guidance who can be looked upon for direction and clarification. Often the approach of an effective leader is to guide their followers through providing an accurate model of how to behave, act and reason. Such a means is effective in that whenever there is doubt among followers about any issue they can simply create a mental model of their leader and ask themselves “What would he/she do?”. The most important and universal example of leading by example is that of the everyday parent. The values and behavior of the parent are almost always mirrored in the children. A description of a parents behavior and attitudes is often a very accurate description of their childrens behavior and values. An extreme situation of the importance in which parents lead by example is the father son boston sniper killings. One would find it very hard to believe the son would have come up with this conception if the father did not have such deranged views of society. On the otherhand many situations deem leading by example to be in effective.

 

The school teacher is another of the worlds most important leaders. However if commands were never given in the classroom the children would be largely confused and without direction. There is a lack of unity between the goals of the teacher and the goals of the students so command must be used to direct the goals of the children towards that of the teacher. Wherein the example of the parents and children there is a generally unity in the goal of achieving a functional and happy family. Leading by example is ineffective for a teacher because the children do not perceive the acquisition of information as a priority whereas the teacher obviously does and must direct and discipline the children towards such an attitude.

 

The above two examples show that there are certain situations in which either leading by command or example can be effective. In matters where there is little unity leading by command is necessary to force the people to come together. However in situations where both the leader and the followers share a common goal and matters are of values and morals leading by example is most effective.

[dashley]

help plzzzzzzzzz

first time officially doing a timed practice essay, any criticism would be highly appreciated. One thing I know already I think I need to work on is sticking to my main idea. anyways heres my essay.

 

 

True leadership leads by example rather than by command

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which true leaders lead by command rather than by example. Discuss what you think determines when a leader should lead by example or command.

 

A true leader is a figure of guidance who can be looked upon for direction and clarification. Often the approach of an effective leader is to guide their followers through providing an accurate model of how to behave, act and reason. Such a means is effective in that whenever there is doubt among followers about any issue they can simply create a mental model of their leader and ask themselves “What would he/she do?”. The most important and universal example of leading by example is that of the everyday parent. The values and behavior of the parent are almost always mirrored in the children. A description of a parents behavior and attitudes is often a very accurate description of their childrens behavior and values. An extreme situation of the importance in which parents lead by example is the father son boston sniper killings. One would find it very hard to believe the son would have come up with this conception if the father did not have such deranged views of society. On the otherhand many situations deem leading by example to be in effective.

 

The school teacher is another of the worlds most important leaders. However if commands were never given in the classroom the children would be largely confused and without direction. There is a lack of unity between the goals of the teacher and the goals of the students so command must be used to direct the goals of the children towards that of the teacher. Wherein the example of the parents and children there is a generally unity in the goal of achieving a functional and happy family. Leading by example is ineffective for a teacher because the children do not perceive the acquisition of information as a priority whereas the teacher obviously does and must direct and discipline the children towards such an attitude.

 

The above two examples show that there are certain situations in which either leading by command or example can be effective. In matters where there is little unity leading by command is necessary to force the people to come together. However in situations where both the leader and the followers share a common goal and matters are of values and morals leading by example is most effective.

-The first thing you want to work on is your punctuation and general sentence structure (ex. there is one comma in the whole essay).

-The flow of ideas between sentences is choppy. Along these lines you want to ensure that every idea is expressed in the simplest way possible without superfluous words as they just confuse the general idea that you are trying to convey.

-I would stray away from emotionally charged examples because you never know who your marker will be and their views. That being said, you should also give a small explanation of your example. I personally have not heard of the boston sniper so I am automatically unsure if it is really relevant. Always assume they don't know.

-A good way to increase the unity of your essay is to have related examples for both the pro and con sides (ie. when a criminal/ teacher leading by example is good and when it is bad).

-Lastly, try and keep your essay balanced. The criteria and the explanation of it is lacking depth and clarity.

 

Anyways I hope those hints help. Solid first effort though.

[123coco]

Hi, this is the first MCAT WS essay I have ever attempted. Am I supposed to explain the what the prompt means?

 

Reading educates. Television entertains.

Describe a specific situation in which television can or might educate. Discuss what you think determines whether or not television can be educational.

 

Since its inception in the 1930s, the purpose of television has been to inform and entertain the public. Arguably, if properly done, both ends can simultaneously be met. Since 1969, Sesame Street has won a series of television awards for the educational nature of its programing. The creator of the show once said, ?if you can capture the attention of children for a minute, you can teach them something?. If Sesame Street has been so successful with children for generation after generation, it is because they have struck a balanced formula that allows them to infuse educational material in an entertaining fashion.

 

Television can be educational if it manages to support the curriculum taught in school. For example, Sesame Street combines vivid sensory stimulants to introduce children to the letters in the alphabet, basic arithmetics, geometric shapes, basic problem solving and socializing skills. These are all lessons that give pre-school children a head start in the classroom. Sesame Street can be considered as educational television because it enables the maleable minds of children to develop their intellectual faculties.

