Writing Sample Critique Corner

[Predent2301]

I would appreciate any input

 

 

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

 

Education is not presented in the classroom alone but instead comes in many forms. Students all around the world learn both from what is taught within their school text books and from practical experience. Practical experience provides for a different method of learning in which the student is placed in a situation where they must utilize the knowledge they have learned in the past as well as learn from new experiences. A situation such as this is seen when an upper level medical student begins to diagnose patients for the first time under supervision. The medical student must utlize the knowledge gained from their med-school lessons and from the numerous books they have read. However, the medical student learns new lessons of how to talk to the patient as well as proper bed side manner. These valuable lessons cannot be taught within a book but must instead be learnt from practical real life experience.

 

But there are situations when books may educate students better than practical experience. This is seen when a student is learning the basics of an aspect of study. For a medical student who does not know the details of how to diagnose a disease in the proper manner it is most appropriate that this sutdent gain this knowledge from books and classroom lessons. Practical experience at this point would not benefit but instead hurt them because the student would be unable to diagnose patients and this may lead to the self image of being an inferior doctor. The medical student must first equip themselves with sufficent knowledge to diagnose patients before doing so practically.

 

When determining whether education comes from books or practical experience, there is a significant factor to analyze. It is important to examine the level of knowledge the student has pertaining to the topic of study. If the student possesses a high level of understanding in the topic of study then it would be most benefical for this student to utilize this knowledge in a practical setting. Just as the upper level medical student was able to gain valuable lessons by diagnosing patients under supervision. However, if the student is just starting to learn the basics of the aspect of study then the student would learn the most from books and class room lessons. This is seen when there is a negative effect on the first year medical student who is not able to diagnose patients appropriately due to a lack of knowledge. Therefore, it is crucial to analyze the level of understanding the student has before determining whether practical experience is better than books. Practical experience without a strong foundation of the basics leads for poor learning.

[future_doc]

Lets examine the words "education" and "practical experience". Education can also means life's experiences, after all there are many people who never completed elementary school and they survive and cope in society, their entire education is practical experience. A fisherman who never went to school learned his trade from childhood by watching and mimicking his father in fishing, cannot read or write and he makes a good living, what he knows is not in any text books. Then, there is what you would call the higher level where books, theoretical knowledge is a springboard for the necessary practical experience which is essential as the nwt stepl, as in medicine or dentistry.

 

You interposed a 'student' into the essay as the focal point whereas arguably, education is outside school setting and life in itself can be your education. When dealing with the student and books, you don't deal with areas where there is limited or no practical experience, e.g., a student of ancient wars, the Roman Empire, where it is all bokks a nd perhaps the occasional artifact.

 

I find you examine 'education' in the narrow usage of the word. Socialization, being quiet in class when the teacher is talking, leaving aside the subject matter, is an important part of education, as is waiting in line until the teacher says the students can move.

[ratatat]

In a democracy, the successful politician resembles the ordinary citizen

 

 

A democracy is the type of society where citizens choose the head of state through a vote. To be a successful a politician, one must be elected to office and maintain a high approval rating. It is evident that each citizen in a society is likely to vote a candidate who pledges to favourable confront issues that affect said citizen. For instance, in a society with a normal distribution of wealth, the majority of people will be in the middle class. To be elected to office, a politician would be best served to promote ideas that favour the middle class, or in other words the ordinary citizen. However, if the candidate is not similar to the average citizen, that is, if he/she is not similar to the typical citizen in terms of life experiences, social status or religious beliefs, it is not easy and may not be beneficial for an individual to simply change his/her political platform simply to appease the masses. If the candidate cannot relate to the changes he/she is proposing, his/her campaign may come across as phoney and the voters may dismiss him/her as another politician making campaign promises he/she cannot keep. On the other hand, if the candidate has actually experienced the same issues that the majority of the voting public has, then he/she will genuinely be able to present a campaign that is attractive to t he voters, and serve term(s) in office that gain tremendous approval.

 

On the contrary, there are instances where a politician may not be representative of the ordinary citizen and still achieve a high degree of success. Political success for a candidate can be had through the possession of a high amount of charisma, intelligence, and sensationalism. For instance, the 44th President of the United States does not resemble the ordinary citizen in America. The United States is over three quarters Caucasian, but is led by a man who is half African American and half Caucasian. Thus, he is considered biracial, and therefore represents a small percentage of Americans. In addition, he is an Ivy League graduate, a graduate of Harvard Law School, and a former smoker. None of those attributes represents the common American, yet President Obama already has had tremendous success as a politician, with one of the highest approval ratings for an incoming President in United States history. Although his approval rating has fallen, it is normal for presidential approval ratings to fall shortly after taking office, especially when they begin as high as Obama’s did. His inherent uniqueness, as compared to previous presidents and the common American in general, undoubtedly plays a large part in his success as a politician.

 

In sum, a successful politician should resemble the ordinary citizen in order to present a platform that is viewed as honest and legitimate to the voters. Only through actually experiencing the issues that affect the common, and thus the majority of voters can a candidate not only gain entry to office but also maintain a high approval rating, as he/she will intrinsically and continually fight for the issues that affect the citizens, as they also affect or affected him/her at one time. However, if aided by overwhelming charisma, high intellectual capacity, or a feel good story, one can become a successful politician without resembling the average citizen.