 

However, not many television shows have followed Sesame Street?s suit. Many television shows which target children produce programing that is devoid of educational content. For example, Power Rangers is an action pack television show which follows the real life Rangers as they use their unique super powers to fight evil and reinstate social order. Although the underlying moral of the show is that good always conquers bad, critics felt that the stories contained too much violence and was lacking educational material. Due to the mounting critics, in 2009 kids networks began to cancel their subscription to the show, and in late 2009, the network which owns the show decided to stop production.

 

The case of Power Rangers is all too familiar. A television show that seeks to entertain but not necessarily educate children. Although the story line of the series was conducive to teaching children to be good in life, it failed to support the curriculum taught in school. On the other hand, Sesame Street has experienced a tremendous amount of success with children, parents and television networks because the show continues to deliver fun programing that primes children for success in school. Therefore, the factor which determines if television can be educational or not, is if manages to use its programing to sustain and reinforce the academic curriculum in school.

________

List of Honda assembly plants

[Apixaban85]

help plzzzzzzzzz

first time officially doing a timed practice essay, any criticism would be highly appreciated. One thing I know already I think I need to work on is sticking to my main idea. anyways heres my essay.

 

 

True leadership leads by example rather than by command

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which true leaders lead by command rather than by example. Discuss what you think determines when a leader should lead by example or command.

 

A true leader is a figure of guidance who can be looked upon for direction and clarification. Often the approach of an effective leader is to guide their followers through providing an accurate model of how to behave, act and reason. Such a means is effective in that whenever there is doubt among followers about any issue they can simply create a mental model of their leader and ask themselves “What would he/she do?”. The most important and universal example of leading by example is that of the everyday parent. The values and behavior of the parent are almost always mirrored in the children. A description of a parents behavior and attitudes is often a very accurate description of their childrens behavior and values. An extreme situation of the importance in which parents lead by example is the father son boston sniper killings. One would find it very hard to believe the son would have come up with this conception if the father did not have such deranged views of society. On the otherhand many situations deem leading by example to be in effective.

 

The school teacher is another of the worlds most important leaders. However if commands were never given in the classroom the children would be largely confused and without direction. There is a lack of unity between the goals of the teacher and the goals of the students so command must be used to direct the goals of the children towards that of the teacher. Wherein the example of the parents and children there is a generally unity in the goal of achieving a functional and happy family. Leading by example is ineffective for a teacher because the children do not perceive the acquisition of information as a priority whereas the teacher obviously does and must direct and discipline the children towards such an attitude.

 

The above two examples show that there are certain situations in which either leading by command or example can be effective. In matters where there is little unity leading by command is necessary to force the people to come together. However in situations where both the leader and the followers share a common goal and matters are of values and morals leading by example is most effective.

 

Sorry but I have to say, oh man this is begging for a Sidney Crosby example

 

Synthesis: Haha, if I got this prompt, I honestly would mention a hockey captain such as Sidney Crosby who goes out there when his team is trailing a game and rather than do a RA-RA speech on the bench, just goes out there and does what needs to be done . But, your example is awesome too and pretty unique.

 

Antithesis: Your example is definitely perfect and right on I think.

 

However in situations where both the leader and the followers share a common goal and matters are of values and morals leading by example is most effective.

 

Right on!

[UTPEOPLE]

help plzzzzzzzzz

first time officially doing a timed practice essay, any criticism would be highly appreciated. One thing I know already I think I need to work on is sticking to my main idea. anyways heres my essay.

 

 

True leadership leads by example rather than by command

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which true leaders lead by command rather than by example. Discuss what you think determines when a leader should lead by example or command.

 

A true leader is a figure of guidance who can be looked upon for direction and clarification. Often the approach of an effective leader is to guide their followers through providing an accurate model of how to behave, act and reason. Such a means is effective in that whenever there is doubt among followers about any issue they can simply create a mental model of their leader and ask themselves “What would he/she do?”. The most important and universal example of leading by example is that of the everyday parent. The values and behavior of the parent are almost always mirrored in the children. A description of a parents behavior and attitudes is often a very accurate description of their childrens behavior and values. An extreme situation of the importance in which parents lead by example is the father son boston sniper killings. One would find it very hard to believe the son would have come up with this conception if the father did not have such deranged views of society. On the otherhand many situations deem leading by example to be in effective.

 

The school teacher is another of the worlds most important leaders. However if commands were never given in the classroom the children would be largely confused and without direction. There is a lack of unity between the goals of the teacher and the goals of the students so command must be used to direct the goals of the children towards that of the teacher. Wherein the example of the parents and children there is a generally unity in the goal of achieving a functional and happy family. Leading by example is ineffective for a teacher because the children do not perceive the acquisition of information as a priority whereas the teacher obviously does and must direct and discipline the children towards such an attitude.

 

The above two examples show that there are certain situations in which either leading by command or example can be effective. In matters where there is little unity leading by command is necessary to force the people to come together. However in situations where both the leader and the followers share a common goal and matters are of values and morals leading by example is most effective.

 

i like your first example. your antithesis lacks specificity and punch and clear connection. Many teachers do teach through examples (as in practicing math problems etc). If you want an area where command is paramount.. Just think military. Command is what get things done

 

For synthesis, your synthesis is good... but fairly common. A more unique one would be the timing. parents have ample time to lead by example, for children to slowly pick up the values and "the right way to do things". No such luxury in a war zone. To make sure things run smoothly, commands must be given (no time for soldiers to figure out for themselves what the best course of action is)

[Ahhdumb]

awesome guys, thanks so much for the help, really appreciate it =D

[123coco]

Can someone please critique this piece....I'm doing an at home study and have no clue to how I'm doing on WS. I think I royally messed this one up because I did not really stick to the prompt

 

In fulfilling their responsibility to cover all significant news events, the media must take care that the very act of covering an event does not itself create news.

 

Describe a specific situation in which media coverage of an event might legitimately be newsworthy. Discuss what you think determines when media coverage of an event creates news.

 

The primary responsibility of the news is to inform the public. To cover the cost associated to news production, news outlets must attract the advertisement dollars of corporation. To ensure that the commodity being peddled by advertisers receives maximum exposures, news outlets must attract large audiences. This latter task can only be achieved if the audience deems the news content to be worthy of viewing. Over the years, news outlets have created a formula to inform the public while simultaneously captivating their attention. This formula entails reporting on abnormal and tragic events that are out of the ordinary enough to keep the interest of viewers. Unfortunately, more often than not, the very act of covering an event becomes an event in itself.

 

In 2009, one of the largest televised events was the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson (MJ). In the last decade or so, MJ fell off the radar of most listeners as he had not produced any recent musical hits. The only time that the public would hear of him was when he was in legal hot waters or when he was spotted acting in bizarre fashion. When MJ died, news outlets all over the world scavenged for information as the public was fixated on his tragic death. The public was curious to understand the series of events that lead to the fall of the King of Pop. Unfortunately the death of this super star created a media frenzy as they teased every shred of information to increase their ratings. In the twisted world of television news, the death of MJ was newsworthy because his life was abnormal and his death tragic. In covering his death, however, the media made a circus out of the event. The sensationalization of a tragic event to gain higher ratings is unacceptable, however; there are times when such a practice may be necessary.

 

September 11th, 2001, terrorists used passenger airplanes to attack the World Trade Centre located in the heart of New York city, Manhattan. The number of casualties was in the thousands. Upon seing the horrifying images of the event, the world was in shock and everyone had legitimate questions and concerns. At the time, the news was the most pervasive communication medium and as a result authorities used it to inform and calm the public. For days on end, as more information was coming in, news networks shared that information with the public. The extensive coverage of 9/11 was legitimately sensasaionalized by news networks because they had a responsibility to inform the public and use their resources to reinstate social order. Some psychologists even go to great lengths to say that news outlets had to sensationalize 9/11 to trivialize the event and condition the public to dissassociate personal emotions to the tragic event. By doing so, the wider public was not deeply traumatized by the event and things returned to normal rather quickly, at least for those who weren?t related to the victims. Although sensationalization of tragic events is unacceptable, in the case of 9/11 it was acceptable because it was not done for higher ratings, rather; it was done for the interest of society.

 

What determines whether or not it is acceptable for the media to create an event in itself out of covering a tragic or abnormal event, is whether or not it is done for the good of the public or the interest of the corporations. In the case of MJ, the sensationalization of his death was done because news outlets saw it as an opportunity to boost their ratings and satisfy their corporate sponsors. One must realize that in no way, did this media circus help the family of the star or the investigation of his death. On the other hand, the sensationalization of 9/11 was acceptable as it was a period of social crisis where the public needed to be informed on the national security of the United States. Furthermore, the media was used as a tool to calm society and reinstate social order.

________

MEDICAL MARIJUANA DISPENSARY

[elixirman23]

Hey all, new to the forms - I'm preparing for the WS and I could really use your knowledge/skills in critiquing my essay.

 

Prompt: The best kind of education encourages students to question authority

 

Response:

 

Education can manifest itself in many forms, whether through formal schooling, personal experiences, or insight and lessons from role models and caregivers. In a similar fashion, the idea of authority has several connotations, some of the more apparent being government, parents, or individuals such as teachers and mentors. In the context of a formal education, the purpose is to enlighten an individual and provoke him or her to question the the unquestioned. Ultimately, this leads to a better understanding of the world and amelioration of fields that have yet to be explored. One of the most direct applications of this would be to question authority, such as the government. For example, law school graduates are encouraged to review current laws and regulations set by the government. Many times, such as in the case of judges of the supreme court, they will find that the government might have been unconstitutional in many of its previous doings such as the slavery and women's suffrage.

 

Though the judges had the proper education in order to question authority, in some cases, questioning authority is not beneficial to society. A fine line exists between an education that encourages questioning authority to better the nation and an education that promotes questioning authority to the extent that self-disciple and the fundamentals of education are compromised. A prime example of this situation would be a form of elementary schooling that encourages students to question their parents and teachers to the extent that there is loss of order. Students should be encouraged to question things around them but only in a proper manner. Blindly encouraging students could lead to disrespect for their elders during a time where they are still developing their beliefs and moral systems.