 

 

Could someone/people please evaluate this?

 

Thanks

[future_doc]

I sent you PM with my comments.

[spiderpig]

I definitely took way longer than 30 minutes for this, but I need to figure out how to do this right, before I figure out how to do it right and quickly. Could someone please evaluate my essay?

 

True leadership leads by example rather than by command.

 

The real essence of a leader is whether or not he can inspire people to follow him. This goal is best accomplished by personally adopting a set of actions that one wants others to emulate, rather than by doling out orders. People feel more validated when they understand the reasons behind certain actions, and see them carried out with conviction. The iconic leader Gandhi, for example, motivated people to join him in his campaign to overthrow British oppressors in India by setting an example for others to follow. He did not simply command others to action. He led a humble life in which he refrained from consuming any foreign goods: He wore a simple loincloth that he made on a spinning wheel, and ate domestic foods. Closer to home, parents are far more likely to have responsive children if they set an example of behaviour, rather than if they rule with an iron fist.

 

However, at certain times, leading by example is far too passive an approach to achieve any results, and direct command is necessary. In such circumstances, a true leader is capable of deciding what’s best for everyone, and executing the necessary tasks to achieve that goal. On the battlefield, military leaders do not hesitate to order soldiers to carry out tasks. They need to make quick decisions and enforce their strategy, or the lives of their troops can be lost. Similarly, captains of sports teams need to capitalize on their players’ strengths and weaknesses, and command a strategy in order to win.

 

It is evident that there are certain times when it is more effective to lead by example, and others when it is necessary to lead by command. This dichotomy is resolved when one analyzes the circumstances surrounding a leader – whether they reflect times of war or peace. In war, even if it is a metaphorical war between sports teams, time is of the essence and strategic decisions need to be made and executed rapidly. The leader must command, or else dire consequences can ensue. On the other hand, in times of peace, people are more likely to think than act out of emotional haste. A leader who practices what he preaches can be the inspiration for people to take action.

[future_doc]

The only part of your essay I do not like is in the first sentence of para. 2 were you use the word "paasive". I do not believe it ithe correct word. It may be for the Ghandi example but not necessarily in general. For example, sometimes in war, a leader does lead b y example and not just giving orders, and for sure, this is not "passive".

 

Other than that one word/thought, I find your essay well thought out and constructed.

[spiderpig]

In a democracy, the successful politician resembles the ordinary citizen

 

 

A democracy is the type of society where citizens choose the head of state through a vote. To be a successful a politician, one must be elected to office and maintain a high approval rating. It is evident that each citizen in a society is likely to vote a candidate who pledges to favourable confront issues that affect said citizen. For instance, in a society with a normal distribution of wealth, the majority of people will be in the middle class. To be elected to office, a politician would be best served to promote ideas that favour the middle class, or in other words the ordinary citizen. However, if the candidate is not similar to the average citizen, that is, if he/she is not similar to the typical citizen in terms of life experiences, social status or religious beliefs, it is not easy and may not be beneficial for an individual to simply change his/her political platform simply to appease the masses. If the candidate cannot relate to the changes he/she is proposing, his/her campaign may come across as phoney and the voters may dismiss him/her as another politician making campaign promises he/she cannot keep. On the other hand, if the candidate has actually experienced the same issues that the majority of the voting public has, then he/she will genuinely be able to present a campaign that is attractive to t he voters, and serve term(s) in office that gain tremendous approval.

 

On the contrary, there are instances where a politician may not be representative of the ordinary citizen and still achieve a high degree of success. Political success for a candidate can be had through the possession of a high amount of charisma, intelligence, and sensationalism. For instance, the 44th President of the United States does not resemble the ordinary citizen in America. The United States is over three quarters Caucasian, but is led by a man who is half African American and half Caucasian. Thus, he is considered biracial, and therefore represents a small percentage of Americans. In addition, he is an Ivy League graduate, a graduate of Harvard Law School, and a former smoker. None of those attributes represents the common American, yet President Obama already has had tremendous success as a politician, with one of the highest approval ratings for an incoming President in United States history. Although his approval rating has fallen, it is normal for presidential approval ratings to fall shortly after taking office, especially when they begin as high as Obama’s did. His inherent uniqueness, as compared to previous presidents and the common American in general, undoubtedly plays a large part in his success as a politician.

 

In sum, a successful politician should resemble the ordinary citizen in order to present a platform that is viewed as honest and legitimate to the voters. Only through actually experiencing the issues that affect the common, and thus the majority of voters can a candidate not only gain entry to office but also maintain a high approval rating, as he/she will intrinsically and continually fight for the issues that affect the citizens, as they also affect or affected him/her at one time. However, if aided by overwhelming charisma, high intellectual capacity, or a feel good story, one can become a successful politician without resembling the average citizen.

 

 

Could someone/people please evaluate this?

 

Thanks

 

In my opinion, this is really good. I really like how your synthesis has a clear contrast.

[spiderpig]

The only part of your essay I do not like is in the first sentence of para. 2 were you use the word "paasive". I do not believe it ithe correct word. It may be for the Ghandi example but not necessarily in general. For example, sometimes in war, a leader does lead b y example and not just giving orders, and for sure, this is not "passive".

 

Other than that one word/thought, I find your essay well thought out and constructed.

 

Thanks for the feedback! (Now if only I could do this without spending hours thinking about it...)

[future_doc]

Step at a time and practice makes perfect. You have it down pat, try to do it in less time, even if not 30 minutes and see what happens. Unfortunately, there arer no short cuts for any of us.

[ratatat]

In my opinion, this is really good. I really like how your synthesis has a clear contrast.

 

Wow really? Thanks.

[ratatat]

I definitely took way longer than 30 minutes for this, but I need to figure out how to do this right, before I figure out how to do it right and quickly. Could someone please evaluate my essay?

 

True leadership leads by example rather than by command.

 

The real essence of a leader is whether or not he can inspire people to follow him. This goal is best accomplished by personally adopting a set of actions that one wants others to emulate, rather than by doling out orders. People feel more validated when they understand the reasons behind certain actions, and see them carried out with conviction. The iconic leader Gandhi, for example, motivated people to join him in his campaign to overthrow British oppressors in India by setting an example for others to follow. He did not simply command others to action. He led a humble life in which he refrained from consuming any foreign goods: He wore a simple loincloth that he made on a spinning wheel, and ate domestic foods. Closer to home, parents are far more likely to have responsive children if they set an example of behaviour, rather than if they rule with an iron fist.

 

However, at certain times, leading by example is far too passive an approach to achieve any results, and direct command is necessary. In such circumstances, a true leader is capable of deciding what’s best for everyone, and executing the necessary tasks to achieve that goal. On the battlefield, military leaders do not hesitate to order soldiers to carry out tasks. They need to make quick decisions and enforce their strategy, or the lives of their troops can be lost. Similarly, captains of sports teams need to capitalize on their players’ strengths and weaknesses, and command a strategy in order to win.

 

It is evident that there are certain times when it is more effective to lead by example, and others when it is necessary to lead by command. This dichotomy is resolved when one analyzes the circumstances surrounding a leader – whether they reflect times of war or peace. In war, even if it is a metaphorical war between sports teams, time is of the essence and strategic decisions need to be made and executed rapidly. The leader must command, or else dire consequences can ensue. On the other hand, in times of peace, people are more likely to think than act out of emotional haste. A leader who practices what he preaches can be the inspiration for people to take action.

 

This is quite good. I've read some of the examples for writing sample essays of varying levels, and the good ones always have well thought out and clear examples. Yours does too. You have great support for your statements. I agree with futuredoc though, 'passive' may not be the right word, even for Gandhi, as he was pretty 'active' in what he did. Maybe forceful? I don't even know if that's the right word, but I see what you were getting at. Great job though. You seemed to have followed the formula they want.

[ratatat]

Advancements in communication technology have reduced the quality of human interaction

 

Human interaction has many components, and the quality of the interaction is dependent on the quality of its components. These components include verbal, physical, visual, playful and romantic interaction. Before the advent of the advanced communication technology of the past 150 or so years, the majority of day-to-day human interaction was done in a face-to-face manner. This allowed for the highest quality of interaction, as when two or more individuals interact in person, they are able to understand and read the other parties to the highest possible extent. Research has shown that more than 50% of what people are thinking and feeling is conveyed through body language. Accordingly, when interacting with others in the flesh, you are able to not only analyze what they are saying verbally, but also what their body mannerisms are relaying as well. In particular, if a person is being dishonest with another, he/she is more likely to touch his/her nose when answering a question, or to cover their mouth when being asked a question that could potentially incriminate them. However, if the medium of communication is electronic, you can evade that type of analysis. Furthermore, studies have shown that humans are more inclined to lie over the telephone and e-mail, particularly because there is no human directly staring in their face. Instead, it is simply a voice on the other end, or a computer screen. Thus, the communication is dehumanized, and subsequently the quality of interaction is reduced. Further examples of the dehumanization of traditionally face to face interactions include the use of phone sex and cyber sex. Advanced technology can often reduce the intimacy if sex from close physical and emotional contact to an act that is played out over phone lines and broadband networks. Additionally, it is evident that when humans want to relay important and potentially life changing information, such as a proposal of marriage or an announcement of pregnancy, they choose to do so face to face. There would be no reason for humans to take the less convenient route of communication, face to face, unless it is inherently better and more rewarding.

 

However, there are instances where advancements in technology have actually improved the quality of human interaction. This assertion applies primarily to individuals who find it extremely difficult or impractical to communicate face to face. Such people include those who reside a great distance from the person(s) they wish to communicate with, those who cannot financially afford to meet in person, or those with disabilities that restrict their mobility. In the past, such individuals would have to rely on ‘snail mail’ or conventional telephones to interact. However, the introduction of electronic mail in the mainstream has allowed individuals to mail each other in minutes and stay informed of the each other’s wellness at a faster rate. As well, e-mail attachments allow for the sharing of photos, which enables individuals to provide a visual representation of themselves to their friends and relatives, which enhances the quality of the visual component of the interaction. Also, webcams and video phones have taken phone communication to a higher level of interaction by adding a visual component to telephone conversations. Thus, in phone conversations, both parties can sense and analyze visual cues and relays that allow for a more effective understanding of what the other person is feeling and thinking.