 

Hence, there are several situations in which an education that leads individuals to question authority leads to a state that is intrinsically better. Likewise, there are also situations in which and education that promotes the questioning of authority could ultimately disrupt the process of education itself. An important factor that distinguishes the two types of education is whether the those who are educated are have the sense of maturity and intellectual capacity to determine whether the authority is truly at fault for something. both types of formal education have are important and the extent to which students question authority is dually important.

 

Thanks!

[sgt.pepper]

Hey all, new to the forms - I'm preparing for the WS and I could really use your knowledge/skills in critiquing my essay.

 

Prompt: The best kind of education encourages students to question authority

 

Response:

 

Education can manifest itself in many forms, whether through formal schooling, personal experiences, or insight and lessons from role models and caregivers. In a similar fashion, the idea of authority has several connotations, some of the more apparent being government, parents, or individuals such as teachers and mentors. In the context of a formal education, the purpose is to enlighten an individual and provoke him or her to question the the unquestioned. Ultimately, this leads to a better understanding of the world and amelioration of fields that have yet to be explored. One of the most direct applications of this would be to question authority, such as the government. For example, law school graduates are encouraged to review current laws and regulations set by the government. Many times, such as in the case of judges of the supreme court, they will find that the government might have been unconstitutional in many of its previous doings such as the slavery and women's suffrage.

 

Though the judges had the proper education in order to question authority, in some cases, questioning authority is not beneficial to society. A fine line exists between an education that encourages questioning authority to better the nation and an education that promotes questioning authority to the extent that self-disciple and the fundamentals of education are compromised. A prime example of this situation would be a form of elementary schooling that encourages students to question their parents and teachers to the extent that there is loss of order. Students should be encouraged to question things around them but only in a proper manner. Blindly encouraging students could lead to disrespect for their elders during a time where they are still developing their beliefs and moral systems.

 

Hence, there are several situations in which an education that leads individuals to question authority leads to a state that is intrinsically better. Likewise, there are also situations in which and education that promotes the questioning of authority could ultimately disrupt the process of education itself. An important factor that distinguishes the two types of education is whether the those who are educated are have the sense of maturity and intellectual capacity to determine whether the authority is truly at fault for something. both types of formal education have are important and the extent to which students question authority is dually important.

 

Thanks!

 

I am also preparing, but your essay is 350 words. To people who got >R how long was your practise WS. I heard we should aim for 500-750 but obvious quality>quanity

[UTPEOPLE]

I am also preparing, but your essay is 350 words. To people who got >R how long was your practise WS. I heard we should aim for 500-750 but obvious quality>quanity

 

my s writing score was obtained with roughly similar sized essays, although my synthesis was slightly longer

[sgt.pepper]

my s writing score was obtained with roughly similar sized essays, although my synthesis was slightly longer

 

Thanks for clearing that up.

[whystress?]

Hey everyone, this is my first writing sample that I have written based on an MCAT promot. Some feedback as a starting point is much appreciated!

 

New developments in technology have caused us to become less creative

 

The general human population is less creative than previous generations due to the impacts of advancing technology.Tasks which were previously performed by people are now performed by technoloy. As a result,the aspect of thinking and problem solving has been replaced in many situations by computers which are programmed to "think" and "problem solve" in the same, and often in more advance, way that humans are meant to. Thus, the requirement for creative thinking in the process of human action and problem solving is no longer required as these previously humanistic actions are performed by computers.

 

However, new developments in technology do not always take away from human creativity. Particular developments can, and have, resulted in the promotion ofhuman creativity and served as a stepping stone to spark new and innovative aspects of creativity. An example of such a technological development is the computer software "Adobe Photo Editor". This program can be used to edit digital images, create new images and develop posters. If an individual is able to utilize this program to its full capability, the individual can develop and foster many creative skills and abilities, albiet not considered 'creative' in the traditional sense. The software can be used as a catalyst to stimulate creativity in that it provides the user the tools to produce their artistic ideas onto a computer screen, while easily making adjustments and modifications. Thus, not only does the software allow the individual to produce their artistic ideas faster than traditional methods such as painting, the ability to easily make adjustments to the end product can stimulate the user to add new and different facets to their project. Subsequently, the ability to be creative using the software itself is an important aspect. With time, the user is able to manipulate the program to produce the exact results they are interested in. Thus, less time is spent on organizing traditional tools such as different paint pallets, paper, brushes in the case of painting, amd more time is spent on brainstorming ideas and producing a product, which thus stimulates and encourages creativity.