 

Thus, it is apparent that advancements in technology have lowered the worth of human interaction in those who have the means to practically meet in person. However, in those individuals who are limited by distance, finance, or disability in their attempt to communicate with others, advances in technology have proven to be unparalleled in their ability to increase the quality of their interactions with humans.

 

 

----------

 

 

Feel free to analyze this. Much appreciated. Thanks.

[aKGDH]

My second essay that I attempted for the MCAT. Please let me know if there is anything that I am doing that is VERY WRONG and then some tips on how to improve, or if my examples suck balls ...I've always considered coming up with appropriate examples as a huge weakness, so I've been trying to work on that. I wrote this in about 20 minutes. ....wow this looks a lot shorter now that I've posted it on the forum o_o

 

------

 

A person's first priority in life should be financial security.

 

Financial security can refer to one's ability to sustain oneself in the simplest form possible. It may refer to the ability to procure provisions for one's basic functions, such as eating, shelter and safety, and thus is very easily acknowledged as a first instinctual priority for any human. Without guarentee of the very essentials, one often does not aspire for more. This is in accordance with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, starting with the essentials for survival, which once met, may allow one to look for more complicated and less 'necessary' needs or wants, ultimately ending in self-fulfillment and enlightenment. Until financial security in this fundamental sense is assured, one generally has little other preoccupations and invests a great deal of time fulfilling this requirement.

 

However, that is not to say that financial security takes top priority for everyone in every situation. There have been stories told of those possessing not only financial security in its simplest form, but also many luxuries and extravagances of life, who throw it all away without batting an eye in order to pursue what appears to be even more valuable -- freedom. In the movie Requiem for a Dream, the female lead comes from a wealthy, established family that is more than capable of providing their daughter with all that she needs, as well as more. Yet, she purposefully disconnects herself from her family to seek freedom of her own and finds happiness and love in a poor boy, who must resort to dealing drugs to provide himself and his lover the financial security necessary for them to survive. She is wholly aware of her sacrifices, yet never seems to have a doubt about her decision, as she suggests that escaping the suffocating claws of her family to build her own life and live her own way -- no matter how rough -- is worth more than anything else.

 

Ultimately, although financial security is a first priority for most people before they deign to seek out any other need or want, one's sense of self-identity and control over their own lives often takes precedence. Financial security may be crucial for basic human needs, but these needs must be attained by oneself, through one's own methods and volition, allowing only guidance from others rather than coercion. Financial security is a necessity, but it also must not tread on one's freedom.

[spiderpig]

Advancements in communication technology have reduced the quality of human interaction

 

Human interaction has many components, and the quality of the interaction is dependent on the quality of its components. These components include verbal, physical, visual, playful and romantic interaction. Before the advent of the advanced communication technology of the past 150 or so years, the majority of day-to-day human interaction was done in a face-to-face manner. This allowed for the highest quality of interaction, as when two or more individuals interact in person, they are able to understand and read the other parties to the highest possible extent. Research has shown that more than 50% of what people are thinking and feeling is conveyed through body language. Accordingly, when interacting with others in the flesh, you are able to not only analyze what they are saying verbally, but also what their body mannerisms are relaying as well. In particular, if a person is being dishonest with another, he/she is more likely to touch his/her nose when answering a question, or to cover their mouth when being asked a question that could potentially incriminate them. However, if the medium of communication is electronic, you can evade that type of analysis. Furthermore, studies have shown that humans are more inclined to lie over the telephone and e-mail, particularly because there is no human directly staring in their face. Instead, it is simply a voice on the other end, or a computer screen. Thus, the communication is dehumanized, and subsequently the quality of interaction is reduced. Further examples of the dehumanization of traditionally face to face interactions include the use of phone sex and cyber sex. Advanced technology can often reduce the intimacy if sex from close physical and emotional contact to an act that is played out over phone lines and broadband networks. Additionally, it is evident that when humans want to relay important and potentially life changing information, such as a proposal of marriage or an announcement of pregnancy, they choose to do so face to face. There would be no reason for humans to take the less convenient route of communication, face to face, unless it is inherently better and more rewarding.

 

However, there are instances where advancements in technology have actually improved the quality of human interaction. This assertion applies primarily to individuals who find it extremely difficult or impractical to communicate face to face. Such people include those who reside a great distance from the person(s) they wish to communicate with, those who cannot financially afford to meet in person, or those with disabilities that restrict their mobility. In the past, such individuals would have to rely on ‘snail mail’ or conventional telephones to interact. However, the introduction of electronic mail in the mainstream has allowed individuals to mail each other in minutes and stay informed of the each other’s wellness at a faster rate. As well, e-mail attachments allow for the sharing of photos, which enables individuals to provide a visual representation of themselves to their friends and relatives, which enhances the quality of the visual component of the interaction. Also, webcams and video phones have taken phone communication to a higher level of interaction by adding a visual component to telephone conversations. Thus, in phone conversations, both parties can sense and analyze visual cues and relays that allow for a more effective understanding of what the other person is feeling and thinking.

 

Thus, it is apparent that advancements in technology have lowered the worth of human interaction in those who have the means to practically meet in person. However, in those individuals who are limited by distance, finance, or disability in their attempt to communicate with others, advances in technology have proven to be unparalleled in their ability to increase the quality of their interactions with humans.

 

 

----------

 

 

Feel free to analyze this. Much appreciated. Thanks.

 

Maybe your first paragraph could be a little clearer. I mean, you have to read up to the middle of the paragraph (see bold) to see where technology comes into it. Maybe before you start giving your examples of human interactions, you can first state that technology diminishes this physical contact... Then, as the reader sees your examples, he can see why contact is good, and tech can't provide it. (I hope what I just wrote makes sense to read.)

 

Also, I was thinking what I would have come up with for the antithesis. My idea was that interacting using technology could be beneficial because it removes the judgement of appearance that comes with face-to-face interactions. A person is free to express themselves as completely as they can, and be heard without prejudices. But then, I have no idea how a synthesis can be written with that .

[spiderpig]

My second essay that I attempted for the MCAT. Please let me know if there is anything that I am doing that is VERY WRONG and then some tips on how to improve, or if my examples suck balls ...I've always considered coming up with appropriate examples as a huge weakness, so I've been trying to work on that. I wrote this in about 20 minutes. ....wow this looks a lot shorter now that I've posted it on the forum o_o

 

------

 

Ultimately, although financial security is a first priority for most people before they deign to seek out any other need or want, one's sense of self-identity and control over their own lives often takes precedence. Financial security may be crucial for basic human needs, but these needs must be attained by oneself, through one's own methods and volition, allowing only guidance from others rather than coercion. Financial security is a necessity, but it also must not tread on one's freedom.

 

Story of my life ... I just can't come up with examples on the spot. Even if I have vague ideas, I would need to do research to actually remember any facts to use as support in the essay - which obviously isn't a luxury we have on the MCAT. I guess I've crammed my brain with so much science over the years, that it doesn't remember much else.

 

Anyway, here's my feedback for your essay - it's mainly about your synthesis. As I understand it (and I could be wrong), you're supposed to give a way to decide when your thesis is true, and when your antithesis is true. But in yours, you sorta take the side of the antithesis. You say that self-identity is paramount to financial security. I think this negates whatever support you provided in the first paragraph, because in the end, you say it doesn't matter - it's not a priority - if there's no sense of sense.

[spiderpig]

I'm actually proud I did this in 45 minutes:

 

An understanding of the past is necessary for solving the problems of the present.

Thesis: learning from mistakes, Germany WWI/II, The Great Depression & current economic crisis

Antithesis: unique circumstances for which there is no example in the past, ex: new problems in technology,

Synthesis: new vs. old?

 

Recorded human history has provided a rich database of stories from the past, for people of the present and future to experience. From these stories, morals can be extracted and applied to present day situations. One can learn from mistakes made in past, avoid repeating them, and use this knowledge to find solutions to current woes. For example, in October of 2008, Americans fell under a great economic crisis due to mismanaged debt. The ramifications reached the entire world’s economy. A great many people lost their jobs, their homes, their savings, and their dignity. But this was not the first time that history witnessed such financial losses and widespread despair. The Great Depression of the 1920s, which occurred after WWI, had such an impact on society that virtually no one today is ignorant of it. Fearing a repetition of these events, economic experts and government officials took action. They began to put in place social programs to help those hit hard by it and they encouraged consumer spending to stimulate the economy. In total, the measures that they took are helping to alleviate the problems. In understanding the past, one gains perspective, and solutions for the present problems are easier to come by.

 

However, this strategy is not always useful; there are unique circumstances for which there is no example in the past. Searching through history books simply will not provide a solution in such cases. A prime example of this is practical and ethical dilemmas arising from advanced technologies. Nanotechnology, and genetically engineered organisms bring with them a host of issues concerning their potential harms. Nanotechnology, which is based on molecules on a nanometer scale, has no analogies in history to help us curb mistakes from being made in their use. Though research is already being done where workers are exposed to it, the world is still unaware of how it can impact human health. Likewise, it is difficult to predict problems that may arise from genetically engineered organisms, or use past experiences to solve those that do arise. In these cases, it is not possible to use an understanding of the past to solve novel problems.

 

There are certain issues that are universal, such as economics or social justice. For these age-old issues, the past provides a wealth of information to look to derive lessons from.

Conversely, for new problems arising from novel technologies or circumstances that were unimaginable and perhaps impossible in the past, consulting with the past will not likely aid in crafting a solution. Whether a concept is new or old can be used as a guideline for determining if the past can be a useful tool for solving problems in its application in the present.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

I would really appreciate feedback! I'm a little worried that I only really used one example each for thesis and antithesis. Also, I'm not too sure about my synthesis paragraph.