 

Understanding which types of technological advancements take away from human creativity is important. Technology only requiring the user to perform mundane tasks (such as pushing a button) to produce a result without any intellectual thinking of why the task is being peformed takes away from human creativity as causes us to be less creative. For example, the explosion of the usage of 'texting' through cell phones has taken away from the requirement of human interaction, speech and basic communication skills. Situations in which an individual may need to think of a creative way to communicate their ideas are now simply expressed through short, quick sentences without the need for human contact. In a similar fashion, the internet, in its ability to send 'e-cards' have replaced the traditional Christmas, birthday and New Year's Cards. In the past, children and families would often buy or create and decorate their own greeting cards, which required thoughtful imput and creative ability to create an aesthetically pleasent card. Now, premade cards on the internet simply require the imput of text and an email address which requires absolutely no creativity on the part of the sender.

 

In conclusion, technologogy's impact on human creativity is dependent on the way in which the technology is incorporated and utilized in our world. Thus the overall impact of each new advancement in technology is indepedent and cannot be generalized.

[elixirman23]

my s writing score was obtained with roughly similar sized essays, although my synthesis was slightly longer

 

Thanks for the reply. just a quick clarification: similar sized as in 350 words or >500?

[cgy_guy23]

Thanks for the reply. just a quick clarification: similar sized as in 350 words or >500?

 

I have gotten S and T on the two MCATs I have written and the length was probably around 400-500 comparing it to the one above that is 350. I think the most important thing to get a strong writing score is to be succinct in your answer; be confident of your position as it will show through your writing but also point out possible weaknesses in the argument since the strongest essays always look at competing viewpoints. I find many people repeat themselves in an attempt to sound intelligent, but instead it just impedes the point they are attempting to make. Of course there is also more simple things like spelling and grammar to keep in mind - a few minutes at the end to go over the essay and perform a spell/grammar check can potentially make a whole letterpoint difference. Having a shorter, to the point but still strong essay will allow you to do this - the marker takes into consideration you only have 30 minutes per essay so they are not expecting a literary masterpiece. Good luck.

[Cautious]

"Teachers must accept partial responsibility for the failure of any of their students."

 

Support: Think of any kind of discrimination - student drops out of school because teacher constantly picks on him.

 

Counterexample: The aptitudes of the student himself may have led to failure, regardless of the teacher (eg. child born with fetal alcohol syndrome has a variety of neurological defects that impair learning - in this specific case, the mother who drank excessively during pregnancy must accept responsibility).

[cgy_guy23]

Government should not make laws regarding people's personal safety.

 

For this prompt could I talk about safety with respect to someones beliefs? Like I was thinking that I could maybe talk about how the government shouldnt make laws to protect someones beliefs but do you think that may be too much of a manipulation to the prompt?

 

I think there are supporting and opposing arguments for this prompt. Governments should make laws (and enforce them through institutions such as the FDA) when it protects personal safety - great example could be the food industry, specifically the meat industry. There are constant outbreaks of E. coli etc. due to failures in one or more steps of processing meat for consumption. If there were no laws whatsoever, there would be no incentive for large companies to withdraw their products from the market, invest in a lot of money to try and minimize contamination of their meat products etc. Especially in a capitalist system, the cheapest way to do things is often also the least safe for the consumer - thus protection laws must be in place.

 

Opposition to this argument basically stems from the fact that one's personal safety is not completely up to the government to ensure. If you wish to bungee jump or parachute, there should not be laws preventing you from doing so because it is potentially unsafe. Same goes for any risk activity - even more common sports can be hazardous or even deadly. In this case the argument is personal freedom and liberty - an individual is an autonomous entity capable of making decisions which inadvertently expose them to hazards...in a country such as the U.S. a lot of responsibility regarding one's personal safety is delegated to the individual rather than the government. An exception to this is children as they are not seen as intellectually capable of making decisions which may put them in danger. So if a parent lets a 4 year old wander the streets on their own to bring about their "independence" there is obviously an issue here and the government could potentially take away parental rights from the parent.

 

Hope this helps.

[cgy_guy23]

I am having trouble with these two prompts:

 

Teachers must accept partial responsibility for the failure of any of their students.

 

AND

 

A politician's true beliefs are displayed during a crisis.

 

 

Any ideas or thoughts would be helpful in getting me started. Thanks!

 

One name comes to mind...Winston Churchill. Google him for more information. But....basically his perseverance and optimism helped maintain the British people together and successfully fend off numerous Nazi attempts to take over the UK with their annoying bombings.

 

Hitler is another great WWII example. Why you ask? Well he was all hum-ho and confident during the "golden years" of the Third Reich - let us not forget his somewhat iconic god-like presentation during the many Nazi rallies in Berlin - but after his Operation Barbarossa went in the ****ter and the Russians started advancing on Germany, and the Allied infiltration at Normandy began Allies' advancement on the Western front, he became a reclusive, paranoid wimp who ended up shooting himself in an underground bunker (unless you are a conspiracy nut then he is living in hiding in S. America lol). In this case, Hitler's mentally unstable, paranoid, and lacking in confidence personality shone through! Many scholars actually think Hitler had a Napoleonic complex since he was kind of a wimpy reclusive child that nobody really liked..except his Mom...Hitler was a Momma's boy.

 

I don't know why but I find many many MCAT prompts have great opportunities for historical knowledge...especially the World wars, the Cold War etc. Why? Because there are so many facets which are often asked...things concerning government, economics, leaders, policies etc.

 

Hope this helps you!

 

P.S. While it is tempting to write about George Bush and his inadequacies, I almost always try to stray away from American politics...more specifically contemporary American politics since you never know who is marking your essay and they will undoubtedly be biased by what you write on these controversial topics - the bias could be in your favor, or very much against!

[deadmonton]

Just wanted some feedback on one I did in just over 30 min.

 

In politics, appearing decisive is more important than actually making decisions.

Describe a specific situation in which making decisions in politics might be more important than appearing decisive. Discuss what you think determines when it is more important in politics to appear decisive and when it is more important to make decisions.

 

When politicians give their campaign speeches, they talk confidently of making the years to come better, with more jobs, better health care, better education and so on. When in government, politicians discuss issues with the same confidence that the issue at hand is being resolved and will be made better. For many people, this is the side of politics they see. They see politicians appearing confident and decisive. Though the actual decisions being made are not explicitly stated, people will put their trust and believe in the politician. There is a level of trust between politicians and the public to create a good status quo where appearing decisive seems to be more important than actually making decisions.

 

There are times governments should be more concerned about making the right decisions rather than merely appearing decisive. For example, when the country is in the brink of a war politicians need to make good decisions. Politicians need to make sure the decisions they make are quick and what will be the best, such as deciding to go into war or not. In this case, the public will not be satisfied hearing politicians say they will fix the situation. In such a stressful time, people will want to know what decisions are being made and will voice their opinion if they feel the wrong decision is made.

 

In a stable society, most people are content with seeing politicians appear confident and decisive and are not too concerned with the decision making. Politicians also need to give people that feeling of security and being in good hands by appearing decisive. However when times are tougher, such as war or economic crisis, decisions need to be made. Those in politics need to ensure that they make the right decisions for their people. In these tougher times, people will be more concerned and they will demand that they know of the decisions being made. During stable times, everyone is satisfied with the appearance of decisiveness, but when times get tougher, decisions need to be made.

 

 

THANKS in advance!!

[elixirman23]

Hey guys here's the prompt:

Voters should not be concerned about a political candidate’s personal life

Help me critique this, thanks!

 

A political candidate's eligibility for office is largely determined by his previous political record, beliefs, and aptness for the office he is running for. This political office can be either on a a local level such as a town councilman or national office such as president or vice president. In any case, voters will consider the candidates background and and eligibility such that the the voters will be properly represented and the candidate's agenda will be completed. Considering the candidate's personal life can certainly deviate attention from his task and ability to succeed at fulfilling the role he is running for. A prime example is politician Tom James who was running for congressman in New Jersey's ninth district. Though James had an excellent record of being a town councilman, he was infamously known for having multiple affairs. This was highlighted by the media rather than focusing on the successful anti-drug programs that he introduced for the town's public school systems, among several other accomplishments. In this case, not considering his personal life would have proved to be the better choice since he was adept at fulfilling his promises and completing his term in office.

 

Nevertheless, although eligibility and previous political record are important, a cadidate's personal life can have a severe impact on his ability to perform well in a political setting in some situations. Sometimes it is necessary to consider the personal life of political candidates when circumstances of their lives will prove to be detrimental to the benefit of their constitutents. A politician such as Raj Yadav in Maharastra, India serves as a good focal point of such a situation. yadav had successfully completed his second term in office as chairman of the Maharastra rail roads. He had balanced the budget and dorpped prices dramatically, leading to an increase in train travel and decrease in incurred travel costs of many villagers. As he ran for his third term, the local media published a story that revealed his corrupt nature in disbursing government contract to politcal allies and campaign supporters. His personal life, which centered around courrupt principles, led to the decline in many small businnesses that supported the rail system.

 

In such situations, it may be necessary to consider the personal lives of political candidates to insure that the individuals they are representing are not at a disadvantage by electing him in office. One of the most significant factors to consider is whether the personal life of the candidate will drastically impact his role and political agenda. In reference to James, his extramarital affairs would not have directly affected his constituents. However, Yadav's personal life constited of making politacal allies and finding justification for his corrupt agenda and principles. Hence, the direct impact of a candidate's personal life to that of the constituents lives is of highest important when determining whether the candidates life is of public concern. Albeit, determining how to draw the line between invasion of privasy of the political candidate could be another issue on it's own.

[PreMeder]

Hello, I'm taking th MCAT this summer but have no one to turn to for help with the writing sample. Any comments are appreciated.

 

To obey an unjust law is to approve of it.

 

Describe a specific situation in which obeying an unjust law might not necessarily mean approving of it. Discuss what you think determines when disobeying a law is justified.

 

The laws of a nation are meant to apply to all citizens of the land. This entails that every working man and women ,the politicians that formulate these laws, and even the police force that enforce these laws must all follow the same set of rules of the land. Altough we might not all agree on certain laws, we cannot simply obey the laws that we like and those that we don’t. To do so would mean a disasterous situation where the nation as a whole would crumble because of lack of order. Hence, we must obey even those laws that go against our moral values in order to approve of an ordered society.