[future_doc]

Advancements in communication technology have reduced the quality of human interaction

 

Human interaction has many components, and the quality of the interaction is dependent on the quality of its components. These components include verbal, physical, visual, playful and romantic interaction. Before the advent of the advanced communication technology of the past 150 or so years, the majority of day-to-day human interaction was done in a face-to-face manner. This allowed for the highest quality of interaction, as when two or more individuals interact in person, they are able to understand and read the other parties to the highest possible extent. Research has shown that more than 50% of what people are thinking and feeling is conveyed through body language. Accordingly, when interacting with others in the flesh, you are able to not only analyze what they are saying verbally, but also what their body mannerisms are relaying as well. In particular, if a person is being dishonest with another, he/she is more likely to touch his/her nose when answering a question, or to cover their mouth when being asked a question that could potentially incriminate them. However, if the medium of communication is electronic, you can evade that type of analysis. Furthermore, studies have shown that humans are more inclined to lie over the telephone and e-mail, particularly because there is no human directly staring in their face. Instead, it is simply a voice on the other end, or a computer screen. Thus, the communication is dehumanized, and subsequently the quality of interaction is reduced. Further examples of the dehumanization of traditionally face to face interactions include the use of phone sex and cyber sex. Advanced technology can often reduce the intimacy if sex from close physical and emotional contact to an act that is played out over phone lines and broadband networks. Additionally, it is evident that when humans want to relay important and potentially life changing information, such as a proposal of marriage or an announcement of pregnancy, they choose to do so face to face. There would be no reason for humans to take the less convenient route of communication, face to face, unless it is inherently better and more rewarding.

 

However, there are instances where advancements in technology have actually improved the quality of human interaction. This assertion applies primarily to individuals who find it extremely difficult or impractical to communicate face to face. Such people include those who reside a great distance from the person(s) they wish to communicate with, those who cannot financially afford to meet in person, or those with disabilities that restrict their mobility. In the past, such individuals would have to rely on ‘snail mail’ or conventional telephones to interact. However, the introduction of electronic mail in the mainstream has allowed individuals to mail each other in minutes and stay informed of the each other’s wellness at a faster rate. As well, e-mail attachments allow for the sharing of photos, which enables individuals to provide a visual representation of themselves to their friends and relatives, which enhances the quality of the visual component of the interaction. Also, webcams and video phones have taken phone communication to a higher level of interaction by adding a visual component to telephone conversations. Thus, in phone conversations, both parties can sense and analyze visual cues and relays that allow for a more effective understanding of what the other person is feeling and thinking.

 

Thus, it is apparent that advancements in technology have lowered the worth of human interaction in those who have the means to practically meet in person. However, in those individuals who are limited by distance, finance, or disability in their attempt to communicate with others, advances in technology have proven to be unparalleled in their ability to increase the quality of their interactions with humans.

 

 

----------

 

 

Feel free to analyze this. Much appreciated. Thanks.

 

(10 characters)

[future_doc]

My second essay that I attempted for the MCAT. Please let me know if there is anything that I am doing that is VERY WRONG and then some tips on how to improve, or if my examples suck balls ...I've always considered coming up with appropriate examples as a huge weakness, so I've been trying to work on that. I wrote this in about 20 minutes. ....wow this looks a lot shorter now that I've posted it on the forum o_o

 

------

 

A person's first priority in life should be financial security.

 

Financial security can refer to one's ability to sustain oneself in the simplest form possible. It may refer to the ability to procure provisions for one's basic functions, such as eating, shelter and safety, and thus is very easily acknowledged as a first instinctual priority for any human. Without guarentee of the very essentials, one often does not aspire for more. This is in accordance with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, starting with the essentials for survival, which once met, may allow one to look for more complicated and less 'necessary' needs or wants, ultimately ending in self-fulfillment and enlightenment. Until financial security in this fundamental sense is assured, one generally has little other preoccupations and invests a great deal of time fulfilling this requirement.

 

However, that is not to say that financial security takes top priority for everyone in every situation. There have been stories told of those possessing not only financial security in its simplest form, but also many luxuries and extravagances of life, who throw it all away without batting an eye in order to pursue what appears to be even more valuable -- freedom. In the movie Requiem for a Dream, the female lead comes from a wealthy, established family that is more than capable of providing their daughter with all that she needs, as well as more. Yet, she purposefully disconnects herself from her family to seek freedom of her own and finds happiness and love in a poor boy, who must resort to dealing drugs to provide himself and his lover the financial security necessary for them to survive. She is wholly aware of her sacrifices, yet never seems to have a doubt about her decision, as she suggests that escaping the suffocating claws of her family to build her own life and live her own way -- no matter how rough -- is worth more than anything else.

 

Ultimately, although financial security is a first priority for most people before they deign to seek out any other need or want, one's sense of self-identity and control over their own lives often takes precedence. Financial security may be crucial for basic human needs, but these needs must be attained by oneself, through one's own methods and volition, allowing only guidance from others rather than coercion. Financial security is a necessity, but it also must not tread on one's freedom.

 

In the 2nd paragraph the example you give is related to the individual and it is a good example. What about thinking beyond the person. For example if we look at Dr. Albert Scheizter or Mother Theresa, their greatest priority was to attend to the needs of others, often basic needs that did not include financiaal seccurity, food, clothing, shelter, medical care. Financial security generally, but not necessarily, comes from a good education, so to achieve financial security takes a long time, with main priorities being achieved first to get there. I guess I am saying that there was another way to look at it, but this not help you much. Generally, I liked your product.

[future_doc]

spiderpig, you are doing well and again did a fine job and in less time. You are absolutely on track. You also could have discussed genocide, the Nazis and what have we learned since then, Cambodia, Rwanda, Darfur - the world has learned nothing and repeats these horrible atrocities continuously. you did not need to make it longer or give other examples in my opinion.

 

I'm actually proud I did this in 45 minutes:

 

An understanding of the past is necessary for solving the problems of the present.