Consider the French law implemented a few years ago stating that any religious headgear can no longer be worn at any public institutions including schools and government buildings. The French government defended its move as necessary in order to have seperation of church and state. But others, more specifically those wearing the headgear, would find the law unjust since they’re being singled out. Many would also find it an infringement on their freedoms in a free society. Removing the headgear to attend a public school would hence suggest that they do indeed approve of the law even if they find it unjust law. The reason is because they have the choice to attend a publicly funded instituion or not for their education. They can simply attend a private institution where no such requirement would exist.

 

The counterpart is also possible where obeying unjust law might not entail approving of it. Consider the American introduction of racial profiling at airports and border crossings after 9/11. If one happens to be a minority that is singled out for a search, one must obey the law in order to board a flight or cross a border-crossing. If one were to refuse the search protesting what they would consider an unjust law, it mean that they’re unlikely to get to their destination. Hence, they must follow the law in order to move on.

 

The basic concept of unjust law would mean that a certain group approves of the law and others disapprove. These laws would come about for the benefit of the nation as a whole even if deeply unpopular. An individual would have a choice to obey what they would perceive as an unjust law depending if they have a choice or not. If one can circumvent the entie issue by staying away from the situation where they would have to follow the law, then if they were to follow the law, they would hence approve of it. If, however, one does not have the choice of staying away from circumstances where they would have to obey the law, obeying what they would percieve an unjust law would not necessarily mean that they approve.

[Apixaban85]

One name comes to mind...Winston Churchill. Google him for more information. But....basically his perseverance and optimism helped maintain the British people together and successfully fend off numerous Nazi attempts to take over the UK with their annoying bombings.

 

Hitler is another great WWII example. Why you ask? Well he was all hum-ho and confident during the "golden years" of the Third Reich - let us not forget his somewhat iconic god-like presentation during the many Nazi rallies in Berlin - but after his Operation Barbarossa went in the ****ter and the Russians started advancing on Germany, and the Allied infiltration at Normandy began Allies' advancement on the Western front, he became a reclusive, paranoid wimp who ended up shooting himself in an underground bunker (unless you are a conspiracy nut then he is living in hiding in S. America lol). In this case, Hitler's mentally unstable, paranoid, and lacking in confidence personality shone through! Many scholars actually think Hitler had a Napoleonic complex since he was kind of a wimpy reclusive child that nobody really liked..except his Mom...Hitler was a Momma's boy.

 

I don't know why but I find many many MCAT prompts have great opportunities for historical knowledge...especially the World wars, the Cold War etc. Why? Because there are so many facets which are often asked...things concerning government, economics, leaders, policies etc.

Hope this helps you!

 

P.S. While it is tempting to write about George Bush and his inadequacies, I almost always try to stray away from American politics...more specifically contemporary American politics since you never know who is marking your essay and they will undoubtedly be biased by what you write on these controversial topics - the bias could be in your favor, or very much against!

 

I definitely agree with this, I just took intro history from 1900-1950 and as I go through prompts I think back to the course quite often

 

Just wanted some feedback on one I did in just over 30 min.

 

In politics, appearing decisive is more important than actually making decisions.

Describe a specific situation in which making decisions in politics might be more important than appearing decisive. Discuss what you think determines when it is more important in politics to appear decisive and when it is more important to make decisions.

 

When politicians give their campaign speeches, they talk confidently of making the years to come better, with more jobs, better health care, better education and so on. When in government, politicians discuss issues with the same confidence that the issue at hand is being resolved and will be made better. For many people, this is the side of politics they see. They see politicians appearing confident and decisive. Though the actual decisions being made are not explicitly stated, people will put their trust and believe in the politician. There is a level of trust between politicians and the public to create a good status quo where appearing decisive seems to be more important than actually making decisions.

 

There are times governments should be more concerned about making the right decisions rather than merely appearing decisive. For example, when the country is in the brink of a war politicians need to make good decisions. Politicians need to make sure the decisions they make are quick and what will be the best, such as deciding to go into war or not. In this case, the public will not be satisfied hearing politicians say they will fix the situation. In such a stressful time, people will want to know what decisions are being made and will voice their opinion if they feel the wrong decision is made.

 

In a stable society, most people are content with seeing politicians appear confident and decisive and are not too concerned with the decision making. Politicians also need to give people that feeling of security and being in good hands by appearing decisive. However when times are tougher, such as war or economic crisis, decisions need to be made. Those in politics need to ensure that they make the right decisions for their people. In these tougher times, people will be more concerned and they will demand that they know of the decisions being made. During stable times, everyone is satisfied with the appearance of decisiveness, but when times get tougher, decisions need to be made.

 

 

THANKS in advance!!

 

This has Barack Obama written all over it

 

You should probably give a more direct example to make it stronger (ie. a politician that has talked a lot, but hasn't done much). Now if you were a republican you COULD put in Obama for this

[hkmedic]

Hello, I'm taking th MCAT this summer but have no one to turn to for help with the writing sample. Any comments are appreciated.

 

To obey an unjust law is to approve of it.

 

Describe a specific situation in which obeying an unjust law might not necessarily mean approving of it. Discuss what you think determines when disobeying a law is justified.

 

The laws of a nation are meant to apply to all citizens of the land. This entails that every working man and women ,the politicians that formulate these laws, and even the police force that enforce these laws must all follow the same set of rules of the land. Altough we might not all agree on certain laws, we cannot simply obey the laws that we like and those that we don’t. To do so would mean a disasterous situation where the nation as a whole would crumble because of lack of order. Hence, we must obey even those laws that go against our moral values in order to approve of an ordered society.

Consider the French law implemented a few years ago stating that any religious headgear can no longer be worn at any public institutions including schools and government buildings. The French government defended its move as necessary in order to have seperation of church and state. But others, more specifically those wearing the headgear, would find the law unjust since they’re being singled out. Many would also find it an infringement on their freedoms in a free society. Removing the headgear to attend a public school would hence suggest that they do indeed approve of the law even if they find it unjust law. The reason is because they have the choice to attend a publicly funded instituion or not for their education. They can simply attend a private institution where no such requirement would exist.

 

The counterpart is also possible where obeying unjust law might not entail approving of it. Consider the American introduction of racial profiling at airports and border crossings after 9/11. If one happens to be a minority that is singled out for a search, one must obey the law in order to board a flight or cross a border-crossing. If one were to refuse the search protesting what they would consider an unjust law, it mean that they’re unlikely to get to their destination. Hence, they must follow the law in order to move on.

 

The basic concept of unjust law would mean that a certain group approves of the law and others disapprove. These laws would come about for the benefit of the nation as a whole even if deeply unpopular. An individual would have a choice to obey what they would perceive as an unjust law depending if they have a choice or not. If one can circumvent the entie issue by staying away from the situation where they would have to follow the law, then if they were to follow the law, they would hence approve of it. If, however, one does not have the choice of staying away from circumstances where they would have to obey the law, obeying what they would percieve an unjust law would not necessarily mean that they approve.

 

Initially, I didn't see how your first example supported the prompt. Only when I read your last paragraph, did I see what you were trying to get at. However, overall, I still don't think it's the best example. I don't quite see how that example supports the prompt. What if a particular woman worked in public office, was a politician, and she had no choice but to not wear her hijab while at work? Does this mean that she approves of the law?

 

For your second paragraph, the anti-thesis, I think you have a good example.

 

Your last paragraph is quite wordy, but nonetheless I understood the point you were trying to get across.

 

Grammar and spelling is fair, but could be improved. Also, try using transition words when you are starting a new paragraph. Your paragraphs seem quite disconnected. For instance, a good way to start your second paragraph could be: "On the other hand, in certain situations, obeying an unjust law might not necessarily mean approving of it."

 

Score: 3-4

[Apixaban85]

New developments in technology have caused us to become less creative

 

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which a new development in technology might not cause us to become less creative. Discuss what you think determines when new developments in technology cause us to become less creative.

 

Every month there seems to be a new piece of ‘must-have’ technology that is released to the public resulting in marathon lineups at the local electronics store. However, it’s important to consider whether or not the ‘new’ technology is a novel or rather just an upgrade over its predecessor. A recent example of this is the iPad released by Apple, which claims to be a working hybrid of the iPod Touch and a classic laptop. Upon closer inspection, the iPad actually seems to be just an enlarged iPod Touch rather than an exciting new piece of technology. Similarly, with the release of the iPod Touch a few years ago, many other companies set out to release essentially the same product under a different name (ie. the Zune by Microsoft or Google’s Android). The core features of the products were very similar and the only discernable differences were purely cosmetic. Rather than being innovative, other companies just used the new iPod Touch as a gold standard and only sought to equal it in stature.

 

From time to time, however, there appears a new piece of technology that far exceeds any previous accomplishment done by mankind. The International Space Station is an example of humans pushing technology to its limits in terms of creativity: establishing life outside of the atmosphere of Earth. Prior to the space station, many people only theorized living in space while others flat out denied the possibility entirely. But with the launch of the space station and the establishment of human life in space, previous notions were challenged and new outlooks were created for humans. The thought of extending life to the moon or Mars was brought up by many scientists along with the availability of new research avenues in space.

 

When looking at the release of new technology it’s important to look for the underlying goal behind the product. With the iPad, iPod Touch and other similar technologies, the goal of the developer is to the push a new product out that can drive up profits for the company in the face of rival companies. The rival companies then seek to match this product and add very minor novel additions. Competition would thus breed a lack of creativity and instead promote uniformity among peoples. On the other hand, endeavors such as the space station are not built looking for profits or revenue, but rather a common goal of humanity to push for something creative. There was no one country or corporation that generated wealth from the creation of the station, in fact there was far more money invested into the creation of the station than any previous technology. Therefore, when there is no one person who is benefiting directly from the advancement in technology, there is a greater emphasis for creative and novel ideas.