Thesis: learning from mistakes, Germany WWI/II, The Great Depression & current economic crisis

Antithesis: unique circumstances for which there is no example in the past, ex: new problems in technology,

Synthesis: new vs. old?

 

Recorded human history has provided a rich database of stories from the past, for people of the present and future to experience. From these stories, morals can be extracted and applied to present day situations. One can learn from mistakes made in past, avoid repeating them, and use this knowledge to find solutions to current woes. For example, in October of 2008, Americans fell under a great economic crisis due to mismanaged debt. The ramifications reached the entire world’s economy. A great many people lost their jobs, their homes, their savings, and their dignity. But this was not the first time that history witnessed such financial losses and widespread despair. The Great Depression of the 1920s, which occurred after WWI, had such an impact on society that virtually no one today is ignorant of it. Fearing a repetition of these events, economic experts and government officials took action. They began to put in place social programs to help those hit hard by it and they encouraged consumer spending to stimulate the economy. In total, the measures that they took are helping to alleviate the problems. In understanding the past, one gains perspective, and solutions for the present problems are easier to come by.

 

However, this strategy is not always useful; there are unique circumstances for which there is no example in the past. Searching through history books simply will not provide a solution in such cases. A prime example of this is practical and ethical dilemmas arising from advanced technologies. Nanotechnology, and genetically engineered organisms bring with them a host of issues concerning their potential harms. Nanotechnology, which is based on molecules on a nanometer scale, has no analogies in history to help us curb mistakes from being made in their use. Though research is already being done where workers are exposed to it, the world is still unaware of how it can impact human health. Likewise, it is difficult to predict problems that may arise from genetically engineered organisms, or use past experiences to solve those that do arise. In these cases, it is not possible to use an understanding of the past to solve novel problems.

 

There are certain issues that are universal, such as economics or social justice. For these age-old issues, the past provides a wealth of information to look to derive lessons from.

Conversely, for new problems arising from novel technologies or circumstances that were unimaginable and perhaps impossible in the past, consulting with the past will not likely aid in crafting a solution. Whether a concept is new or old can be used as a guideline for determining if the past can be a useful tool for solving problems in its application in the present.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

I would really appreciate feedback! I'm a little worried that I only really used one example each for thesis and antithesis. Also, I'm not too sure about my synthesis paragraph.

[aKGDH]

Anyway, here's my feedback for your essay - it's mainly about your synthesis. As I understand it (and I could be wrong), you're supposed to give a way to decide when your thesis is true, and when your antithesis is true. But in yours, you sorta take the side of the antithesis. You say that self-identity is paramount to financial security. I think this negates whatever support you provided in the first paragraph, because in the end, you say it doesn't matter - it's not a priority - if there's no sense of sense.

Thanks spiderpig (and futuredoc) for the feedback. I suppose my synthesis wasn't that clear in my head and it came through in my writing..I wanted to say that financial security would only not be a top priority when a person's freedom is jepordized. :/ I've been emphasizing simplicity over and over and yet I still manage to over-convolute things. Gotta keep that in mind!!

 

Also, for the examples-dilemma, I think it may help to just come up with one example and that tie that into your explanation for your thesis or antithesis. There isn't any advantage of thinking of more than one example and I don't think it has to be very detailed either..Just something to work off of. Also, I am next to retarded with regards to politics and history (which unfortunately constitute a rather large portion of the prompts), but I've read up casually on a few interesting topics, which I will try to apply everywhere that I can . Ie: WWII/Holocaust/Nazism/Nazi Germany/Adolf Hitler, Obama/Bush/North Korea, the book Animal Farm (lol don't ask -- animals + Stalin = awesome), some random current/historical events that I know a bit about (Michael Jackson's death, Lewinsky scandal, governor of NY hiring high-class prostitutes).

 

I've spent maybe 4 hours total so far on the WS section, and I find that once you get the basics down + a decent example database of your own, it isn't hard to get at least a Q.....................

 

 

....or maybe I'm just a moron who is trying to convince herself that everything is ooookkayy. lol

[future_doc]

....or maybe I'm just a moron who is trying to convince herself that everything is ooookkayy. lol

 

We are all morons, lol, and you got to go the way you feel is best with you. Stick with the examples you can think of and it is a total waste to read random stuff at this time. I just wrote and will soon discover just how much of a moron I am. Good luck!

[aKGDH]

^ lol given your posts in this thread, I highly suspect you will get a S or a T. The thing is though, reading random things is actually entertaining...takes my mind off the stress of mcat, but still helps a bit for WS lol building example database

[ratatat]

My second essay that I attempted for the MCAT. Please let me know if there is anything that I am doing that is VERY WRONG and then some tips on how to improve, or if my examples suck balls ...I've always considered coming up with appropriate examples as a huge weakness, so I've been trying to work on that. I wrote this in about 20 minutes. ....wow this looks a lot shorter now that I've posted it on the forum o_o

 

------

 

A person's first priority in life should be financial security.

 

Financial security can refer to one's ability to sustain oneself in the simplest form possible. It may refer to the ability to procure provisions for one's basic functions, such as eating, shelter and safety, and thus is very easily acknowledged as a first instinctual priority for any human. Without guarentee of the very essentials, one often does not aspire for more. This is in accordance with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, starting with the essentials for survival, which once met, may allow one to look for more complicated and less 'necessary' needs or wants, ultimately ending in self-fulfillment and enlightenment. Until financial security in this fundamental sense is assured, one generally has little other preoccupations and invests a great deal of time fulfilling this requirement.

 

However, that is not to say that financial security takes top priority for everyone in every situation. There have been stories told of those possessing not only financial security in its simplest form, but also many luxuries and extravagances of life, who throw it all away without batting an eye in order to pursue what appears to be even more valuable -- freedom. In the movie Requiem for a Dream, the female lead comes from a wealthy, established family that is more than capable of providing their daughter with all that she needs, as well as more. Yet, she purposefully disconnects herself from her family to seek freedom of her own and finds happiness and love in a poor boy, who must resort to dealing drugs to provide himself and his lover the financial security necessary for them to survive. She is wholly aware of her sacrifices, yet never seems to have a doubt about her decision, as she suggests that escaping the suffocating claws of her family to build her own life and live her own way -- no matter how rough -- is worth more than anything else.

 

Ultimately, although financial security is a first priority for most people before they deign to seek out any other need or want, one's sense of self-identity and control over their own lives often takes precedence. Financial security may be crucial for basic human needs, but these needs must be attained by oneself, through one's own methods and volition, allowing only guidance from others rather than coercion. Financial security is a necessity, but it also must not tread on one's freedom.

 

Well thought out, but you just need to follow the 'AAMC formula' for your last paragraph. I recommend, as spiderpig said, to say when financial security should be the no.1 priority and when it shouldn't be.

 

 

QUOTE=future_doc;374122] (10 characters)

 

Thank you.

 

 

I'm actually proud I did this in 45 minutes:

 

An understanding of the past is necessary for solving the problems of the present.

Thesis: learning from mistakes, Germany WWI/II, The Great Depression & current economic crisis

Antithesis: unique circumstances for which there is no example in the past, ex: new problems in technology,

Synthesis: new vs. old?

 

Recorded human history has provided a rich database of stories from the past, for people of the present and future to experience. From these stories, morals can be extracted and applied to present day situations. One can learn from mistakes made in past, avoid repeating them, and use this knowledge to find solutions to current woes. For example, in October of 2008, Americans fell under a great economic crisis due to mismanaged debt. The ramifications reached the entire world’s economy. A great many people lost their jobs, their homes, their savings, and their dignity. But this was not the first time that history witnessed such financial losses and widespread despair. The Great Depression of the 1920s, which occurred after WWI, had such an impact on society that virtually no one today is ignorant of it. Fearing a repetition of these events, economic experts and government officials took action. They began to put in place social programs to help those hit hard by it and they encouraged consumer spending to stimulate the economy. In total, the measures that they took are helping to alleviate the problems. In understanding the past, one gains perspective, and solutions for the present problems are easier to come by.

 

However, this strategy is not always useful; there are unique circumstances for which there is no example in the past. Searching through history books simply will not provide a solution in such cases. A prime example of this is practical and ethical dilemmas arising from advanced technologies. Nanotechnology, and genetically engineered organisms bring with them a host of issues concerning their potential harms. Nanotechnology, which is based on molecules on a nanometer scale, has no analogies in history to help us curb mistakes from being made in their use. Though research is already being done where workers are exposed to it, the world is still unaware of how it can impact human health. Likewise, it is difficult to predict problems that may arise from genetically engineered organisms, or use past experiences to solve those that do arise. In these cases, it is not possible to use an understanding of the past to solve novel problems.

 

There are certain issues that are universal, such as economics or social justice. For these age-old issues, the past provides a wealth of information to look to derive lessons from.

Conversely, for new problems arising from novel technologies or circumstances that were unimaginable and perhaps impossible in the past, consulting with the past will not likely aid in crafting a solution. Whether a concept is new or old can be used as a guideline for determining if the past can be a useful tool for solving problems in its application in the present.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

I would really appreciate feedback! I'm a little worried that I only really used one example each for thesis and antithesis. Also, I'm not too sure about my synthesis paragraph.

 

I think one example each worked out well because you thoroughly expanded on them. I'm having a hard time figuring out what is bad with this, I guess my only suggestion is to try to increase your speed of writing. Good luck.

[future_doc]

^ lol given your posts in this thread, I highly suspect you will get a S or a T. The thing is though, reading random things is actually entertaining...takes my mind off the stress of mcat, but still helps a bit for WS lol building example database

 

 

From your words to G-d's ears:p . Honestly, I do not expect to come close, I will be happy with a Q. hmm, if reading random things takes off the stress and builds the date base, go for it. I recently realized that I posted over 1,100 posts during my MCAT prep. Keeping stress away or under control is essential and as you get closer to the day, one practice test a day but nothing the day before the test, your brain needs a rest to be fresh as possible wnen writing the real thing. Good luck! And one of the maqin things about this forum is for us to help each other.

[Predent2301]

Thanks for the response future doc... i can see how you say that I can look at 'education' from a different perspective although i just felt that to come up with an explanation, anti-thesis and resolution within the time given i took to a narrower view of the term.. i guess its something i have to work on..

 

 

I tried this prompt today but came up blank : Laws cannot change social values

 

any possible suggestions for this one?